"What time is it?" Five-thirty-three. Shower. Clothes. Food. Lunch. Car. He slumped down behind his cubicle and in the darkness, pen met paper as he began to write...
Greetings to one and all on a wonderful Tuesday afternoon. People sometimes inquire as to why I like Tuesdays so much. People generally tell me that I should just celebrate the weekend like everybody else. But to my critics, I say that if everyone liked chocolate, what would be the point of vanilla? There are many things to be discussed on this day: one of my many problems, batters up!, what to do if you have a stalker, and a potential breach of contract. On we go!
I have a problem. ("Cha!..." said all the valley girls) I keep collapsing when I get out of bed. For instance, I'm working mornings now, so I've had to get up a little earlier these last couple days. Yesterday as I threw off the sheets and got to my feet, I glanced at the clock. 5:35. "I'll just listen to one more song," I thought. And I fell - not back onto the bed, butin a heap onto the floor without trying to break my fall, which is something I would have a hard time doing if I were fully conscious. The craziest spill I've taken, though, was about a week and a half ago. I awoke sprawled out on the ground after a deafening crack. Dazed, I helplessly looked around and soon realized that the wooden table next to my bed had shattered. Shocked, I attempted to stand, but as I did so, my left leg locked and I plummeted yet again. It was maybe two or three in the morning and I didn't have much of a clue what was going on. I hastily gathered together the splintered wood and collected the several remote controls that had been scattered and hopped back in bed. When the time came for me to actually wake up, my thoughts immediately turned to the broken table. To my dismay, the remnants remained on the floor - proof of my little mishap from the previous night. I can not express the sheer terror that the filled my being. I'm not sure why I felt so bad about it, but it was true - Had I semi-consciously sat on and broken a table in my sleep? Why on Earth would I do that? And what is my problem with falling down all the time? The good news is that the table was easily replaced and I haven't broken anything else in my sleep since.
The newest installment of the "Grand Theft Auto" video game franchise was released in the early hours of this morning. Unsurprisingly, many customers lined up outside the store to purchase the highly-coveted product. The shock came when the really die hard fans met the FedEx guy in the back with baseball bats...
Let's not dilly-dally. There are important things to be done this Time.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Have you ever even played 'Grand Theft Auto?'"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties
A. (Salute!) Only once in college, but after about three or four minutes of 2x4 bludgeoning and driving my car into the river, I kind of lost interest. Thanks for asking.
Q. Dear Aaron,
"How do you get a freaky stalker to stop... well... stalking you?"
- Curtis Gardner
A. I have several options for you, not that I spent huge amounts of time thinking about this kind of stuff, but um... Screen your calls, install a security camera, get a restraining order, get them involved in a high-speed chase, spray them with mace, stalk them instead, move, carry around water balloons, hire body guards, take them on a really bad date so they'll never want to see you again, or simply just ask them to stop. Take your pick. Hope this proves helpful for you. Thanks for the question.
Q. A-Town,
"What's up? From the last Time, I assume you're a big Jazz fan and will be watching the game tonight. What do you think about Tracy McGrady's comments toward Deron Williams at the last press conference?"
- The Associated Press
A. Tracy who?
Submit any Questions and inquiries to Aaron via email by reaching him at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.
Finally, it's time to move on to the newest segment of "Signs of the Times," the Two Minute Instant Message! This edition of the 2MIM will feature none other than long-time friend, Garrett Christian. My thoughts will be displayed in red, while Garrett's will be in blue. Again for those faithful colorblind Subscribers out there, if you just skip every other line or so, you should be fine. Let's give this one a try, shall we?
All right, Garrett. What's up, buddy? Welcome to the "Two Minute Instant Message," the newly created sensation that's sweeping the airwaves. The timer will start on my go, so... Ready? Go!
Going.
Did I just say "airwaves?"
Yes; I believe you meant "netwaves."
Anyway, the point of this is for me to ask you how school is wrapping up for you. You're doing a lot of stuff with music, aren't you?
It is wrapping up quite nicely, thank you. I am doing almost exclusively music.
We need more people like you.
Why thank you. I think so too.
What's the biggest thing you're working on right now?
Composition. I had a forum the other night. I have sympathy for everyone who has ever had to deal with student musician's. We're obnoxious.
That's nice. I really wanted to ask you about Hannah Montana, though, since we're talking about music and stuff... What do you think about her?
I think she's very marketing-clever, for an untalented harlot.
Hmm... What's a harlot? Actually, don't answer that.
Okay.
So do you support her in her recent marketing activities?
I don't. I think she's in violation of her contract with Disney. They don't think women ought to have bodies.
What about Jasmin?
She must be okay because she's ethnic.
On second thought, I didn't want you to answer that, either.
Just imagine. This could be you next week...
***THE TWO MINUTE INSTANT MESSAGE! - COMING TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU!***
Quickly, here's the Shoutout of the Week. This week it goes to Ammon Hatch and Danielle Jones. Individually.
Ammon - Sorry that I thought that guy was you. It really looked like you, but then again, I couldn't see his face. So yeah... pretty much, it wasn't you. That's unfortunate.
Danielle - Nice job on Sunday. You made me proud... My kids are all grown up!... (sniff) I think you're going to... (thinking)... either Denver or somewhere in Illinois. English-speaking. And, just a guess here, but I bet you'll be gone for roughly 18 months. Let me know how right I am.
That's about it for this Time. Yet another week in the books. Jazz in five. I called it a long time ago... which was a long time before I called the sweep... but let's just forget I said anything about that.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
No comments:
Post a Comment