The dawning sun crept up over the peak of the Rocky Mountains. Birds were chirping from their nests, welcoming the new day. Small animals scurried to and fro, scouting out the terrain and gathering food for their younglings. The crisp Spring air filled the Salt Lake Valley and precisely at this moment of calm, there arose a stirring deep from within the depths of 1439 E. Akagi Lane. It was 7:00 and something - someone - was coming out of hibernation... After two years of the Good News and three weeks of silence, the Signs of the Times were emerging from obscurity...
And thus it begins. Again. I was "stretching" you. Missionary term. Don't bother. But I wanted to start another Newsletter for a long time, following the unexpected success of the El Presidente Bandito Newsletters and the Story of My Mission. However, I didn't want to force it on anybody, so I waited. In accordance with the whole "supply-and-demand" theory, due to increased demand, I must supply. I'm not exactly sure how to at this point - I've only been home a couple weeks - but I'll see what I can do.
Several things have been brought to my attention since my return from Raleigh four weeks ago. I would simply like to state the facts, rebuttal with opinion, and leave the rest up to you. Topics to be discussed today: The big adjustment, getting your groove on, things that push my buttons, and rekindling an old flame... ON WE GO!
I've been home for a month now and the questions just keep pouring in: "How is it being back?" "Is it weird being home?" "Are you adjusting well?" It's good to be back. Of course it's weird being home. And yes, I'm adjusting quite well, thank you. I feel bad telling people that because sometimes they come back with, "Well then it wasn't hard for you to watch movies?" and comments like that. It makes me think that they believe I was a sub-par missionary or something. Come on! I'm a good guy most of the time, depending on who you ask. Now if I were, for example, a bad missionary, it would be a little easier getting back into being around profanity and violence and sleeping in, for several reasons (not like missionaries kill people or whatever, hopefully you understand what I'm getting at), but really it hasn't been too weird for me yet. Watching Spider-man 3 as my first movie was a bit on the intense side, but listening to music is a piece of cake. Crumb cake. I haven't watched much regular TV, other than ESPN and Letterman, simply because I'm scared of it. It's a bad, bad world that we're living in. And that's the truth. Believe it or not, I've been on several dates already. One-on-one is usually pretty simple, as well. Talking on the phone is a bit trickier than being in person. But when somebody wants me to meet their roommates, it's pretty frightening. I just don't know what to do! The other thing that scared me was walking into WalMart alone for the first time. There were people everywhere! People, people, Easter bunny, more people. It was crazy. But let's just get it out in the open now - I've been adjusting pretty well. The biggest struggle I've had would probably be the large sum of friends that are either married, at school, or still on the mission. Needless to say, the Playstation and I are good buds.
I went to the temple with my family the other day. It was a good experience for me, especially since the last time we went as a mission was about five months ago, probably. It's good to be home, as I previously stated. Shortly following our return home, my cousin showed up at my house and decides he wants to drag me along for the night. "Sounds good," I thought. Any excuse to get out of the house is a good one. But you'd never imagine where he took me - to uncharted territory - untested waters - a place never before ventured into by A-Town or his colleagues - Studio 600, a club downtown. I was only aware of one other club in Utah before this opportunity arose. I didn't know what the heck I was doing, putting it nicely. It was Western Swing night there, so it was pretty harmless. The club has LDS standards, as well, so it actually wasn't that bad. But as soon as I walked up and saw bright lights shining through the warehouse window, I knew I was in trouble. Let's just say that I have never in my life even considered dancing, even as a hobby. Profusely trying to remember the basic steps my cousin had taught me, I struggled through a few dances, but survived, thanks largely to a few unbelievably generous girls who pitied me. However, things took a turn for the worse when my associates opted to dance with others, leaving me a lone man in the dreary world. I fumbled around for a little bit and ended up dancing about five or six times. One of the girls was also an RM and made fun of me, telling me she could still see my name tag and asked me what I was thinking dancing with girls again so soon. Another girl was really good and we were like... spinning all over the place... When it was over, I stumbled away to safety, A.K.A. the wall. And finally, this really hot girl was standing by me, so I asked her to dance, thereby proving my manhood, and used the lovely pick-up line of "I don't know how to dance, so I need you to teach me." I made it about a minute and a half and had successfully clotheslined her in the back of the head once or twice before she told me she couldn't teach me and walked away laughing. That bites.
Something else I wanted to discuss was... Wait... What is this? Somebody is handing me some envelopes... Oh... No... Nooooo... It can't be! It is!
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Hey A-Town,
How's your bracket looking?"
- Anonymous
A. Well, "Anonymous," I assume you're asking about March Madness. I'm a little biased this year - I had UNC and Duke in the finals. So much for that. I also lost Georgetown in my final four and have had several other major setbacks to my sweet sixteen. It's not looking good. Now comes the point where I basically just cheer against Austin's picks. It's the only way I can win. At least the Tarheels are still in it. Tarheels all the way, baby!
Q. "Hey A-Town,
Sorry to bother you again, but do you have any suggestions for ways that the NCAA could improve TV ratings?"
- Anonymous
A. Well, "Nony," I think that a good touch and something that would potentially boost ratings in the South would be if they made Davidson wear leather jerseys in their next game. Maybe they could get sponsored by Harley. I mean, come on - Harley? Davidson? No?
Q. "E.P.B.!
Long time no see! How have you been, buddy? Um... The question we have for you is the following: What are some elements, or, dare we say, 'Signs of the Times,' that you'd like to do away with?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties
A. SALUTE!! Wow, that Feels Good. I've been waiting a lifetime to do that, it seems. Well, I have noticed a few things that just shouldn't exist. Here are a few of them: 1) Crooked pictures. I'm sick of them. Why can't people just take them normally? Why do they always have to be on an angle? Just get somebody else to take the picture for you, for crying out loud! 2) Sugar-free Red Bull. Not that I've actually tasted one, but I saw one the other day. What is the point? Isn't that the point? Whatever. I'm lost. 3) Commercials for body spray. I've seen the same one with the guy's skin cracking off like a million times. And I hate it. 4) Celebrities who endorse presidential candidates. Who cares?!?
Sorry. I was getting a little emotional there at the end. But I thank my friends for emailing me their questions this week. Remember - any of you can get your own questions answered by emailing them to me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com It's that easy.
Now finally, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands and have set out to watch all the seasons of Survivor that I missed on my mission. I'm almost done with the second season (Cook Islands) now and let me tell you - this is gripping television. Gripping. I can't stop watching this stuff! I've taken a bit of flack from several people after divulging this hobby of mine, but seriously, where can you see people doing all this stuff? I've seen one man go against seven others - and eliminate almost every single one of them on his own, a contestant get hit in the face by a machete, the same contestant taken from the game on a stretcher by a naked man because his colon and bladder were blocked from malnutrition, I have seen lying and backstabbing - most recently a certain survivor who has stabbed every single other competitor in the back, consequently getting himself voted out of the game, twenty-somethings vomiting from too much alcohol, segregation due to ethnicity, weight loss, and even a little romance this last season. The question I have for them is why on Earth they would kiss somebody who had been drinking dirty water and eating raw fish for thirty days. Isn't that a little disgusting? Or is that some sick way to remove bacteria from one another's teeth? Hmm... Puzzling. But really, to all those who mock me for my decision to watch all of Survivor: Panama in two days, I say this: "On this island, fire represents life. When your fire is gone, so are you."
That's about it for this Time... Ah, well it's nice to be back. If you didn't have as much fun as I did, just remember, you asked for it.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
tarheelglory19@yahoo.com
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