Greetings to one and all. My name is Aaron and this is my Halloween Newsletter, kind of. Welcome, welcome. Today's Issue is surely destined to be very, very long and very, very glorious. Oh, baby! We've got tons of stuff to talk about - and, at long last, I won't be the only one doing the talking! Topics to be discussed: the best thing that came from the election, regardless of its outcome; my best costume of all time; breaking news in Hollywood; the most important meal of the day; my favorite thing about Halloween; three guest bloggers; a recap of my special appearance on college radio; another "Amazing Race" recap; and my emergence as a published tweeter! On we go!
Well, it's Election Week! After months and months of campaigning and that painful concession speech I had to give a few Issues back, we've finally reached the time when all eligible, registered Americans will be able to choose our next President. I've had a hard time understanding why people have such a hard time talking about who they're voting for. I mean, you've got to pick your spots - there are a few "online acquaintances" of mine that I would never, ever choose to discuss politics with, even to the smallest degree, but it's a free country! Who cares if I'm voting for Romney? I, personally, feel like he's the man for the job. It all really boils down to that old cliche, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" In my case, no. I'm not better off, by any means. Maybe about the same. I have more money now, but that's just because I'm working full-time, not part-time, but I'm not working in my field. I feel like my Bachelor's Degree has done practically nothing for me. That's not George Bush's fault. I'm not saying Obama is a horrible person and I'm not saying he's the anti-Christ or whatever like a lot of die-hard Republicans have in the past, but I just think he hasn't necessarily been a magnificent president, so it's time for a change. I thought Romney was surprisingly good in the debates and came out as the overall winner of the series of televised events. I think Biden is a pompous bozo and Obama came off as uninteresting, oft times condescending, and rude. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to be able to figure that out. So good job, Brother Mitt. Whatever the outcome is, I think that Mitt did very well and I think this has been a glorious ride in the sun for the LDS Church. It has given us incredible publicity and thrust us involuntarily to the forefront of a year-long national discussion. And hey, even in the worst case scenario, at least this election season did give me one thing that I will treasure forever and ever: "Eye of the Sparrow."
Well, it's Election Week! After months and months of campaigning and that painful concession speech I had to give a few Issues back, we've finally reached the time when all eligible, registered Americans will be able to choose our next President. I've had a hard time understanding why people have such a hard time talking about who they're voting for. I mean, you've got to pick your spots - there are a few "online acquaintances" of mine that I would never, ever choose to discuss politics with, even to the smallest degree, but it's a free country! Who cares if I'm voting for Romney? I, personally, feel like he's the man for the job. It all really boils down to that old cliche, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" In my case, no. I'm not better off, by any means. Maybe about the same. I have more money now, but that's just because I'm working full-time, not part-time, but I'm not working in my field. I feel like my Bachelor's Degree has done practically nothing for me. That's not George Bush's fault. I'm not saying Obama is a horrible person and I'm not saying he's the anti-Christ or whatever like a lot of die-hard Republicans have in the past, but I just think he hasn't necessarily been a magnificent president, so it's time for a change. I thought Romney was surprisingly good in the debates and came out as the overall winner of the series of televised events. I think Biden is a pompous bozo and Obama came off as uninteresting, oft times condescending, and rude. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to be able to figure that out. So good job, Brother Mitt. Whatever the outcome is, I think that Mitt did very well and I think this has been a glorious ride in the sun for the LDS Church. It has given us incredible publicity and thrust us involuntarily to the forefront of a year-long national discussion. And hey, even in the worst case scenario, at least this election season did give me one thing that I will treasure forever and ever: "Eye of the Sparrow."
Ahmed...
Speaking of presidents, I'm not big into dressing up for Halloween. I have had some good costumes in the past, however. Who could forget my classic childhood take on Robin Hood, Frankenstein, the hippy, the werewolf, WCW superstar "Sting," or the fabled "Helmet Man" that I created using an old bike helmet and tin foil during my missionary days? But I think my best costume ever wasn't even for Halloween. No, no. It has got to be my days as "El Presidente Bandito" at Alta High School. Ah, yes! Early on in my high school career, I knew I wanted to become Band President as a senior. With a name like "Christensen," I knew I wouldn't be able to come up with a rhyming slogan that was catchy enough to run for a general school office, but I knew I could become Band President one day if I exerted a little effort. I'm not sure anybody in the history of Alta High ever really campaigned. I mean, yeah, people would traditionally make little three-minute home videos trying to earn votes and whatnot, but I went all out. I wanted to win, dang it! This was my one shot to actually become something in life! So one day, I taped a campaign poster to the band room door that said "WANTED: El Presidente Bandito" - and there I was, grinning with a maniacal look in my eyes, adorned with sombrero, a blanket over one shoulder, and a curly, black, "Paint"-ed on mustache. It was beautiful and it was brilliant. "Bandito" isn't even a real word in Spanish, either! But it looks like "band," it sounds like "bandit,"and nobody else knew it wasn't a word, either. As I'd later find out when I actually learned Spanish, the actual word for "bandit" is "bandido," but hey, it worked. The Bandit President was running for Band President. Beautiful. And it stuck all year long. Members of the band would refer to me as "E.P.B." or "El Presidente" and I even named my very first blog after that character - "The E.P.B. Newsletter". Those were some of the best times of my life - not merely due to my sheer genius, but also due to great leadership from Richard Brunson and other amazing friends like Scott Aylett, Beau Shaw, Jon Davis, and Jonathan Blackham. In honor of those great times - and my greatest costume of all - I'm wearing my 2005 Alta Band hoodie to work today. Still fits, still comfy. Long live the Alta Band.
Did you all see the big news that broke this afternoon? Disney has bought Lucasfilm, LTD, and formally announced that they will release "Star Wars: Episode VII" in 2015. I, for one, was stoked about that. I love Star Wars, dang it. It formed a large part of my pop-cultural childhood and I still love it, baby. Vader 4 life! Upon announcing this to the world, I realized how many of my online acquaintances hate Star Wars. What the heck? Anyway, if I had a million dollars, I'd buy a Storm Trooper suit and wear it everywhere. How stylish and cool would that be?
Yes!!
There are two times of the year when I need to be particularly careful about being on the internet around other people: summer (bikini season) and Halloween (skank season). (Pardon the language, Grandma.) But seriously, I'm always so worried that somebody's going to post a picture on Facebook of some crazy Halloween party they went to and then, out of nowhere, my mom or Cody will be like, "What was THAT, Aaron?!" I don't have control over these people! It's like every Halloween is 24 hours for them to forget about their morals or something. They're usually pretty boring and never show even the slightest hint of a personality, I swear!
It will be a really good thing when Halloween is over. Then I won't be able to grab a handful of candy for my morning commute on the way out the door each day. That can't be good for me.
The one thing I truly love about Halloween is "The Monster Mash" - and I really, really love that song, believe me. I believe it to be one of the greatest non-Christmas holiday songs ever... partially due, I imagine, to the fact that there just aren't that many non-Christmas holiday songs... But hey - it's still an awesome song. It makes me want to boogie all night long, baby.
I have recently been talking to my brother, Austin, about our mutual dislike of the upcoming "holiday" and I asked him to share his thoughts. Take it away, brother.
One thing I love is Booing. I know it may seem twisted to some of you, but, for some reason, showing my dissatisfaction with others through the hallowed sound of a 'BOO' gives me a deeply-rooted sense of pride and happiness. For this reason I'm grateful to write this weeks version of The Boo Box. I really don't like Halloween. Before you all start Booing and throwing candy corn at me, let me explain. I've never particularly enjoyed winter and, although the first day of winter technically doesn't come until next month, Halloween is usually when it starts getting cold. When it gets cold in the lovely state of Utah, it snows. I really don't like snow. So part of the reason I don't like Halloween is because it starts this terrible chain reaction that eventually results in cold, heavy, white precipitation that lands on your driveways, sidewalks, and roads, which causes car crashes, early morning shoveling, and back problems.
[Aaron, I didn't mean to press enter. I'm not done yet. Hold on.] [I'm including that.]
Also, what's up with Trick-or-Treating? Kids - and oft times teenagers - run around (in the cold, mind you) dressing up as a bloodied version of their favorite person from pop culture and get free candy from strangers. Weren't they taught NOT to take candy from strangers like I was? Many of them are even spoiled and ask for more candy than what you've already given them, in which case my hand is forced. "No, Fake Lady Gaga, I'm not going to give you an extra Dum-Dum." I better stop myself before I REALLY get going on how much I dislike Halloween.
So, everybody together now!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!for Halloween!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!for Trick-or-Treating!
Once again, thank you, Aaron, for allowing me the privelege - nay, the pleasure - of writing this week's edition of the timeless classic that is known as The Boo Box. BOO!!
- Austin Christensen
Believe it or not, I actually found multiple people that wanted to write for me today. Now I'll turn the Times over to my good friend and mentor, Sam Rimmasch, whom I have asked to write a guest blog about Halloween. Take it away, good sir!
"What am I supposed to write about Halloween? About how it’s the only time I can feel comfortable trying on the women’s clothing at the DI? Or about riding around my neighborhood in a suit and Ronald Reagan mask, whilst brandishing a pitchfork is a good idea? (Both are proudly true.) Yes, that is exactly what Halloween is about. It is sometimes a hard holiday to identify with. As a child, the holiday is enjoyed to the fullest. But, as the years stack up, Halloween turns into parties with friends and acquaintances, peaking in college, and can be used as an excuse for 'Slutoween.' At some point, Halloween completes the circle and becomes about the kids again. I know you all are in different parts of your lives. I, myself, am starting to think about my own little girl coming in January and about how that will play out – taking her out to bag her fill of chocolate booty. I just hope that I can teach her the 'intricacies' of Halloween. Everyone is free game and, not only should they be afraid, but they deserve it."
- Sam Rimmasch
And now, for the final guest blogger in today's Newsletter: my sister, Amy, who will recap my glorious return to radio. Take it away, Amos!
"Hey there, blog readers! I’m back with a tale to tell! So I have this dating radio show at Snow College called 'The Love Shack with Felix and The Dicer.' Unfortunately, Felix decided to drop out of school so it’s just “The Love Shack with The Dicer” now. Since Felix left, I have been looking for guest stars to come on and give me their opinions about dating. When I came home for Fall Break a few weeks ago, my mom gave me a brilliant idea. 'You should see if Aaron wants to be on your show!' Long story short, A-Town decided to make an appearance on my show along with Cody, who we call 'The Apprentice.'
I’m not going to go extremely into detail but last Tuesday’s show was great! We played great music and talked about some interesting topics such as online dating and 'Hollywood Heartthrobs.' The best part of the show wasn’t really a part of the show though. It was The Apprentice’s first taste of college romance. During the show, we had The Apprentice had to run back to the car to grab A-Town’s FlipCam. On his way back, he heard rustling in the bushes... For some reason, The Apprentice thought that it was a raccoon and he wanted to see it. Turns out it was two college kids making out. In fact, I just talked to The Apprentice on the phone about what happened that night and he said, 'It was a traumatic experience! I didn’t know how to handle it... I think I need a psychiatrist.' As scarring as that was for him, it made for a really good story.
It really was an honor to have both A-Town and The Apprentice be guest stars. They were so funny and I really appreciate that they would drive almost two hours south to be on my radio show. Hopefully you all will get to hear the show soon! I gave the recording to A-Town and maybe he’ll put it online one of these days. Trust me - you want to hear this show! It’s the best two consecutive hours that you could ever spend listening to something... Other than General Conference.
Well I better wrap this mini blog up. I hope you all have a grand Halloween! Be sure to listen to 'The Monster Mash' infinite times since it’s the best Halloween song ever. I know I will!
- Amy “The Dicer” Christensen
The one thing I truly love about Halloween is "The Monster Mash" - and I really, really love that song, believe me. I believe it to be one of the greatest non-Christmas holiday songs ever... partially due, I imagine, to the fact that there just aren't that many non-Christmas holiday songs... But hey - it's still an awesome song. It makes me want to boogie all night long, baby.
Graveyard smash.
I have recently been talking to my brother, Austin, about our mutual dislike of the upcoming "holiday" and I asked him to share his thoughts. Take it away, brother.
One thing I love is Booing. I know it may seem twisted to some of you, but, for some reason, showing my dissatisfaction with others through the hallowed sound of a 'BOO' gives me a deeply-rooted sense of pride and happiness. For this reason I'm grateful to write this weeks version of The Boo Box. I really don't like Halloween. Before you all start Booing and throwing candy corn at me, let me explain. I've never particularly enjoyed winter and, although the first day of winter technically doesn't come until next month, Halloween is usually when it starts getting cold. When it gets cold in the lovely state of Utah, it snows. I really don't like snow. So part of the reason I don't like Halloween is because it starts this terrible chain reaction that eventually results in cold, heavy, white precipitation that lands on your driveways, sidewalks, and roads, which causes car crashes, early morning shoveling, and back problems.
[Aaron, I didn't mean to press enter. I'm not done yet. Hold on.] [I'm including that.]
Also, what's up with Trick-or-Treating? Kids - and oft times teenagers - run around (in the cold, mind you) dressing up as a bloodied version of their favorite person from pop culture and get free candy from strangers. Weren't they taught NOT to take candy from strangers like I was? Many of them are even spoiled and ask for more candy than what you've already given them, in which case my hand is forced. "No, Fake Lady Gaga, I'm not going to give you an extra Dum-Dum." I better stop myself before I REALLY get going on how much I dislike Halloween.
So, everybody together now!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!for Halloween!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!for Trick-or-Treating!
Once again, thank you, Aaron, for allowing me the privelege - nay, the pleasure - of writing this week's edition of the timeless classic that is known as The Boo Box. BOO!!
- Austin Christensen
Yeah.
Believe it or not, I actually found multiple people that wanted to write for me today. Now I'll turn the Times over to my good friend and mentor, Sam Rimmasch, whom I have asked to write a guest blog about Halloween. Take it away, good sir!
"What am I supposed to write about Halloween? About how it’s the only time I can feel comfortable trying on the women’s clothing at the DI? Or about riding around my neighborhood in a suit and Ronald Reagan mask, whilst brandishing a pitchfork is a good idea? (Both are proudly true.) Yes, that is exactly what Halloween is about. It is sometimes a hard holiday to identify with. As a child, the holiday is enjoyed to the fullest. But, as the years stack up, Halloween turns into parties with friends and acquaintances, peaking in college, and can be used as an excuse for 'Slutoween.' At some point, Halloween completes the circle and becomes about the kids again. I know you all are in different parts of your lives. I, myself, am starting to think about my own little girl coming in January and about how that will play out – taking her out to bag her fill of chocolate booty. I just hope that I can teach her the 'intricacies' of Halloween. Everyone is free game and, not only should they be afraid, but they deserve it."
- Sam Rimmasch
And now, for the final guest blogger in today's Newsletter: my sister, Amy, who will recap my glorious return to radio. Take it away, Amos!
"Hey there, blog readers! I’m back with a tale to tell! So I have this dating radio show at Snow College called 'The Love Shack with Felix and The Dicer.' Unfortunately, Felix decided to drop out of school so it’s just “The Love Shack with The Dicer” now. Since Felix left, I have been looking for guest stars to come on and give me their opinions about dating. When I came home for Fall Break a few weeks ago, my mom gave me a brilliant idea. 'You should see if Aaron wants to be on your show!' Long story short, A-Town decided to make an appearance on my show along with Cody, who we call 'The Apprentice.'
I’m not going to go extremely into detail but last Tuesday’s show was great! We played great music and talked about some interesting topics such as online dating and 'Hollywood Heartthrobs.' The best part of the show wasn’t really a part of the show though. It was The Apprentice’s first taste of college romance. During the show, we had The Apprentice had to run back to the car to grab A-Town’s FlipCam. On his way back, he heard rustling in the bushes... For some reason, The Apprentice thought that it was a raccoon and he wanted to see it. Turns out it was two college kids making out. In fact, I just talked to The Apprentice on the phone about what happened that night and he said, 'It was a traumatic experience! I didn’t know how to handle it... I think I need a psychiatrist.' As scarring as that was for him, it made for a really good story.
It really was an honor to have both A-Town and The Apprentice be guest stars. They were so funny and I really appreciate that they would drive almost two hours south to be on my radio show. Hopefully you all will get to hear the show soon! I gave the recording to A-Town and maybe he’ll put it online one of these days. Trust me - you want to hear this show! It’s the best two consecutive hours that you could ever spend listening to something... Other than General Conference.
Well I better wrap this mini blog up. I hope you all have a grand Halloween! Be sure to listen to 'The Monster Mash' infinite times since it’s the best Halloween song ever. I know I will!
- Amy “The Dicer” Christensen
Powerhouses.
So... I filled up my scooter with gas for the first time over the weekend. It cost me four dollars. That baby got me 62 miles to the gallon - and that was mostly short trips around the block. I can only imagine what the mileage would be like if I had actually been taking it around town! Beautiful. Just... beautiful.
Behold, my take on the latest episode of "The Amazing Race":
India again? Why?? Let's get out of that part of the world! I'm not sure how much more I can take! Oh gosh! A dead dog lying in the streets! And, even worse - the Sri Lankan twins!! Shut up, PLEASE!! I love that the contestants have started making fun of the Twinnies. Those are two of the most overbearing people I have ever seen in my life. The first "Road Block" challenge consisted of weighing and balancing a bunch of sticks and rocks on an old school scale. That didn't sound too hard until they said that you actually had to build the scale. That would be hard. I've forgotten all my Boy Scout knots. I think I would have needed to do this challenge. Once I got the scale built, the balancing part would have been a breeze. For the "Detour" challenge, Austin and I would have chosen (in my opinion - correct me if I'm wrong, Austin) the "Bamboo Jungle" option. We grew up lugging 2x4s and plywood around as kids. Bamboo would be a cinch. After completing the "Detour," the teams were given an item of bamboo with an illustration of a building on it. The building depicted on the final clue was the location for the pit stop for that leg of the race. Can't have been that difficult. "Where is this building? Take us to this building!" Easy. You know, I wish I would have started a count of the number of people that got whacked in the face by a bamboo chute. That was pretty hilarious. In the end, I think this would have been another difficult leg for the Brothers Christensen - not as hard as the last leg, but this would have been a tough one. I'm still confident that we would not have been eliminated from the Race yet - and that's good news, considering that I think that Asia would be the weakest region of the world for us to deal with. We'd win. I'm telling you.
We've finished filming our second audition video for "The Amazing Race" and I should have the application submitted by sometime this weekend. We're taking a more serious approach this time, as opposed to going for the hilarious, omnipotent approach that we took the last time around. We'd be great for television. Let's hope that CBS doesn't make the same mistake twice by overlooking the Brothers Christensen a second time.
So hey! The Utes actually won a game for the first time in a month! It was a fun game to watch. Two 100-yard kickoff returns for touchdowns!! Woo. I almost forgot what it was like to win for a while. BYU was also able to win last weekend, too, so that was nice. For once, I didn't feel like I'd wasted my entire Saturday. During the game, as usual, I was tweeting away, providing commentary for the online masses to read. Generally, I just assume that nobody cares what I have to say and, to the best of my knowledge, that's usually pretty accurate. I woke up on Sunday morning to my phone vibrating on the night stand. I turned on the phone to see a notification on Facebook. Scott Aylett had tagged me in a post, saying, "Aaron Christensen congratulations on being quoted thrice." I had no idea what he was talking about. Nobody had interviewed me lately, as far as I could remember. I clicked on the link to find out that it was a Twitter recap of the Utes game. They had selected three of my tweets from that night to use in the article, even including one of my tweets as the final quote of the story. You can read the article here: http://www.ksl.com/?sid=22735382&nid=635&title=twitter-wrap-up-reggie-dunn-makes-schoolhistory-for-utenation
The Jazz season starts up tomorrow night and I'll be there live and in person!! Woo! I'm excited for this year's Jazz team. I say that every year and my expectations usually aren't entirely met by the end of the year, but I think this squad is going to be much better than last year's. For instance, last year, the Jazz were one of the worst three-point shooting teams in the NBA. As announced by the Jazz's social media account yesterday, the Jazz led the league in three-point percentage through the preseason. People get really worked up about win/loss records during the exhibition games, but I don't care about that. However, shooting percentage is something that actually does mean something. I think that's a great sign for the team and I'm excited to see how the offseason acquisitions help out for the 2013 campaign. Go Jazz!
So hey! The Utes actually won a game for the first time in a month! It was a fun game to watch. Two 100-yard kickoff returns for touchdowns!! Woo. I almost forgot what it was like to win for a while. BYU was also able to win last weekend, too, so that was nice. For once, I didn't feel like I'd wasted my entire Saturday. During the game, as usual, I was tweeting away, providing commentary for the online masses to read. Generally, I just assume that nobody cares what I have to say and, to the best of my knowledge, that's usually pretty accurate. I woke up on Sunday morning to my phone vibrating on the night stand. I turned on the phone to see a notification on Facebook. Scott Aylett had tagged me in a post, saying, "Aaron Christensen congratulations on being quoted thrice." I had no idea what he was talking about. Nobody had interviewed me lately, as far as I could remember. I clicked on the link to find out that it was a Twitter recap of the Utes game. They had selected three of my tweets from that night to use in the article, even including one of my tweets as the final quote of the story. You can read the article here: http://www.ksl.com/?sid=22735382&nid=635&title=twitter-wrap-up-reggie-dunn-makes-schoolhistory-for-utenation
The Jazz season starts up tomorrow night and I'll be there live and in person!! Woo! I'm excited for this year's Jazz team. I say that every year and my expectations usually aren't entirely met by the end of the year, but I think this squad is going to be much better than last year's. For instance, last year, the Jazz were one of the worst three-point shooting teams in the NBA. As announced by the Jazz's social media account yesterday, the Jazz led the league in three-point percentage through the preseason. People get really worked up about win/loss records during the exhibition games, but I don't care about that. However, shooting percentage is something that actually does mean something. I think that's a great sign for the team and I'm excited to see how the offseason acquisitions help out for the 2013 campaign. Go Jazz!
The Fantasy Football Star of the Week goes to DVD's Army. He doesn't even read the Newsletter, so whatever. But Doug Martin, the Tampa Bay running back, had a heck of a week for him. Martin rushed the ball 29 times for 135 yards and a TD and had three receptions for 79 yards and another TD, giving him a total of 65.15 fantasy points for the week. Good gracious. Must be nice. I think I'm coming to accept the fact that my team just stinks. Freak.
There you have it.
That's about it for this week, kiddos. Not sure how much more excitement you can take in one evening. Wow. Incredible. What an Issue. Yes. All right. Everybody go brush your teeth and be back by midnight. Oh, and yes, for those that were wondering, I am currently listening to "The Monster Mash"... on repeat.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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I thought I would just comment to fill in the space.
Done.
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