Signs of the Times, Issue No. 229 - 10/09/12

MINIMUM WAGE! YEE HAW!!


Greetings to one and all. You know, it's Tuesday. And, you know, this is my blog. So come on in! Embrace the blog like a warm hug. Or a Snuggie. Yeah, like a Snuggie. It's Snuggie weather, babies!! Topics to be discussed today: Two things that apparently aren't good for people to eat, my out-of-touch analysis of the presidential debate, The Announcement, the demise of fandom in American sports, A-Town's first flight, my childhood run-in with Communism, and my absolute worst fear come true. On we go!


So I read this thing on MSN's homepage today talking about this guy who died after competing in two eating competitions in the same day. He was eating super worms and cockroaches. Well, duh!!

You know, I don't really go out of my way to talk about politics - and I'll try hard not to let my Republican, pro-Brother Romney side show through here (wait, what?) - but let's just mention that presidential debate last week for a second. Even though I try to stay somewhat up-to-date with current events and things of that nature, I admittedly know next-to-nothing about politics. That's why I don't ever bring it up. I know all you crazy liberals out there would just tear me to pieces, so I'd rather just avoid the topic altogether. All political beliefs completely set aside, I thought it was pretty evident that Obama got a whoopin' last Wednesday night. The most telling signal to me was that he couldn't look at Romney when he was talking. He focused most of his attention on the moderator, who, in my opinion, did a TERRIBLE job at moderating that debate. Romney, on the other hand, looked confident, looking at the President while he talked. He had bulleted lists that explained his plan, and I thought that, overall, he out-performed President Obama in practically every facet of the debate. From a purely "public speaking" standpoint, I thought Mitt Romney clearly came out ahead after that debate. And what's scary (in the general sense of the word) is that I think that the VP debate Thursday night is going to be even more of a beatdown as Paul Ryan will inevitably make Joe Biden look like an old geezer. It will bring back shades of the Obama-McCain debates, where John McCain looked like the oldest, most boring person in the entire world. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that for now.

"I can't stand you." "I can't stand you, either."

Everybody's talking about President Monson's big announcement from Saturday morning. In case you've been hiding under a rock or something, the Prophet announced that worthy young men may now begin serving missions after they have graduated from high school (or its equivalent) at the age of 18. Additionally, the age of young women that can go on missions was lowered from 21 to 19. That's revelation in action, my friends, and, needless to say, it was a pretty emotional weekend for us at the Christensen household. Cody turns 18 in December and Amy turned 19 in March. I think this will be a great change for the church. While I was serving in North Carolina, we actually had an 18-year-old member of a local ward serve a "mini-mission" for a couple months. He was great. He was mature, he had a great testimony, you could tell that he hadn't been through the MTC, but he was a good guy and having him in my zone was a cool experience. I think that lowering the age of missionaries will create a greater desire to serve - because the ones who decide to go earlier are going to be the ones that really want to be there. It won't be all the sister missionaries who decided to pack their bags and serve the Lord because they couldn't get married - they'll be the ones that love the Gospel and want to be there.

Classic reaction.

I think it is of importance to note that President Monson and Elder Nelson both referred to the age changes as a new "option," not a new expectation or a new requirement. I have heard some murmuring from 20- and 21-year-old girls about not going when they were 19 or other similar concerns. That option wasn't available to you when you turned 19! If you're about to turn 21, that's fine! Or even if you're 20 and won't be able to go until you turn 21, it's fine! No one is going to judge you for going at 21 (or 19 for guys). It's not like everyone knew this was coming and you failed to adequately prepare. If you're prepared and ready to go when you're 18 (guys) or 19 (girls), that's great! If you didn't already have your bags packed and waiting next to the car and you still end up going at the original ages (19 and 21), that's fine! You're not a sinner. Quite frankly, I'm sure the Lord will still love you no matter what age you leave at.


Here's something that bothers me. I hop in my car on Monday morning for the commute to work and I'm listening to sports radio, as I usually do. They just so happened to be talking about the change in mission ages and how that would affect collegiate sports in the state. They were both making arguments that more student-athletes should notgo on LDS missions because, off the top of their heads, the only superior Mormon athletes they could think of were non-missionaries. Steve Young, Ty Detmer, Danny Ainge, Jimmer... They were making the argument that, by going on a mission, you were practically giving up a future in sports. They argued that schools like Air Force that also put kids through a multi-year program were still able to maintain physical superiority because those athletes were not completely giving up their workout regimens, etc. I, honestly, was appalled that they'd make such a plea to LDS students. It bothered me so much, in fact, that I just turned the radio off. Do they not realize that there are more important things in life than sports? And believe me - I'm a big sports fan. But I would never put something as trivial and "worldly," shall we say, as sports ahead of religion. I'll go as far as to say that their claims that going on a mission is a waste of perfectly good talent are shameful. They should be ashamed of themselves, especially considering that at least one of the two guys making the arguments is LDS.


On to yet another topic that shows how idiotic we've become as sports fans. Allegedly (I didn't see it happen, but I've heard people talking about it), Matt Cassel, the quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs went down in Sunday's game with a head injury. Let's keep in mind that the Chiefs aren't the greatest team in the league, but hey - they're not winless! In fact, they beat the Saints a couple weeks ago! Anyway, Cassel goes down and the fans cheer for the injury. That's P.M.U.!! They cheered that one of their own players got hurt! Are you kidding me? Now that I come to think of it, Austin went up to the Utes/Utah State game a few weeks ago when Jordan Wynn got hurt for the U. Was I happy that we'd finally get a new quarterback? Oh heck yeah! Was I happy that Jordan Wynn, the human being, got hurt? Not at all. I feel bad for the kid. He's got to be one of the most fragile athletes in the history of the state. Austin said that Utah fans were cheering when Jordan blew out his arm again. That's not cool. I think we often justify our stupidity by classifying these kids as "football players" and we often forget that they're just normal people like everybody else. If it's a movie, a TV show, a video game, pro wrestling, whatever, that's not real life. But when we as a society are out for blood and are actually happy when those players go out and get hurt, that's not right. So, I've got a special place for people who cheer when other people get hurt. It's called The Boo Box. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!


I finally used my passes to go indoor skydiving at this crazy place called iFly up in Ogden last week. It was a lot more fun than I imagined it would be - and a lot less scary. Basically, they took us to a waiting chamber outside a giant air tunnel, we waited our turn and, when it was time to go, we simply stood by the door, leaned forward, and took flight! They had a short instructional video that we were required to watch before flying which taught us proper body posture and several hand signals that the instructor would use to help us correct position while in the air. It was all simple enough. In a matter of minutes, I was in the air! I think that, compared to some of the other indoor skydivers, I did all right. We got a DVD of the flights as we left and, upon further inspection, there were a couple times where my weight-less legs start going a little floppy, but I think I did all right. We each took two minute-and-a-half-long turns flying, which both seemed to be the fastest 90 seconds of my life, but the slowest, as well. Once you're in the air, everything is a blur. It's hard to breathe, but you're not focused on breathing. It's hard to see anything, but you're not focused on that, either. As long as your chin is up and you're not crashing into the walls, that's all that really matters. One of my favorite parts took place in the second flight, as the instructor held onto my super-stylish, blue-and-black jumpsuit and took me, spinning, up 20 feet above the chicken wire grate. It was intense! You've really got to either experience it or see the DVD to understand what it might be like, but it really was a blast. If you're interested in seeing the DVD, let me know. I've got it, along with my stylish iFly t-shirt and my certificate proving that I reached "terminal velocity," whatever that means. Anyway, if you can do it somewhat cheaply like I did (through Groupon) and you've got time and money to burn like I apparently did like six months ago when I purchased the passes, I'd recommend it. It was a good time.

This was me, except I don't go skydiving with a parachute.

In "Amazing Race" news, the last episode wasn't my favorite of all time. It was just normal stuff. A couple people messed up their plane tickets and taxi rides, but other than that, there wasn't much of consequence that needs to be discussed. We'll keep the analysis short this week - The Brothers Christensen would have dominated yet again. There's no way we would have been eliminated on the second leg of the Race. These teams seem dumb and they're not very likable. Big mistake, CBS.

How long are you supposed to wait before offering a drink of water to somebody with hiccups? A co-worker today had hiccups for, seriously, about 20 or 25 minutes. Unfortunately, due to my policy of "you don't talk to me, I don't talk to you," I sat there and endured it. Luckily

"Channel One News" was the closest thing to Communism that I ever experienced as a child. Think about it.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Why is my mustache so impressive?"

- Jordan Holmes

A. Not a clue, my man. Can't even fathom it.

So, I'm hesitant to even bring this up, but hey - I've put the blog on private and adjusted a few things and, quite frankly, this is just too hilariously awkward not to mention. My worst nightmare came true the other day as I logged into Facebook. Somebody had posted a picture online that they took the other night at the movie theater. It was a picture of my boss hanging out with the last two girls I've dated. Now, as incredibly traumatizing as that may be for me, personally, and as grateful as I am that I could somehow through the powers of technology introduce them all to each other, I'd like you all to put yourself in my shoes for one second and really try to soak up the horror that I experienced at that moment. Your boss (of the opposite gender) is hanging out with the last two people you dated. I can't even bear to think about what they could possibly talk about. .........................Uh... I'm just going to stop typing right there before I say anything else. Seriously, though. All three of those girls. Together. Hanging out. Frequently. Makes me want to crawl under a rock somewhere and lay there to die. Or it... No. Nevermind.

I'm down there somewhere.

It's probably not of any interest to you people, but I'll mention, in passing, that I was able to successfully secure second place in the fantasy baseball league at the close of the MLB regular season last week... and the way that that league was, second place on paper was like first place in my heart.


The Fantasy Football Star of the Week is Arian Foster, who belongs to my dear mother. Foster rushed the ball 29 times on Monday night for 152 yards and a TD, coupled with one catch for 16 yards, totaling 50.55 fantasy points for the week. Foster was a large reason that "Mama Mia" was able to lead the league in scoring in week five, but it still wasn't enough to best the Head Hunters' overall points total. Austin remains in the lead by a mere 6.48 points, but we all know that lead won't last. I'm coming for you, Head Hunters!

Namaste.

It's time once again for the beloved Shoutout of the Week. You know who I'm going to give the Shoutout to this week? Elementary school teachers. I was thinking today and I really, really want to make one of those whirlpool things. You know what I mean? You duct tape two 2-liter bottles after filling them partially with water... You give that little contraption a few rotations and BAM! You've got yourself a little whirlpool. Those things are awesome. So all you teachers out there - and I know there are a lot of you - that should be your next class project. Keep up the good work and have your kids make the whirlpool thing.

That's about it for this week, kiddos. I'm out of stuff to say. Actually, no I'm not. But if I kept going, I wouldn't get this posted until, like, midnight. So... I'll just stop now. If you want to hear more of my thoughts, you can ask me on a date. Considering my readership as of late, I assume we're talking bro-dates and extended Family Home Evenings. So, yeah. You know. Whatever.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron