I thought you were doing homework!
Greetings to one and all. Greetings, greetings, greetings. Yes, yes. Welcome to my blog. It's Tuesday which means that you people once again subject yourselves to this literary masterpiece. What a better way to spend your Tuesday night? (Don't answer that.) Topics to be discussed tonight: A time and a place, my night in the maize maze, my tortured thoughts concerning the show that I should have won, the man-crush marathon, some other miscellaneous thoughts about TV shows, religion and sports, and another fantasy sports wrap-up. Oh yeah. You're excited. You know you are. On we go!
As I went to bed on Sunday night as the month drew to its close, I had to pull up YouTube and play myself a certain song. It's a song that, in my opinion, can really only be played, like, once a year. Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was the song of choice. I remember when I was on the radio at Snow College. I remember that every time October rolled around, I'd play "Wake Me Up" as the first song of my first post-September show. I don't think anybody got it. Is anybody else like that, though? Are there certain songs that you feel should only be played at certain times? For instance, I closed every single one of my radio shows - every single one - with Barenaked Ladies' "Too Little Too Late," so I feel like I shouldn't listen to that song unless I am wrapping something up or if it's the last song I plan on listening to before turning off my iPod. I'll purposely skip it, otherwise. Another: "Friday, I'm in Love" by the Cure. When I hear that song on the radio as I drive home from work on a Monday afternoon, it makes me want to swear. Likewise, "Manic Monday," by the Bangles. That's a great song on the first day of the week, but I don't want to hear it any other time. Am I the only one that thinks these things?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Last night, I got to experience some of my favorite things all wrapped up into one big bundle of joy: corn mazes, dogs, and large groups of annoying people. My ward went to a corn maze last night for FHE. I'm not a huge fan of corn mazes to begin with. I don't know what it is, really. I just don't really like them that much. So we get there, we sit around for like half an hour waiting to go in for some reason, and then a bunch of people with dogs show up. Great. I'm either going to be stuck in there with a bunch of dogs (that's like a nightmare for me, really) or the canine lovers just got done and there's dog crap all over the maze. Sweet. Anyway, we started the maze and it was probably the easiest corn maze I've ever done in my extensive history of corn mazing. I don't think we took one wrong turn. It was beautiful. But, I guess, isn't the goal to, like, take wrong turns intentionally so you get lost in the corn with some hot babes or something? I don't know. Whatever. That's not what I was hoping for. I wanted to get in and get out. As we traversed the rows of maize, I was face with two other spine-chilling possibilities: 1) what if this corn maze is haunted? Ohhhhh heck no! and 2) what if I get stuck in here forever with all these terribly annoying and immature people? Oh gosh. Oh gosh, get me out. In the back of my mind the entire time, I was of the mindset that, in the event I was stuck in there for three hours, I'd eventually just start booking it through the corn and on my way to safety. Luckily, after 30 minutes in the maze, I successfully led Sam and Haylee to safety, thanks, largely, to my innate sense of direction. Thank you, thank you.
Speaking of my innate sense of direction, I watched "The Amazing Race" with clenched teeth this Sunday night. As all of you have probably been made aware, this is the season that Austin and I were supposed to be on the show. I've said it once, I've said it a million times. BIG MISTAKE, CBS. What a horrible, horrible decision not to pick us to be on the show. We not only would have been great, but we would have absolutely dominated. Dominated!! For all of you haters and doubters out there, let me illuminate your minds.
For the first time ever, CBS is offering two million dollars as the grand prize if a team wins the first leg and the last leg of the race. Two million dollars. Two million dollars. Every time I think that, I want to cry. THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN US, DANG IT!! Two million dollars!! Even if the task was to chop of... ok, maybe not. I wouldn't have dismembered myself for two million dollars. But other than that, nothing would have impeded us from winning the first leg of the race. Nothing.
There were two main challenges in the opening leg of the race. Part one consisted of beating a champion ping pong player one time. Just once. For one point. It was a little, like, 10-year-old girl that everyone kept referring to as a boy, so that was sad/funny. After the girl had beaten you with a ping pong paddle, she would move on to things like clipboards, tambourines, and a cooking pan. It was awesome. Austin would have owned that portion of the challenge. He beat me every single time in ping pong. I honestly can't remember ever beating him. He would be a champion in China, too.
The second portion of that challenge was a food challenge - something that we had already been preparing for at the time we made our audition video. ("AND 10 pounds of uncooked ground beef!") I would have been forced to participate in that part of the leg since Austin would have done the ping pong competition. Lucky me. I would have been forced to eat reproductive organs of a female frog out of a papaya. Mmmm, delish. But hey - I ate a ton of nasty crap on my mission, so that wouldn't have been a problem. After all, hey, two million dollars, right?
There were a couple other things worth commenting on in the first episode of the season. The first of these topics is the lady with the abacus. Oh, by the way, *SPOILER ALERT* if you haven't already watched. The teams are let loose in a town square and are supposed to find a woman counting on an abacus. Considering the fact that half of the teams didn't even know how to pronounce the word, their search for the "uh-back-us" lady proved a little more difficult than it probably should have been. At one point, the team that was in first place had already found the woman and received the final clue, giving the location of the finish line. Another team approached them and asked where they found the abacus. Moral dilemma. Ooh! In my mind, I asked myself what I would have done. I know you don't want to come off as a jerk on the first leg of the race because then other teams will hold it against you until they're able to eliminate you. But you can't just tell the team where to go, especially when two million dollars are at stake. On any other leg of the race, sure help them out, form an alliance, whatever, but this is for TWO MILLION DOLLARS! To make a long story short (too late), they told the other team where to find the abacus and then that team ended up passing them to finish in first place, potentially qualifying for the two million dollar prize. Idiots. And then what's worse is that the team that told the eventual winners where the abacus was started complaining, saying, "We told you where it was, guys! We told you where it was..." Well guess what? You told them where it was. Idiots.
At long last, the last of the teams were wrapping up their quest for the golden abacus and were making their way to the finish line. The last team to arrive would be eliminated from the race. So... that's kind of important, you know? ...Not to come in last. Right? Anyway, it came down to two brain-dead chippendales (er, I mean, what are they? "Musicians"?) and an older couple that thought they'd find an abacus in a bank because that's where people count things. They were neck-and-neck coming down to the finish line and the older couple ended up losing by (allegedly) "15 seconds." FIFTEEN SECONDS? Are you kidding me? If Austin and I were in a foot race to the finish line, we'd drop our packs and run like heck. We could always go back and pick up the packs three minutes later after Phil checked us in. If you want a better idea of what that foot race to the finish would look like, go back and check out our audition video. I recommend you start at the 3:05 mark. Here's the link -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IiSThb-Ezs
In conclusion, after watching the first episode of this season's show, it is even more clear to me now that in was before that Austin and I would be ratings gold for "The Amazing Race." Austin and I have been in contact in the past few days and we have both come to the same conclusion: We need to apply again.
I had my glorious Indiana Jones Blu-ray marathon on Saturday. Because nobody showed up for it, I decided I didn't need to watch "Raiders of the Lost Ark" again since Austin and I just watched it on IMAX a couple weeks ago. I started watching the other three movies in succession at about 3:45 in the afternoon. I took a short break for dinner after watching "Temple of Doom," and then continued with "Last Crusade" and "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," finally bringing the marathon to its close at around 11:30 PM that night. Oh, how I love Indiana Jones. I love that guy so much. Let me recap my wonderful festivities in a few simple points:
1) Indiana Jones is the greatest action hero of all time. The series' soundtrack is up there among the all-time greats, as well.
2) There are some very silly scenes of slapstick action in "Temple of Doom."
3) Harrison Ford and Sean Connery together in "Last Crusade" is the Hollywood dream team.
4) Despite a hilariously-strange 10-minute stretch toward the end of the movie, I believe people are too harsh on "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."
4a) Considering the fact that Indy, Willie, and Short Round survive a thousand-foot drop from a plane in an inflatable raft, I really don't consider Indy surviving a nuclear blast in a fridge that preposterous (though it is pretty weird that he just hops up and walks away without a limp or anything).
4b) Austin called me on this, but I'm fine with the nuke/fridge scene, but I think that Shia LaBeouf swordfighting between two cars while taking crotch-shots from tree branches is laughable.
4c) I would have been more ok with the Mutt vine-swinging scene if he would have let out a Tarzan yell while he was at it.
4d) The fire ant scene was ok until they started stacking up and climbing on each other. That was weird. No bones about it.
4e) Considering the historical context of the fourth film, the American obsession with aliens and nuclear weapons testing makes total sense to me. The movie begins at Area 51, for crying out loud. It's not like it was a shocker when the aliens showed up at the end.
5) No matter what anybody says about Henry, Jr., I will love Indiana Jones until the day I die - and this undying man-crush is helping me weed out my fake friends. Anybody who judges me for idolizing my childhood hero is not a true friend of mine.
I've been reluctantly watching this new show, "Revolution," on NBC. I say "reluctantly" because every time I try to get into a new show like this (i.e. "FlashForward," "The Cape," "The Event," "Alcatraz," etc.), it's canceled after (or, in some cases, during) the first season. Currently, I'm two episodes into "Revolution" (I'll watch episode 3 tonight or tomorrow) and... well... I'm pretty sure it's going to get canceled. Kind of an interesting premise, but it's too similar to a bunch of other shows that were also canceled. Too bad, so sad. I've learned not to get heartbroken over these things anymore.
Speaking of my innate sense of direction, I watched "The Amazing Race" with clenched teeth this Sunday night. As all of you have probably been made aware, this is the season that Austin and I were supposed to be on the show. I've said it once, I've said it a million times. BIG MISTAKE, CBS. What a horrible, horrible decision not to pick us to be on the show. We not only would have been great, but we would have absolutely dominated. Dominated!! For all of you haters and doubters out there, let me illuminate your minds.
For the first time ever, CBS is offering two million dollars as the grand prize if a team wins the first leg and the last leg of the race. Two million dollars. Two million dollars. Every time I think that, I want to cry. THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN US, DANG IT!! Two million dollars!! Even if the task was to chop of... ok, maybe not. I wouldn't have dismembered myself for two million dollars. But other than that, nothing would have impeded us from winning the first leg of the race. Nothing.
There were two main challenges in the opening leg of the race. Part one consisted of beating a champion ping pong player one time. Just once. For one point. It was a little, like, 10-year-old girl that everyone kept referring to as a boy, so that was sad/funny. After the girl had beaten you with a ping pong paddle, she would move on to things like clipboards, tambourines, and a cooking pan. It was awesome. Austin would have owned that portion of the challenge. He beat me every single time in ping pong. I honestly can't remember ever beating him. He would be a champion in China, too.
The second portion of that challenge was a food challenge - something that we had already been preparing for at the time we made our audition video. ("AND 10 pounds of uncooked ground beef!") I would have been forced to participate in that part of the leg since Austin would have done the ping pong competition. Lucky me. I would have been forced to eat reproductive organs of a female frog out of a papaya. Mmmm, delish. But hey - I ate a ton of nasty crap on my mission, so that wouldn't have been a problem. After all, hey, two million dollars, right?
There were a couple other things worth commenting on in the first episode of the season. The first of these topics is the lady with the abacus. Oh, by the way, *SPOILER ALERT* if you haven't already watched. The teams are let loose in a town square and are supposed to find a woman counting on an abacus. Considering the fact that half of the teams didn't even know how to pronounce the word, their search for the "uh-back-us" lady proved a little more difficult than it probably should have been. At one point, the team that was in first place had already found the woman and received the final clue, giving the location of the finish line. Another team approached them and asked where they found the abacus. Moral dilemma. Ooh! In my mind, I asked myself what I would have done. I know you don't want to come off as a jerk on the first leg of the race because then other teams will hold it against you until they're able to eliminate you. But you can't just tell the team where to go, especially when two million dollars are at stake. On any other leg of the race, sure help them out, form an alliance, whatever, but this is for TWO MILLION DOLLARS! To make a long story short (too late), they told the other team where to find the abacus and then that team ended up passing them to finish in first place, potentially qualifying for the two million dollar prize. Idiots. And then what's worse is that the team that told the eventual winners where the abacus was started complaining, saying, "We told you where it was, guys! We told you where it was..." Well guess what? You told them where it was. Idiots.
At long last, the last of the teams were wrapping up their quest for the golden abacus and were making their way to the finish line. The last team to arrive would be eliminated from the race. So... that's kind of important, you know? ...Not to come in last. Right? Anyway, it came down to two brain-dead chippendales (er, I mean, what are they? "Musicians"?) and an older couple that thought they'd find an abacus in a bank because that's where people count things. They were neck-and-neck coming down to the finish line and the older couple ended up losing by (allegedly) "15 seconds." FIFTEEN SECONDS? Are you kidding me? If Austin and I were in a foot race to the finish line, we'd drop our packs and run like heck. We could always go back and pick up the packs three minutes later after Phil checked us in. If you want a better idea of what that foot race to the finish would look like, go back and check out our audition video. I recommend you start at the 3:05 mark. Here's the link -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IiSThb-Ezs
In conclusion, after watching the first episode of this season's show, it is even more clear to me now that in was before that Austin and I would be ratings gold for "The Amazing Race." Austin and I have been in contact in the past few days and we have both come to the same conclusion: We need to apply again.
This is the new face of television.
1) Indiana Jones is the greatest action hero of all time. The series' soundtrack is up there among the all-time greats, as well.
2) There are some very silly scenes of slapstick action in "Temple of Doom."
3) Harrison Ford and Sean Connery together in "Last Crusade" is the Hollywood dream team.
4) Despite a hilariously-strange 10-minute stretch toward the end of the movie, I believe people are too harsh on "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."
4a) Considering the fact that Indy, Willie, and Short Round survive a thousand-foot drop from a plane in an inflatable raft, I really don't consider Indy surviving a nuclear blast in a fridge that preposterous (though it is pretty weird that he just hops up and walks away without a limp or anything).
4b) Austin called me on this, but I'm fine with the nuke/fridge scene, but I think that Shia LaBeouf swordfighting between two cars while taking crotch-shots from tree branches is laughable.
4c) I would have been more ok with the Mutt vine-swinging scene if he would have let out a Tarzan yell while he was at it.
4d) The fire ant scene was ok until they started stacking up and climbing on each other. That was weird. No bones about it.
4e) Considering the historical context of the fourth film, the American obsession with aliens and nuclear weapons testing makes total sense to me. The movie begins at Area 51, for crying out loud. It's not like it was a shocker when the aliens showed up at the end.
5) No matter what anybody says about Henry, Jr., I will love Indiana Jones until the day I die - and this undying man-crush is helping me weed out my fake friends. Anybody who judges me for idolizing my childhood hero is not a true friend of mine.
One of the best films ever made.
As I wrap up the Newsletter tonight, I'm catching up on last night's episode of "The Voice." This season is a strange one. It seems like a lot of singers this year are boy band rejects and other miscellaneous has-beens. There have been a bunch of singers that have previously had record deals, performed overseas, toured with Miley Cyrus, and the like. What's wrong with these people? Apparently their past success has faded to the point that they need validation again. My favorite moment was when hip hop singer Cupid went on the show for the blind auditions, sang his own song, the "Cupid Shuffle," and none of the judges turned around for him. Sad, but hilarious. You know, I feel bad for the guy. He's got an ultra-popular song that's a worldwide hit. What on Earth is he doing on "The Voice," of all shows? And then the judges didn't even like him! Oh man. That's too good to be true. Ok, I'm a jerk. (Oh good - coming up: one of Lady Gaga's back-up singers. I hope she fails. Dang it, she made it.)
As I commuted home after work yesterday, the guys on the sports radio station were discussing what role religion has in sports. They were talking about when it's ok to pray for a sporting event. For instance, they decided it was ok to pray that God help the athletes perform to the best of their abilities, but not ok to pray for a victory. As I thought about my lifetime of sports and religion, I also came to a conclusion. I think I decided that praying for sports didn't work a long time ago. How do I know this, you ask? Well, as a young boy, I prayed for Karl Malone to win his match at WCW's "Bash at the Beach" and he didn't win. But he did the Diamond Cutter to the referee after the fight, so it was all good.
Bang.
As the fantasy baseball season comes to an end, it's a race for second place. One of my co-workers, Jay Webb, beat everyone soundly, as if with a wooden paddle. Jay will claim the championship crown with 1,400 points to spare, so that wasn't even close. As of right now, with two nights remaining in the fantasy season, I have overtaken my uncle Ryan and his Dallas Dodgers by 46 points - which is not an insurmountable lead. It's anyone's game right now and I'm intrigued to see how the last couple days go. No matter what happens, it has been a fun season to play with everyone. Congratulations to Ryan for giving me a run for my money, either way. Good times. See you next year, maybe.
From a successful year of fantasy baseball to an absolutely horrible week in football... My Jive City Monarchs posted the worst numbers in the entire league last week. Austin's Head Hunters stayed on top of the league, though it was DVD's Army who had the best week overall. Players on DVD's Army had solid games from top to bottom, but this week's Fantasy Football Star of the Week goes to Austin's Marques Colston. Nine catches for 153 yards and a TD for 45.80 fantasy points. Not too shabby. Austin's still up 55 points over my mom who also surpassed me this week. But I'll be back, dang it! Give me a week and I'll be back.
Now if only the Saints could win a game...
The Shoutout of the Week goes to Sam Dunford and Haylee Chournos, two fairly-recent SotT converts. Sam: You know I led you out of that corn maze. Like Moses leading the children of Israel... just... more successfully. You know it to be true. And Haylee - oh hey! We're going indoor skydiving tomorrow. Holy crap, is that going to be intense or what? A Webisode is sure to follow.
And another quick Shoutout to the elders quorum. I'm in the process of recording our monthly home teaching numbers for September. Let's just say we've set a goal for the month... and it's not very high... but hey, considering how poorly we were doing a couple months ago, I wasn't sure we could reach the goal. Right now with half the numbers reported, we're on pace to hit the goal. Oh gosh, I think I might cry. #soproud
That's about it for this week, kiddos. Oh man. What a lovely Tuesday. What a lovely, lovely Tuesday. How's everybody doing, by the way? Good? Good? All right. Well, I'm gonna wrap up this number-crunching business and, um, probably watch some more TV or something. Hopefully the Rangers don't choke in Oakland tonight. All right. Watch General Conference. All right. I'm thinking about doing an upcoming Issue in rhyme. It's been a while, huh? Yeah. All right. Ok. Yeah. See ya.
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
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