Signs of the Times, Issue No. 193 - 01/31/12

NED?!?

Greetings to one and all on a beautiful Tuesday in the Salt Lake Valley. Topics to be discussed in today's hot-off-the-press Issue of "Signs of the Times": The end of a dream, the Question on everybody's chapped lips, the final chapter of "Chuck," Return of the Jimmer, the hunt for "Red October," and a tiny hamlet in Wes-tern Penn-syl-vania. Is it snowing in space?? On we go!

Today is practically the deadline for Austin and my "Amazing Race" dreams. They said anyone who was selected to move forward in the interview process would hear back from CBS "in January" and, considering that tomorrow is the first day of February, it looks like they've got about six hours to contact us or we're pretty much out of luck. What a bummer. Not for us. For them. We would have been money in the bank. We would have been ratings magnets. People would have loved us. We would have won and we would have gotten rich. It would have been glorious. But it was not meant to be. Tragic. But, looking back on it, do I consider this a failure? No. I'm glad we did it. We couldn't have gotten on the show if we never applied, right? Honestly, just applying to be on the show was a dream come true for Austin and me. We'd been talking (mostly wishful thinking) about applying to be on the Race for years and the fact that we actually did it is awesome. Sadly, we probably aren't going to make it, but that's just another bullet point on the already-extensive resume of the man they once called "A-Town." Reality TV show applicant: Check.

This has hit us hard. Like a watermelon to the face.

There's a dilemma I've been lately. I'll call it the Chapstick Conundrum. I've recently run out of chapstick. The stuff I had didn't taste incredibly great, but hey - it worked. I was at the store one day looking for new chapstick and, as usual, I was trying to discover the most economically-feasible way of keeping my lips in good, unchapped condition. Chapstick is expensive! I settled on a generic brand two-pack - two sticks for like $1.49. Good deal. I headed home and tried it out. It. Was. DISGUSTING!! Seriously, I'm pretty sure it was the worst chapstick I've ever tried in my life. Absolutely gross. I went back to the store later that week to pick up a better-tasting brand, settling for the Chapstick brand's green apple variety. It tastes much, much, much better (though still not nearly as good as my perennial favorite, Jolly Rancher Watermelon). But my problem now is that it doesn't really work! The difficult thing to balance is taste vs effectiveness. The sick kinds generally seem to be better for unchapping the lips, but, on the other hand, the kinds that taste good don't make a difference! Here's a novel idea: why doesn't somebody make a type of chapstick that not only works, but tastes pleasant as well?




Here is your Week in Review. One of my favorite TV shows, "Chuck," came to an end on Friday. I didn't get into "Chuck" at first, but my family eventually talked me into it and I blew through the first three seasons in about as many weeks during the off-weeks of my last summer (2010) at EFY. Quickly, the series revolves around Chuck Bartowski, a nerdy computer repairman who is inadvertently sucked into a life of espionage. The five seasons of the show chronicle Chuck's life as a spy-in-training as he takes down some of the most notorious crime lords in the world. Infused with tons of pop culture humor and references to the '80s, I found the action-comedy highly entertaining. It did have its slow stretches from time to time, Sarah Walker got increasingly annoying as the seasons went on, and there were unfortunately two or three pretty dirty episodes that ruined the show for a couple of my family members, but, overall, I liked it. The Buy More employees were hilarious, the pop culture references were top-notch, and Zachary Levi is a star on the rise. Though at least one Loyal Subscriber was terribly unhappy with the way the series ended, I thought it ended well, in a very Inception-like kind of way. Did she? Didn't she? I felt satisfied with the conclusion. As a whole, I'm giving NBC's "Chuck" a 9.0 out of 10 - a very fun show that was occasionally dampened by inappropriate pre-marital subject matter. Feel free to email me MormonAds in reference to this segment. "It was all good... except for that one part..." I know, I know. I'm a terrible human being.

Goodbye, Chuck.

I would like to take this time to tell everyone in the world how much I love, respect, and admire Mr. Richard Brunson. That is all.


It's Super Bowl Sunday coming up this weekend. As I've probably already stated on multiple occasions, the two teams that I didn't want to make it made it, so that's a little unfortunate. Quite honestly, there is not much that you could do to make me very interested in this year's Super Bowl at all, other than the fact that it's the Super Bowl (and therefore I will watch). One interesting fun fact is that this will be a rematch of one of the Super Bowls I missed while on my mission. Here's my prediction: Patriots by 7 and the commercials will be as underwhelming as ever.

Yeah... never saw this.

Jimmer Fredette made his return to Salt Lake City on Saturday as the Sacramento Kings came to town to square off against the Utah Jazz. I've got nothing against Jimmer. He's a nice guy, was a great college athlete, and I wish him the best in his professional career. I have no problem with people cheering for him when he comes to town. I do have a problem with people Booing him every time he touches the ball. What has he done to deserve getting Booed? Nothing, really, other than dropping a bunch of points on the Utes. Booing him every single time he touched the ball? Really? Really?? Come on, Utes fans, get over it. The obnoxious Jimmer worship was only slightly annoying during the first quarter, but as the game went on, the cheers grew louder and louder. At the end of the game, the Kings had come within points of taking the lead in the waning minutes of the game. What did the crowd start chanting? "Let's-Go-Jazz! Let's-Go-Jazz!"? No. Heavens, no. "We-Want-Jimmer!" came the cheers. "We-Want-Jimmer!" With every shot that Jimmer made, the pro-Jimmer chants grew more raucous and with each Jazz score, the cheers remained the same - secondary to the Cougar catcalls. That was the really disappointing thing about it all: it was like the crowd wanted Jimmer to beat the Jazz. That's P.M.U.!! I wanted Jimmer to perform well, but not at the expense of a Jazz win. Luckily, the Jazz ended up winning a close one in the final seconds of regulation. The result of all of this is simple: our latest Boo Box entrant - Jimermaniacs. It's all good and well to cheer the hometown hero, but you cross the line when you consistently cheer him louder than you do your own home team. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Foul or no foul?

**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Dear Aaron,
Think it'll be an early spring?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties

A. I'm predicting March 21st. (SALUTE!)

My search for a new car continued this past week, searching high and low amongst the pages of KSL.com to find the next A-Town Mobile. My dear father accompanied me on my journey, helping me browse for vehicles and advising me from a financial standpoint. Last weekend, my dad was looking for cars... and the moment I saw it, I knew I was on the hunt. The hunt for "Red October." There it was. A Ute-crimson 2006 Ford Focus, complete with tinted windows and spoiler. It was beautiful and I knew it would be mine. Thus, like the fabled Ahab, I began to stalk my prey. I was hoping to have picked up a new car by the end of last week, but, alas, it was not meant to be. The hunt had to be postponed. On the seventh day, I rested. I was back at it yesterday. I contacted my people and surveyed my options for the coming week. I had one possibility in Lehi, the potential of buying a brand new car, and there was still that ever-elusive "Red October." By the end of the work day yesterday, I had made an appointment to see Joe in Ogden to see the noble steed. Let's just say... I came, I saw, I conquered... and at long last, Red October shall be mine! I shall return, triumphant, with my new car tomorrow evening. Pictures are forthcoming.

Don't drive angry. Don't drive angry!

Funny moment at work: This lady calls in saying that somebody stole her husband's credit card and attempted to place a $300 order with our company. "It wasn't him," she said. "It couldn't have been him - he's in prison!" Oh... My, my. Thanks for sharing. Seriously, though. What do you say to that? "I'm... sorry?"




Well, it's Groundhog Day. Again... Yes, it's that blessed time of year when my family gathers 'round to watch one of our favorite films. Phil Connors is stuck in time, forced to relive the same day - Groundhog Day - over and over... and over. It's Bill Murray at his best and if you've never seen it before, I'd highly recommend that you pick it up this week. In honor of woodchuck chuckers everywhere, I'll now discuss the Top Five moments in my life that I'd be willing to relive over and over... and over... and over... in no particular order. Ahem.

- The night I was elected Band President of Alta High School: A proud moment in the life of Banditos everywhere... The election process was a major turning point in my life, as far as personality goes, and the runnin' wild that commenced back in 2004 has yet to cease.

- Setting a baptismal date with Enrique Pino: One of the best and most memorable lessons I ever taught on my mission. Wasn't a dry eye in the house. As soon as he realized that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and didn't write it, it was smooth sailing from there. What an awesome family. Truly, a "golden" investigator.

- My Disneyland trip with my mom and Amy last April: This was probably one of my favorite Disney trips of my entire life. I had grown accustomed to going around the Magic Kingdom as a young kid with even younger siblings, thus restricting my family from move about the park at full speed or from having the ability to truly do whatever we wanted. Not so was my most recent vacation as Amy and I celebrated our recent graduations. We worked that park all week long. It was glorious.

- Christmas Day: Any Christmas day. Always a highlight of every year, but if I had to pick one, there was one HUGE Christmas back in Draper that was awesome and the last two Christmases at the Christensen household have been particularly memorable. Everybody's happy, everybody's nice, and hey - who wouldn't want to get "stuck" re-living Christmas on repeat? Things could definitely be worse.

- The ZAGG Christmas party: Who cares about all that hotel robe drama? That was a freakin' awesome party.

Bing again!

The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to Emily Swenson, who is helping me hammer out a perfectly-symmetrical game of Words with Friends. It's probably the most awesome thing I've done in the last 36 months.

Things are looking up. Now that I'm past the frustration of unexpectedly losing a car, the worst thing I have to whine about is bad chapstick. In the long run, that's not that bad at all. I've got a company "meeting" at Jordan Commons this afternoon and I was just named last week's salesperson of the week! I'm getting my new car tomorrow and I'm looking forward to a new week of my classes. That's been a pretty good experience so far and hopefully I'll hear back from somebody down at EFY soon so I can figure out my summer. But perhaps the best thing of all is that it's once again Tuesday - the greatest of all weekdays. Hope you Loyal Subscribers (and even the non-Loyal Subscribers that only look for typos and hints as to whether I've been flirting with any girls lately) are Feeling Good About Yourselves. Onward and upward, as they say.


Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron