Signs of the Times, Issue No. 189 - 01/03/12

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot...

Greetings to one and all for this, the very first "Signs of the Times" Newsletter in 2012. Topics to be discussed today: My new year's festivities, the proper time to call it quits, my lame attempt at a social life, #ThingsToPonderIn2012, the end of another fantasy football season, and the fight to save the Drum and Feathers. On we go!


**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Dear Aaron,
What's the deal with you never doing the **QUESTION TIME!!** segment anymore?"

Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties

A. (Salute!) I dunno. Nobody writes me Questions anymore.


Q. "Dear Aaron,
How was your New Year's Eve? Do anything fun? Kiss anybody?"

Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties

A. I can't believe you just went there. (Salute!) Uh... kissing? Hmm... no. Not unless you count my pillow because I was exhausted on New Year's Eve and took two naps. My family and I went to see "Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows," which we really enjoyed, and then we went to dinner, so that was cool. But after that, it was probably the most boring New Year's Eve of my life. I stayed at home (which isn't inherently boring) and did pretty much nothing (which IS inherently boring). I've got nobody to blame but myself, but, thankfully, my family engaged in a thrilling game of "Apples to Apples" at around 11:30 before we rang in the new year. Probably the best thing of the night was that I performed said countdown whilst wearing a Snuggie. That was awesome.


Remember, as always, that if you've got a Question burning deep down inside of you that you're dying to ask, you can submit your inquiry to "Signs of the Times" through any of the more traditional methods of communication. It's not hard and it's totally worth it.


I felt pretty bad two or three years ago when I flipped on the television on New Year's Eve and said to myself, "Wow, what on Earth is wrong with Dick Clark? Why is he mumbling like that? Time to retire, my man!" I suppose you could call me ignorant. I was unaware that Mr. Clark, the long-time host of a New Year's Eve special in Times Square, had suffered a stroke and nearly lost his life. Whoops! My bad. Now it's several years later and he looks better, but still sounds the same. I've got to say it. I'm sorry, Dick, but it's time to hang it up. Time to call it quits. We've all witnessed too many "It's... beautiful... out here. What... a sight... I love you, Ryan. It's... so beautiful. Thank you... Ryan..."s and I, for one, just can't take it anymore. If there's one thing I can't stand more than Ryan Seacrest, himself, it would be watching other people awkwardly and slowly tell Ryan Seacrest how great he is. And on top of all that, we have to watch Jenny McCarthy make weird faces and make out with policemen? Ugh!! In my best Darth Vader voice, "NOOO!!!"

What a cute couple.

I've unsuccessfully attempted to see "Mission: Impossible 4" at least three times now. Probably four. It has gotten to the point where I say, "You know what, if nobody wants to go with me, I'm going alone." I did, in fact, go to the theater alone on Friday night. When I got there, I scanned the parking lot to see how full it was. Seemed about normal. Half-full (or half-empty... either way). Once I got in, I was greeted by a mob of movie-goers crowding around the ticket kiosks. What was it? Christmas Break?? Oh... yeah. So I took a quick look at the available seating, immediately noting that the only available seats left were in the first three rows. It was then that I came to the realization that the only thing more depressing than going to a movie by yourself is going to a movie by yourself and having to sit on the front row. I hung my head in shame and retreated to my car. I have yet to see the movie, but I'm going to see it this week, dang it! I'm going! Nothing will stop me.


It's been a couple weeks since I properly utilized the Hashtag Mania segment of the Newsletter. In commemoration of the start of another new year - and in the spirit of my never-ending quest for a higher state of intellectualism - today, I asked my Twitter followers to use the Hashtag #ThingsToPonderIn2012. Well, then.

@drechappy - #SotT  #ThingsToPonderIn2012 Do you think the Mayans are pointing and laughing at us?

@atownmania - Why does everybody love the Kardashians so much?  #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@gabbygayle19 - #ThingsToPonderIn2012 Why do people love Justin Bieber?

@atownmania - What happened to Hillary Duff?  #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@drechappy - #SotT #ThingsToPonderIn2012 Is it worth the burn to suffer through another Jillian Michaels workout dvd?

@atownmania - @drechappy - Is Jillian Michaels really a man? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - What has happened to GOOD childhood TV shows? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - Do the people in that Facebook group really think I'm running for President? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - Why stupid people procreate #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - What is the host of "The Weakest Link" up to these days? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - Why all the bad kids get put in one classroom #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - WhAt Is ThE pOiNt Of WrItInG lIkE tHis? It TaKeS fOrEvEr!! #ThInGsToPoNdErIn2012

@SaysJanae - What we would do with our time if we didn't have cell phones. #ThingstoPonderIn2012

@atownmania - "Where have all the cowboys gone?" #ThingsToPonderIn2012 #Horrible90sSongs

@AmiBlamires - Sometimes violence is the answer...like when the question is "What is NOT the answer?" #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - Bucket list items not yet fulfilled #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@AmiBlamires - Whether or not blondes have more fun...I'm getting to the bottom of it this year. #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - How much longer the Twilight craze will last #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@Moffatron - When they will air reruns of City Council and The Manly Show #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@SaysJanae - Remember Circuit City? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - What will local and global repercussions be if @crackalacka22 and I don't get on @AmazingRace_CBS? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@AmiBlamires - Can I get a refund on any Christmas shopping I get done before the rapture? ? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - What was the coolest thing before sliced bread? #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - George Clooney's face. #ThingsToPonderIn2012 I acknowledge him as a very good-looking man.

@AmiBlamires - @atownmania I will see your George Clooney and raise you a Ryan Reynolds' face. #ThingsToPonderIn2012

@atownmania - @AmiBlamires Craig T. Nelson trumps all.

@AmiBlamires - @atownmania I seriously question your judgment.

Think big.

It's the moment you've all been waiting for - this Christmas' Trans-Christensen Orchestra performance is done and ready to be uploaded! Keep an eye out on Facebook and my YouTube channel to see the... softer side... of the Trans-Christensen Orchestra.

Fantasy football is done for the year. It was a fun year for both the fantasy league and my family's annual "pick 'em" league. The final Game Ball of the year goes to Michael Turner of Gridlock, the highest-scoring team for the final week of the season. Turner had 17 carries for 172 yards and two TDs for 53.45 fantasy points. Not too shabby. And let's all keep in mind that I traded Michael Turner to my mom at the beginning of the season, so she can't feel entirely horrible for trading me Drew Brees. Congratulations to my dear mother, as well, for winning the "pick 'em" league by two. Her 172 correctly-predicted games on the season were enough to outlast my last-minute surge. I went for the jugular in week 17 in an attempt to at least tie for the league lead, but came up one game short, changing my prediction in the final game of the season to an upset - one that didn't end up panning out, sadly. Good job. And finally, congratulations to Mr. Jake Rands, who hung on to first place in the fantasy league. The ever-dominant, ever-hated Team TARDIS came through victorious in a photo finish, edging out my A-Town Assassins by 57.52. Dang it. Dang it to heck! I'll be out for blood next season, mark my words. Thanks to everybody who played in this, yet another fun season of fantasy football.

The end.

The Shoutout of the Week goes to Alex Wiles, a student at the University of Utah who took upon himself a crusade against all that is politically correct. The PAC-12 conference had intended to force the Utes to ditch the traditional "Drum and Feather" logo it has been using since the beginning of time in something that we can only assume was a move to make the school's emblem more "politically correct." The Utes (a "Ute" is an Indian, for those of you who sluffed Utah History in middle school) already had to change their mascot from a Native American warrior to Swoop, the hawk, which is... well... who really cares? But Alex Wiles created an online petition to save the beloved Drum and Feather logo which was undoubtedly a motivating factor in an announcement made earlier today - that the school will keep their time-honored symbol for the foreseeable future. What fantastic news! I understand the need to be politically correct in some cases, but seriously... Sometimes these things just get to be ridiculous. Good work, sir. Good work. Thanks for starting a movement of fans showing that we love our team and want to keep tradition alive in collegiate sports...and, by the way, how 'bout them Utes?? Thrilling OT victory over Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl. Woo.

Bang that drum all day.

That's about it for this week, kiddos! Hope the new year is treating you well. Check for the new video later tonight. I'm outta here. Go Jazz.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron