Signs of the Times, Issue No. 194 - 02/07/12

What the heck was up with that?

Greetings to one and all on a lovely Tuesday evening. I'm broadcasting live from the Salt Lake Institute of Religion just before one of my weekly classes. I'm Aaron and tonight I bring you the latest Issue of "Signs of the Times," the world-famous Newsletter. Topics to be discussed: Super Bowl XLVI, America's chance to meet M.I.A., the best and worst of the Super Bowl commercials, the ups and downs of Utah Jazzdom, breaking news about Prop 8, a shocking end to the Susan Powell investigation, the newest addition, the latest addiction, and my potential run-in with the Migra. On we go!

How about that Super Bowl, huh? As I've previously stated, this was a rematch of one of the Super Bowls that I missed on my mission. As I've also previously stated, there wasn't much anybody could do to get me pumped up for this game. It was two of the three teams that I didn't want to make it to the big game (the other being the Packers), so I didn't much care one way or the other who ended up winning. I preferred that the Patriots lose because I don't like Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, but it wouldn't break my heart or shatter my dreams if they pulled out the illustrious "W." I just wanted it to be a good game. In the first quarter, the Pats came out flat and the Giants were rolling, going up 9-0 early. It was a good start to the game. The second quarter, third quarter, and majority of the fourth quarter, however, were, in my opinion, somewhat lackluster. I can't dispute that the quarterbacks were efficient. Brady and Eli Manning both had decent games (Manning completed 75% of his passes and had a QB rating of 103.8 and Brady would have thrown for over 300 yards if it weren't for some costly drops in the waning minutes of the game). Luckily for New York, the ball kept bouncing their way, as they fumbled the ball twice but ended the game with no turnovers. In the end, the Giants played essentially mistake-free football and that's all it takes sometimes. Despite the boring middle of the game, the bookends - the beginning and the end - were pretty good. I was almost hoping that the Patriots would catch the last-second Hail Mary in the endzone because that would have gone done in history as one of the best finishes ever. Giving Tom Brady the ball with a minute to win it, as they say, is generally not a good thing to do, so it would have been cool if he pulled it off. In the end, it was an ok game that left me feeling about the same as I did when the game started - which is pretty much how I expected it to be, so I won't complain. It was the Super Bowl and I'll watch the Super Bowl no matter who's playing. Oh, and no, Eli Manning is not an automatic Hall of Famer.

Still not as good as he says he is.

I didn't watch the halftime show. Usually don't. But especially not when Madonna is performing. I'm not a Madonna fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it would have been fun to heckle her if I were there in person. ("Get of the stage, grandma!!") So I guess the rapper M.I.A. came out at one point and gave America the bird, huh? Um... That's P.M.U.!! Seriously, though. What the heck did she do that for? That just makes no sense to me. "Hey, look everybody! I'm performing at the Super Bowl! #*(@&^!" Alllllll right... Gratitude, people. Whatever happened to gratitude?


What did everybody think about this year's Super Bowl commercials? I, for one, am always amazed by the new and innovative ways that Super Bowl advertisers come up with to disappoint viewers year after year. There were a handful of clever commercials (and when I say "a handful," I mean maybe three or four, possibly five), but other than that, I was impressed by the sheer stupidity of some of those commercials. I mean, not funny at all! And here's some food for thought: celebrity cameos don't make the commercial good. That commercial with the little pug with the running shoes? Pretty good! But what was up with Mark Cuban holding the dog at the very end of the spot? What was the point? "Ooh! Mark Cuban! I want to go buy some shoes!" Not happening! Another thing that bothered me was all the Budweiser Platinum commercials. Any time you try to make beer look classy, you're setting yourself up for failure. Beer is not classy. How about that "Prohibition is over" ad? I can't imagine how boring it must have been to be sober back in the 1800s. What a drag. (Sarcasm.) I liked a tweet that I saw asking about if they were going to do a follow-up to that Prohibition spot highlighting all the domestic violence and DUIs resulting from the end of the beer ban. Nice. Looking back on it, there were a couple commercials that I liked. Doritos had some good ones. The Ferris Buhler commercial was pretty good. Seinfeld's ad was good. I think the one I might have liked the most, though, was the one about the two kids in the swimming pool. Now THAT was funny.


I was a very happy young man on Saturday night. The Utah Jazz were playing the ever-hated Los Angeles Lakers in Salt Lake City, which almost always means one thing: prepare to get blown out. The Jazz very rarely beat the Lakers - and when they do, it's usually not in front of the home fans. The Jazz have had a roller coaster of a season so far, featuring incredible victories and soul-crushing losses, including a blowout loss in L.A. and a last-second overtime loss in Utah the last time these two teams met. I was ready to take a beating, but the Jazz were somehow able to hang in there throughout the first three quarters before things got a little crazy in the fourth. Lakers coach Mike Brown was ejected after a double-technical foul mid-way through the final period and the Jazz blew things open from there. It was a fun game to watch and, truly, there are very few things in life that I enjoy more than seeing the Lakers lose to my beloved Jazz. It doesn't happen often, so when it does, you've got to enjoy it. It was a wonderful, wonderful game - one I'd be willing to watch over again and again. We were flying high in Swat Lake City coming off that win. Then the Jazz made the trip to Madison Square Garden in New York to play the lowly Knicks. Amar'e Stoudemire, one of the Knicks' star players, would be missing the game due to the unfortunate loss of his brother. Bad news for him. Good news for the Jazz. Part-way through the first quarter, Carmelo Anthony (one of the most-hated NBA players in Jazz fans' eyes) strained his groin and would not return for the rest of the game. Even more good news. The Jazz should coast to victory. Right? We were playing roughly the equivalent of a summer league team or a squad in the Developmental League. We should slaughter these fools. And then some rookie, skinny, Chinese nerd named Jeremy Lin comes out and, in typical Jazz fashion, we let him go nuts and he scores a career high. The Jazz ended up getting whooped. It shouldn't surprise me at all, actually. The Jazz are notorious for playing up or down to their competition. If we're playing a good team, we generally give them a run for their money. Generally. If we're playing a bad team that we should annihilate, we play down to their level, struggling to hit shots and allowing unheard of Harvard grads to go ballistic. And to think that after the Lakers game I had almost forgiven them for their overtime loss to the sub-par Raptors, their loss to the short-handed Mavericks, and a blowout loss to Golden State... Hmmph! Come on, guys. Get it together! At least show some consistency, anyway! I'm not sure how much more of this up-and-down business I can take.

Jerry would not be pleased.

[Editor's note: This segment was added as a last-minute addition to the Newsletter just before posting.] I just found out on Twitter that Proposition 8, which banned gay marriages in California has been overturned and ruled unconstitutional. How many times did they have to re-vote to overturn that one? Three times? At least twice (making three votes in total)! You've got to be kidding me. Why don't we just do that with everything? Any time anybody is ever unhappy about anything, let's just keep voting over and over until we have enough votes to overturn what the majority of voters decided on initially? Ridiculous. (And let's get this straight [no pun intended], I have nothing against gays and lesbians - they can do whatever they want and I don't really care, but it's when things are forced upon me when it bothers me.) I believe that marriage is a sacred institution to celebrate the love between a man and a woman and that's it. I don't want to discuss it. Most of you know what I believe anyway, but this is just a sad moment in America where we're not only going against what God has intended for his children, but this whole thing is just pretty hypocritical from a democratic standpoint. Anyway, I'm done talking about politics before somebody tries to attack me. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about all of this is the tweet I saw from singer Jason Mraz: "@jason_mraz: Looks like I can put marriage back on my radar - prop 8 is declared unconstitutional" Uh... what?? He's what?! Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!


Now on to a topic that is probably not even fit for The Boo Box, due to its totally disgusting nature. I've seen a bunch of people on Facebook discussing this topic and they've had some pretty mean stuff to say, so I don't really even want to Boo this at all. I simply just want to acknowledge it. Susan Powell, a former Utah resident, went missing two years ago while her husband, Josh, and her two young sons were on a camping trip. Allegedly. Josh and his father, Steven Powell, have been the main suspects in Susan's mysterious disappearance all along. The general consensus is that Josh most likely murdered his wife and covered it up, but he had yet to be convicted. Over the weekend, Josh Powell blew up his house while he and the two young boys were inside, killing all three of them and dealing a huge blow to the hopes of ever solving the case. What a sick human being. This is just horrendous. I can't even fathom what would drive anybody to do something like this. What some have said on the news is something that I believe to be true: Sunday's incident up in Washington further proves his guilt. The case was heating up (Powell was apparently scheduled to take a polygraph test this week) and the two children were getting old enough now that they were, according to some sources, beginning to remember some details of their fateful camping trip, so Josh Powell decides to send his house, his remaining family members, and (likely) any remaining evidence for the case up in flames. Sickening. I read an article from the associated press this morning about the autopsy on the two boys. There are some children that read this blog from time to time, so I won't go into detail, but let's just say they found a hatchet next to the two five-gallon gas tanks. What a freak of nature. That is all.


On a lighter note, guess what? It's time for the Shoutout of the Week! The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to my brother Austin and Lex Jorgensen, who got engaged last Tuesday night (perhaps you've seen Webisode 7.0, which documented the occasion in the most accurate and unbiased way possible). These are exciting times for the two youngsters and I'm happy for them. I believe I speak on behalf of all the other siblings and both of my parents when I say that it's about freakin' time. I texted Amy last week and told her that she's next. She didn't find that very amusing.


I've recently discovered a new game for my phone and, I hate to admit it, but I think I'm addicted. The game is an 8-bit simulator called "Tiny Tower" and it takes me way back to the early days of "Sim City" and "Sim Tower." Basically, you create a skyscraper from the ground up, filling each floor with a variety of different themes, ranging from residential, food, service, creative, recreation, and so forth. As you earn money from sales and occasional rent payments from your affectionately-titled "Bitizens," you are able to build higher and higher into the sky. You are also given the task of carrying Bitizens up to certain floors with, initially, a rickety old elevator, which can eventually be upgraded for a hefty fee. I'm currently using the second level of an elevator and it's much faster, but as my tower grows, I may grow bored with it eventually. I'm currently standing at 15 levels and 30 Bitizens and things are going pretty well. The game runs 'round the clock, so I have to check in on it somewhat frequently to make sure that my stores keep in stock of their inventories. To some extent, the game is just "busy work," but I freakin' love it. I can't stop. Higher! HIGHER! Build! BUILD!

I... can't... stop...

Speaking of games, have you all seen the picture of my symmetrical game of "Words with Friends"? It's lovely. I posted it on Facebook. The usual haters have hated on it and I've deleted their comments telling me that I'm lame, but hey - Jordan Holmes liked it, so who cares what anybody else says? Yes, as several have pointed out, Emily Swenson and I had total disregard for points in that particular round and I got slaughtered in the end, as per usual, but who cares? As I commented on Facebook, I've moved on to bigger and better things than scoring big points. I've played against enough so-called "Friends" to know that everybody cheats. Everybody. Even the ones who say they don't. Everybody. Except me. So now I don't really mind losing by 250 every single time. Who cares about points? It's all about the symmetry. "Words with Friends" - it's an art form.


And finally, I wanted to let you all in on my little adventure that I had last Saturday morning. Last week, I picked up Red October, my blazing red stallion which I now use to commute. It was a beautiful get-to-know-you process as I drove up to Ogden to satisfy the long-distance relationship that we had for a few days, but, in the end, I got it done. Picked up the 2006 Ford Focus with super-ghetto spoiler and tinted windows last Wednesday night and now it's all mine. The hunt for Red October is complete. On Saturday, I went out to get a few things taken care of - namely, the state's safety and emissions testing. I passed the emissions testing with flying colors. The safety test, on the other hand, was a different story. "REJECTED," read the paperwork. I don't know what any of this crap means, but apparently for the state of Utah, the front driver's-side and passenger's-side windows are supposed to be at least a 43% tint (or opacity, maybe?). The window tint that came with Red October read 22%. If normal, UV-preventing car windows are 99%, 22% is pretty dark. And illegal. I'd have to get the tint fixed before I could pass the safety test - and I have to pass the safety and emissions tests before I can get license plates for my car (which I'll immediately swap for my fabled "A TOWN" plates). Kind of a long, drawn-out process, but I wanted to get it done as soon as possible just to get it taken care of... and also because the temporary registration that they tape in the window isn't visible through the darkly (and legally)-tinted back window. It pretty much looks like I stole a Hispanic's souped-up ride. ditched the plates, and have very likely been doing drug deals in the back seat of the car. The only place I could find that would fix the tint that day was down in Orem - Utah County - which meant I had to do something I'd never done before as a resident of Salt Lake County. I needed to cross the border illegally. I tweeted that I hoped the drive down there didn't turn into some sort of high-speed chase with the county border patrol or something or they'd literally be on a hunt for Red October. To make a long story short, I got it taken care of and I've been reminiscent of the time I got my Visa before my family went on a Mexican cruise - the freedom to cross borders to my heart's content. I'm still a little worried that I'll be pulled over for not having license plates, but I assume it'd be a pretty quick fix - point to the paper registration in the back window and hopefully it'll all be over quick. Obviously that's not the ideal situation. I'd rather just be able to get some plates on there, give it a car wash, and ride around blasting "Born to be Wild" from the fancy sound system.

The Manhunt for Red October

That's about it for this week, kiddos. Enjoy a wonderful Tuesday evening - on the house! I'm off to another week of classes. Haven't heard back from EFY yet. Hopefully I'll have an update soon. If not... oh well. More time to make Webisodes.


Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron