Signs of the Times, Issue No. 190 - 01/10/12

"Signs of the Times"! Brought to you this week by the letter "Q" and the number "13."

Greetings to one and all. My name is Aaron and this is my world-famous Newsletter and you - yes, you - are privileged enough to be reading it at this very moment in time. Go ahead. Pat yourself on the back. ... I'm serious. Do it. It's Tuesday and you are a fantastic person. Now take your lil' hand, reach it up over your lil' shoulder, and pat yourself on the back. Good job, people. Great job. In today's "Signs of the Times," we've got plenty to whine about, as usual. Topics to be discussed: Round two of the most-hyped game in all of collegiate sports, the craziest name EVER, A-Town beauty tips, the most annoying corporate spokespeople, three good movies, the truth behind teeth whitening, and some exclusive, breaking news in the world of A-Town. On we go!


Any of you catch that awesome BCS national championship game last night? Neither did I. I know one person did, and that one person is my brother Austin. That's not saying much, though. He'd watch a 50-year-old black-and-white re-run of a cruise line shuffleboard championship if it was on TV. I admit, I tuned in for like five minutes of it just for, um, the heck of it, I guess and, remarkably, the game was just as pathetic, if not more so, than I had initially predicted. The first time that Alabama and LSU met this season, they etched into the annals of time one of the all-time classics (after all, it was being hyped as the "game of the century," was it not?) - a 9-6 overtime thriller! Last night was yet another instant classic as Alabama demolished the LSU Tigers, 21-0. And no, that wasn't three touchdowns. It was five field goals (and one that was blocked) with six points for a touchdown (and a missed extra point). Wow. That is awesome. What an exciting game. I'm horribly ashamed that I couldn't catch more of it. #sarcasm Actually, come to think of it, I was watching "True Grit" for the third time instead. Perhaps the most intriguing part of that entire story is that I was watching that movie for the third time. It's not the worst movie of all time, but certainly not the best one, either, so the fact that I was willing to watch it again, as opposed to something so overhyped that it must be some sort of distant cousin to that "storm of the century" we were supposed to have a few months ago, is really quite something. Wow. Snoozefest Part II. I called it and nobody listened. I could have saved you all from those three hours of sheer boredom, but did you listen? No! But hey, I guess if you're into inaccurate place kickers and crappy punting, that might have been the sort of thing you'd be into.


A 30-year-old man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested in Wisconsin last week for "violating his bail conditions from a previous run-in with the law," reports Yahoo! News. And you people thought I was crazy for wanting to name my first three children "Spot," "Theo," and "Fitzgerald"!

I wasn't kidding.

I was assisting a customer at work yesterday, as I occasionally do, and, as part of the registration process, I am required to ask for a bit of basic information. The customer gave me her first name. "Madonna." And then I got to drop this classic line: "And your last name? ...or is this the Madonna?" Sadly, it wasn't. But I have to say that that moment has got to rank up there among my top moments in customer service. Right up there next to the time that I asked Utah Jazz owner Greg Miller for ID with his credit card or when I informed Rebecca Black (not the Rebecca Black) that her order shipped out on (you guessed it) Friday.

All of this? Not necessary.

I have a friend on Facebook that I don't really know that well. I met her at the U of U and we talked very rarely, but she's super attractive. And super Greek. So A) I don't think I could handle that and B) I don't think she'd ever even think once about carrying on more than a Two-Minute Instant Message with me. It's because I'm American. (Seriously.) After thorough examination, I've noticed that some in her overly-attractive pictures that her friends are (*gulp* dare I say it?) less-than-attractive. Or maybe they're all average-looking and their looks are just visually downgraded due to this girl's beauty? But either way, I've come to an important conclusion: I need uglier friends. And I need to take pictures with all of them. Then I can be beautiful, too.


As I was just logging into my email account a moment ago, I was greeted by a full-page ad for Progressive. There was that bubbly redhead, Flo - her psychotic stare gazing into my soul as she aimed some sort of toy gun (oh, it's a price scanner!) toward the right side of the screen. I think Flo is easily the most obnoxious and annoying spokesperson for a big-time company. Honorable mentions include the increasingly-painful Afflac commercials, the diminutive Geico lizard (what is he? British? Australian?), and that moronic singing man from Arby's. (Who ever heard of mood-depressing food, anyway? Of COURSE it's mood-enhancing!) I've got a new slogan for Arby's. Maybe they'll use it. Who knows? How about this?: "Arby's - It's good mood food! [Fine print: Mood-enhancing entrees at mood-depressing prices]" No? No?

It's time for me to re-introduce a segment that I haven't done a whole lot lately. This is what we call The Week in Review. In a span of eight days, I saw three really good movies. Based on the quality of some of the movies that have been released in the fast six months or so, I consider this quite the accomplishment. On New Year's Eve, I saw "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" with my family. Just as good, if not better than the original. I think that, after one viewing, I'm still a little partial to the original, but that's not a knock on the sequel. It's clever and fast-paced and you really have to keep your eyes and ears open to keep up with Robert Downey, Jr.'s portrayal of the brilliant detective. You end up getting just what you'd be expecting from this movie. I enjoyed it. Secondly, I saw "The Adventures of Tintin," a film adaptation of a popular Belgian comic book hero. Tintin is a young sleuth who goes around solving mysteries with his dog, Snowy. I was first introduced to Tintin in one particular episode of "The Amazing Race" in its most recent season, as the teams were required to travel across Belgium, find a man dressed like Tintin, and tell him the names of the comic's two bumbling detectives. "Tintin" was a clever little show. It's along the same lines as Indiana Jones, but with a more crime-based flavor, and is funny throughout. Despite one character who is hillariously dependent on whiskey, the show is perfectly PG and is a great family film that people of all ages will enjoy. And last, but not least, I FINALLY saw "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" after weeks and weeks of trying and trying. Well, it definitely didn't disappoint! I've been a fan of the series from the beginning, though numbers two and three were not nearly as good as the original. J.J. Abrams and company did a great job at pumping life back into the film franchise, combining tons of action, a touch of humor, and very little profanity. That's a great formula, if you ask me. Tom Cruise may be a bonehead of a human being, but I really enjoy his acting. Similar to "Sherlock Holmes," I'm not sure M:I 4 surpassed the original movie, but it's certainly a huge step back in the right direction. Well worth the wait and that's a movie I'll definitely be getting once it hits store shelves. In conclusion, If you're looking for a good movie to see this weekend, I'd absolutely recommend any of these three movies or "The Muppets," if you haven't seen that one yet. It's been a rough year for Hollywood with a lot of lackluster films, but these ones should rise quickly to the top of anybody's Must See list. I'd give all of these movies a 9 out of 10 and two thumbs up.

I finally saw it!!

I'm a man who has been known to buy things from time to time. There are some things that I don't mind buying. Movies, video games, candy, new clothes... But there are two things that I really, really dislike having to buy: toothpaste and new toothbrushes. Honestly, if I could eliminate one part of my daily getting-ready-for-bed process each night, it would either be taking out my contacts or brushing my teeth. Of course, brushing my teeth makes my mouth feel nifty, but it sure is tedious! When the time comes every couple months for me to replace my toothbrush, I make my way on down to the supermarket for the inevitable stand-still in the oral hygiene aisle to debate which new toothbrush I want to buy. They all look the same to me, other than the occasional angled brushes or rubber scrubby thingy. What really gets me, though, are the prices! Toothbrushes are EXPENSIVE! Generally, I settle for one that's not the fanciest, but not a generic piece of garbage, either. Middle of the road. That's me. I thought I'd try something out recently. Thanks to my job and the commissions I've earned in the last couple months, I decided that I had enough money to go buy some "big boy" toothpaste. I was going for the fanciest, shiniest box of whitening toothpaste out there. I ended up getting a tube of Crest Optic White for like five bucks. That was round two dollars more than I would normally pay for toothpaste, but I figured I'd do a little experiment. "Same whitening ingredient at strips. See results in 14 days!" claimed the packaging. Whoa yeah? My teeth are not horribly discolored. In fact, I think they don't really look that bad at all. But it can't hurt, right? Let's put them to the test, thought I. On December 26, 2011, I began said trial, taking an embarrassingly cheesy picture in the mirror, baring all of my teeth so that, hypothetically, 14 days later, I could look back at that picture and see the difference. Here I am, two weeks later, and I'm not totally convinced. Not really at all, in fact. The one thing that this has done for me is that it has made me want to increase the number of times per day that I brush my teeth. But from a whitening standpoint? I don't know how I feel about this.

Before                                                After

I feel like there are some things that need not be blogged about. My life, to a large extent, is an open book and you people know WAY more about me than I know about most of you, but there are some things that I just don't think you need to know. Included in these taboo topics are positive dating stories, personal shortcomings and/or past transgressions (unless they're G-rated and notably comical), and my deepest thoughts about my present employment. The following segment has little-to-nothing to do with my present employment, but is perhaps a glimpse of what is to come in my future employment. I have tried to get a head start on my blog for this week, attempting to write a bit here and there throughout the past weekend and on Monday, because I will be pretty busy after work on Tuesdays for the next scholastic semester. First of all, let's get one thing straight - I love my present employer, ZAGG. I think it's an awesome company and it really has been a blessing for me these past eight months. Am I quitting my job right now? No. Should anyone ZAGG-related be worried about this paragraph I'm typing? No. But is it my destiny as a college graduate to be stuck in a call center for the rest of my life? Let's not kid ourselves, people. Customer service is not a career path and, other than management and training positions (which are all currently filled), there's not a long-term option for me in this company as a customer service representative and I will inevitably have to start looking elsewhere. I've often been quoted as saying that I'm "living the dream." In this case, the dream is hypothetical. My life is awesome, but this is not where I see myself five years from now. I think that's not an outlandish statement, nor is it ignorant, rude, or unprofessional. There will always be college kids who need full-time jobs and I'm easily replaceable in my current position. With that being said, I've been keeping my options open for the future and I've quite possibly found a break in the clouds. Light at the end of the tunnel. A potential career path that I'm interesting in pursuing. As of tonight, I am enrolling in a class at the LDS Institute of Religion at the University of Utah. The class is called "Preparing to Teach Seminary" and it will, believe it or not, prepare me to eventually become an LDS seminary teacher if I play my cards right. The class runs from tonight until the end of April and will inherently line me up with student-teaching opportunities and prospective part-time teaching gigs. I'm really excited by the prospect. This is not a guarantee for employment, but it will put me on the right track. Right now it's just a course where people can go to learn to improve their teaching skills, but further down the line as the weeks go on, I will be presented with opportunities to go student-teach and, if I'm good at that, I'll be offered a part-time job. If I still haven't preached false doctrine and they like my style, they would possibly hire me on full-time after a certain period of part-time work. As I said, I'm not leaving my current job yet, but the way things are set up right now, I would not be able to go part-time at ZAGG and, in the event that I were to progress down the path of seminary teacherdom, I'd inevitably have to pick between teaching teenagers the Gospel and getting yelled at by angry customers. Need I say more? Seems like a pretty easy choice to me.

Going back to the "Lord's University"

The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to BrieAnn Lewis, who is new to the blog (at least as far as I know). BrieAnn is cool. We go way back. We had some classes together back in high school and she somehow wound up at a ward activity of mine like a year ago, so we've had a little bit of a chance to catch up. I thoroughly enjoy harassing her and giving her a hard time and she thoroughly enjoys spotting me on 13th East whilst driving around town in the A-Town Mobile. Congratulations, BrieAnn. And welcome to my life.




That's about it for this week, children!! Wow! Check that out! It's 2:40 and I'm done with the blog. What a miracle. I may have to start doing this a little more often. I'll post it once I get a chance after work and maybe some of you will actually get a chance to read this before 11:30 at night for a change. Wow. Miraculous.




Until next Time,


Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!


Aaron