"If you don't like it, you can shove it/But you don't like it, you love it..." - Weezer
Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron Christensen and apparently I "take too many quizzes and tests on facebook." And apparently the person who told me that forgot how to capitalize proper nouns. What's the deal with people nowadays? If you want to belittle somebody, don't do it on Facebook (capital F). Stop acting like tough guys and girls when you can hide behind your keyboards. Would you ever be rude to your friends like that in person? Probably not. Hmm... communication, people. Communication. It turns out that Jake and Dave were right all along. And no, I won't stop doing Top Five quizzes on Facebook because I think they're hilarious. Wow. We haven't even started yet. Topics to be discussed today: The ratings are in!, Donny doesn't disappoint, real Questions from real people about reality TV, my fad diet, more controversial comments about homosexuality, road construction, and the re-appearance of a long-time fan. But first, another Messed Up dating story. On we go!
While I'm in the mood to whine about stuff, I might as well keep going. Maybe you don't like it, but if you really don't like it, why do you still keep reading? You gotta pay the bills somehow, people. Anyhoo, who wants to hear another hilarious dating story? I've got one. The Law of Averages says that I'll eventually run out of bad stories and I'll eventually get some good ones, but I'm just gonna roll with it because it makes for good material. Back in early July when I went on my crazy dating spree after getting dumped by that one girl (what was her name again?), I went on a date with one of my co-counselors from EFY. This was the Saturday after I found out that other girl had gotten engaged, so I was pretty excited for the date to get my mind off of things. So I went out with the counselor that Saturday and we had a really good time. It was nice and relaxing to just sit and talk to a girl about normal things and not feel like I was committed, right? She was a nice girl. She was a cute girl. I didn't necessarily see things going anywhere, but I thought, "Maybe." Maybe. We were both working the next week at EFY and I didn't expect things to be awkward, but as soon as she met her new co-counselor, things got strange. I knew both of them, so I'll take credit for introducing them. I was there when it happened. I helped them find each other. Immediately, it was like she didn't even know me. I became the third wheel in a split second. This was on the heels of a good date just the night before - less than 24 hours before! Throughout that whole week, I think I maybe talked to her once or twice. The rest of the time, she was hanging all over her new co-counselor. They went on a date the following Saturday and went ring shopping. Like... seriously, they did. I think they were joking, but, as they say, there's a bit of truth to every joke. Am I right or am I right? That was really the last time I heard from her... until last night. They're engaged now. That's P.M.U.!! But, just to cover my tracks, A) I'm not jealous and B) congratulations to both of you, if you ever end up reading this, which you won't.
Fruitcake.
Perhaps you've noticed that the blog site has undergone a major renovation. That's right - the layout has changed, along with several other minor elements. Check it out and let us know what you think. (http://www.SignsOfTheTimesNewsletter.blogspot.com)
The blog site poll was a cheap attempt to see how many Loyal Subscribers are actually out there. The Newsletter is sent via email to 43 people, with others presumably reading the online blog that are not receiving the email. The poll results show that only 15 of you out there, other than the author, are actually reading and willing enough to take 30 seconds and click your mouse button a few extra times. Seven Subscribers said that they read the email version of "Signs of the Times," with five reading the blog, and four who receive the email and check out the blog for pictures, etc. Um... Although 16 is the highest number of votes ever received for a poll on the blog, we here at "Signs of the Times" are genuinely disappointed.
My ratings are still low.
I know a lot of you think that I just make up all the Questions for the next segment of the Newsletter, but if that was the case, why wouldn't I have had any emails last week? Not adding up there, folks. Believe it or not, I actually had several people write in this week and that makes me Feel extremely Good About Myself. Let's see what they had to say, shall we? Where's that envelope? Ah, here it is...
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "After reading your last Boo Box entry and knowing your love of reality TV, have you ever thought of going to compete in any of the shows yourself?"
- Suzy P.
A. Good Question, Suzy! Actually, a while ago, there was an edition of "The Amazing Race" that was family-based. Like... all the teams were made up of relatives or something. I don't really know because I'm not a huge fan of the "Race," but my family loves it. My brother really wanted to sign up with me and two of our uncles, but we didn't end up doing it because of certain upcoming religious obligations. That would have been fun. My favorite reality show is "Survivor," of course, but I would never sign up for Survivor in a million years. I'd probably be the first one voted out. I'm too skinny. I would love to go on "Wipeout." I wouldn't win, but it would be probably the funnest thing ever. I love "The Mole" on ABC, but I don't think I'd be smart enough (or a good enough liar) to win that game. The one show that I know I could (and would) win is "Big Brother." That has got to be one of the dumbest reality shows on TV - but let's be honest, there are some even more pointless shows out there. I've seen BB a couple times and I know the strategy. I would go in there and dominate. It would be easy. Maybe I'd even start a "showmance" just to keep things interesting for my parents as they watched me. Here is a word to the wise. If I've learned anything from my years of reality TV watching, it's to pay your taxes right away.
Julie Chen didn't show for the photo shoot.
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Speaking of reality TV, how about "The Biggest Loser"? Do you watch it? And are you on a diet?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) No, I don't watch "The Biggest Loser." My family likes it a lot, though. And about the diet, um... Yeah, I guess you could say I'm on a diet. It's a strange diet, though, so see if you can follow me. I've put on a few pounds (at least five) since starting to work at Costa Vida. I knew those burritos were too good to be true. I have Felt a little bad about that, but the good thing about this schedule I've got going on is that I have an instant breakfast drink at 5:00 in the morning and I don't eat again until about 3:30 on most days, so it all balances itself out. Effective as it is, I still wouldn't recommend it.
No eating for you.
Q. "Dearest Aaron,
I know I don't respond very often to your wonderfully insightful and entertaining thoughts, but since you haven't been getting any other responses, I thought I'd help you out. In response to your discussion about homosexuality, I have a Question to pose: Do you think homosexuality is a temptation? I mean - everybody has their own temptations that could potentially lead to sin. For me, it is the temptation to get tattoos and pierce more holes in my ears/other body parts. But I have to work through the temptation and realize that those things are not what God wants me to focus on in life. To me, homosexuality can be considered the same type of thing. Some people are just tempted in that way, and they have to work through it and realize that is their personal trial... Anyways - thanks for making my Tuesday better!"The Lovely and Untattooed,
- Subscriber
A. Interesting Question you pose there, Subscriber. I've thought about it a couple times this week and it's tough. Obviously, I'm not a homosexual and I find it hard to put myself in their shoes. I suppose if it's not natural, as I explained in my rant last week, then it would have to be a temptation at some point. Now I'm no expert, but from what I understand, homosexuality is not looked upon like killing or stealing is in our society today. It seems to be perceived as, dare I say it, more innocent than other sins. From what I have heard, it starts out as a curiosity, so I think that's why it seems like there might not be much temptation involved. You're not tempted to be gay. You're either born that way or you just get curious, I suppose. Clearly, you're not going to get curious and say, "Hmm... I wonder what it would be like to murder someone." That's not a natural thing to do. But homosexuals claim, contrary to the words of Elder Hafen mentioned in the last Issue, that they were naturally born that way, in many cases. I disagree. I believe that it starts as a temptation, however subtle it may be. And then, "by degrees," as the Book of Mormon would say, it becomes something that is supposedly "natural" to them. It's the same reason why alcoholics won't admit that they have a problem. They've just had the problem so long that it's not a temptation anymore. It's just "who they are." That's just how they live. You see, that's the problem. So many things in today's world have become "natural" and "politically correct" that it's a little scary. As I've mentioned, I have spent more than a month in my communication and gender class studying the feminist and gay rights movements and, quite frankly, it's terribly frightening when I agree with the view point that the teacher and the rest of the class are calling the part of the "Devil's Advocate." Since when did doing what's right become advocation for Satan? Interesting, isn't it? I suppose I'll just have to endure the class, though, as frustrating as it is to be in a class with so many people who think differently than I do, because I'm getting graded on it and I'm paying to be there. Going to Utah has certainly opened my eyes to many different things. It's no Snow College, that's for sure! But it hasn't changed my opinion about things, rather, it has strengthened my testimony of what I know to be true. I'm grateful for the opportunity I have in these circumstances because it gives me the opportunity to be "an example of the believers in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (1 Tim. 4:12 - EFY 2009 theme scripture). It's sure hard sometimes, considering my fear of having my head ripped off by an angry liberal. (See 2 Nephi 15:20, Moroni 7:14)
Wow. We're getting into some deep stuff here at "Signs of the Times." That's what I'm here for. tarheelglory19@yahoo.com
On a lighter note, let's talk Fantasy Football. It was a down week for my team, the Pocket Protectors, but other teams didn't ease up. Wicknasty won the week, leading the league with 223.58 total points. Maurice Jones-Drew was a big contributor in week three, rushing for 119 yards and 3 TD, with an additional 28 receiving yards, giving him an outstanding total of 35.70 Fantasy Points. Congratulations, Wicker, you've earned yourself the time-honored distinction of having the Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week.
Zing-zang-zong for 30 yards.
It's Time for The Boo Box. Here's the deal. My dang phone recently broke for the third time with my third different phone in the exact same spot. I knew the hinge was defective! At least Verizon acknowledged the defect this time and sent me a new phone today. Unfortunately, nobody was home when FedEx showed up, so I had to drive all the way to the ghetto that is West Valley City this afternoon to pick up my phone this afternoon. According to MapQuest, it was supposed to take me 23 minutes to get there. Well, thanks to confusing freeway directions and tons of road construction, it took me 45 minutes. I figured I would have been back in an hour, maybe an hour and fifteen minutes. I got back almost two hours later. I blame the semi truck that was driving too slow for me to change lanes in time for my I-15 exit. When I got back, my low fuel light came on. Dang. Plus, I also blame the late Newsletter distribution time on the trip today. Let's hear it for rush hour. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!! Oh yeah, and I hear it's apparently going to SNOW tomorrow?? Uh... BOOOOOO!!
I hate West Valley.
We'll wrap up this Issue with a couple Shoutouts of the Week. This week, there are two Shoutouts.
The first one goes to Kristin Manning, who witnessed one of the harshest status killings I've ever seen in my Facebook career. A "status killer" is somebody who posts something dumb, irrelevant, or rude on a status update or wall post, forcing the user to have to change their status or delete the post. Kristin then encouraged me to delete that person as a so-called "friend" and I heeded that advice. It made me Feel Good About Myself.
The second Shoutout goes to an old friend of the Newsletter that recently emerged from a year-long slumber. Emily Carpenter! We haven't heard from you since 2008! Everyone here at "Signs of the Times" is genuinely happy that you're still alive. We were worried for a while, but all concerns have been subdued. We're thankful for that. Truly grateful.
Wait! She's not dead!!
That's about it for this week! Check out the new and improved blog site and vote for the poll. Leave a comment. Send us an email. We want to know that you, like Emily Carpenter and the other 14 people that voted for last week's poll, are, in fact, still alive.
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
3 comments:
I like the new blog layout. It is better than the email because of the pictures.
Am I one of the Uncles who could compete on the Amazing Race with you? I hope so! Did you see the new season yet? The Poker Chicks are the worst!
Yes, Ryan. You and Mark were Austin's two choices. We would have dominated. I haven't seen this season. I'm not into AR like the rest of my family. I think the Globetrotters are awesome, though.
I had a busy week and didn't get to vote on how I read your newsletter...but, I read it. The whole thing. And I love it.
I think I'd be fantastic on The Mole...but only because when I was young I was an expert in the art of lying. Plus, I think you'd be fantastic on the mole.
And...I have to say that I like the blog either way because I read it anyway.
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