Signs of the Times, Issue No. 72 - 09/22/09

Is it because I'm White?

Greetings to one and all from Sandy, Utah. This is the artist formerly known as El Presidente Bandito speaking. It's another Tuesday and that inevitably means that it's time for me to scavenge the celebrity gossip sites for things to talk about. Items to be discussed today: WalMart shenanigans, an upsetting weekend for sports, Donny does it, the ratings check, reader feedback, the Big Carl, and potentially the most controversial topic in the history of my Newsletters. On we go!

Is there a better way to start off the Newsletter than with some Subscriber mail? I submit that there is not. Bring it on, Mr. Aylett.

"Hey Aaron,
The other day as we were riding trax and playing the 'Man, Woman, or Both' game, I thought of this awesome new website that you and your Subscribers must check out. It's called www.peopleofwalmart.com. Enjoy!"
- Scott Aylett

Thanks, Scott. I'm always looking for stuff like this that I can make fun of, so you just made my job that much easier. Pretty funny pictures. Reminds me of shopping in North Carolina and down in Ephraim. I especially enjoyed the picture of the little kid on the leash. If I haven't seen that a million times before... Good times. And speaking of "Man, Woman, or Both," my did we ever see quite the specimen on TRAX the other day, didn't we, Scotty?

It was not a good week for Utah sports. And when I say "Utah sports," I'm referring to the state of Utah, so shut up, all you BYU fans. The Utes lost, Alta High School lost, Utah State lost (I knew I should have bet Steve Crass!), and, yes, much to the dismay of my mother, the BYU Cougars got walloped, too. Once again (and I get sick of clarifying), I'll have you know that I wanted BYU to win. It's good for the state, it's good for the conference, it's good for a lot of things. But the whooping they took on Saturday night was almost too much to handle. We watched the majority of the second half on fast forward. At least people are finally starting to wake up and get on my band wagon - the "Max Hall is not a very good quarterback" band wagon. I've been saying it all along.

Maybe the only good thing that came from BYU's loss was the fact that I didn't get bombarded with "Utah sucks so go burn with them in heck" messages on my Facebook profile. I swear, the next time I get an obnoxious comment from a BYU fan, I'll delete them. I don't even care who it is. If you don't believe me, try me.

I was working on Saturday afternoon, so I missed the Utes game. I sent my mom (yes, my mom) a text asking how they were playing. A few minutes later, Cody (yes, Cody) texted me back and said they were down 10-7. That's all I really wanted to know at the time. I didn't need a play-by-play update, which is what it essentially turned into. When it was not even half way through the second quarter and Cody texted me saying, "Well, tough break for Utah. They're not undefeated this season," I responded and told Cody to stop sending me updates - or to at least get somebody else to send them. Just another jealous wannabe BYU fan that's upset that they haven't had an undefeated season since 1984. It reminded me of the time a month or two ago that I went to a family party and just so happened to be wearing a Utah shirt. One of my little cousins that is a little younger than Cody was wearing a BYU shirt and immediately came up to me, saying, "I feel sorry for you," as she pointed at my chest. I was tempted to ask her if she could name two players on the team and then come back and talk to me once she'd figured it out. Why all the abuse, people? Why? Anyhoo, my parents had been recording the Utah game for me to watch later. I got home and asked them to delete it for me. I wore all black to church on Sunday to mourn the tragic loss of every team in the state... except for Weber State, but nobody cares about them now, do they?

While we're on the topic of living righteously, there is something that has been bothering me the last couple days. Let's be honest for a second. I know the Newsletter makes me out to be a bad guy or whatever, but deep down inside, old A-Town really has a heart. And that heart loves to go to church, right? Right. We'll just say that the Church has been on my mind a lot lately, especially after seeing something online the other day. My school classes require me to stay pretty up-to-date on current events and they often refer me to the website of the Salt Lake Tribune. The other day, I headed over to the website and found what I thought to be a very interesting article. It turned out to be a very controversial one. Here is the link: http://www.sltrib.com/ci_13377659?source=most_viewed The article is about some comments made by Bruce C. Hafen, one of the Seventy from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Hafen told a conference of Church members trying to overcome their problem with homosexuality that there is no "gay gene" and that homosexuality is not inherited through DNA. I found this quote to be one of the more interesting ones in the article - "If you are faithful," said Hafen, " on resurrection morning - and maybe even before then - you will rise with normal attractions for the opposite sex." The article, like I mentioned, has not won over any readers, by the looks of it. At the bottom of the page, you can vote thumbs up or thumbs down for the content of the article and right now, it's looking like that rating stands at "-309." After a brief look at the comments on the article, people didn't have very nice things to say about the Church, its members, or its teachings, either.

I agree with Elder Hafen. Scott and I had a talk about this subject yesterday as we were coming home. Put it this way: The Church teaches that marriage is a sacred institution and that the family is the most basic unit in the Plan of Salvation. If that's the way God wants it, why would he accidentally mess up and make some of His children unnaturally attracted to the same gender? Did he make a mistake? I don't think so. That would make Him cease to be God. So maybe that is how God works. Maybe He makes some of His children homosexuals from birth. Maybe they can't change. It's a genetic disorder that is natural and impossible to overcome. But wouldn't that make a General Authority a liar? Hmm... that doesn't make sense.

Mormons don't hate homosexuals. I know several people that are gay or lesbian and they're great people. They're generally really nice. I just disagree with what they have chosen to do with their lives. It's like saying that Mormons hate killers and burglars. Not necessarily. I'm sure they weren't born that way. It's just a path that they have chosen to take. Obviously, we don't condone murder and theft. We preach that those things are sins. That's what the Church is saying here. Homosexuality is a sin. It doesn't make someone an evil person and we don't hate them. We just believe that homosexuality is not the way that God intended his children to be. We aren't telling them to go burn, but, as always, the Gospel is preaching a message of hope - All of us make mistakes (some more serious than others, of course), but the Atonement of Jesus Christ provides a way for us all to change and become better.

Being up at the U continues to be a bit of culture shock for me. Talk about a coincidence - I spent the entirety of my Communication and Gender class learning about the gay rights movement. I sometimes Feel that I shouldn't open my mouth during our discussions for fear of being stoned to death by the liberals on campus. I don't want to stereotype or generalize, but I find the students at the U to be closed-minded and bitter when it comes to religion. Like I have said to all those people who hate Utah, if you don't like it, get out. Why stay in Utah if the only thing you're going to do is whine and complain about Mormon culture?  The thing that scares me about some of the opinions I've been hearing not just at school, but also at my internship at X96 is that it seems like all the Democratic liberals around here just want to fight. They're all about equality and gay rights and things like that, but the way that they want to accomplish their goals is to fight. All this talk about racism and hate in the United States is scary to me for many reasons. So what? Barack Obama is elected. Get over it, Republicans. Whenever a President is elected, at least half of the country is going to hate him, no matter what color his skin is. Get over it, Democrats. And the Mormons aren't going anywhere, so get over it, teenage emo rebels that don't want to have Family Home Evening every week. Geez.

Questions, comments, concerns? I'd love to hear it. Email me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Oh crap. Guess what? No Questions this week. Are you kidding me right now?

My sources on the street are telling me that Donny Osmond had a good showing last night on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." Last night was apparently gentlemen's night on the show, featuring all of the male competitors this season. Michael Irvin of the Dallas Cowboys had a disappointing showing, as expected. The two top performers were Osmond and Aaron Carter. As far as my predictions have gone, so far, so good.

Watch Donny dance here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1nw5GKZKGo

Subscribers seem to agree with my prognostication, according to the blog poll. Seven voters said that they have faith in my prediction that Donny will take home the mirror ball this season. In the unprecedented second poll last week, seven Subscribers responded, with six voters saying they'd pick Osmond to win and the other voter putting their trust in Irvin. Only time will tell!

This week, let's sponsor our own little version of the Nielsen ratings system, shall we? Let's find out approximately how many of you out there are actually reading the Newsletter. Simply look to the right of this page and vote for the new poll. It will only take a minute or so to vote and it will give us here at "Signs of the Times" a better idea of how many people are Feeling Good About Themselves.

Well, it looks like my mini tantrum paid off. Look what we have here! More Subscriber mail! It's not necessarily a Question, but it does provide some always-appreciated feedback. Here it is. Hmm... Oh yeah, this is regarding last week's segment about Molly Mormons. Check it out.

"Dear Sirs and or Madams:
I have just finished reading Issue No. 71 and once again I congratulate you for your literary masterpiece.
Your expose on Molly Mormons was excellent. I find it interesting that people of all faiths have to go through the time when they want to rebel. It would be interesting to interview the young lady in say 10 years when she feels like a complete idiot for her thought process.
I do take exception to your prediction of Barbra Padilla [of 'America's Got Talent']; I think that Recycled Procussion will take the top spot. Personally I like the Mollys also known as the 'Fab Five.' Have a great day and please up my subscription for two more years."
Thank you for your Time and consideration.
- Your Most Loyal Subscriber

And somehow Kevin Skinner ended up winning. Wow. That's P.M.U.

Here's The Week in Review for you. Perhaps you've seen commercials or advertisements for the Big Carl - Carl's Jr.'s version of the Big Mac. The Question I have is how many of you have gone out and tried it. I have. Three or four times, actually. It's relatively inexpensive for a non-dollar-menu item, coming in at $2.49 plus tax. That's not bad, considering how big the burger is. I find it more filling and less messy than the Big Mac. I was pretty surprised, honestly, the first time I tried the burger. Last Friday night, Liz Paulsen and I went out for a burger run and headed to Carl's Jr. for a bite to eat. I recommended the Big Carl and we each got one. After finishing, Liz was still hungry, so she suggested that we go to Hire's Big H for another meal. I didn't mind, so we went and got a Big H Burger. The Big H was smaller than the Big Carl and wasn't as flavorful. Is that a word? Anyway, I prefer the Big Carl to both the Big Mac and the Big H Burger. On the official scale, I'd probably give it an 8.5 out of 10. I'd recommend it, though, if you've got a couple dollars to blow after school or before work one day. Try one and let us know what you think.

It's Time once again for The Boo Box. Maybe there are a few others out there that tuned in for the premiere of "Survivor: Samoa" last Thursday night. Well, if you did, there's an obvious villain out there - Russell. The moron dumped out all the water from his tribe's canteen. He stole somebody's shoe, burned somebody's sock, and persuaded his entire tribe to vote out an innocent castaway. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Quickly on to the Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week. This week we'll congratulate Duke Dance and his E-Town Turkeys for their league-leading 275 point outing in week two. Indeed, one of the men to thank for that showing is RB Chris Johnson. Johnson had 197 yards rushing for 2 TD and 87 yards receiving with an additional TD, giving him a total of 53.40 fantasy points on the day (in a losing effort, nonetheless!). Also of note for the Turkeys was QB Matt Schaub, who earned Duke 68.68 fantasy points with his 4 passing TDs. I'm still in first place, though.

The Shoutout of the Week will be awarded to Royal Bateman, the Reverend, himself. I'm enjoying "The Royal Flush." Keep up the good work and take care of the KAGE for me. I need to know if more of my friends have blogs. I find them wildly entertaining.

That's about it for this week. Dang. That was a lot of stuff today. I'mma need some Questions for next week, though. Email me. Be sure to vote for the new poll. I'm also going to think about switching up the layout of the blog, so keep coming back to see what happens.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron