Signs of the Times, Issue No. 74 - 10/06/09

"Cheer up, Charlie."

Greetings to one and all! This is the radio intern now known as "Flat Top" speaking. That's right. I've finally been acknowledged at X96 and they have given me a new name, a tradition with each intern. It's another lovely Tuesday and this is another lovely Newsletter. Topics to be discussed today: Gang violence, the 19th Amendment, Halloween, Flashing Forward, moving Up in the world, standing for something, noticing the mote, Americans against Favre, and a closing hymn. On we go!

 **QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

With your internship downtown at Trolley Square, a place frequented by gun fights and violence, are you ever afraid you'll get hurt?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. It's funny you should ask. I've actually thought about this little predicament several times, especially following the shooting at Trolley Square a couple weeks ago. It's a little creepy walking down the street in the dark at 5:45 in the morning and, occasionally, somebody will scare me as they walk toward me on the sidewalk. However, I figure there's nothing on me that they'd really want. I don't carry cash, so that's no good for a would-be pick pocket. Most of the time, I'm pretty groggy that early in the morning, so if anyone tried to start something, I'd just shove them and say, "All right, man, I really don't have time to fight you this morning." That'd do it for 'em, I think. If they kept pursuing a brawl, though, I think I could take 'em. I've seen enough pro wrestling and Detroit Pistons games to know what moves work and which ones don't. Luckily, I think Utah has the nicest homeless stragglers of the contiguous 48 states, so hopefully it won't be a problem. Thanks for asking, though. (SALUTE!)

Don't make me fight you.

Q. "Aaron!

Are you looking forward to Halloween? We can't wait to see what you dress up as!"

Love,

- The Fan Club

A. I hate Halloween, actually. I don't like the parties, I don't like dressing up. We had a family party last night with my dad's side of the family, which I look forward to even less than usual now that Austin's not here. However, I figured that since my parents were in charge of the party this year that I'd humor everyone with a costume. The costume choice was arbitrary this year, so I asked my so-called Facebook friends what they thought I should dress up as. The results gave me a good laugh. Some ideas were a referee, Edward Scissorhands, a lumberjack, a poor college student, a Jehovah's Witness, and, perhaps scariest of all, a BYU fan. I took the suggestions into account and decided at last what I would be. "Super" Dell Schanze. Some of you may not understand my choice. "Super Dell" was formerly an obnoxious spokesman for a computer store called "Totally Awesome Computers," which gained popularity several years ago. The store had a reputation for good computers and really, really annoying commercials. Schanze's company has recently gone out of business, but Dell has continued to make a name for himself in another, less reputable way - run-ins with the law. He's been busted for wreckless driving, disturbing his neighbors, misuse of a hovercraft-type vehicle, and, most recently, unsuccessful attempts to enter politics. He ran for mayor of some place near Saratoga Springs a couple weeks ago and was escorted away from a polling place by authorities after breaking the law by campaigning too close to voters. Therefore, my costume, as recommended by Andrea Chapman, was to dress up as "Super Dell," complete with handcuffs and a "VOTE 4 ME! I'M S.D." sign. Pictures are up on Facebook in my "General Conference, October 2009" album.

Now THAT is Totally Awesome!

Q. "Dear Sir and or Madame:

 Question- Would you use a Ouija board on a full moon Friday the 13th while under a ladder sitting with a black cat while breaking mirrors?"
 Wondering,
- Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
 P.S. Thanks for another feel good about yourself Tuesday.

A. Um... No.

If you have any Questions, email them to "Signs of the Times" at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.

This is a little segment we like to call The Week in Review. This Time, we've got two shows on the table that we'd like to discuss.

First, let's talk about ABC's "Flash Forward." The show, which airs Thursday nights at 7 p.m., is created by some of the same people who made "LOST," so you've been warned - you know what you'll be getting yourself into. The premise is essentially this: Everyone on the entire planet blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds for some unknown reason. While everyone is blacked out, they have what is referred to as a "flash forward," in which they see a flash of something that is happening on April 29, 2010, about six or seven months in the future. After the blackout is over, everyone wakes up to total chaos - buildings are on fire, people are hurt, it's worldwide destruction.The FBI is immediately on the case, trying to figure out how and why the global incident occurred. The main FBI agent, played by Joseph Fiennes, saw what he believes to be clues about the cause of the blackout in his vision, so he tries to piece together the bits he can remember. The other characters struggle to understand what their flashes may have meant, what their significance is, and whether or not those events will actually come to pass. Like "LOST," FF has lots of mysteries (many of which I don't anticipate being resolved any time soon) and a plethora of cliff hangers. The show has been intense and intriguing so far after two episodes and I find myself often counting the days until Thursday so I can find out what everyone else saw. I'd give the show a 9 out of 10 so far, with room for improvement or disappointment looming as the season continues. I think the show's got potential, though.

I flashed forward and saw myself writing the Newsletter.

Secondly, I saw the movie "Up" last weekend. I didn't know what to expect from this movie. I love the "Toy Story" movies from Pixar, but was horribly disappointed by "Wall-E." That's right. One might go as far as to say that I really disliked "Wall-E," in fact. But generally speaking, I have liked Pixar's CGI films. "Partly Cloudy," the featured short before the movie was funny, so things started out well. I was immediately drawn into "Up" from its opening moments. The graphics are phenomenal and the plot is creative. The great thing about "Up" is that is plays to all the emotions - it has comedy, heartache, and even some intensity when an antagonist is introduced into the story. At the end of the movie, though, I really felt good about it. It was one of few movies out there this summer that was completely satisfying. Of course, a floating house is not plausible, but nobody's going to complain about that in a cartoonish children's movie. The ending was fitting and satisfying, unlike movies like last winter's "Seven Pounds," which made me want to go out and kill myself, in turn. I would highly recommend "Up" to anyone who hasn't already seen it. I saw it in the dollar theater and it was definitely worth it, but if you wait a couple more weeks, snag it on DVD once it's released. "Up" gets a rating of 9.5 out of 10, giving it the highest rating of anything ever Reviewed in this segment!

Up, Up, and away!

If you have something you'd like me to try out, let me know.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but almost shockingly, homosexuality is not a topic we're discussing today. However, as things have gotten more and more liberal and anti-LDS (see my latest note on Facebook), I've noticed an interesting trend among my friends. I've recently come to the realization that now is the time to make a stand if you're a member of the Church. We live in a pretty horrible world. Believe me. I know. I spent my Communication and Gender class today studying the role of gender in entertainment, specifically in music videos. We spent the class watching an hour-long documentary about stereotypes and gender roles portrayed in music. It was definitely R-rated content, which I couldn't escape. I ended up averting my eyes a couple times. I'll tell you what, though. I walked out of that class like I was in the MTC. I avoided the sight of female flesh like a missionary does the magazine aisle as I made my way to my next class. I was horrified, repulsed, and utterly disgusted at what I had seen - not in the sense that I can't believe what they're teaching in school (I agreed with what the video had to say), but I was sick that garbage like that is all over in society today. It's all over the TV, a thousand times worse than it was when I was Cody's age and younger. VH1 used to be a good channel, believe it or not, but now it's Sleaze Central. Now is the time that we need to decide who we are and what we will and won't participate in. Now is the time for us to stand up for the Church, even when it's hard. And now is the time not to be ashamed. I was proud of three of my friends who have apparently also come to this realization, which brings us to the next segment.

Shoutouts of the Week are well deserved this Time around. We've got three of them today, so listen up.

Ammon Hatch, for his Facebook note, "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged." Good man.

Tom Madsen, for his decision to stop watching a certain popular TV show that has apparently gone south.

And Mandy LeBaron, for her Facebook note, "Getting an Answer" and for standing up to someone who tried to discredit the Book of Mormon and Elder Holland's Conference talk (on her status, nonetheless!).

Thank you for making a stand. Enjoy your Tuesday.

So last night at the Halloween party, my uncle and his daughter stopped me and asked me if anyone had ever told me that I look like Edward from the "Twilight" movie. No. They never have. Now if only the women in my life compared me to the handsome vampire-man with his rippling abs, flowingly spiked hair, seemingly irresistable to the opposite gender... Maybe next Halloween, huh?

Do you see the resemblance?

Has anyone been keeping up with this David Letterman extravaganza? I used to be a big Letterman fan when I was in high school. I would watch nearly every night from 10:37 until 11:00 after the Top Ten List. As his anti-Bush and anti-Republican jokes got to the point of beating the dead horse, I grew weary of his political commentary and slowly stopped watching. I haven't had a whole lot of time to even think about watching Letterman recently with my reinstated bedtime due to the internship, but when I heard he'd be making an apology on the show, I thought I'd tune in. He began to tell the story of his blackmail and fidelity problems - and the audience was laughing! Of course, they didn't know how serious the stuff he was saying really was, but I think he played it off like a funny story. Finally, he admitted to his problem and what do they do? They applaud him! Are you SERIOUS?!? Remember when Bill Clinton admitted? He got impeached. Yes, it's important to forgive, but we shouldn't condone this kind of behavior. Letterman has been hailed as a hero. People are calling this his "defining moment." If this is his defining moment, That's P.M.U.!! Letterman is a creep. A dirtbag. What a hypocrite. He's made a living for years by making fun of people like Bristol Palin, President Clinton, and others, when he, himself, had a beam in his eye.  And rumors have it that the woman involved was Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt. "Monty" wasn't even funny! Come on, now. I say it's time for CBS to move in a different direction.

And the number one thing that makes you go "Buuuuhhhhhhh!!!" is...

Boo Box, Boo Box... Any football fans out there? Anybody watch that Minnesota/Green Bay game last night? I really wanted the Packers to stick it to Brett Favre, but he goes out there and throws for over 200 yards and 2 TDs. Dang you, Brett Favre. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Number one - that's right! Favre has been in The Boo Box more than anyone else.

As much as this pains me, it's time to award the illustrious honor of Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week... and this week, it goes to that scoundrel, Peyton Manning. This just isn't a happy ending to the Newsletter. I'm terribly sorry. Anyway, Dave Cazier, are you still alive out there? You had seven players with a bye week last week and you still had more points than my team did. How did that happen? Oh, maybe it's because Mr. Manning threw for 353 yards and 2 TD, boosting your score by 59.02 fantasy points. You jerk. My lead is dwindling. Maybe somebody will pass me next week... but until then, I'm still number one.

I dare you to say that to my face.

That's about it for this week! I promise. The world is not really as depressing as I just made it sound in the last three segments. It's a nice, nice world out there. In fact, I'll prove it. I'd like to close with the words to one of my favorite songs from a movie of all time. Ahem.

"Who can take a sunrise/Sprinkle it in dew

Cover it in chocolate/And a miracle or two?

...

Who can take tomorrow/Dip it in a dream

Separate the sorrow/And collect up all the cream?

...

The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love

And makes the world taste good

And the world tastes good 'cause the candyman thinks it shoooooooooooooould!"

Top hats are always in style.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron