"Who needs sleep? Well you're never gonna get it./Who needs sleep? Tell me what's that for?"
Greetings to one and all. This is your old friend speaking, technologically, of course, and today... is Tuesday. You know what that means, right? At least one more person will leave the Facebook group and you get yet another Issue of "Signs of the Times." After another week in the cyberworld, what might I possibly have to say about the BYU game on Saturday? Only Time will tell. Topics to be discussed on this lovely day: Sleep depravation and a new possible career line, a campus-wide lack of communication skills, potential BCS Busters, more A-Town haters, Alexander Hamilton, ways to improve public transportation, poor judgement, good judgement, and walking uphill both ways. On we go!
Time to debunk a myth. It's one of my favorite things to do, as I'm sure you're aware if you've seen any of my Facebook videos. I know you've all heard those fables from your parents or perhaps older siblings - "When I was your age, I had to walk to school uphill both ways..." Many versions of the account include heavy precipitation, as well. I've thought long and hard about this concept over the years and I have concluded that it is not possible. For instance, if you lived at point "X" and the school was point "Y," you could walk uphill to get there - that's not so farfetched. However, that leads us to believe that in order to go back home, you'd be walking downhill, correct? Or maybe you walked home from school going uphill, but then the next day, you'd have to go back downhill to get to class. Doesn't make sense, does it? There is one possibility, however, and it would only work once about every five to seven years, on average, if your parents have fairly stable jobs and you like the city you live in. Say your family lives downhill from the school. It's a blizzard outside. You walk uphill to school. So far, so good. While you're at school, your family moves into another house within walking distance of your schoolhouse. The elevation of the new home is higher than the school, therefore, at roughly 2:30 that afternoon, you walk on an incline up to your new place of residence. Unless your family moved every day to a different school at a higher elevation, there is no possible way you could walk uphill both ways on the way to school. Sorry, folks.
The internship is still going strong. Only fourteen more weeks of waking up at 4:30 every morning, so that's an upside, if there ever was one. Today I accidentally slept in until 5:00. That's right. I got up at five in the morning and called it sleeping in. All you punks out there who are whining about getting up at 6:30 can zip it. I'd pay money to sleep until six or seven every day. But other than the early morning hours, the internship is actually pretty good. What do I do? Whatever they tell me to do. I answer phones a lot. I've emailed people, done data entry, edited audio for podcasts, worked on file maintenance, and blogged (read my first intern blog, "America Needs Role Models" at http://x96.com/rfh/intern_blog). The joke, I suppose you would say, that's going around about me is that Bill of "Radio From Hell" fame said (on air) that I look like I belong at Staples. I downloaded the podcast - and so can you, if you're interested - and have listened to that ten-second clip almost countless times. I met Gina from RFH a little bit after the show that day and she said they'd like to meet me on the air sometime. I assume that it will happen sometime in the near future, so if you're interested in hearing Kerry, Bill, and Gina from X96 meet A-Town, let me know. I'm telling you, though, I'm not going to let them push me around like they do with the other interns. They don't know who they're dealing with.
I would say that, as a whole, University of Utah students are less friendly than I had anticipated. I was pretty excited to get school started up because I'd go and meet a lot of new people and increase my virtually nonexistant pool of friends. When I got up to the U, however, it was no Snow College, I quickly found out. Everybody walks with their heads down, nobody wants to sit within two seats of the next person in class, and hardly a soul will even speak to you unless you're already friends. (This begs the Question, how do you become friends if you're not willing to talk? The answer - Group projects. They make you talk to other people.) I have found at least two problems with the student body that has rendered them nearly incapable of communication. First, iPods. Don't get me wrong, I love iPods. I use mine frequently when commuting, but I'll at least turn mine down a little bit when people are around me just in case I want to talk to somebody. But sadly, your chances of starting up a conversation with somebody that has headphones in are slim to none. Problem two, marriage. Seems like most of these kids are married nowadays. If they're already married, there is no reason to try to flirt with them - or even talk to them, for that matter - but it's ok because if they're already married, they most likely don't even care that you exist, anyway. There needs to be some kind of a happy medium between the University of Utah and students down in Provo. I mean, I would really like for somebody to talk to me when I'm up at school, but not quite so much that they're proposing to me after the first date. You know what I mean?
And speaking of BYU, I've got a bone to pick with those self-righteous punks down south. As you all know, BYU beat the Oklahoma Sooners in a recent college football game by the score of 14-13. Let me say this - I still think Max Hall is a terrible quarterback. In fact, I didn't even think that BYU played that well. Luckily, neither did Oklahoma. BYU's defense was good, but their offense was a little lack-luster, especially the special teams unit. I'm just telling the truth, all right? But regardless of how well they played, I admit with the world as my witness that I cheered for the Cougars the entire time. Here's the deal. I don't have anything against BYU the school. I don't really have anything against their athletic department, either, other than the fact that they choke all the time in big games. I'm all about state recognition and for publicity for the Mountain West Conference. The state of Utah gets national attention and a powerhouse football team now has basically no hope of going to the national championship game! Any Utah fan who was cheering for Oklahoma is an idiot. So congratulations, Brigham Young University, on your big win last weekend. And thanks for taking out Sam Bradford for us.
Check this out - it's Saturday night and I hop on Facebook and what's there waiting for me? A bunch of obnoxious messages from BYU fans telling me how great the Cougars are and advising me on where to go with my new school. I don't really understand it. I get these unprovoked attacks almost every day now - and it's been going on ever since I made it public that I was going to the U. Sure, my current profile picture is the Utes' logo, but still. I don't go attack people who go to BYU. I just blog about them. And I've certainly never told them to repent or else they'd go to you-know-where. That's a bit ridiculous. Sure, they say it's "all in good fun," but it's always good fun when you're ganging up on somebody 3-to-1 and they don't fight back. I'm just letting them puff up their egos. Pride before the fall, my friends. Pride before the fall. Haven't you ever read the Book of Mormon? We'll see how long these cyber attacks continue.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Why don't people pay with ten dollar bills anymore?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) I've noticed the same thing, as a matter of fact. On several occasions, I have run out of tens while working the cash register at the Coast and I'm not entirely sure why people hardly ever come in and pay with Hamiltons. I've drawn one conclusion. Cash back. WalMart and most gas stations, the places where the majority of people would consider getting cash back after a transaction, only offer change in twenty dollar increments. The only place that I know of that offers tens for cash back is K-Mart. And who shops at K-Mart? Cheap people... People who would only need ten dollars back instead of twenty.
Q. "Hey A-Town,
How is the TRAX commute treating you?"
Love,
- The Fan Club
A. It's all right. Sometimes it smells weird, though. Let me offer a couple suggestions to Utah Transit Authority that might make the ride more interesting and fun for passengers.
1. Occasionally forget to lower the railroad crossing arms. TRAX trains should always have the right-of-way.
2. Low impact collisions, like bumper cars.
3. Rings of fire.
4. Occasional goblins or other miscellaneous small creatures wandering the cars aimlessly.
5. Loops and/or barrel rolls.
6. CNN.
7. Refreshments and miniature snacks.
8. Sun roof.
9. Cheerleaders.
10. Massage seats.
It's Time once again for The Boo Box. I'm not sure how many of you out there are watching the current installment of "America's Got Talent," but I was rather disturbed recently as my favorite act, Acrodunk, failed to make it to the finals. This is another classic case of "the judges over-hyped a couple acts that weren't really that good and America bought it." The Texas Tenors aren't that good. They're not going to win the competition. So why did the judges tell everyone to vote for them?? It's all for that blondie Owen Wilson wannabe, I tell ya. Grandma Lee has gotten progressively less funny and I wouldn't have voted for her, either. I'm glad that the Fab Five made it to the finals. The clogging sisters from Morgan, Utah, have continued to surprise me. I not only cheer for them because they're Mormon sisters from Utah, but their act, which is not something I find amusing or entertaining, is actually really good and tightly choreographed. So to all those boneheads out there that didn't vote for Acrodunk, let's let them hear it. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
Oh man. I just hopped over to the Yahoo! homepage and saw something that reminds me of a topic from last week. All I can say is That's P.M.U.! Check it out - http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Embattled-track-star-Caster-Semenya-gets-new-coa?urn=oly,187999
It's the segment where we award the Shoutout of the Week. This week, it has to go to someone who is a multiple-time recipient of the honor. In fact, I believe that she got a Shoutout about two or three Issues ago. The Shoutout of the Week goes to my sister, Amy Christensen, who demonstrated impeccable judgement and acted swiftly in the face of an inappropriate movie her friends decided to watch. That's right, Mom. Texting does come in handy. Amy sent me a text and asked me to come pick her up from her friend's house because she felt uncomfortable with the situation she had been placed in. Holy crap. That made me so proud of that little rascal. Yes, it's true. A-Town is a softy. I almost shed a tear or two. So Amy, here's to you!
That's about it for this week. If you'll excuse me, I'm taking somebody out to dinner now. That's right (so-and-so), my financial circumstances have improved and now I'm not as cheap of a dater as I used to be.
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
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