"No thanks."
Greetings to one and all from my couch in Sandy, Utah. Today is another Tuesday and you know what that means - I'm tired. Lots to talk about today, though. So much, in fact, that I don't know how I'll possibly fit it all in. Topics to be discussed: Celebrities behaving badly, "Both," feedback, Fantasy Football, "Dancing with the Stars" and other predictions, and Molly Mormons. On we go!
It has been a big week in celebrity news. I believe this is cause for a Two-Minute Instant Message. This week will feature my cousin, Andrea Chapman, a long-time Subscriber and quite the funny young lady. She also has the flu today and all of us here at "Signs of the Times" wish her a speedy recovery. Shall we? Andrea will be ingreen and I will be in red. For our color blind Subscribers out there, uh... I'm sure you'll figure it out.
All right, Andrea. Welcome to the Two-Minute Instant Message. I'm sure you're a big fan of the segment, are you not?
Why yes... I am!
Good answer. Here's a Question for you - What do these three names have in common: Kanye West, Serena Williams, and South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson?
Hmmm... pompous people who lose control of themelves?
That is one of several correct answers.
And which is your answer?
The answer I might have gone with was "Three people who made complete idiots of themselves last week," but I like yours better. How do you Feel about the recent outbursts of these three donkeys?
It makes me happy that I'm not famous.
I'm happy for you, too, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.
She may have, Aaron... she may have. I will say that in spite of all that booty shaking, Beyonce is a little taste of classiness.
You lie!
I try not to lie. But sometimes it just happens!... Poor Joe...
Well, that's about all she wrote for this edition of the the 2MIM. Any final comments before I shove my racket down your #*$(#@ throat?
How about to promise me that no matter how famous you get, you will never unleash your pompous anger in my direction?
I make no guarantees.
Well then, I look forward to it!
Thanks for joining us today and until next Time, you know what to do.
Move It, Sell It, And Leave the Door Open?!
Bingo.
If you are interested in participating in the Two-Minute Instant Message, contact us via email at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.
A recurring theme in the Newsletter these past few weeks is the topic "Man, Woman, or Both?" This all stems from the argument about whether or not Caster Semenya, the African runner, is really a man or a woman. After hearing Semenya's voice in an interview, I easily narrows the choices down to "man" or "both." Last week, I left a link to a picture of the runner on the cover of a magazine, which toted Semenya with long hair and a dress, plus the words "Look at Caster now!" I guess they spoke too soon because it was confirmed last week that the African distance runner is "both." I KNEW IT!
I received a lot of emails last week about the "uphill both ways" portion of Issue No. 70. Jordan Holmes, along with a couple others, pointed out that if there was a hill in the middle of the house and the school, then the student would walk uphill (and downhill) both ways. I'm not going to concede them the victory here, but they bring up a good point. I still stand by my claim that it's impossible.
Adam Wicker requested that I add a sports section to the Newsletter. I told him to hang on for football season to start up again. Here is the long-awaited return of the Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week! This week's best player was The Pocket Protectors' QB, Drew Brees. Brees threw for 358 yards and 6 touchdowns, rewarding him with a league-leading 78.32 fantasy points. I'd just like to put a quick little plug in there for my boys, The Pocket Protectors. After week one, I'm in first place in the league and I have the top two players in the entire league - Adrian Peterson and Brees. Let's just say that it's going to be a good season. Maybe this will make up for last season when I finished a disappointing fourth of eleven.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "So the cheerleaders... Kat wants to know if you were looking for them to go flipping and screaming down the aisles or sit in your lap. I thought I'd ask for her, since I'm your older brother and all. Let me know. The truth, please..."
- Adam
A. I assume you're referring to the cheerleaders I requested to make the TRAX commute more exciting? Honestly, the whole sitting-in-the-lap part hadn't even crossed my mind until you brought it up. I was kinda thinking they'd flip down the aisles. But now that you mention it...
Q. "Oh seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators,
It's Time once again for my favorite show, 'Dancing with the Stars,' and I'm dying to know - Who is your pick to win it all?"
- Your Mother
A. Need I remind you all that I have correctly predicted the winner of the last two seasons of "Dancing with the Stars"? In fact, last season, I called BOTH FINALISTS! Go back and look it up. http://signsofthetimesnewsletter.blogspot.com/search/label/Dancing%20with%20the%20Stars Let's take a look at this season's cast... I'm Feeling it here. I'm really Feeling it. Let's see... Aaron Carter? Haven't seen him in a while. Kelly Osbourne has sure lost a lot of weight. Michael Irvin won't win. Macy Gray? My favorite singer of all time! Olympian Natalie Coughlin could be all right. Maybe Kathy Ireland, but she's getting a little older. I've got it. My pick to win it all this season is Donny Osmond. I won't watch it, but I'll report back for sure. Make sure to vote for the "Dancing with the Stars" polls that will be featured this week on the right side of the screen.
Q. "Dear Aaron,
We know you've been watching 'America's Got Talent' and we understand that the finals were last night. The winner will be revealed during tomorrow night's show. You like to make predictions, don't you? Who's the winner?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. I'm no pro at making A.G.T. predictions, but I appreciate the Question anyway. (SALUTE!) Here are my thoughts about the final ten contestants. I'd place them in this order after what I saw last night. 10) Hairo Torres 9) Drew Stevyns 8) Grandma Lee 7) The Texas Tenors 5/6) Lawrence Beamen and Voices of Glory in either order 4) Kevin Skinner 3) The Fab Five 2) Recycled Percussion and 1) Barbara Padilla. I think that Padilla deserves to win, but I'm rooting for Recycled Percussion. I wouldn't be surprised if they won, either, because I think they have a wider, more general appeal to Americans, as opposed to Padilla, whose incredible opera voice is super impressive, but not as fun to listen to or watch as the drummers. Only time will tell, though.
The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to all the fellahs out there that had success in the dating world in the past seven days, specifically Jon Davis ("Heck yeah, I will!"), Scott Aylett ("Are you getting married yet?" - he didn't say that, somebody else did... inside joke), and Randy Bradford (who may or may not ever know that he officially got his first Shoutout just a second ago). Good work, gentlemen. Keep up the good work.
I'm going to try something I've never done right now. I'm going to combine two segments into one. They are similar in nature and congruent in effect, so I don't find it too much of a chore to do so. For the first time, let's combine The Boo Box and That's P.M.U.! I was riding to school on TRAX today and I overheard a pair of kids (one guy, one girl) talking about a variety of different topics. It's not like I was trying to eavesdrop or anything, but, I mean, when you're talking that loud and that openly on a train, the odds that somebody will hear what you're saying are pretty high. They encroached upon a topic which caught my attention as they started talking about friends who were on their missions. The girl started talking about how all the girls she knew loved this one guy because he was perfect in every way. A moment later, they were talking about girls that were hmm... more righteous?... than others. They called one of the girls "a Molly," meaning "Molly Mormon," or a girl who has high standards and keeps the commandments sometimes to the extent that they alienate themselves from their friends and are considered to be "goody goodies." The girl pondered aloud whether or not others thought she was a Molly Mormon, to which the boy responded that they wouldn't call her that. For instance, he pointed out, Molly Mormons don't dress like she does. Molly Mormons "would never read that." I couldn't tell what she was looking at. And "you have too much personality to be a Molly," he expounded. That ticked me off. He was telling her this stuff like it was a good thing! That's P.M.U.! It has been different for me to be up at the U, where people are far more liberal than anywhere I've ever been (excluding some parts of North Carolina) and where they are proud, like one girl in my Communication and Gender class, that they're "pretty much not [their] religion anymore." If that's what makes you happy, go for it, I guess, but do you know what happens to people who treat their morals like garbage here at "Signs of the Times"? Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!! ...And then I decided to mind my own business and smiled as I noticed that the girl in front of them was wearing her Young Women's medallion.
That's about it for this week, ladies and gents. For feedback, comments, Questions, or concerns, email us at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com or leave a comment on this site.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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