Signs of the Times, Issue No. 69 - 09/01/09

"I feel much better now..."

Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron Christensen coming to you live from my sick bed! Nothing like being sick on a Tuesday, right? But neither rain, nor sleet, nor hail will stop me from Feeling Good About Myself. It's "Signs of the Times!" Topics to be discussed this Issue: The internship, early morning puke, Swine Flu, "Admiration by Anger," "Man, Woman, or Both?," the Draper Spaceport, and a BYU student with some good points. On we go!

I started my internship at X96 yesterday. It was pretty sweet. X96 is one of the most popular radio stations in Salt Lake City, so having an internship there is kind of a big deal. Yesterday I got to answer phones, edit audio from the "RFH" morning show and save it for a podcast, and enter a bunch of email addresses into a computer. Fun times, for sure. The drawback of the internship is that it starts at 5:30 in the morning. This is slightly problematic because the earliest lightrail train out of Sandy doesn't leave until 5:19, which puts me at the station at around six. So I worked that one out and headed to the TRAX train early, early in the morning yesterday. Of course, I hit one red light that lasts about three minutes and I arrive at the station just as the "University" train leaves. Luckily, a "Downtown" train arrived shortly thereafter and I hopped aboard, assuming that the Downtown train also stopped at Trolley Square, two blocks away from the station. As time went on, I listened closely to find out when I was supposed to get off. Then we passed 6th South, which worried me a little bit. I wondered if I should just get off at the next stop and walk a couple blocks or if I should wait and see if the next-next stop was the one I was looking for. It wasn't. I got off the train and started the trek to the radio station. The walk ended up being longer than I thought it would be. Before I reached my destination, I had walked nine blocks as fast as I could through some of the darkest alleyways I've ever seen in Utah. I really thought I might get jumped. So eventually I made it at about 6:15. Thankfully, the guys at X96 are pretty laid back and it didn't bother them too much.

This whole waking-up-at-4:30 business is going to take some work, though, if I'm going to get used to it. I set my alarm for the same time last night so I could get up this morning and head off to the internship. Unfortunately, I woke up at 2:45, instead. It's never fun waking up two hours earlier than you're supposed to, but the good news was that I still had an hour and forty-five minutes to sleep! After a while, I awoke yet again, expecting it to be about 4:25 or so. It was 3:00. I woke up again at 3:15. I woke up probably every ten or fifteen minutes until my alarm went off. Immediately at the stroke of 4:30, I ran upstairs and vomited. I fell back asleep until 6:30 and missed the second day of my internship. I dragged myself to school today anyway because I wasn't feeling as sick and I had to be there for some group assignments in my classes. Taking TRAX today was quite the experience. As I arrived at the station, I could see throngs of Utah students piling onto the train and I joined them right in the back of the last car. It was standing room only. Obviously, for a person who had been sick just hours before, this was not the ideal situation to be in. I stood there, huddled with probably ten other students in the back of the train and was feeling all right until we reached Murray. At that point, I didn't know what was going to happen. I started to sweat a little bit and started praying that I wouldn't puke on anybody. That would be very bad, especially in a train as crowed as that one. Things started getting bad and I contemplated my options. I could hop off the train and puke in a garbage can, then wait half an hour for a train to take me back home, or I could man up and stay on the train. Almost instinctively, I fell into a crouching position, placing my face waist-high behind a bunch of college kids. Not attractive. I eventually started feeling better (maybe I had locked my knees) and made it safely to school. To make a long story short (too late) it was a long day at school and I was very tired throughout. I'm not looking forward to getting up at 4:30 tomorrow morning, as I'm sure you can imagine.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

What if it's Swine Flu?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. Oink oink oink-oink gwaaaaaaahhhwg! Oink oink-oink-oink-oink gweeeee! (OINK!)

There is a serious problem that needs to be discussed. It's something I'm going to call the "Admiration by Anger" principle. It's this crazy train of thought that says that if you want somebody to like you, you need to be mean to them. It goes all the way back to grade school and I've never understood it. Why did the girls always like the boys that were rude to them? I always tried to be nice to the ladies in elementary school and, well, we can see how far that got me. The phenomenon continues today, in fact. It seems like I always have girls yelling at me nowadays - and I've talked to other girls about it and they say that when a girl gets on my case like that, it's a huge indication that they're interested in me. I don't get it. If you like me, why are you calling me a "total jerk?" Typically, you would think that, for example, if I called a girl a "total jerk," that she'd probably come slap me in the face and that would be the end of that. So why, on the other hand, is this supposed to be an indication of admiration? Somebody please enlighten me. And whatever happened to the old philosophy that you are supposed to marry your best friend? I feel like there is a bigger separation today between A) friends and B) people you date. Something that frustrates me about being a returned missionary is that everybody expects you just to rush into a relationship as quick as you can. Why can't I have some time to get to know the girl first? What I've seen in my college experience is that if you become good friends with a girl, you can't date her because you've placed each other pretty deep in the "just friends" category. The alternative, of course, is to hop into a relationship and get exclusive with the girl (or guy, depending on your gender) and only spend time with her, excluding all of your other friends. The problem here, though, is that if anything ever happens and you have to break up, the girl never, ever wants to talk to you again. Don't tell me this isn't true, because it is. Once you break up, it isn't culturally acceptable to be friends with that person again because things get "awkward," especially for the girl. Let's think back on my extensive list of relationships... Ok, so it isn't that extensive... but out of all the girls I've ever been in an even somewhat-serious relationship with, I haven't stayed in communication with any of them - and, as evident from the events from this summer, I plan on keeping it that way with some of them. What's the deal? Why can't I date my friends and be friends with the girls I date? Where are Jake and Dave when I need them?? Any advice would be appreciated.

While we're talking about it, let's get P.M.U. Something that bugs the heck out of me is when you hang up the phone... scratch that... when you log off of Facebook Chat or finish off an evening of receiving hate texts from someone of the opposite sex, I hate when they change their status update on Facebook and you know that what it says has everything to do with you. You follow? For example, let's say that somebody texts me since they're not brave enough to do it in person or over the phone and things didn't go too well. Then, lo, and behold, their Facebook status says, "So-and-so is fed up with dumb boys!" I wonder who they're referring to... That's why I try to keep my status updates as vague and impersonal as can be. If you really want to know how I feel about things, you can ask me. I'm not just going to parade it out there for everybody to see - "Aaron Christensen is so ticked off because he just texted Jenny and he thinks she's a total jerk." Are you serious?? That's P.M.U.

I've seen some pretty crazy things in these past seven days during my adventures up at the U. Take, for instance, the man in what my sister Amy calls an "ultimate tank top," short shorts, slicked back hair, and the face of a stone cold killer. He was probably one of the creepiest people I've ever seen. Then, there was the police officer who pulled up alongside one of the TRAX stations. In fact, he parked right up on the sidewalk just like he owned the place. An onlooker yelled over to him, "That's illegal parking!" I thought that wasn't a very smart idea. You don't want to pick a fight with a cop. I looked at the cop. He smirked and kept walking... like he owned the place. I looked at the onlooker. Pretty white trash, I'd say... and... of course - he was wearing an ankle bracelet.

At the same stop, Scott Aylett and I saw something quite disturbing. At first glance, I saw her and thought, "Wow, that lady should probably cover up a little bit!" On second glance, Scott and I noticed something else. She had the face of a man. In fact, she had the entire body of a man, other than the upper chest region. Looks like a man, walks like a man... Must be a man, right? Did any of you hear about that African runner? There is a runner in Africa that keeps winning all these races - but officials aren't sure if "she" is a man or a woman. There was a segment about "it" on channel two the other night. They did a poll asking whether viewers thought it was a man or a woman. The results were 78% man, 22% woman. I think it was a man - it kind of had the face of a woman, but she moved like a man. The real giveaway was the voice, for sure. Here are some links. I'm listening to "her" talk right now - Sounds like a man to me! "Her" name is Caster Semenya. You be the judge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P915CsGUYw0 - you can fast forward to 0:39 here. And check this out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bqET22vEU&feature=related Scott made a good suggestion. It could be fun and educational. Somebody should start a website called "Man, Woman, or Both?"

I've said for years now that the Draper Library is not really a library. This way of thinking has received a bit of criticism, but I am sticking to it. I think that the futuristic architecture of the so-called library is actually an indication that the building is actually a spaceport, or that Draper City is harboring and promoting space travel. I know that most of you don't believe me, but I'll prove it to you one day very soon. In fact, Scott Aylett and I already have plans in the works to launch a spacecraft from deep inside the library sometime in the next week or two. You know me. I'll make a video out of it. So keep your eyes peeled.

My dad is watching a show on the History Channel about Hitler. Everybody together now - BOOOOO!!

I'm still looking for another team or two to fill up my Fantasy Football league. If you'd like to lace up the virtual cleats with the likes of A-Town, Duke Dance, Jeff Martin, and Adam Wicker, let me know.

It's Time once again for The Shoutout of the Week. There will be two Shoutouts this week.

First, my dearest mother has stepped foot into the modern age by starting to text message. She has texted me three times in the last twenty-four hours, which is quite a feat, in and of itself. Now, if only her phone would start receiving the messages I've been sending back, we'd really be getting somewhere. Congratulations, Mom.

And last, but certainly not least, is Kathryn Christensen, my one and only sister-in-law. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATHRYN, from all of us here at "Signs of the Times." Kathryn recently emailed SotT concerning her enrollment at "the Lord's university" (BYU, of course), and here is some of what she had to say:

"Dear Aaron,
I've just been catching up on SotT and I thought I would say a little about BYU students. Ahem...
It drives me crazy, too, how stupidly angry students get at anyone who goes to any other school. I had a hard time with my family, believe it or not, when they found out I was dating a guy who went to UVU. By the time I got married they were okay with it though. It took work. I have tried to stay open about other schools like I stay open about other churches. NOT that BYU is the true one and we have to teach others about it. DO NOT read that out of what I just said. More that it bothers me when it's okay to belong to a different church but not a different school if you are LDS. That's P.M.U. I totally understand that it costs a TON to go to BYU... Also, I wouldn't have been accepted if I lived in Utah. I know many people who had better grades and ACT scores who didn't get in because they lived too close. BYU favors out-of-state kids to give them the 'BYU experience.' That is WAY unfair... Yes, it is fun to make jokes about BYU being the best, and it is always good to have school spirit, but to let it affect your personal life, family, and friends, is just plain crazy. Congrats on going to the U. I hope to see you wear red proudly as I will wear blue proudly.
I hope that even though BYU is easy to stereotype that you remember there are a few of us who do actually have brains and not just money."

- Your sis, Kathryn

Well said. Well said! And ten points to you for saying "That's P.M.U." in your email. Keep up the good work and I appologize in advance for the whooping that Utah will give BYU in football this November.

That's about it for this week, ladies and gents.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron