Signs of the Times, Issue No. 175 - 09/27/11

And, in the end, I still think the audience hated me.

Greetings to one and all on Television Tuesday! It's all things television today here at "Signs of the Times." With so many debuts in the last two weeks, surely there will be quite a bit to talk about. Topics to be discussed: the best TV shows of all time, why I would win "Survivor," my big night in the bright lights, how reality television isn't really reality, a look at this fall's TV lineup, #rejectedTVshows, and the Webisodes of the future! On we go!

In my never-ending quest to entertain the masses, I took to Facebook again last night and asked what you, the people, would like me to blog about this week. The overwhelming response was that you'd like me to talk about TV shows. Well, people, you've come to the right place because this A-Town loves his television. I also asked for suggestions on Twitter and that's where I'd like to begin.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "What is the best TV series of all time?"

- @crackalacka22

A. Oof. What a tough Question, Austin. Of all time? In my personal opinion? Wow, I'm really not sure. I'm going to have to go with "Duck Tales."

Q. "Best reality series of all time?"

- @crackalacka22

A. "Survivor"!! Season after season, "Survivor" proves to me why it is some of the best stuff on TV. The great thing about reality game shows is that it's unscripted, so anything can happen at any time. "Survivor" combines a great concept (20 normal people sent into the jungle for 39 days and have to fend for themselves for shelter and most of their food and comfort) with strategic gameplay (some players more adept than others), comedy (mostly unintentional), and drama, ensuring that no season - and really not even a single episode - will be identical to another. My family and I have been with "Survivor" since the very beginning. I believe I've only missed somewhere around three or four episodes in the entire series. But without exception, viewers will always find somebody to cheer for, somebody to absolutely loate, and, in most cases, both. Jeff Probst is an incredible host and would provide to many LDS missionaries out there a perfect model of how to ask good Questions. The Tribal Councils at the end of each episode are always entertaining, often keeping my family on the edge of our L-shaped couch and equally as often culmanating in a mixture of shock, elation, or confusion as the latest castaway is voted out of the game. Redemption Island has been surprisingly good. I thought the recently-added twist could spell the death of "Survivor," but I've been pleasantly surprised. Great, great stuff. I highly recommend it. "Survivor" airs on CBS on Wednesday nights. [Honorable mention: ABC's hugely underrated and long-since-extinct espionage competition, "The Mole." That show was awesome.]

High school football isn't the only thing I'm too skinny for...

Q. "How would you win 'Survivor'?"

- @crackalacka22

A. You see, brother. I've said for a long time that I can't go on "Survivor." I'm already too skinny as it is. I'd starve to death and I'd die. However, if I did go on the show, I'd win. Unlike Mr. Cochran (currently on the show), who claims to be the biggest "student of the game" in the history of the show, I'd actually be a good contestant. As proof, there was this one time in my Interpersonal Communications class down at Snow where the class split up into three groups. Each group would be given several options and have to make a decision, choosing one of the options. If all three groups selected the same option, all three groups would get points. If all three groups chose different answers, no group would get points. And if one group chose differently than the other two groups, the one unique group would get points but the other two would not. The winner of the game would receive extra credit for the class. Almost immediately, the class' concensus was that if we all tied at the end, we'd all get extra credit. Each team selected a spokesman who would go up to the front of the class and announce to the other two groups which option their team had decided on. After all three announcements, the team captains would return to their teams where they could decide to either keep their decision the same or secretly switch to one of the other options. You follow? So basically, you could go up there and bluff about your team choosing option one, but then go switch your choice to one of the other options before finally revealing your decision for points. Most of the time, the three teams decided to stay the same as the other groups, but occasionally, somebody would try to pull a fast one (mostly as a joke to see if it would work). In the end, we were all tied up going to the final round. The other two captains and I went up to the front of the room and listened to a chorus of students telling us all to pick the same choice so we'd all tie and get extra credit. This was the obvious choice. Team one told their decision. I agreed with them. Team three also selected the same option. We all shook hands and headed back to our groups to huddle up before revealing our decision. The faces of students on every team said the same thing: "Please, please, please don't change. I need extra credit in this class!!" I pulled my team together and quietly said, "We're going for the win." I urged a couple team members to wipe the smiles off their faces and we then waited for the unveiling of the winning team. Team one gave their pre-determined response. The other two teams clapped their approval. My team was next. I announced that we had switched to a different option. From the reaction of team three, I knew they had also gone with the answer we'd all shaken hands on. Boo yah! We were the winners! They had no idea what had hit them. We went along with them the whole time and in the end we blind-sided them! Ah, yes. My years and years of dedication to "Survivor" had taught me well. Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. Now gimme that extra credit.

Janae Balibrea, ever the Loyal Subscriber, ever the critical thinker, would like me to analyze "reality television," in terms of shows like "15 and Pregnant" or "Jersey Shore." You see, Janae, I have a hard time considering this "reality television." More like "'reality' 'television.'" This is the product of a bunch of rich people with debatably-interesting lives, at best (depending on who you ask), that have convinced cameramen to follow them around everywhere they go. Whoever was the first person to say, "Hmmm... let's go find a bunch of shallow kids in New Jersey and follow them around 24/7" seriously needs to consider getting a life one of these days. Do you really sit around for an hour or two each week watching a bunch of unfortunately-empregnated teenagers? First of all, why is this even on TV? That's a pretty sensitive subject and I don't think it should be so highly-publicized. Second of all, what joy do you find in watching this? How can that even be interesting at all? "Jon and Kate +8"? Kate Gosselyn had a lot of kids and wanted to get rich off of it. It's as simple as that. The reason why people actually sit down and watch that garbage is beyond me. What is the point of those shows?? "This week on 'Jon and Kate +8': Watch as Kate takes the kids to a birthday party and the bozo from next door accidentally spills punch on the carpet!! Tune in this Thursday night!!" You gotta be kidding me.

Janae also asked that I discuss the numerous singing competition shows on television these days. "American Idol" revolutionized the world of reality game shows, giving normal Americans the opportunity to burst into a worldwide spotlight by showcasing their vocal abilities. Instantly, "American Idol" was a smash hit and still maintains a strong viewership. However, as the years went on, a large portion of the "Idol" audience grew tired of the show. To me, personally, the auditions are still fun to watch, but once the field is narrowed down to the top ten, it's different singers singing different renditions of the same songs year after year after year and it just gets a little boring and repetitive to me. The kiss of death was when Simon Cowell left the show. Simon was the backbone of that show and once he left, I was done for good. Now there are many other shows, including Cowell's new show, "The X-Factor." Haven't seen it, don't feel the need to. Looks like "American Idol" without Randy Jackson and Ryan Seacrest. Other singing competitions include the unpopular "Nashville Star" ("American Idol" for rednecks), "The Sing-Off" (which multiple people have pleaded for menot to bash on in today's Issue), and "America's Got Talent" (a large-scale talent show that is not necessarily only a singing competition, though if you're a male singer, you've got a great shot at going all the way). Everywhere you look on almost every channel there is a singing competition of some kind and sometimes it gets a little overbearing. What makes a show great? Is it the contestants and their God-given talent? Is it the backstory of a few particular singers that evoke certain emotions in us? Or is it the host of that particular show? Maybe the problem with "American Idol" all these years is Ryan Seacrest! Perhaps if we eliminated him from the equation, all would be well in Zion yet again. This reminds me of the time that I, A-Town was the host of a singing competition down at Snow College. The school-wide contest (appropriately named "KAGE Idol," as the student-produced radio station was its sponsor) pitted eight of Ephraim's finest up against each other in a very "American Idol"ish way, with three judges to critique each singer. My job as the master of ceremonies was to introduce each act, ask the judges for their thoughts as each number concluded, and then conduct short interviews with the contestant after they heard feedback from the judges. Occasionally, I'd crack a joke here or there about President Obama filling out his KAGE Idol bracket or about how I had a sunburn line from my headband from standing outside promoting the event all afternoon and, heck, I even performed my own infamous song and dance during the intermission. When was the last time you saw Seacrest do anything like that? NEVER. I put in all weeks of hard work for that night... hours and hours of dance rehearsals and secretly listening to Ricky Martin on my iPod as I walked to work... And, in the end, I still think the audience hated me.

She bangs! She bangs!

Let's take a look at some upcoming shows for this fall:

"Person of Interest": Saw the series premiere the other day. It's about a guy (Michael Emerson - Ben Linus from "LOST") that has helped the government create a machine that monitors everyone in America and helps prevent future crimes by detecting malicious intent, a la "Minority Report." Emerson's character runs into a highly-trained stranger played by the one and only Jim Caviezel, who he intends to recruit to stop these bad things from happening. Seems intense. Perhaps a bit violent, if the pilot episode is any indication. Lots of guys getting shot in the knee. At least he doesn't shoot to kill, I guess. That would be unfortunate.

"Dancing with the Stars": Long gone are the days of my DWTS predictions. My mom's still into the show, so I keep up with it anyway. This season is ok so far. Nobody really sticking out of the pack, which makes me a happy retiree. This guy J.R. that used to be in the military and got half of his face burned has been doing really well so far, though. That's a guy I can support. He doesn't have a pre-established fan base, but I think America loves him. As long as Derek Hough and Mark Ballas lose, I'm fine with that.

"Terra Nova": Not entirely sure what this show is, but it debuted last night and looks like a mix of "LOST" and "Jurassic Park". I'll check it out in the next day or two and I'm sure you'll all eventually know what I think of it. Hopefully it's not as lame as last year's "The Event" turned out to be. That show looked awesome, but ended up being horrible. Who knows? But the mere fact that the show is on FOX isn't encouraging at all.

"Chuck" season five: It's the final season of "Chuck," the show that my family finally convinced me to watch two summers ago. I've caught up since the end of season three and despite an episode here or there that's pretty PG-13 as far as the Chuck-Sarah relationship goes, I'll be sad to see this one die. At least we know it's coming to an end, as opposed to ABC's "FlashForward," which was canceled after one season two years ago. That show looked awesome - and was awesome. It was also subsequently canceled toward the end of its first and only season, disappointing all seven of us that watched the show.

"Ice Road Truckers": I'd heard about this show before, but didn't really know what it was. I finally sat down and watched a few minutes of it the other day. It's a show about truckers. Driving on ice.

Getting 'em started early!

Today's rendition of Hashtag Mania was a good one. I asked my Twitter followers to tweet with the Hashtag #rejectedTVshows to discover the greatest (fictional) television programs that never really took off with test groups. Here are the best responses:

@atownmania: The Mole: Enrique Iglesias, Before & After #rejectedTVshows

@atownmania: Extreme Makeover: Homeless Edition #rejectedTVshows

@crackalacka22: Austin's life. #rejectedTVshows

@_Jessica_Leigh_: The Old and the Restful #rejectedTVshows

@_Jessica_Leigh_: Synchronized Swimming with the Stars #rejectedTVshows

@_Jessica_Leigh_: Pee Wee Herman's Neighborhood #rejectedTVshows

@gabbygayle19: The Amazing Rental #rejectedTVshows

@atownmania: Gary's Anatomy #rejectedTVshows

@gabbygayle19: Two and a Half Mother-In-Laws #rejectedTVshows

@gabbygayle19: The Mormon Bachelor #rejectedTVshows

     @atownmania: AKA "Austin's Life" @crackalacka22 RT @gabbygayle19: The Mormon Bachelor #rejectedTVshows

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows Dancing with the Pawn Stars

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien [Editor's note: ZING!]

@gabbygayle19: Good Morning Barstow #rejectedTVshows

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows Jimmer Fredette Celebrity Roast

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows American Nosepickers

@_Jessica_Leigh_: Survivor: Downtown #rejectedTVshows

@gabbygayle19: CSI Magna #rejectedTVshows

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows 60 Seconds

@_Jessica_Leigh_: Traditional Family #rejectedTVshows

@AdventureRyan: Woman Vs. Food #rejectedTVshows

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows How the Counties Got Their Shapes

@AdventureRyan: #rejectedTVshows How the Celebrities Got Their Shapes

Ah, that's some good stuff.

What about the future of television? Where will we go next? I'll tell you what will happen next, people. It's all about the A-Town Webisodes. Webisode 1.0 was uploaded to YouTube last Tuesday night, introducing us to the A-Town action figure. Subsequently, Webisode 2.0 was uploaded to the World Wide Web on Sunday night as I instructed you lovely Subscribers to my tips for online dating. If you haven't checked out the Webisodes yet, I'd highly, highly recommend it. They will change your life for the better, I assure you. You can find a link to each Webisode posted recently on my Facebook wall or by searching for "A-Town Webisode" on YouTube. If you have any suggestions for future Webisodes or if you'd like to appear on the show as a guest in the future, please feel free to contact me and let me know.

These kids love the Webisodes.

Now quickly for the obligatory fantasy football segment as I congratulate myself for dominating week three in the league. The A-Town Assassins climbed to the top of the leaderboard this week after scoring a league-leading 374.27 points. However, this week's Game Ball goes to Wes Welker of Jouent le Jeu, whatever that means. Welker continues to rack up the points for Miss Jessica, totaling 16 catches for 217 receiving yards, two TDs, and 63.85 fantasy points. Good. Very good. But it's first place that really matters, isn't it? (*wink*)

This is Wes seeing my team pass him on the leaderboard.

Speaking of football, there are two Shoutouts of the Week. The first goes to Ileana Merlos, a fellow fantasy footballer, that had tickets to last night's Monday Night Football game in Dallas. Indeed, that was one strange, strange game full of field goal kicking... Definitely not the most exciting game in the world, but I'm still super jealous that she got to go to the game. And finally, here's a Shoutout to my little Stir Fry, Bekah Boyd, who I met at EFY last summer. Bekah writes: "Hey 'Grampa' Aaron!! So I just wanted to tell you that I've recently been reading your blog... and I am now a big fan of it! Definitely gives me something to look forward to each week. So if you ever for some crazy reason decide to stop with your blog, think of the people like me, who now think of Tuesdays differently because of YOU..." Thanks Bekah!! You're awesome. Thanks for reading and keep up the good work.

That's about it for this week, peeps. That was a long one... but you asked for it! Happy Television Tuesday to you.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron