Greetings to one and all from Salt Lake City, Utah. That's right, A-Town has arrived at the big time. This Issue of the Newsletter is coming to you in vibrant color from the Marriott Library at the University of Utah. I do say, this is perhaps one of the coolest chairs I've ever sat in in my whole life. Topics to be discussed today: The first two days, more crimes against fashion, crazed Cougars, kid celebs, an XCOTW, censorship, and extreme amounts of pain. On we go!
Things are crazy up here at the U. For instance, I don't know which way to go to get out of this building right now. I've seen a homeless-looking man almost get hit by a truck coming out of a parking lot and I am pretty sure that a biker today used a duck call to alert pedestrians that he was coming through. It's a crazy place up here. I've been riding TRAX (the lightrail train) to school and today, seven bikers - or should I say cyclists? - got on the train at the same time, bringing their bikes with them. It was pretty intense. They all tried to fit in the end of the car and the train actually had to stop so the conductor could tell them to keep their bikes out of the doorway. It reminded me of those idiots who try to fit ten people in a car at once. Dumb.
Let's talk about fashion. I'm highly regarded by many authorities of something of a fashion cop, so I feel qualified to judge people by their appearance here while I'm at school. I still don't know what it is with people and the hippie headbands. The other fashion fallacy I've been noticing recently is that people think it's cool to wear the big plastic sunglasses, like the ones you got as a little kid, with the bright blue or yellow frames. You know what I'm saying? Big, fat, plastic lenses with thick, bright, neon colored frames. I'm not so much digging it, peeps. Wow. A girl just walked by and I'm pretty sure all she was wearing was a really, really long men's dress shirt. Frightening. P.S. Hi Mom and Dad! School is great!... But yeah... There sure are a lot of super-short shorts up in here... I'm guessing that they're going more by the high school, fingertips-length dress code more than the BYU honor code...
Speaking of the BYU honor code... If I get any more emails from angry BYU students I'll... Actually, I don't care. I'd love to get more hate mail. Now they'll all repent and send me love letters saying they're sorry for murmuring. Ah, BYU students... Gotta love 'em. I'm really try harder not to stereotype them if they weren't so stereotypical. I still love them though and they love me. They just won't admit it.
I was driving around town the other night and a Miley Cyrus song came on the radio. It made me wonder about other singers from the past... First of all, whatever happened to my ex-girlfriend, Hilary Duff? She's gone! The last time we heard from her was probably back in "Cheaper By the Dozen 2," wasn't it? What a shame. I don't think Hilary was ever as big as Miley Cyrus was, looking back on it now. Why, though? Why, why, why does everybody care so much about Miss Cyrus? She's barely sixteen, still not even legal, and everyone looks at her like she's some sort of goddess. The problem, though, with these little child stars is the fact that they will always be remembered as children! Miley Cyrus will always be Hannah Montana. Mary-Kate and Ashley will always be the girls from "Full House." McKaulay Culkin is Kevin McAllister. Lindsay Lohan is only a wannabe bad girl - she can't be a bad girl because she's the girl from "The Parent Trap." Daniel Radcliffe is forever Potter, and Keanu Reeves, though not a child, will always be Ted Theodore Logan. That's the thing. In five years, where will Miley Cyrus be? She won't be on Disney anymore because once you turn eighteen, you're too old. That's the point when ten years ago you'd be sent to T.G.I.F. with "Boy Meets World," but that doesn't exist anymore, so where will she go? My guess? She'll disappear into a mansion in Hollywood, live the rest of her life in a house full of Hannah Montana merch and that will be the end of her until she turns twenty one and can legally drink. That's when the real excitement starts.
Shall we revisit the past now and relive a prophecy that I declared years ago? Yes, by all means. Who remembers Norah Jones? Anybody? (Other than you, Grant, you weirdo...) Exactly. Nobody remembers her. She had that one song, "Don't Know Why," a couple years ago and everybody was going crazy giving her awards and recognition like she was the next big thing. I knew it, so I said it. "Norah Jones is a one hit wonder." That's an exact quote. Look at her now! Where is she? I believe that is what they once called an Ex-Celebrity of the Week. Boo yah!
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "What did you think about the movie 'G.I. Joe' and the surprise guest appearance by Brendan Frasier?"
- Subscriber mail
A. Well, perhaps you read the last Issue, where I Reviewed the movie. I asked for feedback and didn't get it. Only one person voted on the poll, so that wasn't helpful, so you know what I did? I went out and saw the movie again, dang it. Cody, Jon Davis, and I went to see the film last Saturday and I still liked it. The acting is a little rough, especially by Mr. Hottie Pants, Channing Tatum, who would make a better John Cena impersonator than anything else, but I still liked the movie. There are a few laughable parts, however, including the use of Norton Antivirus in one scene and the aforementioned cameo by Mr. Frasier. He appears in the movie for about five minutes or less, has but a handful of lines, most of them one or two sentences long, and I honestly had to look hard to make sure it was him because the role was so minor. I'm not really sure why they put Brendan Frasier in the movie. Is it an honor to be given such a small role in a movie? Or a proverbial slap in the face? Maybe next Time I'll answer that one...
Q. "Hey A-Town,
Have you heard any good political jokes lately?"
- Cody
A. You know me and politics... We don't go together very well. But (and this isn't a joke, this is serious), as you know, I work with a lot of Hispanics at the Coast. This keeps me in the loop with my Spanish speaking ability. The news is that they've developed a new Spanish verb. The verb, translated, means "to be overhyped and underperform when it's time to act." Something along those lines, anyway, if I understood them correctly. The word, you ask? "Obamar." That's funny to me because what is the conjugation for "he is overhyped and underperformes when it's time to act?" Obama.
Q. "A-Town,
I just finished reading the most recent 'SotT,' and being born into a red-bleeding Ute family and always hearing the caricatures and stereotypes of Utah fans seeded amongst the children of the Cougars, I have a Question for you: Now that you go to Utah, will you start to use cuss words?"
- Dallin
A. I've survived two days of school up at the U and after careful contemplation, I've decided to install something similar to a spell check that will edit and censor any potential #*$@!$% profanity in my Newsletter. Thanks for looking out for me, though. You're the &$*#@$^ man.
Q. "The girl next to you [mentioned in last week's Newsletter] wasn't squirming from the violence [in "G.I. Joe"], but your odor. She told me. I know its hard to believe but she didn't like the smell of your deodorant. Sorry you had to find out this way. P.S. Remember that time in the MTC when you taught an anti-semetic first lesson? I still laugh every time I think about it."
- Jordan Holmes
A. As do I, Jordan. As do I. And just as a disclaimer, it's not like I meant to say it. It just came out. Freakin' hilarious, though. I still remember the looks on everybody's faces.
Submit your inquiries to "Signs of the Times" via email - tarheelglory19@yahoo.com
Have any of you seen the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife?" Well, let's just say that I saw it last night and that movie (especially the ending) is P.M.U.!! And that's not necessarily a great thing. It really was a very strange, depressing movie.
How about those teachers that require more than one textbook for their classes? I think it's time for The Boo Box. Today I walked all around campus from nine in the morning until six in the afternoon carrying around four books - none of which I even got out of my bag today! I was also carrying a few other things, including my laptop. That adds up to a lot of back and shoulder pain and a sunburn. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
the sack, shall we?
The sun is setting on this marvelous Tuesday, so let's throw out some Shoutouts of the Week and hit the sack, shall we? Let's give some Shoutouts to all my Peeps at the University of Utah that I've seen on campus so far. Most of them don't even get the Newsletter, but oh well.
Scott Aylett, with whom I attended class for the first time since 2005.
Ryan VanWagonen, former AP in my mission.
Jon Lange, former Alta Band Secretary.
Parker Jones, of NCRM fame.
Alex Dahl, from middle and high school.
That's about it for this week. If you're tired, raise your hand. School may push back Newsletter production a little bit, but you can rest assured knowing that with the next Tuesday will come another fresh release from your good friends here at "Signs of the Times."
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
2 comments:
You know, I recently watched the movie "Two Week's Notice" of which, Norah Jones has a cameo and I actually thought to myself, "whatever happened to her?" And then you mentioned her...crazy. I actually really liked the GI Joe movie, but mostly because I was expecting it to suck quite horribly. Have you seen the movie 500 Days of Summer? I would like a review of it if you have.
I haven't seen 500 Days yet. We were either going to go see that or The Time Traveler's Wife and ended up seeing the latter. Dang, that was one messed up show. I thought it was "The Time Traveler's Wife," not "The Time Traveler's Butt." Haha, oh man. You'd have to see the movie to understand. That's definitely a Redbox rental, for sure, though. Don't pay full price to see it. It's depressing. I also had really low expectations for G.I. Joe, so I think that helped me like it more, too... and the question is - Norah Jones had a cameo?? Did you even recognize her?? I don't even remember what she looks like!
Post a Comment