Signs of the Times, Issue No. 65 - 08/04/09

"I wouldn't call myself a social butterfly..."

Greetings to one and all from a sleepy Sandy, Utah. Apparently laying down on your bed after eating a large pork quesadilla is adverse to staying awake for extended periods of time. That's all right. It's still Tuesday, and you know what that means... It's "Signs of the Times!" The past seven to ten days have been some of the most eventful non-mission days of my life, so I have a lot to talk about. Topics to be discussed today: The real source of my employment, steps toward marriage, The Week in Review, the local underground racing circuit, Rhett and Link, and black magic influence in Southern California. On we go!

Apparently I've upset a few Loyal Subscribers with my last Issue for failing to recognize a few interesting facts. The Question has come to my ears, "Aaron, what is the real story behind your recent employment?" Fine, I'll tell you. I fully intended to inform you of this last week, but I had been thinking about some other stuff and it slipped my mind, ok, so give me a break. So I was on a date a couple weeks ago when I used to have all those dates lined up, right? I got home from the date and check my phone. I had a voicemail from my dad, who had called me at about seven thirty or eight or so. He told me that he hoped I didn't have any plans for the next day at about ten in the morning because I had a job interview. That was was about all he said before closing the message and hanging up. I had to listen to the message twice because I didn't understand what he meant. Here's the inside scoop. My family had gone out to dinner that night at Costa Vida and they had spoken to the manager there about employment. I feel that it's fair to mention that I had already inquired about potential jobs at the same location about a month earlier and had been turned down. Apparently, a few minutes later, the manager came back over to my parents and asked them some questions about me and went ahead and set up an interview with me for the next day. I went to the interview, which lasted about ten minutes and then I was on my way with a brand new job. It was one of the strangest things ever. I had been searching for a job, applying all over the place, for three months with no success whatsoever and then I get a job without even trying. Hmm... Ponderous. Some would call it a miracle. I have my own reasoning. Well, things have been going well at the C.V. after one week of employment. I am averaging about five dollars in tips every day - and that money is tax-free, so that's some sweet action. Today I got ten dollars in tips! The job has been good for me for multiple reasons. It's nice to know that I have some money coming in. Other than EFY, it has been about a year since I was employed at Guitar Center, so the funds have been pretty scarce, as I've mentioned in the past. Also, it gives me something to do during the day and keeps me busy. For those of you that don't know, I'm slightly O.C.D. when it comes to certain things. I'm mostly bothered by balance and symmetry, so things like crooked pictures on the wall and odd numbers bother me. Spinning in circles also bothers me to a certain extent. Working as a cashier and working out in the lobby has been easy for me because I always know when a table needs to be cleaned. If the chairs are not all pushed in, I have to go fix them. The thing that bothers me the most is when people come in, move two or three tables together, and then leave them there when they leave. How dare they mess with my symmetry! Anyway, free horchata and burritos every day isn't such a bad thing. I think I've already gained three or four pounds since starting my job. That's not a bad thing, obviously.

It's funny how fast things change, isn't it? Just a few weeks ago, what was the complaint on every woman's lips? A-Town didn't have a job. A-Town didn't have a car. A-Town had a bunch of stuff he had to obtain before popping the question, right? He's a cheap piece of junk that won't spent lots of money, right? Check this out: In the last ten days, I, Aaron J. Christensen, have moved three steps closer to marriage.

We already talked about the job. What about the car? I've been looking online for an inexpensive car for several months. My dad and I have gone out to look at several of them, but haven't really been impressed. Rust, mileage, and broken parts have only been some of our concerns. With my recent change in employment, things have been looking up, financially speaking, so my price range had also increased, leading me to an expanded variety of automobiles. After looking around KSL.com, I found two cars that looked like they'd be worth investigating. One of the cars had been crashed, so that was unfortunate, and the car had to be eliminated. There was still the other car, though, which I decided to look into. We decided to go see the bronze '99 Dodge Intrepid on Saturday morning and when we got there, the car clearly had the nicest exterior of any of the cars we had gone to see earlier. We got inside and took a ride around. Everything seemed fine and in working order. The car was obviously not perfect - you can't expect to find any used car in perfect condition - but the flaws were minor. The interior is spacious and the engine is powerful. Only 78,300 miles for a ten-year-old car? Not bad! I pulled the trigger and got the car. So now I'm rolling in style with my new unnamed car. I'm still taking suggestions for the name of the car. Name suggestions I've heard so far include Enrique, Trish, Old Blue, and Buck, but I haven't picked one out yet. (Disclaimer: Don't be upset if I don't pick any of the names you suggest - if they're not good and I don't like them, I'm not going to use them.)

How about my college education? Oh, things are coming along quite well, considering that I'm typing up this Issue of the Newsletter for the very first time FROM A LAPTOP! That's correct - I dropped another eight hundred bones last night to get a laptop that the University of Utah so highly recommended that I purchase. It's nice. I mean, I don't have much on the computer yet - just some stuff like Flash and iTunes that I downloaded last night, but hey! I don't have to wait for Cody to say goodbye to all his girlfriends in Kentucky and sign off Facebook before getting online anymore! Woot.

So there you have it. Three steps closer to marriage! Job? Check. Car? Check. Laptop? Check. I was recently asked how many steps there are to marriage and my response was that there are at least three or four. Yesterday's impossibilities have become today's reality, so look at me now, ladies! If only some of you (as in one of you) could have held your proverbial horses for about three weeks, everything would have been fine. Oh well. Eat my shorts. Now I'm a single man living the good life. It's like a brand new world has been opened to me and it feels good. The next obstacle? As so clearly pointed out by my Loyal A-Towners on Facebook, there's one giant obstacle in my path now - the girl. Hmmm...

Here's something we haven't seen in a while - The Week in Review! Maybe some of you have heard about the film, "Inkheart," which came out a couple months ago. I had seen the previews... Something about Brendan Frasier reading a book and things coming to life... Looked kind of dumb to me. I mean, it looked like a nice family film geared toward younger kids or something, but I was in no hurry to go out and see it. My family is signed up for this deal with Blockbuster so we get tons of movies sent to our house every month. We got "The DaVinci Code," which was not nearly as good as the book, and "Inkheart" in the mail a couple days ago and my parents, along with Amy and Cody, sat down to watch the latter the other evening. I wasn't doing anything and had no plans, so I joined them, intending to watch for a few minutes and leave after realizing how dumb it was. I sat down and began to watch for a few minutes, eventually getting drawn in by the plot. Frasier plays what is called in the story a "silver tongue," a person who can draw characters out of books by simply reading aloud several lines of a book. Years earlier, as Frasier discovered his talent, several characters of the book, Inkheart were extracted from the book and drawn into his home, tossing his family into conflict with said characters. The problem is, however, that as characters from the story are drawn into reality, they are randomly exchanged with people from the real world. When Frasier's wife is accidentally sent hurtling into the book, he must begin a search for the rare title, Inkheart so he can read his wife back out of the book, so to speak. The movie follows Frasier's search for his wife with twists and turns being placed in his way as new characters from new books, including one of the Forty Thieves and Toto from The Wizard of Oz, make their way into the real world to help with or interfere with the hero's journey. I was really surprised by the movie. The plot was interesting and entertaining, mixing comedy with suspense and action. There was very little profanity and even the violence was scarce. It was a great family film, as I had expected, but was worth an hour and a half of my time. In fact, I wouldn't mind watching it again. The movie also instills in the viewer a desire to sit down and read - or write - a good book. I would definitely recommend this movie to everyone, except for those who think that Brendan Frasier is a crappy actor (I don't think he's that bad). I would give "Inkheart" a score of 8 or 8.5 out of 10 and would be interested to hear what any of you that have seen or will see the movie think about it.

Speaking of movies, I am really getting sick of hearing people complain about the ending to the new "Harry Potter" movie. Honestly, people, what ending are you expecting? I know some of you want to fight me about this topic and, if so, I say bring it on. Really, have you read the book? If you've read the book, don't complain about the ending of the movie. If you're upset that the final chapter of the sixth book isn't included, give me a break. Would you really feel that much better if the movie was five minutes longer so you could you could watch everyone stare at a white tomb? Really, I want some emails about this, too.

And speaking of emails, check this out!

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Aaron,

What's going on? I never see you anymore!"

- Your Mother

A. Well Mom, I'd love to tell you that I've been busy buying cars and laptops and working, but that's not entirely true. What you don't know is that I've been sneaking off at night to be part of Sandy's underground racing circuit. Obviously I have only had my own car for, what?, three days or something now, but that doesn't mean that I haven't had another car for weeks. That's right, I've been taking your Contour out at night to drag down State Street. You know these laptops aren't free, so maybe you've been wondering how I suddenly made so much money. I won it by owning the streets, Mom. The Contour has surprisingly great acceleration off the line and the nitrus intake valve that I had installed last month doesn't hurt, either. So this means that I wasn't actually at EFY all those weeks, either. I've been sleeping on the streets, returning only at nights for the car, then meeting up with my G's at the Iceberg on State. So... I hope that answers your question and also explains the new tribal arm band I had tattooed on my left deltoid. See you tomorrow morning.

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Have you seen my latest favorite YouTube sensations, Rhett and Link? Waddaya think? (Uh... that rhymes, dude.)"

- Your Most Loyal Subscriber

A. People always want me to include these weird aliases (or whatever) for them when they ask me Questions so I never know who is really asking them. But anyway, M.L.S., I'll have you know that Rhett and Link are two guys who make songs for YouTube (similar to "Flight of the Conchords") and post them for the world to see. My mother and I accidentally stumbled across them as we were looking for footage of that angry American Idol chick that got run over by a car and killed last week. This is what we found instead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHJzysAWSq4&feature=PlayList&p=AC939F52291675BD&index=0&playnext=1. Interesting, isn't it? Well we continued to watch a few of their songs and found them quite hilariously entertaining. My personal favorite is a song about Facebook addiction and can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSnXE2791yg. Hilarious. My sister, Amy, has taken a liking to Rhett and Link and also showed me this video about Taco Bell this afternoon. Feast your eyes upon it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uwY3sjqYX0. Good stuff. Good, good stuff. My only fear about introducing my Subscribers to Rhett and Link is that some of you may become obsessed with them and become quite annoying about it, as has happened to other musical groups that I have taught my friends about. So... let's hope that doesn't happen. Thanks for asking, M.L.S.

Q. "Aaron,

What do you think about the 'ShamWow?'"

- Amy

A. Simple. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsQcyhBsSjI.

Q. "Dear Aaron,

What is it about everything Disney that makes people's eyes sparkle and their wallets spill all over the place?"

Sincerely,

- [insert cool alias name here - I am not creative enough to come up with one myself.]

A. And yes, that's how the Question really ended. Well, I realize that what you are asking is really true because the other night I was trying to decide what movie to watch with a friend and we narrowed our selection to three movies. After a moment of reflection, it was true - all the movies were Disney. I concluded that there must have been some black magic or incantation involved, for surely such a thing must not have been coincidence. After some research, it has come to my attention that Walt Disney's body was rumored to have been frozen after his death in hopes that modern technology might someday bring him back to life. More research shed light on the fact that there is a secret, private club in New Orleans Square in Disneyland. The purpose of this club, "Club 33," is located next to the Blue Bayou Restaurant and is the only location in the park where alcohol is served. This leads me to believe that black magic is also performed there, not only for the purpose of bringing Mr. Disney back to life, but also to create powerful control over American citizens, not only emotionally, but also financially. So this isn't confirmed or anything, but I'm going to step out on a ledge and try to expose Disney right now. It is my personal belief that Club 33 in Anaheim is the source of an emanating magical power that enchants all adults with children under the age of accountability to spend lots of money and buy all Disney movies that come out, including sequels to films like "Pocahontas," "Cinderella," and "The Jungle Book," movies for which no sequels should ever have been made. And what was it that made me cry at the end of "The Fox and the Hound?" Emotions? I think not. Black. Magic. Busted.

Email your inquiries to me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com and expose major motion picture companies today!

And finally, it's time for the Shoutout of the Week. The Shoutout this week goes to my older brother Adam, who helped me get my laptop set up last night. You're a good man, Adam. Plus, he and his wife Kathryn each sent me an email after Issue No. 62 and never got recognition for having done so. I'm sorry. Now you have been recognized. Most importantly, however, I must mention that Adam is the first person to officially use the phrase "That's P.M.U." after its initial introduction in last week's Newsletter.

While I'm thanking people for their feedback, I'll give quick Shoutouts to Jordan Holmes and Ariel McCown who contacted me last week in unsuccessful attempts to justify their hatred of Utahns. Better luck next time.

That's about it for this week! Have a good one... and for the next seven days, I'll be trying to find a cure for my shrunken head and those mouse ears that have started growing out of my noggin.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron