Signs of the Times, Issue No. 67 (Back 2 School edition) - 08/18/08

Is that burning latex I smell?

Greetings to one and all from the kitchen and no, burning latex is not a good thing to smell when you're wearing gloves at work. It's the last Issue of the Newsletter before I start the next chapter of my infamous life. You heard it here first, Peeps. I'll be starting school up at the University of Utah next Monday, so today the folks here have given 80% (as usual) to give you the first ever Back 2 School edition of "Signs of the Times." Topics to be discussed: Things that "scurr" you, the transfer transition, revenge of the Facebook friends, bats in the belfry, school shopping, The Boo Box jinx, and a desperate plea for feedback. On we go!

My brother, Cody, and I were just talking about stuff in general and we started talking about something that reminded me of last Issue's Two-Minute Instant Message about the declining state of American education. We were talking about how nobody can spell, especially online, which leads them to say certain phrases, like "I ain't scurred," which is a ghetto translation of the English phrase, "I am not scared" or "I am not afraid." Sure, maybe you "ain't scurred," but you talk like a freakin' idiot.

The transition I've been making from Snow College (home of the Badger Blue) to the University of Utah (land of the Runnin' Utes) has been an interesting, albeit rough, one. Let me set ther record straight. I always wanted to go to BYU my entire life. I used to be a Cougar football season ticket holder and was so into the athletics program that I once set my radio alarm clock to 1160 AM (BYU football talk radio). Needless to say, it wasn't a very effective alarm. It was so boring that it didn't wake me up. But no! Everyone thinks I hate BYU. I don't hate BYU. They just hate me. It was near the end of my senior year at Alta High that I realized their hatred toward me. I had received a 28 on the ACT, which isn't a bad score at all. I thought that a 28, coupled with my 3.93 cumulative GPA, would certainly be able to get me some kind of a decent scholarship in Provo. I was wrong. I needed a 29.

My mom was really pushing for me to go to Snow. I didn't want to go to Snow. I had been down to Ephraim for a weekend and probably the most memorable thing that happened to us was that the school mascot tried to steal my watch. That mascot was always ugly. He still is. And who wants to be a Badger, anyway. My perspective greatly changed when Snow offered me a near-full ride scholarship. I accepted and before I knew it, I was down in the land of the turkeys. I attended Snow for a semester, went on my mission, and returned in Fall 2008 for another year until I graduated with my Associate's Degree in May of this year.

At the end of my stay at Snow, I had a decision to make. BYU or Utah? It has been a recurring theme in my Newsletter this summer, so why not bring it up again? - At the time, I didn't have a whole lot of money. And believe it or not, people, BYU is pretty dang expensive. Every time I say that, people ask me what I'm talking about. Um... It costs a lot of money to go to BYU. Keeping that in mind, I considered going to the U. I figured that if I was going to school in Salt Lake City, I would probably just live at home and commute, like a lot of students at Utah do. Not having to pay rent would save me a couple thousand bucks... I wouldn't have to buy as much food as I would if I was living on my own because I'd be eating with my family at least once a day. That would save me hundreds of dollars. Do you see how this would be appealing to a poor college student? Go to BYU and pay more. Go to Utah and pay less. Done deal. Plus, the U actually put effort forth into recruiting me. The Y did not. I actually felt a lack of interest from BYU. It's like if you don't go to their school they don't care because there are thousands and thousands of kids who are richer and have more famous parents than you, so they don't lose much sleep over it. I don't hate BYU. They hate me. And that's why I'm going to Utah. Entienden?

I've taken a lot of crap from BYU students and Cougar fans in the last couple months. I was thinking about it yesterday and I came to a conclusion. I don't judge my friends and peers because they go to BYU. Actually... Yes I do. But really, I think that people who associate themselves with BYU give U fans/students a harder time than Utes give to Cougars. For example, I went to a family party last night adorned in my finest (and at the time only) U of U shirt. It was only a matter of minutes before my little 13-or-14-year-old cousin came up to me and told me that she felt sorry for me. She was wearing a BYU shirt. All I had to say to her was this: "Tell me the last time you remember the Utes losing a football game." Exactly. I think that Ute fans don't give Cougar fans such a hard time because 1) they don't need to and 2) if they did, it would be so profane that the Cougar fan would be rendered essentially demoralized.

As school starts back up, one thing is for certain (or hopeful, at least) - that Aaron Christensen will meet new people. I have occasionally described the move back to Draper/Sandy as "high school again... just without friends this time." Though I say that somewhat in jest, we all know that there is a little bit of truth to every joke, right? I don't know if I agree with that saying, but it's true with this one. When I was in high school, my friends still remembered me and none of them were married yet... at least not that I know of... Speaking of!... I just found out that Kim Kunkel is engaged. Thank you, Facebook. Geez. I'm getting sick of this crap. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. So I don't really have that many friends anymore. They're all moving on and that's good for them. What I'm getting at is this. New people equals new Facebook friends, which, divided by a segment of last week's Newsletter, apparently equals an email from the one, the only, Mr. Jon Davis. Sock it to us, J-Dave:

"Hey man,

...just read last weeks' "Signs of the Times," I thought it was a particularly good one. I also hate when people don't chat on Facebook. . . I mean, if you're busy or something that's great, but I know what you mean. I wanted to tell you though, this crazy, ditzy girl that I met here added me on Facebook and she WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. It drives me nuts, man. Every time I get on there's like 20 notifications, and they're all her, commenting on my status and photos and it's all retarded stuff. I think I'm just gonna de-friend her. . . Did you use the term 'snake' in your mission?"

Peace out bro,

- Jon Davis

'Atta boy, Jon. 'Atta boy. I don't know what "snake" means, but I think I could probably guess. Do it, man. Do it.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

I'm sure that having a steady income is sure helping you get ready to go Back 2 School. Tell us this, A-Town. Why doesn't Costa Vida play music in the lobby like many other restaurants?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. I was just wondering this the other day - yesterday, in fact! And then I found out the answer. (SALUTE!) This guy came to fix the surround sound in the lobby, I guess. He would occasionally start blasting music through the speakers in the ceiling several times throughout the two o'clock hour. At the time, I was unaware what the sound was. I was out in the lobby sweeping and cleaning up after those messy Americans and all of the sudden, it sounded like the noises I hear at WalMart when a bird gets up in the rafters. Actually, I take it back. It sounded more like two mating African bats. I kept sweeping the floor and thinking, "What the HECK is that awful noise??' It was honestly a little frightening. And THAT, my friends, is why Costa Vida doesn't play music in the lobby.

Q. "Hey Aaron,

What are the top three things on your shopping list before school starts and why? We want to know what you're buying!"

Love,

- The Fan Club

A. That's a little creepy.

1. Chapstick. The medicated kind that tastes like garbage. Why? Because I attracted the wrong kind of girls last year with that delicious Jolly Rancher Watermelon stuff.

2. New clothes. A purple dress shirt, specifically. Cody asked me why I wanted to buy a purple shirt. Because it's dang stylish. That's why.

3. Nose hair trimmer. It's not exactly that I need one, but I've just always wondered what it would be like to have one.

Let's talk about two professional athletes now. One of them just got schooled and one of them is going back to the proverbial drawing board. Any guesses? The first one is Tiger Woods, who I apparently jinxed with my last Newsletter. Oops. Second is Mr. Brett Favre. He's done it again. He's back from his second retirement and joining the Minnesota Vikings. Is everybody else as sick of this as I am? I believe it's time for The Boo Box. I say once you're gone, you're gone. Once you call it quits, you can't come back. Michael Jordan is the quintessential posterboy of unretirement, but I think the torch is being passed. Give it up, Favre! Everyone hates you. We're sick of you and don't want to see you anymore. I hope for your sake that you have a worse season this year with Minnesota than you did last year with the Jets (and that will be quite the feat, won't it?). Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Perhaps some of you are looking for one final movie to see this summer before you hit the books... Will that movie be "G.I. Joe?" I believe this calls for The Week in Review. I saw "G.I. Joe" last night with Scott Aylett and some friends of his. I went into the movie having somewhat low expectations for several reasons. I never had a G.I. Joe as a kid and I never watched the cartoon or read the comics. And let's be honest - I was bored the first time I saw the trailer to the movie until it said "G.I. Joe" at the end. At that point I was mildly intrigued, at best. So there I sat in Theatre 11 of Jordan Commons as the movie began. I was hoping this wouldn't be another complex, perverted show targeted at geeks (like "Transformers 2" was) and I was drawn in pretty quickly, actually, despite my urges to dislike the movie. The special effects were pretty good and (I won't lie) some of the actresses were pretty good looking, which helped my outlook. The plot was relatively easy to follow, so any background knowledge of the "Joe" franchise was seemingly unnecessary. The show is intense. And long. That leads me to my first drawback. It was a little difficult to keep paying attention to so many sub-plots for so long. Sure, "Harry Potter 6" and "Transformers 2" were longer, but this one felt almost drawn out at times. The other problem I maybe thought about having was that the movie was a little violent. There wasn't blood squirting everywhere or anything like that, but there are a few parts that are a little graphic and I noticed the girl sitting next to me squirming a couple times. Scott disliked the movie and his main quarrel was about the dialogue. Looking back on it, there were a few cheesy lines in the film, mostly after somebody gets killed or something gets blown up. You know what I mean? Honestly, the dialogue didn't really bother me. Nothing compares to the horrible script from "2 Fast 2 Furious," which I abhorred. ("Dude, brah, dude! Holy $#@*, brah!" - Paul Walker is the worst actor ever.) All in all, I really enjoyed the movie. Three out of the four of us left the theater with a positive attitude. In the past twenty four hours, I've done a little bit of research and it turns out that pretty much all critics and everyone else who has seen this movie absolutely hated it. To make a long story short, they thought the actors were poor and they whined about things like the scientific impossibility of polar ice sinking into the water (which I didn't notice). If you're honestly worried about the ice sinking into the water, you'll probably be turned off by miniature viruses eating away the metal base of the Eiffel Tower, too. I think the jury's still out for this one. I want some feedback. Email me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com or post a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what you thought about "G.I. Joe." If I had to give it a rating right now, I'd give it somewhere around a 7.5-8 out of 10. I'll put up a poll on this site as well, so if you've seen the movie, vote, por favor.

For the Shoutout of the Week this week, it goes to a very special person for a very special reason. My sister, Amy, is not home right now. She is at work. Yes, it's true. It's Amy's first day of work - EVER - today, and on a Tuesday, nonetheless. Wow. Congratulations, sister, and I hope you're Feeling Good About Yourself

I am having a hard time thinking of anything that's pretty messed up this week and that, my friends, is P.M.U.

That's about it for this week. If you'll kindly excuse me, I'm off to scavenge the aisles of WalMart for discount Crayolas.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron