Baked Alaska?
Greetings to one and all on another blessed Tuesday afternoon. We here at "Signs of the Times" have been working overtime to find the most up-to-date, exciting, and borderline-controversial topics in popular culture and current events to distribute in this Issue. Whether we succeeded will be determined by the end of this Newsletter. Topics to be discussed today: The most stressful time of the week, Tiger wins again, good music, bad music, the declining value of education in America, a potential home for Carlos, bothering people at work, and people who won't allow it. On we go!
Many have asked what my favorite time of day is. I am by no means an no stretch of the imagination a morning person. I would consider myself more of a night owl, though I think that there are far fewer productive things to do after 10:00 PM. If I had to select a specific time of the day that I liked the most, however, I would say that for me, personally, that time would be about 11:00 AM. Why? Because you can still sleep in a little bit, but by the time that eleven rolls around, you're out and about (hopefully). You're not drowsy, it's not too hot outside on most days, and you still have the rest of the day ahead of you. It's the perfect time of day.
My favorite day of the week, of course, would have to be Tuesday. Need I remind you? It's Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday, for crying out loud. So, for you math majors out there, you put two and two together and you would naturally assume that my favorite time of the week would be Tuesday morning at eleven, no? Check it:
On Sunday afternoon, I ran into an old friend from high school - Nate Haines? Perhaps you've heard of him. After a few moments of catching up, he asked me if I was still having my "Feel Good Tuesdays," to which I responded affirmatively. He then proceeded to drop the following knowledge on me: According to a recent study, scholars have found that the most stressful time of the week is Tuesday morning at eleven AM. First of all, I wonder what is wrong with these scholars. What's their deal, huh? But secondly, I wonder why people would consider Tuesday morning such a troublesome part of the work week. According to Mr. Haines, lunchtime Tuesday is when people have settled down from the weekend, gotten over Monday, and are finally realizing what lies ahead of them in the upcoming week. I can think of much more stressful times than 11:00 on a Tuesday, like... um... well... uh...
So my family watched the first Steve Martin "Pink Panther" movie last night. I remember this being the last big movie that came out before I left on my mission. For that reason, I didn't make a final trip to the theater before I left. I had heard about the older "Pink Panther" movies, but had never seen any of them. Being accustomed to the the cartoon version of the panther, I was curious as to how they were going to make a live action version of the movie, considering I thought the movie was to be based on an animated series. I was a little disappointed to find out that the cartoon panther was not even in the movie at all and that it really had nothing to do with animals, whatsoever. It kind of reminds me of the time I found out that baked Alaska isn't even baked.
Is anybody else tired of Tiger Woods? I am. Sure, he's dang good, but it's the same story every time. He performs poorly during the first half of the competition, then miraculously comes back to win on the final day, sometimes saving a spectacular putt for the very last hole. What bothers me most is that Sportscenter and local sportscasters always try to portray things like Tiger has no chance at winning. That's like putting James Bond into a small room and pointing a gun at his temple. Do you really think he's going to get shot? Obviously not, or the movie would be over. I'm not sure what correlation Tiger makes with the Bond analogy, but I mean, it's really no surprise to me when he comes from behind and wins. If it didn't happen nearly every single time, perhaps I would be more impressed by it. I just hope that the weather man doesn't start pretending he'll be shocked when the sun comes back out after a rain storm.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Aaron, I have a Question for you... an opinion Question of sorts,
What are your top five albums to listen to? Like when I'm working and I need to listen to something that won't disappoint, and I don't want to have to make a playlist, I put on an album. These are mine: (now keep in mind, I'm talking about an album that completes itself...)
1. "Business Up Front/Party in the Back" - Family Force Five
2. "Alone Vol. 2" - Rivers Cuomo
3. "Weezer (The Red Album)" - Weezer
4. "Folie a Deux" - Fall Out Boy
5. "The Graduate" - MC Lars
Remember, this is my opinion, so I can't be wrong! Anyway, just wanted to see what you thought!
- Jediboy
A. It's a good thing you told me you weren't wrong because I was about to tell you that you were. Joking. But seriously, here are five of my favorite albums of all time. I wouldn't necessarily say they are my top five, but here are five of them, nonetheless, where I feel like I can listen to the entire disc without skipping a track on most days. I expect iTunes sales to boom after this one, too.
- "Greatest Hits" - Three Dog Night
- "All Their Greatest Hits" - Barenaked Ladies
- "Make Believe" - Weezer
- "Is This It?" - The Strokes
- "Dizzy Up the Girl" - Goo Goo Dolls
Q. "Dear Aaron,
What are the five most annoying songs you can remember from the 1990s?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) It's funny you should ask because, firstly, the last Question was about music (how did you know??) and, secondly, because I think I heard one of them on the radio today as I was driving. Here are five annoying songs from last decade in no particular order:
- Anything from Celine Dion
- "Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer - I HATE!!!! THIS SONG!!
- "Linger" - The Cranberries
- "Wannabe" - Spice Girls
- "Hit 'em Up Style" - Blu Cantrell (2001, but it's close enough)
Thanks for asking.
Here's something we haven't seen in a while... It's The Two-Minute Instant Message! This week's victim, er, participant is none other than my sixteen-year-old sister, Amy Christensen. Let's see how she does in the hot seat. I'll be in red and Amy will be in blue.
Hello there, sister.
Hey, Aaron.
Today I'd like to discuss the declining value of education in America. How do you feel about this subject?
I think that education's pretty important right now, especially with the economy.
For your next answers, will you please type faster?
I'll try.
Good. So I remember back in the day when people used to send their kids to a little school called "Challenger," which meant that they were smarter than regular kids. Does that still happen today?
Yeah, I think so. Well, there's A.P.A. and I think that's for the smart middle-school-aged kids.
Now it's more like they have schools for kids who are richer than regular kids, right? Like that one charter school by our old house... and BYU... right?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's dumb.
It is.
So do you think that being smarter than other people is considered cool anymore? Because it used to be, but now it's cooler to like... sluff classes... and dress like you just got out of bed, right?
It depends, like the groups I hang out with are all pretty smart people, like people from A.P.A. or in a lot of AP classes...
Are you trying to tell me that you're better than me, Amy?
Exactly. ...but there are still a ton of people who want me to go sluff with them and junk.
There's a line in the sand here, sister. Where do you stand? Essentially what I'm asking is this - Would you rather hang out with Bill Gates or LeBron James?
Bill Gates. He's loaded. :-)
So is LeBron. And he's more attractive, too. And has bigger muscles.
LeBron uses steroids.
STOP TYPING! TIME'S UP!!
It's always a shame when time runs out. We could have kept talking for hours, I think. Amy's a little chatterbox, as you can probably tell by her profound answers. We didn't even start to discuss how nobody cares about capitalization, punctuation, or the difference between "your" and "you're." Blast. Maybe next Time. And for the record, I don't find LeBron James attractive. I'm just saying that he was better than the alternative. Holla if ya hear me.
I recently had a thought. I have a basketball game for my Playstation and thought I'd sit down for a few minutes and see who the simulated NBA teams would offer me in a trade for Carlos Boozer. There was only one interested team - the Philadelphia 76ers - and they were willing to give up Andre Iguodala for the upset Utah big man. I'd do it. Does anybody have Kevin O'Connor's phone number?
At Costa Vida, we're running a promotion right now where if you come in and register a frequent diner's card with us, you can have a free ice cream bar for every entree that you purchase every time you come in this summer. A lot of people get scared off when they think about paperwork, especially when it asks for your phone number and/or email address, but we make it clear that all you have to do is write your name and the card number located on the back of the card that we give you. Seriously, all you have to do is write down two things that don't give us any contact information at all, so it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. It takes thirty seconds or less and then you get free ice cream all summer. Sweet, huh? Well this one time last week, I asked a guy if he was interested in free ice cream. He said yes. I explained what he needed to do to get it, to which he and his girlfriend waved me off and muttered, "It's too much of a hassle." Uh... That's P.M.U.
Remember how I didn't do The Boo Box last week? (*Pauses to allow time for you to Boo*) Well here's something that ticks me off. I know not all of you have Facebook accounts, but just imagine that you do for one second. It ticks me off when people don't respond when you try to say hi to them on Facebook Chat. There have been people that I have greeted more than ten times without generating a single response... and then they get mad at me when I delete them as my friend... If you're not going to talk to me (until I delete you), why are we even friends in the first place? It's funny, though. They send me a message saying something along the lines of "Did you really delete me as your Facebook friend?" I typically don't respond to these messages. What goes around comes around, eh? If you've had a similar experience with somebody not giving you the time of day or even saying a simple "hi," join with me. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
It's Time once again for the Shoutout of the Week. This week it goes to Scott Aylett, who came over last weekend for a little Rock Band and a partial Big Ticket reunion. Good times are back again. Hope the food was good today, brother. [This Shoutout was brought to you by The Big Ticket, where we give 80% 100% of the time.]
Well, that's about it for this week. Now I need to go find some more stuff to make fun of. See you in seven days.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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