Nothin' a little rebuking won't fix...
Greetings to one and all from Ephraim , Utah
I have been having crazy dreams again. Two nights ago (right after my neighbors woke me up with their screaming at 2:08 AM) I had a dream that three of my infamous ex-roommates were moving into my apartment. It was one of those dreams where you try to convince yourself that it's just a dream, you know? But I kept waking up after that, thinking, "This is reality." I was pretty upset that we'd have to share the hot water with nine people. Then last night, I had a dream that I was on vacation in Mexico with my family. The cruise ship dropped my mom, Amy, Cody, and me off at a shallow part of the ocean where we started playing some strange variation of basketball in waist-deep water. I spent the majority of the dream chasing an older woman around and getting yelled at in a chapel by Amy for cutting up magazines in her bedroom and not cleaning up the mess. Hmm.
KAGE Idol is coming up this Thursday night at 7 PM! I'm getting super excited for it. For those of you that have been hiding under a rock, I've been hyping this thing up forever and a half because I'm the dang Master of Ceremonies! I've been watching some American Idol... Studying my Seacrest-isms... and I'm ready to put that sucker to rest! After this Thursday night, the A-Town/Seacrest comparison will be a thing of yesteryear. Seacrest is a sham. A joke. Those in attendance will be convinced without a shadow of a doubt that A-Town is the greatest radio personality in the world, other than possibly Jason the Barbarian or Mason the Brick. But still! That would put Seacrest in fourth place!
Here's the story though... I've been making reference to a certain top secret secret that will be taking place at KAGE Idol, but I haven't said what's shaking yet. I'll give you a little bit more information now, just so you can have your video cameras ready. I'm telling you, this thing will make me a YouTube legend. It's taking place right before intermission. That's all I'll say. Well... I'll say this, too. We were making top secret preparations the other night and for some unknown reason, we had to move it outside at around 10:45 at night. We thought it would be safe, but within five minutes, we had people coming out of their apartments and cars surrounding us to the North and South. You think I'm joking, but I'm really not. We had to cut our secret session a little shorter than expected due to the gathering paparazzi. Ridiculous, really. In the words of a famous teacher I once had, it's "the price of fame" catching up with me again. It makes me sick. KAGE IDOL! This Thursday night from 7 PM to whenever. You should be able to listen online at www.snow.edu/kage. Be there or be square.
Apparently people just didn't get the memo. Uh... Today is St. Patrick's Day and, I don't know if it just isn't cool to do anymore or whatever, but I was for some reason under the impression that everyone was supposed to be wearing green today. So I set off for class from my apartment today wearing a lovely shirt and green tie in the manner of the original Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday back at Alta and lo, and behold, there are like a million people walking to class but NONE OF THEM are wearing green! Most of the poeple I saw were wearing all black. I don't know what the deal is... Maybe the world has turned and gone gothic on me overnight or something. Eventually I saw more people in green, but I would dare to say that probably less than twenty percent of Snow College students are wearing green today. Perhaps that's because they're perverted and want people to pinch them. Like I told you, it's a SICK world we're living in today with SICK people.
How about we heat things up a little bit with the new segment that's sweeping the nation? It's time for The Week in Review! Last week I reviewed toothpaste, which was fun. This week, though, I think I'm going to reach way back into my bag of tricks and go with something that was possibly the first of my highly acclaimed print journalism - a movie review! Over Spring Break, I saw the movie "Valkyrie," which stars Tom Cruise. First of all, let me say this: A lot of people rag on Tom Cruise for his personal life and crazy antics and I don't necessarily disagree with them, but I do think that, even though he's a bit of a nut case, he's a pretty dang good actor. The movie, which is based on a true account of one of the fifteen known attempts to assassinate Adolf Hitler, was pretty good, overall. However, I thought the movie was over at one part and I looked at my watch, only to realize that it was only halfway through. The movie is long, sitting at just under two hours of running time, so uh... make sure you go to the bathroom beforehand or... whatever... It only slightly bothered me that Tom Cruise didn't speak with an accent, though playing a German soldier. The ending was a downer, but wasn't nearly as dull or depressing as Will Smith's "Seven Pounds," which I would not recommend to anyone, especially not on a date. The plot of "Valkyrie" is intriguing, but sometimes confusing and hard to follow. And then comes one of my pet peeves - attempting to express extreme emotion and frustration with the use of a four-letter word that probably didn't exist in the German vocabulary back in the 1940s. I'd give the movie maybe 6 out of 10 on the TWiR scale. If you have something you'd like me to review (if finances permit), let me know. Email me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Why are you hating on BYU so much? I happen to go here, and although it isn't the best place in the world, its not as bad as working in only one trailer park in Raeford every other day."
- Tyson Hinde
A. I'm hating on BYU so much because they're hating on me. And I kind of liked that trailer park...
Q. "Do you hate me for kind of being a part of the Jazz bandwagon thing?"
From one Champion to another,
- Jon Davis
A. Is your favorite player Kyle Korver? No, Jon. I don't.
Q. "I was sitting in my astronomy class trying to not fall asleep as we discussed the creation of the planets. It was of course proposed to have happened spontaneously. How do you feel about such scientific theories?" A. I'm not buying it. Maybe I should do an experiment one day... I will stand several feet away from another scientifically qualified friend and we will start throwing rocks at each other. If, by chance, to of these rocks hit each other and manage to somehow fuse together, creating, essentially, a third rock, maybe I'll believe it. I don't know, though. I've never been a big fan of science. I don't really believe anything my teachers tell me anymore. I haven't believed in dinosaurs for a long time, either. Sure, they've found bones everywhere and all that junk, but hey - if I found enough pieces of metal, I could make a car, too. That's another story. Thanks for the Question, though.
You see? I yell at people and they respond. You can send your own inquiries to me via email or by posting them on the blog site at www.SignsOfTheTimesNewsletter.blogspot.com.
It's time once again for perhaps the only reason why anyone even checks their email anymore - The Boo Box! Oh man, this just makes me Feel so Good About Myself. This time let's Boo Billy Mays from those dang infomercials. What's your problem, Billy Mays? Why can you only rhyme half of your lines? Could you not just put forth a little more effort and make everything rhyme? Or are you just unintentionally rhyming things? Your style and sense of fashion is tacky, your hair is too Al Borlin for me, and you just talk too dang loud. Tone it down, Billy Mays! Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!!
In a related note, the Shoutout of the Week this week goes to my dearest (and only) sister, Amy Christensen. It's Amy's sixteenth birthday today, so on behalf of all of us here at "Signs of the Times," HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! Signs of the Times is right... Amy will be legally licensed to drive in a few weeks and she might even be going on a date this weekend. Good crimeny. Just let your little emo/Jonas Brothers boyfriends know that I got my rifle and shotgun shooting merit badges. I'm just saying...
And finally, I suppose I should let you Peeps know the big news of the week. I had an appointment with X96, one of Salt Lake City's most popular radio stations, on Saturday. I went in and talked to one of their DJs, Richy T., for a few minutes and then was offered an internship over the summer or next fall. I'm pretty excited about it. Hopefully I can make everything work out and be able to balance a job and/or school along with the internship. Woot woot.
I think that's about it for this week. Hmm... Is this Newsletter super short or is it just me? I don't know, but I'm sending it about three hours late, so I better just send it now. Check out "City Council" tonight from 10 PM to midnight. It's make up versus break up as Blink 182 takes on Barenaked Ladies, who will be performing LIVE! That's unprecedented stuff there, people. Have a good one.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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I don't know why the formatting is so messed up... Sorry, people.
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