Signs of the Times, Issue No. 171 - 08/30/11

The rains came down and the floods came up.

Greetings to one and all on a terrific Tuesday! The ZAGGflood, the day off, my controversial BYU tweets, my normal face, my love of the game, and my awesome grandfather. On we go!


I was excited to go to bed on Sunday night. This week, I started up my new work schedule which will allow me to sleep in for an extra hour in the mornings. I woke up a little more rested than I typically am as I prepare for work, had some "breakfast," and headed up to South Salt Lake. I was one of the first people to arrive since I wasn't aware of how bad the traffic was going to be. I ended up getting to work about 20 minutes early and just sitting in the parking lot until the managers showed up. Once we got in the building, we crept through the darkness to the time clock. I heard an unusual squishy sound with every footstep I took, but didn't think much of it. The girl in front of me turned around and said, "Is this carpet wet??" Upon turning on the lights, we quickly realized that the heavy rainstorms on Saturday and Sunday night had flooded the entire call center and many of the other suites around the complex. Because many of the back-up power supplies are directly on the carpeted floor underneath our desks, the management decided to send us home after about an hour. Today, we are still dealing with the unfortunate circumstances caused by the flooding. We have been temporarily relocated to another part of the suite that didn't get wet, but there are industrial-strength fans running, we've kept the door wide open, and the sound of vacuums makes it a little hard to hear customers on the other end of the phone, not to mention that all my Frito-Lay chips and Fruit Smiles are who-knows-where right now or that it smells like a wet sock in here. [Disclaimer: I am NOT complaining about my job, nor the company, in case there was any confusion, which, apparently, there has been in the past. Obviously nobody chose for this to happen and this is not any sort of critique or criticism of my employer.]

My desk is on the other side of that cubicle.

So what did I do yesterday as I got home at 9:00 in the morning? A whole day ahead of me with nothing planned... Well, I'll tell you what I didn't do - play video games. They were already spoken for. I went home and cleaned my room, put away some laundry, fidgeted around with some stuff in my music library, ate a real lunch (though I did miss my Sun Chips and granola bar), and went to a dollar movie by myself. Some may needlessly attribute my lonesome visit to Movies 9 to my lack of friends and/or social skills. It's not like I didn't try to go see the movie with anybody else, it's that everybody else was in school or working. Thus, I went by myself. It was nice. I just wanted to get out of the house and do something and the dollar theater was a thrifty prospect for me. Then I went to visit my grandparents for my grandpa's 80th birthday, went to dinner with a friend, came home, and read my scriptures before bed. All in all, it was a pretty productive day off for me. And oh good. They're dousing the carpet with Febreeze. Mmmmmm, April Fresh Scent.


**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,
The newest cast of 'Dancing with the Stars' was announced last night. Who do you think will win?"
Just Curious,
-The Junior Mounties

A. Who cares? (SALUTE!) I'm done with that stuff. The glory days of my prognostication are behind me.

Q. "If I told you that one of your readers has served jail time for a year, who do you think that would be?"

Just wondering,

- A long-time reader

A. Jason Moffat.


Need I remind any of you that you, the Loyal Subscribers, can feel free to send me a Question at any time. You know how to reach me.


The Utes play the first football game of the season on Thursday night against the mighty Montana State Bobcats. Not the greatest of games, but I'm glad to have football back. Football is great. It will be an interesting year for the Utes and the Cougars. Speaking of which, I created quite the commotion with a tweet I sent out last week concerning the BYU/Utah rivalry. Here is the tweet in its entirety: "I'm a #Utes fan. But in order for the #BYUUtah rivalry to be preserved I think that the best thing that could happen is for #BYU to win this year". I then tweeted "I feel like I need to go wash my hands after tweeting that, but it's true. The #Utes need a reason to keep coming back and playing #BYU." In a matter of moments, I had incurred the wrath of at least two University of Utah fans - one of whom threatened to "BIC PEN [his] eyes" at the very sight of such talk. Let me explain myself. I did not, by any stretch of the imagination, say that I wanted BYU to win. But, as a fan of the rivalry game, I want this rivalry to live on, regardless of which conference the teams are in. I think it would be a shame to let such great tradition lay down and die. For some reason unbeknownst to me, many Utah fans have adopted the "BYU doesn't even belong on the same field as us" attitude and they truly believe that there is no reason on Earth that the Utes should continue to play the Cougars. They believe that we, the Utes, are so much better than BYU that it is an absolute mockery to ever play them again. Ever. Well, considering the fact that we beat them by a blocked field goal last year, that they beat us the year before that, and that we've pretty much traded off victories every few years for the last decade, I'm not sure why they'd be saying such things. In a paradoxical role reversal, it's Utes, for once, believing that they are holier than the Cougars!! I'm not sure how this happened. So, come the third week of the season, I believe that if the Utes beat the Cougars again for the second straight year, that attitude would be inflated to even greater proportions. If we're already (allegedly) that much greater than BYU with no reason whatsoever to continue the rivalry, beating them again this year would only solidify that notion, if nothing else. Dare I say it, for the sake of one of the greatest rivalries in the entire country, the best thing that could happen would be BYU beating Utah. And the only thing better than that would be for the Cougars to absolutely demolish the Utes. The Utes need a reason to come back for blood. Going into this year's rivalry game with the attitude that BYU is the scum of the universe and then getting beaten by them would generate an adequately-sized slice of humble pie, as they say, and the Utah fans would be out for blood next year. This is what makes the rivalry great and, to all you Utah fans that don't agree with me, slap yourselves. Wake up. There are bigger things in sports than money and conference alignment. Save the Holy War! Save the Holy War! And, if it's the only way to keep things the way they are, I'm willing to sit there and take all the abuse from you people who still, for some strange, strange reason, think that I hate BYU. Rub it in my face. Tell me I'm going to heck. Whatever. If it preserves the rivalry game, I'll sit there and take it. For the love of the sport.

Oh yeah, this is all going down.

There I was on Sunday, just passing the sacrament, as I've been known to do a time or two in my life. After I sat back down, my phone vibrated and I received a text from a fellow ward member. The text read, "Are you doing ok? You look grouchy." I texted back, "That's just my normal face, but thanks for noticing." On my mission, I was often asked, "Elder are you feeling ok?" "Yes," I'd respond. "Oh, you just look sick today." Thanks. "Elder, you look tired." "Thanks for pointing that out." From time to time, I'll hear comments like that these days, similar to the text I received on Sunday. As if we're all not already self-conscious enough about the way we look in public, right? Let me tell you, there's nothing that makes me quite as grouchy as people telling me that I look grouchy. That's P.M.U.!! I'm sorry I wasn't smiling from ear to ear and making eye contact with everyone as they partook of the bread and water. I'm sorry I failed to do a little softshoe as I glided up and down the ailes. Terribly sorry. I'll try to look a little less grouchy next time, I guess.

Here's something else that I hate: the NBA. Football is awesome. Football is America's blessed sport, the sport of champions. The National Basketball Association is full of a bunch of whiny babies. Spoiled brats. I remember when I was recently unemployed and how miserable I felt every day waking up knowing that I didn't have a job and had no money coming in. The NBA is currently having a lockout, where players cannot contact coaches, owners, or administrators until a formal agreement is reached to create a new collective bargaining agreement. I'm totally with the owners on this one. I feel no sympathy for the players at all. When I first heard that there was going to be a lockout, I figured it wasn't really a big deal and ignored any rumors that the entire season may be lost in the long run. However, as the summer sailed on by and I started to realize how little the players actually care about their jobs, that is a real possibility. Instead of working together with the owners to attempt to reach a new deal, NBA players are currently blowing their hundreds of thousands (and, in many cases, millions) of dollars traveling the world, searching out beach volleyball leagues to join, enrolling for "Dancing with the Stars," and threatening to take their proverbial talents to Normandy Beach and joining European teams. Do they think that's enticing? I have a hard enough time watching other non-Utah Jazz NBA games. There's not a chance in heck that I'm going to watch some mid-level NBA player in an exhibition game for Lithuania. These guys don't care about their jobs and they don't care about their fans, which is a real slap in the face not only to their adoring public, but also to all the Americans who are currently unemployed and working their fingers to the bone searching online and in newspapers for jobs every single day. I hate the NBA. I have been a big supporter of the Jazz (and let's get it straight - I have nothing against the Jazz, but it's the principle of the thing), but I will go as far out of my way as possible to not spend a single dime in support of the Association this season. Games will be lost and the entire season is in jeopardy at this point and I couldn't care less. Everybody together now -BOOOOOO!!

Don't see no basketball players here...

If you also feel like I do about football, the greatest sport in the world, feel free to join me in the next installment of my fantasy football league. I need competition this year, since Austin, last year's so-called champion, has decided that he's too cool for school and refuses to play this year. Because this year's registration process has basically been like pulling teeth trying to get people to sign up, I've reluctantly decided to change my league to "open enrollment" for the next 24 hours. If you're even remotely interested in playing fantasy football, even if you don't really know what it is or how to play, I'll help you. I'll teach you and I'll coach you. The only stipulation is that I ask that you update your team once a week. Once a week. That's all I ask. If you're interested, you've got until Wednesday afternoon to contact me. I'm setting the draft status to "ready" tomorrow night. Holla at ya boi if you want in.

Oh yeah. That's fancy.

The Shoutout of the Week is again two-fold. First of all, let's give a Shoutout to Howie Mandel. My mother pointed out that she had retweeted one of Mr. Mandel's tweets recently and that I'd find it particularly awesome, so I took a look. Howie had retweeted and additionally commented on a remark made by fellow celebrity Gary Busey. @THEGaryBusey tweeted, "Monday is the best day of the week. Make Monday great and the rest of your week will be golden.", to which @howiemmandel replied, "Tuesday is better." Oh yes, Howard. That is correct. You are a great American. Thank you, good sir, and have a blessed Tuesday, from one Mountie to another.

'Atta boy, Howard.

Secondly, here's a Shoutout for my Grandpa Goulding, who may or may not be as avid a reader as his wife. He celebrated the big 8-0 yesterday and is still looking and acting like he's 60. Recently referred to as "Super Grandpa" by another Loyal Subscriber, Kristin Manning, my grandpa is one heck of a guy. He's retired, but he's still always hard at work, constantly searching for home improvement projects and the latest and greatest technological innovations for his self-proclaimed "skybox" in his living room. Happy birthday, Grandpa! Hope you're doing well, all things considered. You're a great guy.

Well, children, that's about it for this week. It's been a crazy Tuesday. Busy, busy day at work, and a nice, peaceful afternoon full of blogging, pizza, Madden 12, and "America's Got Talent." Peace be with you, my A-Towners.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron