"What you call the greatest day of your life, we call 'Tuesday'."
Greetings to one and all on a tired Tuesday. Why tired? You'll soon find out. Many things to talk about today, as usual. Topics to be discussed: "Into the Woods" and the reason why they don't let me write musicals, comparisons between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Miami Heat, my fascination with banshees, the creeper van, why I don't care about tanning or Shark Week, my favorite foods, ways to avoid zombies, and proof that Tuesday is the best. On we go!
I'm a tired boy today. This will undoubtedly be a long, exhausting week for me as the Taylorsville Orchestra and I come down the home stretch with our "Into the Woods" rehearsals and performances. As some of you may know, I've been playing with the small community orchestra with Richard Brunson at the helm since January. It has been a good experience and I've really had fun dusting off the old trumpet skills, which I hadn't really used since before my mission. Taylorsville City has decided to put on a production of the moderately-successful and relatively-unknown musical, "Into the Woods". This is practically my first exposure to the show, other than that I know my parents had a recording of it on VHS back in the early '90s. I'd never seen it before and knew almost nothing about it going into the first practice. Come to think of it, I still don't really know anything about it. Here's my take: It's a weird show. The lyrics are kind of clever, but they're cliche and strange. There aren't any songs you'll get stuck in your head as you leave the show, unless you've been rehearsing them over and over as part of the cast or pit orchestra - and believe me, that's more annoying than anything else. Richard's brother, Michael Brunson, has become a friend of mine throughout my experience with the group. He played the trumpet with me over the past several months and is now covering the percussion parts for "Into the Woods". As we briefly chatted on Facebook last night after another three-and-a-half-hour rehearsal, we both had several Questions and came up with multiple conclusions.
"Into the Woods" **QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. What is this show even about?
A. It's a hybrid of many fairy tales we all know and love: Jack and the Beanstalk, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Rapunzel, and others all make appearances in the show. Other than that, we, as members of the orchestra, don't really know what's going on. The tough part about this is that we can't pay full attention to the show because we're in front of the stage with our backs to all the action, so we have to draw our own conclusions to a certain extent so that we kind of know what's going on behind us.
Q. What conclusions have you drawn?
A. Jack's cow doesn't give milk... possibly because it's not female. Apparently the narrator is the baker's father. After ending the first act "happily ever after," in the second act, the princes both attempt to cheat on their wives and a bunch of people get killed off (but I'm not sure how, why, or really even who). Little Red Riding Hood somehow ends up as some sort of mother/friend/pet/potential love interest for Jack in the end. "There are giants in the sky," but we don't ever see them. Apparently they both die, but we're not sure how.
Q. Anything historic about this musical?
A. I'm pretty sure we're on track to set a world record, as a matter of fact... for longest musical ever. If things don't drastically change (like cast members learning their lines, for instance), we're on pace for a seven-hour show.
Q. What are some ways you could make the musical more exciting?
A. Like I said, there aren't really any songs in this musical that will make you want to get up and boogie, so Michael and I have come up with a few ideas of things that would really make people want to get out of their seats. Last night, we found out for the first time that apparently during one scene a house collapses. Due to budget constraints, I guess, there is not an actual house on stage and you won't be able to see anything collapsing, so we're settling with a loud cymbal crash and some of the actors fall to the ground. I think that instead, I should press a button that will collapse parts of the benches where the audience is sitting. NOBODY would see that one coming. It's the world's first interactive musical! At several points in the musical, we use temple blocks to make a "knocking" sound effect when a character arrives at the home of another character. Michael says he is trying to get a doorbell sound effect to use instead. That would be awesome. Another fun idea would be having Michael walk up on stage and punching the narrator in the face. Trap doors, pyrotechnics shooting from my trumpet, actual bird attacks instead of imaginary ones... And finally, at some point in the middle of the first act, just when things are getting really boring, I'd like to stand up and spray the audience with a Super Soaker. Just for fun.
These things I've mentioned are all obviously great ideas with abounding comedic potential and we may or may not actually do them at some point during this week's performances. You never know. And seriously, who wouldn't want in on a musical that almost outlasts your shift at work? If you're interested in seeing what tricks we have up our sleeves - or in just supporting local theater productions - feel free to stop on by the SLCC campus in Taylorsville on Redwood Rd. this Thursday through Saturday night and the following Monday at 8:00 PM. Tickets are $7, I believe, or $25 for a family.
"Once upon a time..."
You know what I'm sick of? These Miami Heat-Philadelphia Eagles comparisons. Absolutely ridiculous, I say, and let me tell you why. The Philadelphia Eagles have probably made the most highly-publicized move of the recent NFL offseason, but Nnamdi Asomugha?! I'm not sure I'd really even heard of the former Oakland Raiders defensive back that much until last week. Apparently he's one of the best cornerbacks in the game, but he played for a horrible team! I could draw obvious parallels to Chris Bosh of the NBA's Miami Heat here - Miami coveted him and scooped him up as part of the self-proclaimed "Big Three" with Dwayne Wade and LeBron James, but Chris Bosh was the best player on a crappy team. Like Kevin Love of the Minnesota Timberwolves, who grabs 20 rebounds a game, not out of pure skill, necessarily, but because nobody else on his team knows how to play, I think Mr. Asomugha may be receiving an incredible amount of undeserved hype. I'm not saying that he's not good - I don't really know that much about him. But another major factor of why you can't compare the Eagles to the hated Heat is because one player in football can't make the difference that one man can in basketball. LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan... those guys can take over a game in the blink of an eye, especially if the officials are helping them out a little bit. But one cornerback? One running back? One wide receiver or quarterback? First of all, they're on the bench half of the time. Secondly, a quarterback, for example, no matter how good, has to rely on others (offensive line, wide receivers, etc.) to be effective. Even if Mr. Asomugha is allegedly one of the best defenders in the game, it's not like he's going to have an opportunity to make a difference, much less take over an entire game, at any given moment. Michael Vick is spectacular in small doses - I know, he was on my fantasy team last year and produced some of the highest single-game numbers I've ever seen for an individual player. But he's fragile and is very hot and cold. He's either incredible or he's mediocre. He doesn't perform consistently and battles injuries every single season. Their backup quarterback, Vince Young, is a total psycho. He essentially gave up on football last season and is a shell of his former collegiate self. Though Mr. Young proclaimed the Eagles the "Dream Team," that means nothing coming from him. That would be like Kyrylo Fesenko being traded to the San Antonio Spurs or something and saying that it was the greatest team of all time. For him, probably yeah. But is this Eagles Squad really the "Dream Team"? No. If they had an all-star team (literally), then yes, that would be great. But the comparisons to the Eagles being like the Heat - buying a championship, convincing players to go there for less money, and being highly-touted as the early favorites to win a championship next season - are overblown and just flat out ridiculous. Plus, need I remind us, I still haven't seen Philadelphia fans holding pep rallies proclaiming that they're going to win "not one, not two, not three... not seven..." championships yet. Once they do that, I'll officially hate them just like I hate the Heat. But until then, I have no problem with what they're doing.
These are not the bad guys... yet.
I've recently caused another Aaron-esque annoyance on Facebook with my use of the phrase "like a banshee". Take, for instance, the day I said I was going to practice my trumpet like a banshee. Do banshees even play the trumpet?? Then I said I was going to sleep like a banshee. Is that an intelligent statement? Watching the X-Games like a banshee with a cable subscription?? These are the reasons why nobody follows me on Twitter. I annoy everyone and then they unfollow me. Good riddance, says I. If you don't like it, don't read it. But what do banshees really do?? THAT is the Question! Banshees are somewhat-mythical spirits that wail loudly when someone near them is near death. That is what they do. So, come to think of it, if I was playing really high notes on my trumpet outside a hospital or something like that, playing the trumpet like a banshee isn't all too far-fetched, after all. #jokesformusicians
Not this Banshee.
Something at work scared me last week. I went over to Suite L to get a carbonated beverage during my 9:00 break, as is customary for me to do, and on the way back, a large, white van was driving around the parking lot. I cut across the parking lot to get back to the call center and the van started to drive very slowly right behind me. It was a loud van, too. The engine purred like a jungle cat ready to pounce, but I dared not turn my head to look at the van. I just kept walking. Head up, looking straight, one foot in front of the other. For those of you that have never experienced having a large van driving slowly right behind you, it's a rather creepy and nerve-racking experience. I almost wanted to drop my drink and run to safety before masked men jumped out of the back of the truck and kidnapped me. It was scary. Thought I'd share that experience with you.
Highly unlikely.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Is getting a tan a legitimate concern?"
- Austin
A. Not if you're Mormon and temple-worthy.
Q. "Hey A-Town,
Are you loving Shark Week?? Surf's up!!"
Love,
- The Fan Club
A. I don't understand what everyone's obsession is with "Shark Week". No, I'm not watching it and I don't really have anything to say about this. I just wanted to point out that I don't understand it. Why don't we all spend more time watching things that actually matter like pro wrestling or Craig T. Nelson movies?
Q. "What is your favorite candy bar? What is your least?"
- Jordan Holmes
A. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of chocolate. I much prefer candy like licorice, gummy bears, Mike & Ike's, and things like that, but there are a few candy bars that I really like. I like Twix and Snickers. I also believe Snickers is one of the best mix-ins at these create-your-own ice cream and frozen yogurt places these days. I'd probably say those are my favorites. I really don't like dark chocolate or any form of pure chocolate candy bar, such as Hershey's bars. I like the cookies 'n' cream-type stuff, but the plain, solid chocolate stuff is no good. Makes me too thirsty. Now if I get a bunch of Hershey's products delivered to my house in the next couple weeks, I know who to blame.
Q. "What is your favorite kind of pizza and why?"
- Suzy Petersen
A. Are we talking, like, toppings? Or brand? I'm a fan of classic pepperoni and Hawaiian. I love most kinds of pizza, as far as companies go. I can't really think of a kind of pizza that I don't enjoy. I love Little Caesars, possibly due to how cheap and easy it is to get, but I just love it and their Crazy Bread. (Mmmmmmm... I once ate an entire bag of Crazy Bread by myself on a Tuesday because I was hungry... and because it was Tuesday.) Papa John's was probably my favorite pizza on Pizza Night at EFY the last two summers, though. I'm surprised you also didn't ask what my least favorite kind of pizza was. That's easy. Though it has regained some of its standing with me in recent years, I once had a bad experience involving supreme pizza, one sleepless night, a bowl, and a spoon. I couldn't eat it for years. I'll leave it at that.
Brittany Peay recommeded that I blog about the so-called "Zombie Walk" coming up. I don't know much about this event, so don't come looking to me for details, but I think I've heard about these things in the past. I've heard that these events are kind of like 5Ks but you are separated into different groups. Like, one group would be "walkers." They would walk the 5K. Another group is "runners" who would run that distance. Another group is the "crawlers" that get down on their hands and knees and, well, crawl, I guess. These methods of self-transportation represent, if I'm not mistaken, different ways to escape in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Call me crazy, but I'd probably feel safest being the group that hides behind the front door with a sawed-off shotgun.
I'm with this guy.
Mike Holmes wanted me to blog about Tuesday. Mike is perhaps one of the strongest believers in Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday that isn't a family member of mine, so I'll gladly accept his request. As some of you may have seen on my Facebook status the other day, I recently saw one of the greatest television commercials in the entire world. There I was, sitting on the couch as Austin watched some TV. A commercial came on the screen. Something about this guy having a fit of incredible luck during a stay at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. Didn't really catch my attention at the time, but then the last ten seconds of the commercial pass by with a single line of dialogue from a disembodied voice. I suppose I could give you that line right now... or you could just go experience the commercial for yourselves. Check this out:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWn8cyUMDbg As soon as I heard that last line, my arms shot up, triumphant, in the air, and I exclaimed my approval out loud for the whole house to hear. Long live Tuesday, the greatest of all days.
The Shoutout of the Week goes to........ How about Jonathan Blackham? This guy is also another big supporter of Tuesdays and probably doesn't receive near the recognition that he deserves. In these times of exponential popularity of my Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday group, I must thank Tuesday's top supporters (Mike and Jonathan, to name a few) for their efforts in spreading the Tuesday message far and wide. Though we do lose a few members here and there from time to time, we have added many new believers to the ranks these past two or three weeks, which brings such joy to my dear heart. Thank you to you, my good sir, Mr. Blackham, for your loyalty to the Banditos, the A-Towners, the Loyal Subscribers, and everyone who ever wished to Feel Good About Themselves each week. You're a good man. Good work, brother. Good work.
That's about it for this week, peeps! I need to go practice my banshee like a trumpet. Wait, what?
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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