Signs of the Times, Issue No. 158 - 05/31/11

"Let's do it again."

Greetings to one and all and welcome. Welcome to my Newsletter. My name is Aaron and this is my world. Topics to be discussed today: How to not treat girls with respect, my first week at ZAGG, "The Big Ticket" Week, the A-Town Doctrine, and singing like the birdies sing... if you can smell what the A-Town is cooking. On we go!

So I recently kind of watched the fabled chick flick, "The Notebook." Let's say I was more just in the same room as the movie, so it's not like my eyes and ears were glued to it or anything, but um... I have a couple things to say about the few moments I did see. First of all, I'm highly distressed by the fact that so many young girls love this movie. Have these girls actually watched this movie?? Holy crap! That's P.M.U.!! I didn't even watch that much of it and I was sickened by the thought that so many young girls have seen that movie. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. No wonder nobody wants to date guys like me after watching this garbage. After watching some of those scenes, I just sat back and thought, "How am I ever supposed to do anything ever again?" Wow. "The Notebook," like so many other chick flicks and romance novels before it, gives women false expectations of men. Additionally to the aforementioned love scenes, take the 365 letters that Lover Boy allegedly writes to his Sweetikins. Do girls like that?? NO!! No, they don't! Girls don't even like it when I try to instant message them once a day on Facebook. I can't imagine how upset they'd be if I wrote them a letter every single day. Unrealistic expectations. If that guy were real, they would avoid him like the plague and ignore all his texts... and that's... the truth.

What is this movie rated??

My first week of work went well. I trained all of last week and have been out on the floor with the other customer service representatives for the last two days. I answer phones for customer service and sales from 6:45 until 3:15 from Monday to Friday and it's really not too bad so far. I have been surprised at how nice the callers have all generally been. Of course there is the occasional exception here and there, but for the most part, they have been intelligent, kind, and friendly. Take, for instance, an email that was sent to my supervisor yesterday on my first day on the floor:

"Just talked to a customer service rep named Aaron. I commend him and Zagg for something that is hard to find these days, exceptional customer service. Give Aaron a raise!"

How about that? That's certainly very kind of her to say! I like my job. I think it will be a fun one, all things considered. There is one thing I wish I could change, though. There is currently a competition going on and the winner (the salesman of the year - which won't be me) gets a 5-day trip for two to Disneyland. In order to motivate people to sell, there is a TV on the sales floor that shows Disney movies all day long. I wish I could move my desk two feet to the left because that TV is just out of my line of sight. If only I were a few feet closer, I'd be able to watch Disney movies all day when it got slow.

This past week, as many of you may have noticed on Facebook, was "The Big Ticket" Week in commemoration of the one-year anniversary of the one-year anniversary of the worldwide release of "The Big Ticket 2." Ideally, everyone in the world would have posted their favorite TBT memories on the Facebook fan page, but, as per usual, the only one who posted anything all week was yours, truly. I rewatched the movie on Sunday, May 29, to celebrate the most legendary tag team in the history of professional wrestling. Upon review, several things stood out to me. 1) The idea of a third installment in the TBT series is sounding more and more like a good idea and 2) I really don't know why no one wants to date me. If only every girl in the world watched that movie 365 times a year, I'm sure it would rise in fame to the point that it would be right up there with movies like "The Noteboook." Girls would cry each time they watched it. They would watch it again and again and then, once and for all, no one would want to date Thor or Edward Cullen because they'd be so in love with professional wrestlers. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he? Congratulations to The Big Ticket, Mick, and Mr. Lloyd on their underrated excellence, overall greatness, and their rightful and well-deserved spots in the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame.

The Big Ticket.

I spent yesterday afternoon down in Provo at my brother and sister-in-law's home eating delicious food and hanging out with my little buddy, my three-month-old nephew, Joshua. I'm been spending some one-on-one time with the little guy to make sure that he's raised in the ways of truth and righteousness. Undoubtedly, Adam and Kathryn are doing a great job, but I have a few things that I really, truly believe that this kid needs to grow up knowing. As I held Josh yesterday, I took a moment to teach him something I will now refer to as "The A-Town Doctrine": "With a great headband comes great responsibility." I asked my mom if I could make him a little headband. She was not pleased.

The A-Town Doctrine: Words to live by.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

What kind of food, specifically, did you have yesterday at your Memorial Day BBQ?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. That's a good Question, my boys! (SALUTE!) Have I told you about those little baby birds whose nest was conveniently built in the barbecue grill in our backyard?... Birdie burgers...

The beaks were a little rubbery, but other than that...

Well, a unanimous decision for this week's Boo Box is the Miami Heat. They've gone and done it. They bought, arguably, the best talent in the league, essentially buying themselves a spot in the finals this postseason and they finally made it. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!! The NBA Finals begin tonight and, in what is practically a battle of good versus evil, Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks are the good guys. Talk about "Signs of the Times"!... Is Dirk Nowitzki actually likable?? Hard to imagine, but I'm really going to be pulling for Dallas. The Heat are the New York Yankees of the NBA, showing once and for all that money - and not necessarily talent and teamwork - wins championships.

This was before the preseason. Dust off those championship shirts, boys.

Notedly, there are a lot of people out there that hate my Newsletter (who cares?) and, shockingly, even people out there that don't like Tuesday. Hard to believe, isn't it? However, for every hater out there, there is one person like Whitney Wilson, who stumbled across "Signs of the Times" one day last week and - almost equally as shocking - couldn't stop reading. Whitney caught up with the last several Issues of the Newsletter and personally contacted me, letting me know that she enjoyed them. If ever a young lady deserved the Shoutout of the Week, this girl, Whitney Wilson, did. Thank you, Whitney, and congratulations to you for this incredible distinction.

That's about it for this week. Here's wishing that you people are all having a lovely Tuesday and kicking some booty out there with whatever you're doing. Remember - today is Tuesday and you should Feel Good About Yourself.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron