"It's the end of the world as we know it/And I feel fine..."
Greetings to one and all. Happy Tuesday to you. Times are a-changing here in the Christensen household - and that's good news for the Newsletter. There should be plenty to talk about from now on. But today, the topics to be discussed are as follows: Gainful employment; the end of days; paternity testing; the knight, the cowboy, and the Junior Spaceman; and the Shoutout I never thought I'd give. On we go!
The rumors are true - I am once again gainfully employed. I started my new job with ZAGG, Inc., yesterday and it seems like it should be a pretty sweet job. ZAGG basically makes protective gear for handheld gadgets like phones and iPods. Their patented invisibleSHIELD can be applied to a mobile device to prevent the inevitable nicks, dings, and scratches to your gadgets and, quite frankly, some of the stuff I've seen in the last two days has made my jaw drop. This is a call center job, which sounds lame, but it pays $11/hr., which is pretty good for a customer service job. The company has only been public for a little over three years, but they've done very well for themselves thus far - and treat their employees like royalty, from what I've heard! Last Christmas, they gave every employee in the company an iPad. At one point last year, they gave each employee a $1,000 travel voucher and stock options. Sounds like a place I need to stick around at for a while. So far, there hasn't been much going on because I'm still in training. It's a lot like the first couple days of school: exciting because it's something new, but having to go over all the rules and procedures make it pretty boring at the same time. I feel like my jobs have given the Newsletter some of its finer, more comedic moments, so we'll see where this one takes me.
Zealous About Great Gadgets
Today I got a free invisibleSHIELD for my phone. Though tricky the installation due to the numerous parts for my LG enV3, I just feel so incredibly happy that my phone is now protected. Unfortunately, I didn't get protected a couple weeks ago at my graduation when I accidentally dropped my phone while getting out of the car, resulting on a couple huge scratches on the main screen. Now the phone is covered, a little more shiny, and possessing extra grip. It doesn't look any different, obviously, which is pretty cool. The SHIELD, as its name states, is virtually invisible (though ZAGGskins can also be purchased to change the color or design of your device). Now I just have the urge to cover everything I own with this military-grade plastic. My watch. My car. My face. I'll never be dented or scratched again.
Sadly, this means that my days with EFY have officially come to an end. I would have loved to work another summer in Provo, but, like I said all along, I was looking for something more permanent. If I found a "real job" before EFY started , I would most likely take it. If not, I would have been honored to be a counselor one last time. Thankfully, I was able to find a job that not only allows me to earn more money than I would during a week, but also requires a much smaller time commitment. I'm excited to have a real summer again for the first time in a couple years.
It's been a while since the last Two-Minute Instant Message, hasn't it, folks? How 'bout it?? How 'bout we wrangle ourselves up a little lady by the name of Lindsay Campbell? How 'bout that, ladies and gentlemen?? Let's see what she has to say about life as she knows it. I will be in red and Lindsay will be in green. Again, our apologies to the colorblind Subscribers. Follow along, if you dare.
Hi Lindsay! How are you? Welcome to "Signs of the Times." I hear you're a huge fan.
Totally!
What is your favorite SotT moment?
Hmmm... the time you said words about stuff!
Ah, you must be referring to Issue No. 140! That was a classic.
Exactly! You totally got that one right on the nose!
So hey, have you heard about this "end of the world" stuff?
Yeah, weren't we all supposed to be destroyed on Saturday?
Um... yeah, I thought so. But, by the looks of it, we're still here...
Well we sure dodged a bullet there!!! I did eat a lot of cookies just in case, though.
Indeed. I made sure to play some Rapture Rock Band on Saturday morning, too... just in case... I guess this fool pushed the date back again, though. What are your thoughts?
Well, I think if there's going to be an accurate end of days, the Mayan calendar one next December would be the one I'd put money on, but the world will end when it ends... not when some guy says it should because it didn't work out last time he called it [when] he forgot to turn in his taxes or something...
The hard part is getting some guy to spend $140,000 driving around with an electric sign on his car...
Yeah, for reals. I should be that guy... that's some serious money.
If I were still in school, I'd start a rumor that the world was going to end right before my hardest final exam.
Me too. Then I'd schedule some big boom and have all the windows blocked out simultaneously fr the whole campus somehow and then cut the power to the testing center... If I did this I'd be rich enough to not need school and would likely be kicked out... but what the heck, right? You need some theatrics with these claims.
Well, your two minutes were up like three minutes ago. But seriously, if the Apocalypse is coming, don't mess with me. I've watched two seasons of "The Colony" and I made it halfway through "Fallout 3" before I couldn't take it anymore.
This is true. I think some skills could be gleaned from "Prison Break," too... Just to handle people and stuff.
You watch too much TV.
That's what my mom says.
Oh yeah, Linds. That's what's up. Good work, my friend. Good work, indeed. "Signs of the Times": The People's Champion... For the people, by the people.
A century of excellence!!
I've been reminded of something recently. Remember Maury Povich? Back in the day, I would occasionally tune in to see what Mr. Maury had up his sleeve. Remember those paternity test shows? Those were perhaps his most popular and most frequent episodes... and now that I think of what those shows are really about, That's P.M.U.!! Basically, the guy is a dirtbag and sleeps around with a ton of women (I guess they both sleep around a lot, come to think of it), and then, on top of that, there are a couple beautiful kids sitting backstage and the guy vehemently refuses to accept responsibility for them. That's messed up. Then when it's revealed that the man is the father (cue Maury voice, "Devin, you ARE the father!"), the girl and her mom go nuts, playing to the crowd, and the guy runs backstage in tears. That's horrible. It's kind of addicting to watch, but I'm not really sure why. That's like glorifying bad parenthood. Ah, America. Land of the free, home of the misbehaved.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
If you could live in any time period, other than the present, which would it be any why?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. If I could live in any other time period, I would have a couple that I'd like to check out a couple different "ages," if you will. First, when I was younger, I always thought it would be fun to be a knight in medieval times. That was back before I knew about the Bubonic Plague and stuff like that. Needless to say, I've stopped dreaming of life in a castle. Nextly, I would love to live in the Old West. I can see myself as a gunslinger, yeah? I could see myself in a leather vest and a wide-brimmed hat riding off into the sunset. But perhaps the most intriguing of all would be to live in outer space in the futuristic world! The would call me the Junior Spaceman. I would live in my space house with my space suit and my space monkey. It would be a spacious house, a purple foil suit, and an intelligent monkey. Ideally, I wouldn't have neighbors, but would allow visits to my orbital condominium for one down payment of $49,999,999.99. I'll be seeing you soon. (SALUTE!)
There's my little space monkey!
The entrant for this week's Boo Box is gravity. Gravity: keeping us all here on Earth for the last 7,000 biblical years. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
The Shoutout of the Week goes to... Dirk Nowitski. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I'm cheering for this guy... But he's the lesser of the multitude of evils still remaining in the NBA playoffs, which, yes, I am still keeping an eye on. I just want Carlos Boozer and LeBron James to lose soooo bad! I'm not a fan of Oklahoma City, either, which, by process of elimination, leaves me to "cheer" for the Dallas Mavericks. I'll tell you this, my friends, my enemies, my Loyal Subscribers: I may hate Dirk Nowitzki, but that guy is a cold-blooded assassin. That guy is good. I'm a believer. I'll tell you that much. Go get 'em, Dirk. Ick.... I feel like I need to go rinse my fingers off after typing that.
Not everybody can rock the headband quite like I can.
While I go look for some hand sanitizer, I guess that's about all she wrote. That's it for this week, people. I had a hard time finding, well, time to write this Issue, so I apologize if it sucks. Actually, on second thought, no I don't. I never make apologies. If you don't like it, don't read it. But it will be better next week when I start my actual schedule and have more time on Tuesdays. Hoping all is well.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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