Signs of the Times, Issue No. 154 - 05/03/11

Something something something that rhymes.

Greetings to one and all. Here's another obligatory Issue of my Newsletter for you and since I've been meaning to do it for a while, today's edition will be in rhyme. Oh yes, I can feel the excitement pulsating from your computer screens to mine. Topics to be discussed: Graduation (again) (probably), "Death to America"?, the Ring of Fire, and more poetic prowess. Ok, give me a second to stretch out my rhyming fingers... On we go.

Perhaps you have heard - yes, the rumors are true:

This upcoming Friday, I'll walk at the U.

It makes me Feel Good, it makes me feel great

To know that this time I will graduate.

But hey, if I don't, it'll be a quick fix.

I'll dress up in the gown and still take a few pics.

Won't be hard to believe. It's most logically sound.

There's no way they'll stop me the third time around.

I'm glad that it's over, even though it is nice

To be one of the few peeps who graduate thrice.

Maybe this time.

The other good news is the best news of all:

We took down Osama like the Berlin Wall.

It took us ten years but it could have been worse.

It wasn't two decades before he rode the hearse!

This isn't the end; it's still a big mess.

But one thing is sure - you don't mess with U.S.

Gotcha.

Of course you're all asking me, "How are the ladies?

Are they colder than ice? Are they hotter than Hades?"

It's not all fun and games but you can't just come off it.

But you'll always get hope from our dear, loving Prophet.

I thought four was good, but it's nowhere near seven.

Once believed I was one. There were really eleven.

If you do not succeed, you've just got to keep trying -

Just not to the point that you bow your head crying.

The playoffs are going in the NBA -

Something that typically turns me away.

It's not that I'm watching; It isn't like that.

But there's one thing that I think is worth looking at.

The Spurs have gone down and so have the Magic.

To me, this is great. Mr. Stern thinks it's tragic.

I hate you, LeBron, and I hate you C-Booz.

I just pay attention to see you guys lose.

What's good for the league is to keep having shocks.

Let's pray for the finals it's Grizzlies and Hawks.

Without my poor Jazz, that's the one way I watch...

And it isn't as bad as a shot to the crotch.

Babies.

Here's the new segment. It's coming up fast.

Like a rocket behind you, a Blast from the Past.

My family once went to the Utah State Fair.

It was really quite pleasant, the wind in our hair.

The pigs and the people and the cotton candy!

Our day was so neat. Our day was so dandy!

We wandered, meandered, made our way to the back

Then we saw it and stared like we didn't know jack.

A gigantic loop made of steel and fear.

I looked at my brother. We both shed a tear.

But as fearful were we, we couldn't resist.

This attraction was surely one not to be missed.

The ride had begun and we started to loop.

We were squealing and laughing. I let out a "Woop!"

Faster and faster, higher and higher

Spun the Christensen Bros. on the Ring of Fire.

Then, like a joke, we got stuck at the top.

Our butts left the seat as we came to a stop.

We dangled up there for what seemed like an hour.

Pried our heads from the roof as we mustered the power.

Upside-down as we hung, the terror grew greater.

What was he thinking, this ride operator?

And then at long last we returned the world.

Remarkably neither of the two of us hurled.

We hated that thing and we'll never go back -

But it was scary, I tell you, so cut us some slack.

Scary.

All right, now I'm rolling. I'll rhyme 'til I drop.

You've started me up and now I can't stop.

Things started out slow. They were quite mediocre.

Yet now my rhymes ring through the mountains of Oquirrh!

I'm the BMOC, I'm the man of the hour.

When I look in the mirror, I see PRIDE! I see POWER!

This is all that you want. On my head there are bounties.

But I'm ever protected by the Junior Mounties.

At "Signs of the Times," there is plenty to see.

We've got Donny and Evan and always Craig T.

I'm the king of this blog. I'm on top of my game!

And nobody can tell me that Tuesday is lame.

Don't take no crap offa nobody!

If rhyming's a crime, just put me in detention.

Which of my readers deserves this week's mention?

The Question, I guess is this one, you see -

Whose name can I rhyme? Make it easy for me.

He's funny, he nice, he's a mighty hard worger.

He's my buddy and friend - Ed Rothlisberger!

He's just moving on from his years at the Y;

Now he's living in Tucson, in the sun to fry.

Hope he's UV protected 'cause I don't want him dead,

But nevertheless, here's a Shoutout for Ed.

That's it for this week. Seems I've run out of rhymes.

Gotta wait until next Time for more Signs of the Times.

We'll end this Issue like so many before:

Move It. Sell It. And Leave Open the Door.

Aaron