Signs of the Times, Issue No. 122 - 09/14/10

I know people.

Greetings to one and all. Here's another Newsletter for your reading pleasure... or pain. Topics to be discussed today: A rundown of my day in class, popularity = power, the A.G.T. finale, and the return of Fantasy Football. On we go!

When I got to the TRAX station this morning to head up to school I found a couple interesting things. In the parking lot, I saw a car decal that said "A House Divided" next to the U of U and BYU logos. Nothing new there. I've seen tons of stuff like hat here in Utah and also with UNC/Duke merchandise in North Carolina. The interesting thing to me was that underneath the BYU logo, it said "His," and underneath the Utes logo, it said "Hers." Is that possible? Can you even do that? I can't imagine this happening. Usually in "split" marriages, the husband is the Ute and the wife is the Cougar. I can't think of a single instance when a male BYU student would pursue a relationship with a female Utah fan. Isn't that what the peeps down in Provo call dating "outside the covenant"?

Guess who wears the pants?

The other thing I saw at the station was a good, law-abiding citizen. If I'm running a little late or, heck, if I'm ever faced with a situation where I have to cross the tracks in order to get to the train or the parking lot, I cross those dang tracks, regardless of how many "do not walk on the tracks" signs there may be. Today, this kid was a little late to the station and was trying to get to the train before it took off. He ran into an obstacle, however, when an empty set of tracks sat between him and his train. For a second, he looked like he was just going to cross the tracks and hop on the train, but then he hesitated mid-step. He planted both feet firmly back onto the ground, paced for a second, then jabbed a foot toward the railing again. For the second time, he hesitated and retreated back toward the sidewalk as if he were afraid to be caught in the act of a hideous crime. He ended up walking all the way around the tracks and eventually made his way onto the train. This is, yet again, another reason why I'm a terrible citizen. When you have a chance to cross the tracks, you cross those dang tracks, son!

When you see an opening, take it.

Then I got to my first class, Convergence Journalism. I hate this class. The topic is relevant for my major - in fact, it's required, which is pretty much the only reason why I haven't dropped out. This is my least favorite professor out of all the teachers I've had at the U. At least Nick had style and DeLuca was funny. This guy is just a pervert, sexist, anti-Mormon, atheist idiot. There's another word I'd use to describe him if I swore, but I don't, so I can't. He's just an idiot, though. Today we got to class, sat down, and started watching videos of miniature pigs and looking at pictures of cats on something-something-cute.com. What this had to do withanything at all is apparently a concept that I just can't grasp yet. Fifty - 50 - minutes into the class, the only thing we had done was plugged our video cameras into the computer. And, well, that's about all we ended up doing all day, too. I hate that class. BUT - it's classes (and professors) like this one that make me excited to give my post-semester evaluation. One thing is for certain - this professor is going to get slammed.

Coming off of a dominant 562-point performance in our first league-style game, "The Bowlerzz" and I were sitting pretty in first place of our bowling class last Thursday. I was Feeling Good About Myself heading into today's game, the second of two against the "Lil Crippys," a team of star Utah football players, who we crushed last week. My last game (141) was good, but wasn't my best, and I was looking to redeem myself today. However, once I started bowling, I could tell that something was wrong. If I would have known what, exactly, it was that was wrong, I would have fixed it, believe me. But throughout the ten frames, my team, including star running back, Eddie Wide, constantly struggled knocking down that elusive tenth pin. I didn't get any strikes or spares today, getting a lot of nines, and even as low as a five one frame. It was frustrating for us after our game on Thursday, where nobody scored lower than 130. Today I got the lowest score out of both teams - an 80. It's the worst I've bowled in a long, long time. Perhaps the worst part was getting trash talked the entire time by the likes of Devonte Christopher ("I knew it was just a fluke last week!") and Justin Taplin-Ross, who pointed out after the sixth frame, "AC, why you only got 50? You was kicking *&# last week!" But hey, I mean, if you've got to get heckled by somebody, at least make it somebody famous, right?

I hadn't seen bowling that bad since this happened!

And finally, in today's last class, Digital Imaging (which is basically just a class about how to use Photoshop), we talked about levels, contrast, and manipulating curves. Yeah, I remember the last time we had a class discussion about manipulating curves. I'm pretty sure it was that one time in Comm and Gender when we watched that movie about the transvestite beauty queens.

Don't look. We're manipulating curves.

There's a reason why I didn't like high school as much as I could have. Cliques. My EFY peeps know how I feel about cliques. I hate them. I hated how much of the athletic program and student body officer process was based on who knows who, who's related to who, and who has the most money. Deny it all you want, Hawks, but you know it's true. Imagine my concern at the most recent University of Utah game. Scott Aylett and I signed up for the Mighty Utah Student Section as early as possible and we landed tickets (based on a first come, first serve method) on the 19th row of the first section of the MUSS. That's pretty dang good. I won't name names, but there I have an acquaintance who had like fifth row tickets last year that ended up on row 50 this year. I know all about nosebleeds - Scott and I sat at the dang top of the stadium all season last year, so I say this - opposition in all things. You enjoyed your year in the lower bowl, now bite the bullet and sit on the 50th row. Don't, don't, don't sneak down into the lower bowl because you can't stand it up "that high." Scott and I inquired of this person how on Earth they managed to sneak down into the lower bowl (approximately row 14 or 15). Because the ushers check tickets every time you try to re-enter the lower bowl, Scott and I wouldn't even be able to sneak into our own seats without our tickets - and they're our seats!! Her response? "Oh, I know people." You know people? You know people?!? What is this? High school? Again, here's a sign that Scott is a better man than me, but that upsets me. If you spent all year last year on the fifth row, suck it up and sit in the upper bowl. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!! Boo Box for people who still get whatever they want based on who they know, who they're related to, or how much money they have. BOOOOOO!!

On a positive note, football season is back! Yes!! I love football. Fantasy Football is back, too, which means that I don't care about Fantasy Baseball anymore. This is the third year of my Fantasy Football Segment and it's time that I change the name of the segment again. I hereby officially rename this subject The Game Ball.The Game Ball will be presented each week to the NFL player that I deem as the best performer from the previous week. This week's Game Ball goes to somebody who wasn't even on a team last week - Arian Foster, the breakout star that helped the Houston Texans destroy the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday. Foster, who nobody had heard of before, rushed for 231 yards and 3 TDs for a total for 64.8 fantasy points. Sickening. Sickening! Foster was picked up before the HOU/IND game was even over by the Red Devils.

Fifteen minutes, Mr. Foster.

The Shoutout of the Week goes to Harper Anderson, whose Mighty Harps started the season out with a league-leading 294.90 fantasy points, besting me by about 30. Congratulations, my friend. Enjoy it while it lasts. And speaking of enjoying it, I hope my brother, Austin, enjoys Mario Manningham of the Giants, who I accidentally traded to him for Cadillac Williams. They say football is a game of inches. Judging by the distance my mouse had to move in order to click "Accept" and not "Reject," I guess they're right.

And finally finally, tonight is the finale of "America's Got Talent." If you don't want to know who's in it or who I predict to win, skip down to the end of the Newsletter. I wish Grasso would have made it. That guy was awesome. I'm happy as a clown that Christina and Ali are finally out. Those girls were terrible. The finalists are "soulful" Michael Grimm; the male Lady Gaga, Prince Poppycock; the incredible glow-in-the-dark act, Fighting Gravity; and ridiculously over-hyped 10-year-old opera singer, Jackie Evancho. Who do I want? Fighting Gravity or Poppycock. I had a dream about Prince Poppycock the other day. It was... disturbing... Michael Grimm is great. I think he'll get a record deal, regardless. I don't think he'll win, though. Probably fourth place, if we're being honest with ourselves. I love Fighting Gravity. I think those guys are awesome. I fear that they'll get the shaft like Recycled Percussion did last year, though. Poppycock's last performance was HILARIOUS. Watch it now - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaIeDBjfPYk - the sound's a little off, but it's still funny as crud. Who do Ithink will win? Jackie. Jackie Evancho will win "America's Got Talent." And that's a crying shame. She's not that good. She has a great voice for a 10-year-old, but if she wins, it's just because the judges sold her and the viewers bought it. Go rewatch her second performance and listen to the last note. Hideous. She won't be able to maintain a show in Vegas. She's TEN! Anybody but Jackie. Please, anybody but Jackie. I'm hoping for F.G., but Poppycock deserves it the most. That guy is insane. We'll find out tomorrow night during the results show. And seriously, anybody but Jackie.

Come on, Poppycock!

That's about it for this week. Hope you peeps enjoyed it. I guess I should go practice bowling or something.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron