Signs of the Times, Issue No. 113 - 07/18/10

Don't tell me I'm right/Don't tell me I'm wrong

Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron and this is my Newsletter. Another week has come and gone and I have a couple things to talk about. Topics to be discussed today: Fabrication, the great masquerade, juvenile delinquency, and a big move for the Jazz. On we go!

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear A-Town,

I have a Question. It's actually more of a suggestion. If you are lacking for legitimate material, why don't you consider fabricating some? Granted, a man of your integrity would slap a fat disclaimer on any inventive anecdotes for happenings that don't happen, but I think your creative powers could come up with some spicy entertainment to season our rather ho-hum lives. Just sayin'."

- Dallin Akagi

A. Thanks for the suggestion, Dallin. However, I would never fabricate any sort of material for the Newsletter. I have striven to be as honest and truthful as my human mind permits throughout the years and I would never make up anything. Things will hopefully get exciting again in a couple weeks, however. My brother, Austin, comes home from his mission to Brazil in a week and a half and that is promising news for everyone here at "Signs of the Times." Maybe we'll get offered another TV contract. Maybe this time it will be a made-for-TV movie. Things were always more exciting when Austin was here. Who could ever forget "The District"? Every now and again, I still have a nice little paycheck directly deposited to my bank account for royalty fees. It's great.

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Being a Ute, do you find it hard to work at EFY [in Provo]? Do you hide your true identity and masquerade as a Cougar or do you let your true colors show?"

- Kathryn Christensen

A. Good Question. It's not something I go around shouting from the rooftops, especially after the big move away from the Mountain West Conference, but if people ask, I'll tell them. I occasionally wear U of U shirts around the dorm halls and, honestly, the reaction this year hasn't been as bad as last year. Last year, my kids would boo me and throw things at me when I walked in at night, but this year, I haven't taken a whole lot of crap about it.

Thank you for your Questions. There must be more where they came from.

Something we have fun doing at EFY is replacing wristbands. Each young person at EFY must wear a wristband showing that they're registered participant. A lot of kids try to sneak into dances and things, so the wristbands are a good way to keep track of who is who. If a wristband ever comes off, we have to replace it as soon as possible. To make this fun for us and also to motivate kids not to lose their wristbands, we've made up a little ritual called "Assume the Position." We only do this to the punks. Don't worry. We'd never do it to a really shy kid or a girl. But when a little whippersnapper kid loses his wristband, we make him get on the ground and put his hands on his head while we put a new wristband on. We had our most memorable bust to date last week. We were talking to some of the guys on Pizza Night and one of them showed us that he had removed his wristband. We remained calm and told him that he should enjoy his last moments of freedom. Kevin, the Health Counselor, slipped outside to grab another wristband while fellow BC Ed and I continued to chat with the boys. Suddenly, I saw Kevin booking it back to the dorm hall we were in. He busted through the door and Ed and I immediately started to shout,"GET ON THE GROUND! GET ON THE GROUND!" The kid got up and started to run. He later explained that he was "trying to make it upstairs," but I knew that look on his face. It was a look of sheer terror. We eventually got him to his knees with his hands on his head. We put the new wristband on and read him his rights and that was that. The best part was that he still had a piece of pizza in his hand as we made him assume the position. He became one of our favorite kids as the week goes on and even pointed out several other kids that didn't have wristbands at the fireside the next day. Ah... Truth, justice, and the American way...

PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!!

In NBA news, the Jazz finally signed a couple free agents this week. We got Raja Bell back, but this is a different Raja Bell. When he played for us a few years ago, he was a nice guy. Now he likes to punch Kobe in the head from time to time. I think I'll like this Raja better. We also got Big Al Jefferson from Minnesota. I'm really excited about that. He's big and Black - two things the Jazz haven't had for quite some time. He's a 20 point/10 rebound a game type of guy, so that will be nice. I'm sure he's happy to finally be on a winning team, too, so I'm looking forward to his debut in late October. The Jazz lost three players to the Bulls - Carlos Boozer; Kyle Korver; and Ronnie Brewer, who the Jazz traded to Memphis last year. At first I was really bothered by this, but my mom made a good point - we couldn't win with those players, so why would they be able to? One thing is for sure - EnergySolutions Arena is going to be packed when Chicago comes to town next year. At least Korver was classy on his way out, though. On Facebook, he posted a very nice note for Jazz fans to thank them for everything they did to make his stay in Utah a pleasant one. I like Korver. He's a good guy. I just hope the Bulls don't make the playoffs next year. That would be hilarious.

The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to none other than William Ed Rothlisberger. To the end, my friend... to the bitter end!!

That's about all I have time for this week. I should probably start preparing my lesson for tonight or something...

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron