Signs of the Times, Issue No. 99 - 03/30/10

What is this? The Dust Bowl of 1930?

Greetings to one and all on a blustery Tuesday in Jive City. All I can smell is the dirt in the air. What's up with that? Anyhoo, I definitely had like half of the Newsletter written this morning on the way to school, but then it all got lost when I turned my computer back on, so whoop-dee-doo. I get to do it all over again. Maybe it will be better this Time. Topics to be discussed today: All *#$^ breaking loose in the workplace, new potential job opportunities, the Spring Break road trip, King Russell, losing to Mom, and liberty and justice for all. On we go!

Well, it appears as though I made it another week without getting fired. But if any one person, place, or thing, ever deserved to be spat upon and thrust into the notorious Boo Box, it would have to be my *#$(@ of a manager at the Coast. I'm not easily provoked to profanity, but I've almost dropped a couple real doozies over the last day or two. As you're all well aware, I've been counting down the days until I could quit for like two months now. It's just been a struggle day in and day out with this bonehead. I tell him I can't work on Tuesdays and Thursdays because of school and what does he do? Schedules me three Tuesdays in a row, even after I've explained my situation to him multiple Times in multiple languages. The one-day-a-week phenomenon has been going on for a while, too. Months ago, he would just work me one day a week, but that eventually passed, so I had been working three days a week for a while until recently. For the last three weeks, I've just worked on Monday nights, which has not only been detrimental to my paycheck, but also to my Church responsibilities, so that's no Good. Now that Spring Break is over and Conference Weekend is this week, I have no more reasons to be ok with getting less-than-desirable hours. I was ready to go in with guns a'blazing yesterday when I checked my schedule for this week. So I get there on Monday and, big surprise, my manager isn't there. I headed over to look at my schedule and - to my absolute dumbfoundednessment - I wasn't scheduled to work on Monday night, as I usually am. In fact, I wasn't schedule to work at all. I'm still on the schedule, but, at this point, one honestly needs to step back and ask why. What is the dang deal over there? I'm not working a single second this week! Nobody else is being punished, other than me, so I'm pretty P.O.'d, as the kids say. I probably would understand if I were, say, stealing money from the company or spitting in people's food or something, but I really don't know why this is happening. Sorry folks, but I'm going down. And I'm going down soon. I've even stopped the Costa Vida Countdown on my laptop because I don't think I'll last the remaining 50 days or however long I was planning on quitting. I refuse to go down without a fight, though, so hey - if I'm going down, I'm taking that sexist, racist piece of shiz with me. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Bring it on, amigo.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

We're really sorry to hear About that (*#@)$@#$. That truly bites. What are you planning on doing to make money from now until EFY?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. At this point, I've narrowed it down to two options that basically ensure me more money than I was making at Costa Vida. No, three. One: Walk around downtown for four hours a week picking up loose change. Two: Look in my closet for more things to sell online. Three: Move to West Valley City and start selling marijuana. (SALUTE!)

Nobody sends me Questions anymore.

Spring Break was Good. For the first three days, I basically sat in the Bachelor Cave (which has still yet to hold any type of activity with single women) and played Playstation all day. On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I went on my first-ever Spring Break road trip. And yes, it was a road trip, regardless of how much people want to mock me. I drove 250.0 miles on the dot without leaving the state. That's impressive. I went to Ephraim on Thursday and spent Time with a lot of my old friends. I have a lot of really Good memories down there, so it was nice to go back. I stayed with Duke Dance and his family on Thursday night and they treated me like the king that I once was, providing me with a room to sleep in and with some breakfast the next day. I told Duke I owed him a thousand dollars, but that was back when I was living on that luxurious $40/week income that I used to have. So um... we'll probably have to renegotiate. I also got to spend some Time with some of the other Loyal A-Towners down there who helped me get some much-needed footage for "The Big Ticket 2," which WILL (mark my words) premiere in less than two months from today. On Friday, I headed up to Provo and stayed with my brother, Adam, and his wife, Kathryn, who made me stay up late playing some crazy dancing game on the Wii with them. Let's just say that I dominated half the Time and got last place on all the other songs. Kathryn is a champion. My purpose for being in Provo was for EFY training on Friday and Saturday. It was About 18 hours of people telling me what my responsibility as a Building Counselor will be in 9 weeks when the program starts up again. Not the most exciting of topics, clearly, but hey - how many Times do you get to see the Young Women's General Broadcast if you're Aaron Christensen? Once. That's it. Never again, probably. So you just go with it, you know? It's like that one Sunday on my mission when I had to go translate for somebody in Relief Society. It's all weird at first, but then the awkwardness dies down once they start passing out refrigerator magnets and sugar-free snacks. You just embrace it, baby. Embrace the crap out of it. It was nice to see some of my old EFY buddies that I worked with last summer and to meet some new friends that I'll work with in a couple months. Then I came home and remembered what my house looked like. I Felt like a wayfarer or something. No place to stay, no place to sleep, no food, always traveling, sleeping on the ground on occasion. It's Good to be home.

Best road trip of 2010.

The Shoutout of the Week goes to everybody who I spent Time with last week. I spent my Spring Break with some truly amazing people and it's Time I thanked them publicly... from my private blog that nobody reads anymore... So... Nicole "N-Sizzle" Ruesch, Cheryl Hardy, Jenna Hall, Holly Godfrey, Duke "High School" Dance and his family, DJ Mein, Janelle Lund (and no, I didn't, if you know what I mean), Adam and Kathryn, my little broski, Kip Webster, Ed Rothlisberger, Ben Bailey, Dan Mortensen, Sara Walker, Juliet Lewis, and anybody else who I'm forgetting. Good Times, my friends. Good Times, indeed.

"Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains" is heating up with arguably one of the greatest rivalries of all Time - Boston Rob vs. Russell Hantz. Boston Rob debuted back in like the fourth season of the show and was really one of the first big "bad guys." He also did well in the "All-Stars" season a few years ago, after which he proposed to his wife, one of the other contestants. He's back this season and arrogant as ever. He was actually pretty likable for a couple episodes early on in the current season, but now I hate him again. He always wins (I admit, he's a pro at puzzles), but when he wins, he always puts himself in a visible position of power, i.e., he has to be the one to put in the last puzzle piece or he has to be the one calling the shots so everyone thanks him for being a great leader. Back at camp, people basically bow down and worship him. Clearly they don't see that he's a control freak that bosses everyone around. That's what I don't like About him - he's a bad guy and somehow manages to convince everyone else that he's the hero. *coughWhitneyMetcalfcough* Our old friend Russell, on the other hand, is a bad guy and he knows it. He steals the machete, he burns people's socks, he dumps water from his tribe's canteens, and he finds every Hidden Immunity Idol without clues. It's great television. He doesn't pretend to be a Good guy. He knows he's the bad guy and he loves it. Russell is the smartest and best player to ever play the game. Richard Hatch comes in second and Boston Rob would be... maybe top five... maybe. Russell is an absolute genius when it comes to Survivor and he proved it last Thursday. The tricky thing About talking About shows like "LOST" and "Survivor" is that I don't want to drop any spoilers for people who haven't seen the episodes yet, so I'll be careful here. We'll just say this - the Rob/Russell rivalry chess match is going to be nuts. Russell makes a move, Rob makes a counter-move. Rob makes a move, Russell counters. Back and forth, back and forth. But when all was said and done last Thursday, Russell Hantz was still wearing the crown as King of Survivor. This is going to be fun to watch. I've been saying it for years and I'll say it yet again. "Survivor" is the best show on television.

Puppet Master vs. Snake

What was I saying About how I'd rather lose to my Mom? Last week I said that losing to my Mom in our family's March Madness pool would be more enjoyable than losing to Cody. That was back in the day when I thought I could still win. Well, a week later, my bracket is completely up in flames and I don't have a single team left for the Final Four. Cody still has Duke and my Mom still has West Virginia. Basically, whoever wins that Final Four matchup will determine who wins our family bracket for the illustrious "Ziggy Piggy" prize. My Mom sent me a text the other day asking if I knew who was in a tie for next-to-last place. I texted her back saying, "Sorry, it was a rough year for all of us. Maybe next year haha." Unfortunately I'm the one that's in a tie for next-to-last, not her. So it will either be my Mom or Cody that wins this year... and I hope it's Cody. My Mom seriously wins every single year. I know she tries to tell me that she hasn't won for like two years or something, but if she wins this year, that's two out of three years since I've been home from my mission. At least Cody got humbled when Ohio State lost. He's not nearly as annoying as he used to be.

So apparently the word "actress" doesn't exist anymore? This is news to me. Women Feel discriminated against when people say "actors and actresses"? Hmm... whatever. In that case, Sun from "LOST" is one of the crappiest actors on the planet and I have low expectations for tonight's episode. But seriously, I may have brought this up before. Ok. If women are all About equality (voting, athletics, acting, job opportunities, and religion, to name a few aspects), why don't girls ask guys on dates? And why can't girls ask guys to dance? Why can't girls text guys first? That's P.M.U.!! Stop whining. You either want equality or you don't. You can no longer say, "I'm the girl - he's supposed to ask ME on a date!" Oh hey - BYU-Idaho just called. They want their sports teams back.

I'm a better actor than she is.

A segment that has been gaining popularity as of late is the Facebook Fan Page of the Week. I get wall posts and messages a lot now suggesting several Fan Pages to make fun of, so here are a few of them:

Cody Christensen submits: "Mitt Romney has Gorgeous Hair." (Who wouldn't become a fan of Mitt Romney's hair, I guess?)

Kristin Manning submits: "Pushing the little buttons on a soft drink cup lid." (Wow.)

"Signs of the Times" submits: "Doing so much for someone... yet they never appreciate it." (Why would you become a fan of this?? That's like becoming a fan of "Getting punched in the face.")

"Signs of the Times" submits: "I want an Avatar ride at Disneyland." (Not gonna happen, kids. Think About it for a second.)

Disney already has a big blue thing.

Well, that's About it for this week. Don't fret. Next week I'll be back with the results of my rule breaking. That's right. I'm taking a date to the Muse concert on Monday. ...and that's the Bottom Line... 'cause A-Town said so.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron