In rhyme: 3. In text language: 1. In Spanish: 0. Really, really short: 2.
Greetings to one and greetings to all.
It's Tuesday again and we're having a ball.
How so, do you ask? the answer is certain.
But it's hidden real well behind the red curtain.
So I pull on the cord and the curtain departs.
I've got all the brains. Unparalleled smarts.
You answered the poll for this "Signs of the Times"
And I've jogged my vast memory and pulled out the rhymes.
The topics today which we will discuss
Are my weird Halloween as a part of the MUSS
And sev'ral more things that I can't remember.
Now on we go in the month of November!
Curtain? Certain.
A few readers whined that I rambled too long
In my last Issue and I won't that say they're wrong.
It was, for and Issue, a little extensive.
But why are you crying? It isn't expensive!
It's something I won't ever quite understand...
This supposed problem they've got on their hand.
For a dispute like this, it's a very quick fix.
Don't like it? Don't read it. Be quiet, you hicks.
Writers strike? Ride a bike?
There's something that's blaring right out in my face.
And it's burning my eyes like a fresh can of Mace.
There's a new kid in class. He's in front of me.
Who is he? Don't know who he'd possibly be.
He's on a computer as he sits and he waits.
He's looking up websites to find him gay dates.
I'd rather not look. Wish he'd stop and give up
'Cause we're all still on campus - That's Pretty Messed Up!!
**QUESTION TIME!! (written in rhyme)**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Did you do something fun? Did you spook? Did you scare?
Was it something important? Did you really not care?
Did you get lots of candy? A big jelly bean?
Our Question is this - How was your Halloween?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties (poets)
A. My dearest young friends that I always (SALUTE!),
I hate Halloween - want to give it the boot.
My plans were all changed. Something else had to pick
When Mandy LeBaron got a shot and turned sick.
But then out of the air, as if by sheer magic,
Came something that made things a little less tragic.
To watch Utah Utes went Aaron and Scott
On an evening not chilly, though really not hot.
Near the top of the bleachers we were aimlessly roaming
As the Utes almost lost to crappy Wyoming.
Overall it was nice. Some might say it was dandy
Overall it was nice. Some might say it was dandy
Though there weren't any girls and nary a candy.
We have no candy, so march with us, Andy.
Q. "Were you aware that the sentence 'The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet? I knew that you and your readers would find this tidbit interesting."
-Mark Twain (genius, not a poet)A. An interesting tidbit - Of that, I am sure -
From the quill of Mark Twain, an author so pure.
But what's really a shame (and I bet he would know it)
Is that so clever a mind could not be a poet.
And now for a segment you'll never forget:
It's as quick as a leopard, as fast as a jet.
It's longer than one, but less than three.
A Message so Instant you'll ne'er again see.
My rhymes will be red like uncooked cattle
For this first-ever "Signs of the Times" rhyming battle.
And he'll be in green like a rich librarian.
I introduce Jason, the Rhyming Barbarian.
Good afternoon, Jason, my buddy from college!
Yes, it is me, to the best of my knowledge.
How is your life now that you're a free man?
Free like a bird, like an untouched can... of SPAM.
And speaking of SPAM, I've eaten it twice.
Only twice? I eat it all the time with rice.
Rice sounds nice chopped up with a knife.
What's this I hear of you getting a wife?
That's info for me and never for you.
I have one thing to say and that's "boowoo."
Boowoo's not a word, you're a nutty buffoon!
It's totally a word, so go eat a prune.
A prune would be better than talking to you.
Let bygones be bygones and true be true.
This segment is over. That's all that we wrote.
Hey, did I tell you I just bought a boat?
Now on to the segment beloved by all.
If you trip then you stumble. You stumble and fall.
You fall in a Box containing the Boos.
(With an 's,' not 'z-e,' so please don't confuse!)
The subject of jeers and insults of the day
Is concerning my schedule, disrupting my pay.
I don't want to whine or act like a slob,
But I'm all out of work, though I still have a job.
So where is my money? Don't I have the powers
To work more per week than four measly hours?
It is now the Time where I ask all of you
To join on in with me, so everyone BOOOOOO!!
This is me. Under a tree.
With twenty eight points he's not on the back burner
You'd be boosting your score if you had Michael Turner.
A hundred and fifty one yards on the ground!
And he scored six more points when he merely touchdowned.
He's been running for miles like a newly bought car.
For that reason, he's your Football Superstar.
'Cause these past several weeks, ain't nobody can stop-o
Jeff Martin and team, "El Gordo Mas Guapo."
He jukes and jives while saving lives.
Things are wrapping up and I'm winding down.
The Issue's 'most over, but don't you dare frown.
There's something I'll do then I'll go for a while.
We'll Shoutout to somebody and bring them a smile.
Though Tuesdays are best and the weekend is great,
This person will tell you that Friday's first rate.
It's not a small child or a bear or a boy.
Not a rat or a cat - it's Becca McCoy!
Friday is Fancy for Becca and Nancy.
So that's About all that I'm Feeling today.
Was it too long or too short or simply ok?
I want you to know I'm a rhyming machine.
I could go on all night but my room is not clean.
Open the Door. Let him go before.
Until the next Time when I write you again,
Feel Good 'bout Yourself and I'll talk to you then.
Last, a word to the wise, be ye Mozart or Cho-pin:
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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