Greetings to one and all for the final time EVER from Ephraim, Utah. Wow! Is that crazy or what? I can't believe it's already the end of the school year! It seems like just yesterday I was whining about how much I hated my roommates. Good times, I tell you. Good times. Well, I missed last week, so I've got a lot to talk about today, especially since this is my last Issue from Snow! Topics to be discussed: Viva-ing Las Vegas at the NAB Show 2009, entering Kolob, more NBA conspiracies, the shocking conclusion to The Locals, tons of Questions, and an empty box of Kleenex. On we go!
Vegas, Vegas, Vegas... It was my first time really actually spending time in Las Vegas, other than just driving through the Strip and something about Circus Circus from when I was really little. It all seems like a joke to me. People really live like that?? Of course, I have underaged Subscribers, so I can't really go into detail about some of this stuff, but Vegas always kind of seemed like a myth or a joke or something like that. But being there and seeing Sin City from the inside is pretty crazy stuff. The majority of the time, we didn't really run into anything bad, but uh... it's definitely out there... But hey - did you know those drive-in wedding chapels actually exist? And there are a lot of them, too! I hadn't seen so many chapels in one city since we crossed the stateline!
The KAGE staff and I went down for the NAB Show - a convention for the National Association of Broadcasters. We had a really good time down there checking out the huge expo center full of tons and tons of booths that explained the latest technological advances in movies, television, radio, and sound. We got a bunch of free stuff, which was pretty cool, too.
On the way back on Tuesday afternoon, Gary, our advisor, told us that there was somewhere he wanted to take us - to Kolob. I thought I misunderstood for a second, but I poked my head up from behind the second row bench of the van and repeated, "Kolob??" Yes. Kolob. We were actually going to go there on the way down to Nevada, but apparently there is an entrance fee on some days. Tuesday was different, though, so we headed up a long and winding canyon and made our way to the summit of the mountain. It's a pretty beautiful place, Kolob. You guys should check it out someday. And I'm being serious, too. Not joking.
Ahhhhhhh... the next point... The Jazz are out of the freakin' playoffs already. Ever since I found out we'd be playing the Lakers, I kind of just wanted us to make a quick exit and hope for a better draft pick, honestly. At least we didn't get swept. But once again this year, I can't help but think of NBA conspiracy theories. It's unbelievable. Nobody down here understands or believes me, so I've needed to vent for a long time. I try to explain my ideas to people and they just look at me like I'm a moron. Really, though, I get that look all the time, so I don't really care that much. I just wish that I had some fellow conspirators. Here's the conspiracy of the week - Nobody, especially not the Jazz, will win in L.A. or Cleveland. Mark my words. Expect that series - because that's what the NBA wants to see - Lakers/Cavs - Kobe vs Lebron in the finals - to go seven games. Can you imagine the Jazz, even if they were good enough to beat the Lakers (which I believe they are, on a good day) going into Los Angeles and beating Kobe? No. It would never happen. Jack Nickelson would be furious and the NBA needs all the publicity and celebrities it can get. People will pay big bucks to see a game in the Staples Center, so imagine how many big name celebs they could hook up with sweet seats in the finals! Conspiracy! Conspiracy!
I'm going to make a prediction right now. I know who will get the number one pick in the 2009 draft lottery. It will be the Phoenix Suns. Remember when the Spurs had one bad year? Just one, mind you, and they got Tim Duncan with the number one pick? It's going to be the same thing this summer. The Suns barely missed out on the playoffs this year, so they're lottery eligible. Expect them to get another superstar - probably Blake Griffin from Oklahoma - with this summer's number one pick. It will be like a dang All-Star team down there and the NBA will love it. Ahhh...
It's time now for the shocking conclusion to THE LOCALS!
This is a true story - I was at WalMart the other day picking up a couple things really quickly and I was turning down this one aisle, but out of nowhere, this guy in like one of those retro-cowboy shirts that is bright pink, yellow, brown, and orange pops out of nowhere! As if the shirt wasn't frightening enough, he was also wearing a round cowboy hat and cheap boots with tight, blue jeans. I don't think I startled him as bad as he did me, but I obviously upset him a little bit. He got an angry look on his face and started to follow me as I stumbled past the paper towels.
Faster and faster we ran down the aisleway. I tried knocking down boxes of crackers and Ding Dongs to obscure his path, but he wasn't even phased by them. As we began to perspire, I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that his beard was synthetic, similar to characters from "Lost." I pulled the proverbial U-turn down the next aisle and to my great amazement, there wast the Local, waiting for me with two wingmen flanked to either side. The two new Locals were armed with baseball bats from the sporting goods section and the cowboy had a leash in his hand. That was the last thing I rembmer. I woke up surrounded by turkeys somewhere near Pigeon Hollow. Anybody know where Pigeon Hollow is? Didn't think so.
So the conclusion here is that these Locals might not be who they pretend to be. And not only are they strange, but they're fast!... and they can fight... Luckily, I'm on my way out of here and won't have to put up with them anymore, eh?
I'm really going to miss Ephraim. Believe it or not, I have actually sought out the turkey scent in the last couple days because I'm not going to be smelling it again for a long while. I'll miss living so close to campus. I'll miss living away from home (sorry Mom and Dad), but you know... I guess the better way to phrase that is "I'll miss the college atmosphere." For once in my life, I actually learned how to cook stuff and now that I'm moving back home, I will hardly cook at all. I'll miss the campus. Snow is a great place to be and I'll miss taking a stroll down the path to the bell tower every day. I'm going to miss the small class sizes. I'll miss all my friends. We finally got a good group of kids together right toward the end of the semester and it only lasted about two and a half weeks, which is pretty unfortunate. Perhaps more than anything else, and I know this will come as a real shock, I'll miss doing the radio on the KAGE. Tonight is the final episode EVER of "City Council" w/ A-Town. After three long seasons and approximately thirty weeks of KAGE Matches, it will all be over in about eight hours. Thankfully, the shock of Adam's engagement has worn off, so my parents aren't reminding me to get married every time they call me now, but every once in a while, they'll send an audible nudge by telling me that it's time to retire the famous A-Town headband and championship belt once I move back home. NEVER!!! It will be weird, though. I won't be "A-Town" anymore. Nobody is even going to give a crap, actually. There might be more radio on the horizon, but no more KAGE Match, no more acting like I'm a celebrity even though nobody knows who I really am, no more updating my Facebook fan pages. It's a pretty depressing thought. And perhaps the most depressing thought of all is that I'll move back home and essentially be starting over. New house, new school, no friends. Everybody has gotten married, moved on, or otherwise forgotten about me, so that's pretty much a bummer. But hey - I came down to Snow by myself and look at me now! I think I turned out all right, but I guess if you asked somebody else, they might think differently.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Was that a desperate plea for people to email you and say, 'I'm still around, Aaron! I'll be your friend!'?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. Uh... Yeah. Yeah, pretty much, it was. (SALUTE!)
Q. "Dear A-Town,
If you got a black eye, what would you do? (ex. hide, make up, look at the ground and make it your best friend)
- Nicole R.
A. Well, Nicole, it's about dang time I got a Question from you! If I got a black eye... Hmm... I don't really remember getting a lot of black eyes before, so that's a toughie. The obvious answer would be to use make up, I guess, but that's why I am not going to use that response. I remember when we were doing those live broadcasts for the KAGE out by the bell tower, I would wear my arm sleeve and headband and apparently not enough sunscreen, so I remember on two occasions (one worse than the other), I got a headband sunburn line. That was pretty embarrassing. The next day was the only time I have ever worn a hat to class. So I guess if I got a black eye, my response would be similar. I'd probably hide. Thanks for asking! Next Question.
Q1. "Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Q2. Why are there floatation devices in airplanes instead of parachutes?
Q3. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Q4. Why do they put Braile dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
These are things that keep me up at night."
- A wise guy
A1. I get it, I get it. Took me a second, but I got it. Uh... I believe the term "interstate" is a little misleading because there are no other states remotely near Hawaii, much less touching it.
A2. You're a clever guy, you know? You should tell them about that. You could make good money.
A3. I don't know. It bothers me when I see people extinguish their cigarettes right before pumping gas... Morons.
A4. In case a blind guy drives there looking for money?
Remember, you can send your own Questions to me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com
I don't feel like Booing anyone today. Maybe next week.
The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to the lovely and talented Miss Crystal Hickman, who stays up way past her own bedtime, apparently. Welcome to the A-Town Nation, Miss Crystal.
That's about it for this week. Check out the series finale of "City Council" w/ A-Town tonight from 10PM - midnight (MDT) on the KAGE (89.5 FM or www.snow.edu/kage) to bid A-Town a fond farewell and vote for the KAGE Match Tournament of Champions Finale! Creedence Clearwater Revival takes on the Killers for all the marbles in the universe tonight - you won't want to miss it! You won't ever get another chance. Ever. *sniff* I can't believe it's all over. I'll be back in Draper/Sandy on Saturday after graduation here at Snow. Again, I think I'll just throw a shameless plug out there for Snow College. It's the best. Cheap, fun, and exceedingly awesome. I recommend it to one and all.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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