Aaron Christensen is a fan of not becoming a fan.
Greetings to one and all from Sandy, UT. Yes, it's true. I have returned home after three wonderful semesters in Ephraim. I'm really going to miss that place. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......... Good times, good times... I have a ton of junk to talk about today, so I better get these fingers a-typin'. Topics to be discussed: Wasting a Washington, leaving town again, the return of The Boo Box, good times, the most embarrassing moment, sticking to your roots, and becoming a fan. ON WE GO!
It's been a while since I've done this segment, so why not start with it? It's time again for The Week in Review!! During the past seven days, I tried something new. I was really thirsty during my final visit to the Ephraim WalMart, so, as I was walking past the aisle that has all that mineral water and all that garbage, I thought that maybe I'd try one of those Vitamin Water things that Kobe and Lebron have so recently endorsed. I got the kiwi strawberry flavor and I knew after the first sip or two that I had just wasted a dollar. It didn't really taste that great, but then again, flavored water usually is pretty uh... watered down... but really... maybe it's because I didn't refrigerate it. I just bought it off the shelf and drank it. Maybe that was the problem. I can't see that the temperature would have made much of a difference, though. It's not like it was carbonated or anything. I would not get another one - ever - and I wouldn't recommend it to you, either. Stick with normal water and vitamins in chewable or pill form. That way, you can spend your dollar on something much more worthwhile. A McDouble. The Vitamin Water gets a 3 out of 10. And that's being generous.
Let's talk graduation. The last week in Ephraim was a tough one. It wasn't like Finals Week of Fall Semester, which we also subtitled "Wallowing in Self-Pity Week." That was a pretty dang good week. That was back when the roommies and I bought Rock Band 2 and had our Back to the Future marathon. That was a DANG good week! No, no. This Finals Week was filled with packing, cleaning, saying goodbye, and more cleaning. Everybody else got the heck out of there early, too, so I was stuck down there, virtually alone, for a couple long, long days. On one of these days, my good friend, Whitney Jones, and I took a little walk around campus to take some pictures by famous Snow College landmarks. I'm man enough to admit it - I was pretty emotional. I think a lot of the emotions weren't visible - correct me if I'm wrong, Whitney - but it really was a pretty sad afternoon. I kept thinking of my childhood when my mom would line my brothers and me up by the front door on the first day of school for pictures. I've had probably millions of those pictures taken in my lifetime, but, other than maybe high school graduation, I don't recall any last-day-of-school pictures. It was at this point when I basically accepted the fact that my stay at Snow was over. Friday was weird. There usually isn't anyone in Ephraim on weekends, but this one was even worse than what I had become accustomed to. Whitney and I headed over to what was supposed to be a big party at the Greenwood Students Center, but I honestly only knew about three or four people there. Nevertheless, we enjoyed some free food, free dessert, and "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler. After the so-called festivities were over, we went back to the apartment and played a little bit of NBA 2K9 and Rock Band, but the evening was marred by people not answering their phones and not wanting one more night out on the town. Lame-Os.
Speaking of Lame-Os, it's time, I think, once again for The Boo Box!! Good heck, people, if I hear one more person say, "Oh, I'm busy right now, but yeah, we should take a picture together sometime before the end of the semester," I think I might puke. Do you want to hear the most absolute slap in the face I've ever had in my entire life? Let me tell you - and this is a true story. I don't make things up for The Boo Box. So there I was, sitting in my friend's apartment... No, no... I won't tell you when this was or who it was with... anyway, so there are like ten people there, right? I don't know most of them, but I've been friends with this one girl for like a month, maybe a month and a half. The thing ends, so we're both walking back to our apartments... I'm kind of big on like... taking pictures and stuff, you know? Just so I can remember people, places, and specific events. Anyway, I say, "Hey, we should take a picture together!" And, no joke, she says this - "Why? You mean for the two times we hung out and, like, the five times we talked?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? First of all, we hung out more than twice and talked a lot more than just five times. Secondly, I've taken pictures with people I barely even knew before - and they LIKED it! And thirdly, uh... Did you really just say that?? Needless to say, I left her in the freakin' dust, refusing to take a picture with her as she kept repeating, "Are you really offended by that? I'm joking!" Yes. Yes I am offended by that. I deleted her number the next day and recently deleted her on Facebook. Eat that! Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
In other news, graduation was awesome! After sitting out in the rain for about fifteen minutes in a cap and gown that were specifically not supposed to be worn in the rain, we made our way over to the Activity Center on campus, where we walked in the door and were greeted by an ovation from the entire Snow College faculty. We headed in to the basketball gym and took our seats for the commencement ceremony. The ceremony was really good. There were some great speakers with some important and sometimes cheesy things to say. A sense of pride and accomplishment prevailed overall and I really was able to think back on my time at Snow with many happy memories... like the time I found out that the cute girl I met at church had been violating the Law of Chastity with another guy while she was simultaneously dating me in 2005... and those times I got a headband sunburn line on my forehead and my armsleeve prevented my right arm from tanning evenly with my left... and that one time that I left Family Home Evening early because I couldn't find the free food... And to top it all off, I can finally answer the following Question...
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
What is your most embarrassing moment?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. You know, it's funny you should ask. (SALUTE!) Before Saturday morning, I would have had a hard time answering that one, but I think I've got a pretty good one for you. Check this out - somehow I found myself on the very front row at graduation - right behind the band that was playing directly below the stand where the speakers and the deans were sitting. I was on the right end of the left section, so the National Guard was right in front of me. They were so close, in fact, that I had to squeeze into my position in front of my chair. I was so close to one of the soldiers that I accidentally touched his butt a couple times. Just wanted him to know I was there, right? Basically, there were four guards - two on the outside with wooden muskets and two on the inside, bearing the American and Utah state flags. I was right behind one with a musket, which I was pretty sure was not real. I kept hoping silently that the gun wouldn't fire and blow my face off. I kept looking at the tip of the gun and was pretty sure it didn't have bullets in it, so the next worst possibility popped into my mind - "I hope he doesn't smack me in the head with that thing..." Enter President Wyatt over the loudspeakers: "The National Guard will now present the colors of the United States of America and the National Anthem will be played by the Snow College Wind Symphony, directed by Vance Larsen..." **SMACK** I saw it coming the whole time, but apparently wasn't quite fast enough to lean back out of the way. Right in the dang face! But what could I do? I just smiled as the entire Wind Symphony and the girls two rows back had a nice little chuckle at my expense. I mouthed "I knew that was going to happen!" to the girl next to me and offered up a silent prayer to the high heavens that my mom wasn't recording the Star-Spangled Banner.
Q. "Aaron,
I'm not sure many people are aware of the origins of Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday. Could you please enlighten them? You could even post a picture to help. Thanks."
- J. Scott Aylett
A. Thank you, Mr. Aylett. I'll inform you, J. Scott, that FGAYT had even spread to Snow College by the time I left, so our legacy remains alive statewide. The origins of which Mr. Aylett speaks are rooted at Alta High School. Several friends and I were entrenched in an enthralling conversation about which of the days of the week was the least cared about. People hate Mondays. Sunday is the Sabbath. Friday and Saturday are the weekend. Wednesday means you're half way through the week and Thursday is the day before Friday. Nobody cares about Tuesday, we concluded. We therefore set out on an expedition to make people love Tuesday. I believe it all started by me, Scott Aylett, Jon Davis, and my brother, Austin, dressing up in a shirt and tie every Tuesday for two or three weeks. Then, good friend, Beau Shaw, informed me that he had discovered some signs in a dumpster behind the school. I didn't really know what he meant at first, so I went with him to find out. We reached the dumpster and lo, and behold, there were four red signs, which read "Treat other people the way you want to be treated," "Do your best," and "Do what is right," and one that said "You get out of life," but which, when unfolded, read "You get out of life what you put into it." After our discovery, we becan to use those four signs every week. We staked a claim on a certain spot in the hall of the high school and would retreat there with the signs after school every Tuesday, often offering free hugs and frequently getting flipped off. People would occasionally try unsuccessfully to steal our signs, as well. It made for good memories, anyway. Feel Good About Yourslef Tuesday soon became a schoolwide phenomenon, gaining popularity and loyal fans every week.
I just have one more thing to complain about really quick before I wrap this thing up for another seven days. I don't know if I've mentioned it before or not, but if you're set up with a Facebook account, you've probably noticed that all of your so-called friends are becoming "fans" of pretty much everything ever invented, from "strawberries" to "the weekend" to "not being on fire." Don't get me wrong, I think that becoming "fans" of some things is all right - like becoming a fan of "'City Council' w/ A-Town, Season Three." Wise investment, there. Like money straight in the bank. Just think - you can relive all the "City Council" memories, including the KAGE Match Finals, in which Creedence Clearwater Revival defeated the Killers to become the Undisputed KAGE Match Champions of the entire universe! You can look at the bracket, see the playlist for every show, except for weeks Thirteen - Fifteen, which I still need to update, and look at hilarious videos and pictures from the greatest radio show in all of Ephraim! Why wouldn't you want to do that? But really, I don't think it's necessary to become a fan of "breathing oxygen," or anything. If you want to become a fan of "Jesus," go to church or get baptized or something. If you're a fan of "pizza," go to Pizza Hut and show them your appreciation. I don't care and I don't want to know. And by the way, it keeps suggesting that I become a fan of "prayer" because several of my friends are already fans. I don't want to. Especially because the picture that is supposed to be a woman praying looks more like somebody that's crouched over a toilet at a party their parents told them not to go to.
Concerning Facebook, three more statements:
- I don't care how much you love your boyfriend.
- Facebook is not Twitter.
- Those "Top Five" things are freakin' hilarious.
In conclusion, it's time for the Shoutout of the Week! This Time, it's got an obvious recipient - Mr. Jon Davis. Jonny Boy! Where the heck are you? It's time for The Big Ticket Reunion!
That's about it for this week. I'm off to see the new Wolverine movie... I'll let you know how it goes.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
Greetings to one and all from Sandy, UT. Yes, it's true. I have returned home after three wonderful semesters in Ephraim. I'm really going to miss that place. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......... Good times, good times... I have a ton of junk to talk about today, so I better get these fingers a-typin'. Topics to be discussed: Wasting a Washington, leaving town again, the return of The Boo Box, good times, the most embarrassing moment, sticking to your roots, and becoming a fan. ON WE GO!
It's been a while since I've done this segment, so why not start with it? It's time again for The Week in Review!! During the past seven days, I tried something new. I was really thirsty during my final visit to the Ephraim WalMart, so, as I was walking past the aisle that has all that mineral water and all that garbage, I thought that maybe I'd try one of those Vitamin Water things that Kobe and Lebron have so recently endorsed. I got the kiwi strawberry flavor and I knew after the first sip or two that I had just wasted a dollar. It didn't really taste that great, but then again, flavored water usually is pretty uh... watered down... but really... maybe it's because I didn't refrigerate it. I just bought it off the shelf and drank it. Maybe that was the problem. I can't see that the temperature would have made much of a difference, though. It's not like it was carbonated or anything. I would not get another one - ever - and I wouldn't recommend it to you, either. Stick with normal water and vitamins in chewable or pill form. That way, you can spend your dollar on something much more worthwhile. A McDouble. The Vitamin Water gets a 3 out of 10. And that's being generous.
Let's talk graduation. The last week in Ephraim was a tough one. It wasn't like Finals Week of Fall Semester, which we also subtitled "Wallowing in Self-Pity Week." That was a pretty dang good week. That was back when the roommies and I bought Rock Band 2 and had our Back to the Future marathon. That was a DANG good week! No, no. This Finals Week was filled with packing, cleaning, saying goodbye, and more cleaning. Everybody else got the heck out of there early, too, so I was stuck down there, virtually alone, for a couple long, long days. On one of these days, my good friend, Whitney Jones, and I took a little walk around campus to take some pictures by famous Snow College landmarks. I'm man enough to admit it - I was pretty emotional. I think a lot of the emotions weren't visible - correct me if I'm wrong, Whitney - but it really was a pretty sad afternoon. I kept thinking of my childhood when my mom would line my brothers and me up by the front door on the first day of school for pictures. I've had probably millions of those pictures taken in my lifetime, but, other than maybe high school graduation, I don't recall any last-day-of-school pictures. It was at this point when I basically accepted the fact that my stay at Snow was over. Friday was weird. There usually isn't anyone in Ephraim on weekends, but this one was even worse than what I had become accustomed to. Whitney and I headed over to what was supposed to be a big party at the Greenwood Students Center, but I honestly only knew about three or four people there. Nevertheless, we enjoyed some free food, free dessert, and "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler. After the so-called festivities were over, we went back to the apartment and played a little bit of NBA 2K9 and Rock Band, but the evening was marred by people not answering their phones and not wanting one more night out on the town. Lame-Os.
Speaking of Lame-Os, it's time, I think, once again for The Boo Box!! Good heck, people, if I hear one more person say, "Oh, I'm busy right now, but yeah, we should take a picture together sometime before the end of the semester," I think I might puke. Do you want to hear the most absolute slap in the face I've ever had in my entire life? Let me tell you - and this is a true story. I don't make things up for The Boo Box. So there I was, sitting in my friend's apartment... No, no... I won't tell you when this was or who it was with... anyway, so there are like ten people there, right? I don't know most of them, but I've been friends with this one girl for like a month, maybe a month and a half. The thing ends, so we're both walking back to our apartments... I'm kind of big on like... taking pictures and stuff, you know? Just so I can remember people, places, and specific events. Anyway, I say, "Hey, we should take a picture together!" And, no joke, she says this - "Why? You mean for the two times we hung out and, like, the five times we talked?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? First of all, we hung out more than twice and talked a lot more than just five times. Secondly, I've taken pictures with people I barely even knew before - and they LIKED it! And thirdly, uh... Did you really just say that?? Needless to say, I left her in the freakin' dust, refusing to take a picture with her as she kept repeating, "Are you really offended by that? I'm joking!" Yes. Yes I am offended by that. I deleted her number the next day and recently deleted her on Facebook. Eat that! Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
In other news, graduation was awesome! After sitting out in the rain for about fifteen minutes in a cap and gown that were specifically not supposed to be worn in the rain, we made our way over to the Activity Center on campus, where we walked in the door and were greeted by an ovation from the entire Snow College faculty. We headed in to the basketball gym and took our seats for the commencement ceremony. The ceremony was really good. There were some great speakers with some important and sometimes cheesy things to say. A sense of pride and accomplishment prevailed overall and I really was able to think back on my time at Snow with many happy memories... like the time I found out that the cute girl I met at church had been violating the Law of Chastity with another guy while she was simultaneously dating me in 2005... and those times I got a headband sunburn line on my forehead and my armsleeve prevented my right arm from tanning evenly with my left... and that one time that I left Family Home Evening early because I couldn't find the free food... And to top it all off, I can finally answer the following Question...
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
What is your most embarrassing moment?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. You know, it's funny you should ask. (SALUTE!) Before Saturday morning, I would have had a hard time answering that one, but I think I've got a pretty good one for you. Check this out - somehow I found myself on the very front row at graduation - right behind the band that was playing directly below the stand where the speakers and the deans were sitting. I was on the right end of the left section, so the National Guard was right in front of me. They were so close, in fact, that I had to squeeze into my position in front of my chair. I was so close to one of the soldiers that I accidentally touched his butt a couple times. Just wanted him to know I was there, right? Basically, there were four guards - two on the outside with wooden muskets and two on the inside, bearing the American and Utah state flags. I was right behind one with a musket, which I was pretty sure was not real. I kept hoping silently that the gun wouldn't fire and blow my face off. I kept looking at the tip of the gun and was pretty sure it didn't have bullets in it, so the next worst possibility popped into my mind - "I hope he doesn't smack me in the head with that thing..." Enter President Wyatt over the loudspeakers: "The National Guard will now present the colors of the United States of America and the National Anthem will be played by the Snow College Wind Symphony, directed by Vance Larsen..." **SMACK** I saw it coming the whole time, but apparently wasn't quite fast enough to lean back out of the way. Right in the dang face! But what could I do? I just smiled as the entire Wind Symphony and the girls two rows back had a nice little chuckle at my expense. I mouthed "I knew that was going to happen!" to the girl next to me and offered up a silent prayer to the high heavens that my mom wasn't recording the Star-Spangled Banner.
Q. "Aaron,
I'm not sure many people are aware of the origins of Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday. Could you please enlighten them? You could even post a picture to help. Thanks."
- J. Scott Aylett
A. Thank you, Mr. Aylett. I'll inform you, J. Scott, that FGAYT had even spread to Snow College by the time I left, so our legacy remains alive statewide. The origins of which Mr. Aylett speaks are rooted at Alta High School. Several friends and I were entrenched in an enthralling conversation about which of the days of the week was the least cared about. People hate Mondays. Sunday is the Sabbath. Friday and Saturday are the weekend. Wednesday means you're half way through the week and Thursday is the day before Friday. Nobody cares about Tuesday, we concluded. We therefore set out on an expedition to make people love Tuesday. I believe it all started by me, Scott Aylett, Jon Davis, and my brother, Austin, dressing up in a shirt and tie every Tuesday for two or three weeks. Then, good friend, Beau Shaw, informed me that he had discovered some signs in a dumpster behind the school. I didn't really know what he meant at first, so I went with him to find out. We reached the dumpster and lo, and behold, there were four red signs, which read "Treat other people the way you want to be treated," "Do your best," and "Do what is right," and one that said "You get out of life," but which, when unfolded, read "You get out of life what you put into it." After our discovery, we becan to use those four signs every week. We staked a claim on a certain spot in the hall of the high school and would retreat there with the signs after school every Tuesday, often offering free hugs and frequently getting flipped off. People would occasionally try unsuccessfully to steal our signs, as well. It made for good memories, anyway. Feel Good About Yourslef Tuesday soon became a schoolwide phenomenon, gaining popularity and loyal fans every week.
I just have one more thing to complain about really quick before I wrap this thing up for another seven days. I don't know if I've mentioned it before or not, but if you're set up with a Facebook account, you've probably noticed that all of your so-called friends are becoming "fans" of pretty much everything ever invented, from "strawberries" to "the weekend" to "not being on fire." Don't get me wrong, I think that becoming "fans" of some things is all right - like becoming a fan of "'City Council' w/ A-Town, Season Three." Wise investment, there. Like money straight in the bank. Just think - you can relive all the "City Council" memories, including the KAGE Match Finals, in which Creedence Clearwater Revival defeated the Killers to become the Undisputed KAGE Match Champions of the entire universe! You can look at the bracket, see the playlist for every show, except for weeks Thirteen - Fifteen, which I still need to update, and look at hilarious videos and pictures from the greatest radio show in all of Ephraim! Why wouldn't you want to do that? But really, I don't think it's necessary to become a fan of "breathing oxygen," or anything. If you want to become a fan of "Jesus," go to church or get baptized or something. If you're a fan of "pizza," go to Pizza Hut and show them your appreciation. I don't care and I don't want to know. And by the way, it keeps suggesting that I become a fan of "prayer" because several of my friends are already fans. I don't want to. Especially because the picture that is supposed to be a woman praying looks more like somebody that's crouched over a toilet at a party their parents told them not to go to.
Concerning Facebook, three more statements:
- I don't care how much you love your boyfriend.
- Facebook is not Twitter.
- Those "Top Five" things are freakin' hilarious.
In conclusion, it's time for the Shoutout of the Week! This Time, it's got an obvious recipient - Mr. Jon Davis. Jonny Boy! Where the heck are you? It's time for The Big Ticket Reunion!
That's about it for this week. I'm off to see the new Wolverine movie... I'll let you know how it goes.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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