Welcome to the Wrestlemania of Snow College Radio...
Greetings to one and all, and, by Merlin, if this isn't one of the busiest days of my life... I'll get to that in a second. Topics to be discussed today: "The City Council Showdown," missing a milestone, losing faith, American Idol, and another intriguing segment of The Locals. On we go!
Here's the deal - Three weeks ago, my buddies over at "The Manly Show" had a little incident, which prompted Jason the Barbarian to issue a challenge. He said that if anyone wanted to challenge Mason the Brick, they were welcome to do so. Since we've been pretty good friends over this past scholastic year and I wanted to have them on my show anyway, I quickly accepted the challenge, inviting them to come on my show in several weeks (in other words, today). Basically, I figured it would be a good way to get publicity for both of our shows, you know? I mean, if the Beatles were fighting Elvis, wouldn't you want to see it? Exactly. It has worked out a whole lot better than I planned, actually. This thing has gotten so big, in fact, that I've been sworn at multiple times, people have stopped me on the sidewalk to tell me that they're having a "City Council" party tonight, a "rally for A-Town" was set up outside the KAGE during "The Manly Show" last Thursday night, and people are even taking this a little too seriously. Actually, a lot too seriously. With that being said, I think that a lot of people, mostly so-called "Manly Supporters," may be disappointed with the outcome. I mean, I'll tell you this much - I'm not going to lose on my home court. That would be ridiculous. You'll have to tune in tonight, though, to see how all this junk goes down. It's going to be potentially the most epic thing in the history of the KAGE. Twenty-minute prerecorded segments? Are you KIDDING ME?!? And I thought the Switch to Digital (only two minutes) was a big deal! I stayed in Ephraim over Easter Break and spent almost nine hours at the KAGE editing audio and watching pro wrestling on Saturday. I was here until 2:30 in the morning last night and I'm still not done. I'm close, though, and that's what matters. It should all be taken care of by the end of the afternoon. Maybe then I'll get a chance to take a nap or something. If you've never listened to "City Council" before - or if you've listened, but turned off the radio after the KAGE Match, tonight is the night to get back on track. You'll want to be there until the very end of the show tonight as Mason the Brick and I square off in a battle nearly to the death! You can listen online at www.snow.edu/kage or, if you're in Sanpete County, tune in to 89.5 FM... and that's the bottom line...
I recently realized that I have made a grave mistake - I was thinking about how many Issues of "Signs of the Times" I'd written and I realized that it was over fifty. I sat there for a minute, contemplating that impressive milestone and then realized that there are only fifty two weeks in the year! This being Issue No. 54, the fact that I had forgotten to celebrate the Newsletter's birthday hit me right in the face like a slap from one of Elder Frakes' ties. DANG! I missed it! That's crazy, though, isn't it? I've been writing this dang thing for over a year! I've only missed one week - the week that I was in Mexico on that beloved cruise - and I did a half-issue the night that we took Austin to the MTC. I recall doing an Issue or two on a Thursday to make up for being computer-less on a Tuesday, but other than that, I've been pretty consistent. As I try to think back on some of the highlights of the Newsletter, I'm having a hard time understanding why people even read this... Maybe that's why I haven't been getting lots of feedback... Because people either don't read it, send it to their spam box or trash, or read it and don't want to admit it. I don't know how long I'll be doing this Newsletter... I'll do it for a little while longer, at least, but I'll try to make it better than it has been in its mediocre first year. Thank you, thank you. And happy belated birthday, Signs of the Times!
Well, it's that time again - Playoff time. I think that this topic is what sparked the memory of SotT being around for over a year because I remember ripping on Tracy McGrady a lot last summer. It looks like the Jazz have been condemned to the eight seed, which is preposterous. I can't even believe the colossal meltdown that has been the return of Carlos Boozer. Don't get me wrong - Boozer has been playing pretty well since his return. But if you think back to our twelve-game winning streak and Millsap's twenty-game streak of double-doubles, back in the day when we were actually in contention for the division championship, Boozer was still injured. Since his return, the Jazz have looked pathetic, losing HOME games to Minnesota and Golden State (who only had seven healthy players), and still can't win on the road. Not a single game. It's really kind of disturbing. I'm not sure what the current predicament is, but as far as I know, we'll be playing the Lakers in the first round. I hate the Lakers. I really hate the Lakers. I'm not afraid of the Lakers because I know we can beat them. We just won't - key word "won't" - beat them in L.A. (the league wouldn't let that happen... CONSPIRACY!!) and we can't beat them in a best-of-five series. I've pretty much lost hope in the Jazz, sadly enough. I basically just want them to lose in the first round. I figure there is no way we can win the championship, so we might as well just take an early exit and get a "better" draft pick.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
What do you think about American Idol?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) It's. About. Time. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's about dang time that Scott McIntyre got the boot from season eight of "American Idol." I stand by what I've said from the beginning. McIntyre was used for ratings. He was not that talented of a singer. Sure, he's a good piano player, especially for being visually impaired, but if he weren't partially blind, he would have been cut long, long ago. I hate Adam Lambert. Everyone loves him, but I hate him. I couldn't stand his version of "Ring of Fire" and I hated the arrangement of "Play That Funky Music." I'll give it to him - he's controversial, or whatever, so I always want to tune in to see what he'll do next, and I think that's why the judges love him so much. I think that the judges are more biased than ever this season, a point beautifully demonstrated by Paula when, several weeks ago, she told Adam and Danny that they were going to be in the finals. Uh... why don't we just send the other contestants home, eh? I don't know. Good old American Idol... Thanks for asking.
The Locals: Segment Two
As promised last week, I told you I'd be spending some time with a couple of the Locals and reporting back about my exploits in this Issue. Here it goes.
The other day, I was invited over for dinner with a family of Locals. At first, obviously, I was hesitant. You never know what these people have up their sleeves. Really, I try to hurry when I'm shopping at WalMart because I'm afraid that a Local will pop out from behind a shelf and attack me or something. That hasn't ever happened. Actually, I don't think it has ever even been close to happening... But I'm still scared about it, ok?
Anyhoo, I reluctantly accepted the invitation and agreed to eat with them last Thursday evening. I finished up my radio show and ran back to my apartment to tidy up a little bit. I wanted to make a good impression, all right? The Locals informed me that they would be over to my apartment to pick me up at around 7:30, so I sat around on the couch just waiting... Waiting... Finally came a knock on the door. It was Brittany Hughes, student body president-elect for 2009. She had a calendar for me so I knew about all the campus activities. That was nice of her, I thought. Then I went back to the couch to wait some more. It was getting late. It was nearing 8:00 and I was wondering what was going on. Then, alas, came another knock at the door. I opened the door this time to see a grizzly-faced older man. He asked me for my name and I told him. He informed me that he was here to pick me up. I offered my hand to shake his, but he declined, as his palms were bloodstained. He explained as we walked to his vehicle why he had been late. We reached a muddy blue four wheeler with a dead deer on the back. Flies had already started to infest the dead carcass. He asked me to take a seat.
Later on that evening, after sitting on the ground in the living room of the small two-bedroom house, playing with Lincoln Logs and waiting for the deer meat stew to be prepared, I was called into the kitchen for what they called "supper." I thought that was a little weird.
I greeted "the Mrs." and awkwardly took a seat at the table in between my college-aged friend and his venison slaying father, who was picking his teeth with his fingernails. I really didn't have anything to say, so I kept pretty quiet. I noticed three empty chairs on the other side of the table. One, obviously, was for the wife, but I didn't know who the other chairs were for. That question was answered soon afterward as I heard the dragging of metal chains. The mother dropped the ladle she had been preparing the stew with and ran to grab her two small children and put them in their chairs. I was shocked to see that they were both wrapped in bike locks. The mother then wrapped the chains around the chairs and secured the children to their seats. (I hadn't seen anything like that since my brother Adam was babysitting and Cody didn't want to eat his vegetables...) I immediately recognized the sullen-faced children as two of the minors I had seen on leashes at WalMart. Family traditions, I assumed.
To make a long story short (too late, I know), I scarfed down that deer stew as fast as my stomach would permit me and politely listened to stories of sheep herding, bonfires in the canyon, and quilting projects. It reminded me of those awkward mission dinners where the members would start asking you awkward questions, like whether or not you were planning on marrying a Hispanic girl after returning home. What are you supposed to say to that? "I dunno!... Maybe!..." They always seemed to like that answer. "So tell me, boy, have you ever killed a boar? A wild boar?" I thought about it for a second... "I dunno!... Maybe!..." The father didn't seem to mind that answer, surprisingly.
I squinted and looked out the window. The sun was starting to rise. I checked my watch - 5:45 AM. In all honestly, I didn't think I'd been there THAT long... For the first time all night, I dared talk to Mrs. Local. "Excuse me, ma'am, can I have the combination?" "The combination to what?" I gestured down to my ankles. She peered under the table and remembered that she had locked me to my chair as well. "Bryson, you know what to do." My college friend knelt down and unlocked me. As soon as my second foot was free, I kicked him right in the face and ran for my life.
Stay tuned in two weeks for the gripping conclusion to The Locals!
I don't have anything to Boo or Review this week, partly because no one suggested anything and also because I've got some other crap I've gotta do. But check this out - I'll be gone next Tuesday. I'm going to Vegas with the KAGE staff - and it's on the house! I knew Gary Chidester had a heart in there somewhere. So yeah... Maybe I'll write a quick Newsletter on Thursday... but if not, don't fret, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be back on the 28th for my fond farewell to Ephraim, Utah. I'm coming home!!
The Shoutout of the Week goes to Mason "The Brick" Stenquist. It was nice knowing you, man. I'll try not to bash you with a steel chair too many times tonight. I know everyone thinks that I'm not really a Tag Team Champion of the World. They all think that I just went out and bought that championship belt at some store somewhere... but tonight I'm about to prove them horribly wrong. Unfortunately, I have to use you as an example.
That's about it for this week, folks.
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
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