Signs of the Times, Issue No. 29 - 10/21/08

"You seem to like your blues and yellows."


Greetings to one and all from the illustrious Snow College Library. It's one of those days that is like... cold... then it gets hot in the afternoon... and tonight it will be freezing again... but I don't care because I'm wearing a jacket and there are lots of leaves on the ground. I like stepping on leaves. I'm actually kind of obsessed with it. I like the crunching sound, all right? I am pretty sure Elder Keeney called me out on that once during the mission. And every time I look up from my computer I accidentally make eye contact with somebody. It's awkward. And there's an Asian student close to me whose socks I would describe as "go-go socks." I don't know what that's supposed to mean and now I'm just rambling. Dang. Topics to be discussed today: True Badger Night, more stalker tales, going home for the weekend, fulfilling my civic duty, Provo after a loss, and answering fan mail. On we go!


As I mentioned in Issue No. 28, last week's "City Council" w/ A-Town was going to be in honor of True Badger Night. It's true - it was. It was actually quite a good show. Lots of listeners, lots of votes for the KAGE Match (Panic! at the Disco def. Heart and the Strokes), and lots of sweet rock and roll love songs. It was nice. Lots of Loyal Subscribers (even from out-of-state) tuned in and one listener even commented that it was the best show of the season. Perhaps the most popular segment of the night featured "Dave," another KAGE personality, giving me dating advice and putting his tremendous radio voice to the test in a little competition of mine. If you are interested in learning more about Week 5, head over to my fan page on Facebook for pictures and the playlist.

I know a lot of you are wondering - "So who did A-Town kiss at midnight?" The answer is simply this - Nobody. I just played lots of music until about 12:45 in the morning and talked to myself as I sat in the radio station and treated myself to delicious butterscotch discs. In the words of my good friend, Ignacio Libre, "My life is good. Reeeeeally good."


With the election season raging on, tonight's KAGE Match will help you fulfill your civic duty as American citizens! Squaring off in the fifteen-foot steel KAGE tonight will be the Presidents of the United States of America and their arch nemesis, John Mayer. Figure that one out, huh? Tune in to "City Council" w/ A-Town, Season Two, Week Six tonight at 10:00 MDT by visiting www.snow.edu/~kage.


I have just realized that those last three paragraphs are a slight foreshadowing of the rest of the Newsletter this week. I mentioned several of the things I am planning on talking about, so if this Issue seems like I'm jumping back and forth a lot, I'm sorry. Hopefully I can present my thoughts in a manner that is not only organized, but is also easily understandable and also condusive to the Spirit. So... if you want to focus on uplifting, spiritual topics, you might want to skip this next one...


I try to remain mostly truthful the majority of the time in my Newsletters. The E.P.B. Newsletters were a little more entertaining and also a little more fictional. Over-exaggeration was running rampant back in 2005. I don't know what was going on. I think I've done a pretty good job so far with "Signs of the Times." I'm sure a lot of you still don't really believe my roommate stories, but seriously - some of you have seen pictures. It's the truth. And so is this following story.



I mentioned that I stayed late last Tuesday night, as to provide Ephraim City with a good soundtrack for their make outs, so I was wrapping up everything at around 12:40... I suppose I should preface this with another story. Sorry. Two Thursdays ago, this guy calls in to request a song during my show. He definitely didn't sound like a college kid. The song he wanted to hear was Katy Perry's repulsive "I Kissed a Girl." I reluctantly played the song for him a few minutes later. However, after he requested the song and commented on how great David Archuleta's new song was, he asked me how I would feel if they made a song called "I Kissed a Guy." My response? "I would be equally disgusted." He laughed for a moment, then added, "Well, I guess I won't be inviting you over, then." I quickly hung up. Anyway... jump back to Tuesday night... 12:40 AM. The phone rings at the station! I wondered who on Earth could possibly still be listening at such hours. It was a relatively busy night with listeners, but seriously, it was almost one in the morning. "Hello... A-Town... I've got a question for you..." The voice sounded slightly familiar. "All right, I've got an answer..." "Do you like... guys or girls?" WHAT?!? "I'm afraid I'm not going to answer that for you, I'm sorry." "Ok, perogative..." What was that supposed to mean? "Thanks for calling. Have a good night." "Wait, do you... know anyone... who is interested in guys??" "Actually, I don't. I'm afraid I can't help you, sir. Have a nice night." Click. Who is this guy?!?


Ok, you can open your spiritual ears again. I'll keep you updated if anything else crazy happens. In other creepy radio news, I had this girl who would call in at the end of every "City Council" to request sappy love songs by the Dixie Chicks and dedicate them to "Aaron of A-Town." That was kind of weird because none of my listeners know my actual name unless I tell them personally. I would always ask who she was and she would never tell me, so it was a little frustrating, especially the time when she knew what clothes I was wearing that day. Long story short, she hadn't called in for about two weeks, so I thought she had forgotten about me. Not quite. Last Thursday night, I got a text message at some time around midnight from somebody I presumed to be a girl, due to their use of the word "cutie." They admitted to being my "secret admirer" from the radio and told me that they had stolen my phone number from the phone of a mutual friend. She knew my two favorite colors, named some of the other clothes they had seen me wear, knew who sat by me at the library (which is weird because sometimes even I don't know who sits by me at the library...), and also knew that I hung out with a girl with long brown hair. That was creepy because that friendship is somewhat of a recent development and also didn't take place in the library. So... basically... somebody had been watching me. And to me, that's a little bit creepier than other creepy things such as, oh, for example, touching somebody's face. I was pretty freaked by this garbage, so the next day, I called somebody out on it and, unsurprisingly, guessed right. I may be fun to tease, but I'm not stupid, people. You stalk me... and I'll hunt you down... Luckily, that little fiasco has come to an end. In the words of a famous music teacher I once had, it's "the price of fame," I suppose. This is why I love my Playstation so much. It doesn't whine or complain. It doesn't follow me around. It doesn't ever get upset. And it certainly doesn't know my favorite color.



I was back in Draper for the long weekend and I got a lot of stuff done. I closed a bank account, I bought some new, comfy pants that smell like burnt wood, went to the mall three times to get my phone fixed, and, possibly most importantly, I voted in my first presidential election. This is kind of a big deal, I suppose, because I missed the election of '04 by like five days or something. Luckily that horse-face didn't win. I was worried that he'd win by one vote or something. Voting is crazy. I thought I only had to vote for like two things, but they sent me over to the computer and I was there for like twenty minutes pressing buttons for stuff I've never heard of. "Should so-and-so retain their seat in the County something-or-other?" Sure, yeah. [beep] "Do you approve the additional funding of private school..." Nope. [beep] "...places such as Tracy Aviary..." I remember those field trips. Yes. [beep] It was a good experience, though. Information about early registration is available online at the Salt Lake County Clerk's website. It's pretty self-explanatory. I mean, if I can figure it out, you probably can, too.


**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Dear Aaron,
Do you have any band recommendations for us?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties

A. Thanks for asking. (SALUTE!) Check out Muse. They've got some good stuff. I recently discovered them while doing a show a couple weeks ago. It's kind of like... Moby, I guess would be a good comparison, so, I mean, this isn't really like... "normal" music. Some of their stuff is a little strange - and keep in mind, I've only heard one of their albums, but yeah, if you want a recommendation, check out "Starlight" and "Knights of Cydonia." It will blow your mind away.


Q. Okay, perhaps I'm just plain stupid...but what in the heck does (SALUTE) mean when you put it all over you're newsletter. I'm almost afraid to ask this question--I might get a ton of hate email from other loyal A-Towners for being so uneducated. Anyways, just thought I'd ask. (SALUTE)"
- Gardner

A. Ah, have no fear, my friend. I explain this to probably ten or fifteen people every day, so it's not like you're the only one who doesn't know. But after today you won't be able to say that anymore, so listen up. The Junior Mounties are a semi-fictitious group of Canadians comparable to Yellowstone National Park's "Junior Rangers." They like to whiddle sticks with Swiss Army knives, earn merit badges, help mothers unload groceries, and ask Questions. The group was formed in high school when we would answer Questions from the Band Question Box. Several Junior Mounties would ask the Band Council Questions every week and we would thank them for asking by giving them a two-fingered SALUTE! after reading their Question. Thus, every time the Junior Mounties ask me a Question, I SALUTE! them. Understood? Now you know. You're a good man, Gardner.


If you are interested in becoming a true Junior Mountie, please contact me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com or join the "Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday" group on Facebook.com.


The Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week this time goes to the old man, Jeff Garcia, who, in a mildly boring game, handed the Seahawks their heads and simultaneously earned Utes Rule! 47 Fantasy Points from 27 completions for 310 yards and a TD. Good work, Jeff.


The Shoutout of the Week goes to Tyson Hinde. I don't know if he gets these, but oh well. In a city where one loss in college football dampens everything's spirits, where tree branches hang lower, and where people are generally less friendly, Tyson Hinde stands tall with a smile on his face. It was like Zone Conference all over again.


Well, that's about it for this week! Get out and vote. Listen to "City Council."


Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron