Signs of the Times, Issue No. 26 - 09/30/08

After weeks of suffering, there was a speck of light at the end of the tunnel...


Greetings to one and all on a beautiful Tuesday in Ephraim. And yes, it's the best day of the week. Let's just say that I've caused a good amount of problems in my young life, believe it or not. In the last seven days, I caused another one. Topics to be discussed today: The long and winding road that leads to my door, breaking news, Aaron Christensen: Space Ranger, egelloC, self-explanation, and the man who just won't quit. On we go!


I went back to Draper last weekend. It's always nice to go home. Let me tell you - my bed has never been so comfortable. It's not like I have an extremely uncomfortable one down here in Ephraim, but the sheets on my bed at home are so soft! I was amazed. Truly amazed. Both times I woke up in Draper, I just laid there and went back to sleep as the thought, "This bed is comfortable," ran through my head. It was nice... very nice. Other nice things that happened to me over the weekend were (in no particular order) playing Guitar Hero with Amy, putting lots of money in the bank, attending the farewell of a cousin, seeing former-Elder Hinde and Josue Romero, and having an enormous Mexican feast prepared for me. Ah... It was good to be back. FREE BIRD! FREE BIRD!


The big news this week is that I did something naughty... This is like the kind of thing you get sent to time out for... And one person even gave me the guilt trip about doing it, but, when it all comes down to it, as they say, I'm proud of my actions and stand by... myself... If you recall from my last few Issues, I've been having social and moral difficulties with my roommates... It's been a hard month. Dirty dishes, dirty clothes, dirty counters, stolen milk, beer banners, late nights, forbidden cinema, and possible vows of celibacy potentially down the drain. We've experienced nearly everything in the last five weeks. Heck, we even had a cat come visit for a few minutes the other night! That's not like... horrible... but it's still against the rules. Call me a baby, call me what you will. High school girls with braces sleeping over crossed the line and the True and Living Church will back me up on that one. If you still think I'm whining unnecessarily, I'll show you pictures and then, like so many others, you'll begin to understand this junk heap I've been living in. Long story short, this will probably be the last time I bring it up. I had a little chat with the management the other day. I had previously heard bad, bad things about the management at Park Place, so I went in expecting to get my head ripped off.

(Editor's note: Guess who just sat down across from me at the library? I'll give you two clues - #1- I'm staring furiously at my keyboard. #2- Refer to Signs of the Times, Issue No. 24... the first one. Not the one that's really No. 25...)

Anyway, the manager was actually unbelievably nice to me. She hooked me up big time, giving me lots of options, including a very tempting offer if I could wait until people moved out and went on missions next semester. Anyhoo, I explained the whole situation to her about the mess, the dishes, the girls, and even the cat, and told her I'd think about it for a week and let her know.
A few days later, apparently one of my roommates had to go in and pay some of his rent. He and his buddy got chewed out because the manager said she'd been in our apartment and it was the filthiest place she'd ever seen. She yelled at them about the girls. She even yelled at them about the cat. AND, in addition to the regularly scheduled cleaning check for this week, our apartment and our apartment alone would be required to have an additional cleaning check in two days. Needless to say, my roommates were not too thrilled with that and felt that the scolding was uncalled for. I got home later that day and, to my amazement, the apartment was actually pretty clean. They asked me if I had heard about the cleaning check and I nodded in agreement, having seen a flyer on our neighbors' door about the complex-wide check this week. It was later that I found out about the additional inspection. I had retired to my room and was spending some "Q.T." with the PS3 and my room-roommate came up and sat on his bed, then proceeding to spout off complaints about our management. "How would they know about the cat?!? They even knew that four girls have slept over here! (To my knowledge, there had only been two... hmm...) How would they know that? Who snitched on us?!?" In faux-bewilderment, I shrugged and said, "That's crazy, man! How would they know all that??" I thought it would be completely obvious how they found out. HELLO?!? There is no way they would know about the cat that was in our apartment for half an hour unless somebody was either A) spying on us or B) desperately looking for blackmail. Wait a second... Oh yeah...

Days later, they're still complaining about it, mostly because the additionally imposed cleaning check from last week never happened, which I think is hilarious because the apartment actually stayed clean for two or three days, but I think they're still confused about who turned them in. I've heard them mention that they hate living with families in the same building, blaming it on our neighbors who have come by a couple times asking that they turn down their music or electric guitars. In fact, on Sunday night, they even speculated about the management monitoring cars staying parked overnight in the visitor parking area or whether or not we have hidden cameras in our apartments. Again, call me cruel, call me paranoid, call me Peter Priesthood or whatever you want, but to me, they crossed the line, leading to a good opportunity to get the freak outta there... and the ensuing results were somewhat amusing, to say the least.

I just talked to the manager again today and she took me around to see several options. I'll be moving on Friday afternoon after the mandatory cleaning checks into another building in the same complex. I've seen the apartment. It's so clean it almost looks vacant. Plus, I'll be living with RMs now, instead of pre-mission blokes who pretend like they want to go on a mission to impress their parents and score with all the good LDS girls. Sad, but true... and just another Sign of the Times...


In other news, last night I think I was just really tired or something, but a thought came to me that seemed to occupy my attention for the majority of the evening. It's not the first time this thought has come to me, either. I want to live in outer space. I don't know why. I just do. I think it's probably the Toy Story movies that are messing with me. I think Buzz Lightyear is the man. I want to be a space ranger and live in space wearing a purple spacesuit. I don't know what I would do out there... Probably just like... float around and stuff... but I mean... when I do live in space, it will be like a million years from now and I'm sure I'll probably have about a million years' worth of good ideas by then. It's a work in progress. I'll let you know how it goes. Like this - (and this is just coming to me now...) I will have a milkshake place there. I don't know what the word is for a place like that... kind of like Iceberg or like... Dairy Queen or whatever. There will be a word to describe what I'm thinking of a million years from now, though, I'm pretty sure. Like I said - work in progress.


Another thing that's been bothering me lately is college. In general. Do we all remember high school? What a good time that was... Hot chicks, driver's ed, trying to sneak past the hall monitors, stuff like that, right?? One of the things that I didn't find crazy at the time, but that is absolutely nuts in retrospect, is the way they teach things in high school. Imagine this, if you will: you go to school on Thursday and they teach you about the American Revolution. Then you go home on Thursday night and do homework about the American Revolution. Then you go back on Friday and they review the assignment and move on to the next subject. Isn't that weird?? Things are done a little more professionally here in college. You go to school on Thursday, they teach you about the American Revolution, you get an assignment about the Mongols invading China, and you go back on Friday so they can show you that you did your assignment wrong. Then they teach you about the Mongols once you've already made up the assignment and then give you more homework about Johnny Appleseed. Makes much more sense, wouldn't you say?


**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "So, here's my question of the week- what is it you have against Provo girls, and what do you mean- 'we all know what the ladies are like there, don't we?'"

A. If we all know what the girls in Provo are like, why do I need to explain it?


Remember, you too can submit your own Questions to Signs of the Times via email at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.


The Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week is without a doubt the Geezers' Brett Favre. I thought I was done talking about old Geezer (pun intended) a few months ago, but apparently he couldn't stand the silence. So what does he do? He goes out and throws 24 completions for 289 passing yards and a career high 6 TDs for 56 Fantasy Points, propelling the Geezers into second place in the league. Wow.


The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to Brent Goulding and Dallin Akagi. Brent: "OOH - Shocking!" Dallin: Welcome back to... um... civilian life.


Be sure to tune into "City Council" w/ A-Town, Season Two, Week Three tonight at 10:00 Utah time by visiting the revamped and updated KAGE website - www.snow.edu/~kage. Tonight's show features the guys from "The Manly Show" as we discuss which is more accurate - carbon dating or internet dating. We'll also host the third KAGE Match of the season, "Bowie and Arrow," pitting Aerosmith up against David Bowie (with a little help from Queen), and the most intriguing segment of the night, in which A-Town will be giving away a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Tonight from 10PM - Midnight only on the KAGE.


That's about it for this week, amazingly. Such is life. Life is good. Especially when it's a Tuesday. Talk to you next week, friends.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron