Another day, another dollar.
Greetings to one and all. Happy Tuesday to you. This ought to be an interesting Newsletter. During one segment last week, I promised news one way or another, so we'll get to that. Other topics to be discussed: Street legality, the impending resumption of the elusive house hunt, the Olympics, the Great Outdoors, and why I hesitate to watch new TV shows. But first, I shall speak unto the learned in form of a parable. On we go!
Believe it or not, despite all my glorious failures, I do know a thing or two about relationships. Today I would like to share with you a parable. Yea, "The Parable of the Would-Be Girlfriend"... He who hath ears to hear, let him hear:
There once was a certain man. This certain man was very interested in dating a certain woman. This woman was quite fantastic - young, fun, attractive, she made him feel... rich. The man was interested in spending more time with her and letting her play a larger role in his life. As most men typically do, this certain man began to ask out the woman, in hopes of progress and advancement. The first time he asked, she turned him down. The man was not too distraught, for the woman had a valid reason for saying no. The man would not be deterred. He found another opportunity to court the young woman. In his mind's eye, he envisioned the perfect chance to take this woman out. He couldn't see any reason why the woman would say no a second time. However, to his astonishment, the woman rejected him once more. Dejected, the man said he would not try again. If she did not wish to be with him for that, the ideal situation (in the man's mind), she may never want to be with him. He swore in his wrath that he would make no further attempts, but, late one night, his imagination harkened upon the story of "Casey at the Bat," which, once more, gave him the courage to approach the woman one last time. For he, like Mighty Casey, was willing to go down swinging, if necessary. With one concluding undertaking, the man endeavored to create some form of long-lasting progress with that certain young woman. Though his confidence was low from previous rejections, he mustered his courage and swung with his proverbial might. Surely, he would connect with her and she would, at long last, give him the chance he was hoping for. Several days later, to his ultimate despair, the woman dealt one final blow, crushing the man's hopes and dreams. And so, like Mighty Casey, this certain man struck out. After three straight rejections, the man finally took the hint. This woman was certainly not interested in dating him, so the man decided it was time to start asking out other girls.
This certain man had moved on. He was excited by the prospect of exploring other options. A whole new world was opened unto him. He felt this would be ultimately beneficial. After all, in retrospect, he didn't see himself spending the rest of his mortality with this certain woman, so moving on sooner, rather than later, would be for the best. Then, as many crazy girls have been known to do, that certain woman came crawling back to the man, asking him to give her another chance. Funny, thought he, that the woman would thrice reject him, then come back to offer him another shot just days later. What? Had she run out of other options, now that she had used up all of her other options? Did she realize the error of her ways and now wish for repentance? The man, having learned his lesson, knowing that he, essentially, was Option D, at best, knew what to do - and he felt completely justified for doing so... He told the woman no. Thanks, but no. Then, as he reflected on his past with a heart predominantly full of thanks, he rode off into the sunset on his scooter.
He who hath ears to hear, let him hear. And for those of you who still thought I was joking about that hypothetical Facebook status I posted the other day, let's just say there was nothing hypothetical about that at all. Moving on.
Let it be known that I went back to the DMV last week and passed my test for the motorcycle endorsement on my driver's license. That means I'm street legal now, babies! So if you're ever out for an evening stroll and somebody zooms past you, causing you to mutter, "Who or what was that incredible blur of speed?", that would be me, A-Town, riding by on my scooter.
There once was a certain man. This certain man was very interested in dating a certain woman. This woman was quite fantastic - young, fun, attractive, she made him feel... rich. The man was interested in spending more time with her and letting her play a larger role in his life. As most men typically do, this certain man began to ask out the woman, in hopes of progress and advancement. The first time he asked, she turned him down. The man was not too distraught, for the woman had a valid reason for saying no. The man would not be deterred. He found another opportunity to court the young woman. In his mind's eye, he envisioned the perfect chance to take this woman out. He couldn't see any reason why the woman would say no a second time. However, to his astonishment, the woman rejected him once more. Dejected, the man said he would not try again. If she did not wish to be with him for that, the ideal situation (in the man's mind), she may never want to be with him. He swore in his wrath that he would make no further attempts, but, late one night, his imagination harkened upon the story of "Casey at the Bat," which, once more, gave him the courage to approach the woman one last time. For he, like Mighty Casey, was willing to go down swinging, if necessary. With one concluding undertaking, the man endeavored to create some form of long-lasting progress with that certain young woman. Though his confidence was low from previous rejections, he mustered his courage and swung with his proverbial might. Surely, he would connect with her and she would, at long last, give him the chance he was hoping for. Several days later, to his ultimate despair, the woman dealt one final blow, crushing the man's hopes and dreams. And so, like Mighty Casey, this certain man struck out. After three straight rejections, the man finally took the hint. This woman was certainly not interested in dating him, so the man decided it was time to start asking out other girls.
This certain man had moved on. He was excited by the prospect of exploring other options. A whole new world was opened unto him. He felt this would be ultimately beneficial. After all, in retrospect, he didn't see himself spending the rest of his mortality with this certain woman, so moving on sooner, rather than later, would be for the best. Then, as many crazy girls have been known to do, that certain woman came crawling back to the man, asking him to give her another chance. Funny, thought he, that the woman would thrice reject him, then come back to offer him another shot just days later. What? Had she run out of other options, now that she had used up all of her other options? Did she realize the error of her ways and now wish for repentance? The man, having learned his lesson, knowing that he, essentially, was Option D, at best, knew what to do - and he felt completely justified for doing so... He told the woman no. Thanks, but no. Then, as he reflected on his past with a heart predominantly full of thanks, he rode off into the sunset on his scooter.
He who hath ears to hear, let him hear. And for those of you who still thought I was joking about that hypothetical Facebook status I posted the other day, let's just say there was nothing hypothetical about that at all. Moving on.
Let it be known that I went back to the DMV last week and passed my test for the motorcycle endorsement on my driver's license. That means I'm street legal now, babies! So if you're ever out for an evening stroll and somebody zooms past you, causing you to mutter, "Who or what was that incredible blur of speed?", that would be me, A-Town, riding by on my scooter.
Vroooooooom.......
I tried to be all secretive about this the last time I tried it and it didn't really work out well for me, so this time I'm just going to come out and say it - I'm looking to get my own place sometime in the relatively near future. With some of the decisions I've been making lately, nowhere is off limits. I would generally prefer to stay in the same area in which I'm currently living, but I'd even be willing to consider, dare I say it, Utah County. Heck, I'd almost consider moving back down to my old stomping grounds in Sanpete County if I could find some work around Snow College somehow. Consider this an official inquiry for potential roommates. Males. If you're interested in being a female roommate, I guess you can also apply, but it might be, like, eight or nine months before we actually got around to that, if you know what I mean. But, then again, if nobody's interested at all, I'm still going to move out. My parents are getting antsy, wanting me to, like, start meeting new people or something. So... keep that in mind, my friends. If you're interested, you know how to reach me.
Here, housey housey housey housey......
So people are criticizing Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas' hair, are they? First of all, I don't understand what there is to criticize? I don't see anything wrong with it. It's not like she has a mullet or something. Secondly, who cares?? Who cares what Gabby's hair looks like?? The bottom line is that it's her hair and she can do whatever she wants with it. Many of you may remember back in Issue 140 when I recapped a horrible date I went on where the girl I took told me that my hair sucks. Who are you? Martha Stewart? I've had people (generally girls who think they're some type of fashion stylist or something) criticize my hair from time to time on multiple occasions and I really just don't understand what makes some people feel like they have the right to tell me what I should physically look like. I don't go around telling other people that I don't like their clothes, do I? I don't go around telling people that they look sad or tired or sick, even if they actually do. So... I'm not really sure why people choose to pick on me and little Gabby Douglas. I say good job, Gabby. Good job. Be yourself and don't change for anyone. [Editor's note: After thinking a little bit more about this topic, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?? That is all.]
So apparently we landed on Mars the other day! That's exciting, right? ...Especially considering that the only thing I've ever landed on was my head when I tried doing a backflip for the first time.
Last weekend, I had an opportunity to go appreciate the Great Outdoors for the first time in a long while. Believe it or not, I used to be quite the little adventurer, thanks, largely, to obligations in Boy Scouts. During this time I had last weekend, I spent a portion of it sitting on a rock by a river with no cell phone service. It was really peaceful. (I feel the need to clarify that I'm not being sarcastic or joking here.) I probably could have just dozed off right there on the banks. I haven't been that disconnected from the world in years. I reminded me of all the family vacations I took in order to fulfill my camping merit badge. And Adam's camping merit badge. And Austin's merit badge. And Cody's camping merit badge. Though I wouldn't consider myself an "outdoorsy" person, by any stretch, I have actually had some pretty awesome memories whilst camping. It also reminded me of the time some friends and I slept in a tent in my back yard before I moved to Snow College for the first time. I'm still positive that we came inches away from direct communication with both extra-terrestrials and the ghost of Roland E. Gaumer on that fateful night. Maybe some of you that were there remember what I'm talking about.
People are rude.
Last weekend, I had an opportunity to go appreciate the Great Outdoors for the first time in a long while. Believe it or not, I used to be quite the little adventurer, thanks, largely, to obligations in Boy Scouts. During this time I had last weekend, I spent a portion of it sitting on a rock by a river with no cell phone service. It was really peaceful. (I feel the need to clarify that I'm not being sarcastic or joking here.) I probably could have just dozed off right there on the banks. I haven't been that disconnected from the world in years. I reminded me of all the family vacations I took in order to fulfill my camping merit badge. And Adam's camping merit badge. And Austin's merit badge. And Cody's camping merit badge. Though I wouldn't consider myself an "outdoorsy" person, by any stretch, I have actually had some pretty awesome memories whilst camping. It also reminded me of the time some friends and I slept in a tent in my back yard before I moved to Snow College for the first time. I'm still positive that we came inches away from direct communication with both extra-terrestrials and the ghost of Roland E. Gaumer on that fateful night. Maybe some of you that were there remember what I'm talking about.
Let's send it over to this week's guest blogger - and you'll notice almost immediately that this could very possibly be the most excited guest blogger of all time. It's my youngest brother, Cody, in his public blogging debut! Take it away, brother:
"Hello Loyal A-Towners!!! This is Cody, Aaron’s little brother!!! It is indeed an honor to be apart of this most esteemed Newsletter, and it’s my pleasure to be the Guest Blogger this week! Some of you might know me from my appearance in 'The Big Ticket 1,' 'The Big Ticket 2,' their 'Amazing Race' audition video or maybe you were lucky enough to see my family band, the Trans-Christensen Orchestra. But most of you are probably remembering me from the A-Town Webisodes, in which, let’s just say, I became an ‘instant classic’.
My brother, Aaron, and I have been excited for many different TV shows the last couple of years, which looked way good!! (i.e. 'FlashForward' and 'The Event') The networks builds up these shows SO much, and then just cancel them right out of the blue! I then tell Aaron that us watching these shows was like 'the kiss of death.' Needless to say, Lloyd Simcoe wasn’t good enough for TV, and Aaron and I have stopped watching brand new TV shows, in order to save them from being cancelled.
I was also able to participate in Aaron’s six-day weekend, which, in no particular order, included: a Salt Lake Bee’s sheer blowout by a score of 1-0, Rock Band, seeing 'The Dark Knights Rises,' and we even slayed a dragon. Can life get any better then that?? I don’t think so.
Well, it has been real!! I Feel Good About Myself!! Here are some parting words from our friends in France: Je suis la jeune fille."
- Cody Christensen
"My show has been... wut?"
Fantasy Football will be starting up again soon. Oh, how I love football. If you're interested in playing, let me know.
The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to Canadians. That's what Cody told me to say. Good job, Canada. I still love you. I'd also like to congratulate Great Britain for putting on a decent show for their home fans. I always think it's cool when the home country performs well in the Olympics. And, lastly, a Shoutout to the United States of America! YEAHHHH!! Go Americans! USA! USA! USA! USA! Ok, I promise not to stay up late watching the Olympics tonight. Maybe. I hope.
God bless the Americans and those who speak like them.
That's about all for this week, kiddos. How was that? A little longer than the last two Issues? Too offensive? Did I cross the line? I don't think so. If you got offended by anything I said this week, open your eyes, people. You know it to be true. Anyway, that probably only applies to one or two people this week, anyway, so... whatever. Don't care. It's my blog and I can say whatever I want. All right. Good work, everyone. I'm outta here.
Until next Week,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
2 comments:
I don't see what's wrong with her hair either.
I don't know what's wrong with her hair either! Also, wonderful wonderful parable!
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