Signs of the Times, Issue No. 209 - 05/22/12

It didn't quite turn out the way she was expecting, either.

Greetings to one and all on a sunny Sandy Tuesday. Today, as a former mission companion of mine used to say, is a beautiful day. Topics to be discussed today: Austin the mountain man,  the strangest conclusion in recent memory, our friends up North, and a couple thoughts about the NBA. On we go!

I've practically lost contact with Austin since he got married. He texted me a couple times while he was on his honeymoon to tell me what line he was in at Disneyland (jerk), but that's about it. I really have no idea where he is or what he's doing right now. I have heard word on the streets, however, that he is living in the trees (I've seen a picture) in a place so far out of the way that not even the GPS knows where he is. That's a little troublesome to me. I prefer to know where my siblings are and what they are doing around the clock, so I've been pretty worried about the young newlyweds. I have so many Questions for him. For instance: How did he build his forest home? Did he ever use a machete or a two-handed axe? Does he use nails or does he prefer to use the natural pine sap? Has he learned to commune with the woodland creatures? Does Lex sing to him by the light of the silvery moon? Austin, where are you???

I stayed up way too late last night finishing up the "Hunger Games" trilogy. It took me long enough to finish "Mockingjay," the final book in the series, but I finally got it done. I figured I would have had it done by the end of this week, anyway, but I was finishing up a chapter last night and I  decided I might as well fend off the sleep and wrap that sucker up. I had been a little bogged down in the last couple weeks with all the seminary stuff I'd been doing, so "Mockingjay" got to be a little drawn out for me, making the already-slow story seem even slower and longer. Overall, I thought it was a good series, overall. The first book was the best, in my opinion, but the series was original and entertaining. However, I've been thinking quite a bit about the way the trilogy ended and, you know what, I'm not sure exactly what to think about it. I'll try my best to avoid any spoilers here, but I've got a couple things I'd like to discuss.

- Katniss
Not unlike Harry Potter from "Order of the Phoenix," I felt like Katniss became a giant, whiny baby as the trilogy developed. Yeah, yeah. We know life is hard and nobody understands what you're going through, but Miss Everdeen became progressively more un-likable as the story went on. As my brother, Austin, once pointed out (and I agree with him here), if the books had not been written in first-person from Katniss' point of view, nobody would like her. She's moody, ego-centric, and a PLAYAAAAAAAA!!

"I got a great idea, Gale, and I'll explain it to you in a couple paragraphs..."

- Peeta
I didn't like him. Ever. I don't see why everybody likes him so much, especially taking into account what happens to him in the third book.

- Gale
I'm Team Gale all the way, babies! As I've discussed in the past, Gale got Friend Zoned hardcore in book one and that affected him throughout the remainder of the series - and rightfully so, I say! He liked Katniss, but she didn't like him like that. She gets called off to die and, whilst doing so, she falls for Short Stack and it's displayed for the world to see on national television. She claims it's fake, but it's kind of not (PLAYAAAAA!!). When she gets back and fakely gets engaged to Peeta, she has Gale pretend to be her cousin. Are you serious?? That's the proverbial kiss of death. ("Um, hey, so... I'm engaged now to a guy I kind of sort of don't like... and I know you still like me a lot, but... will you act like my cousin so they don't kill you?") Weird. And then she still kisses him anyway. That's P.M.U.!! Anyway, it's needless to say that Gale isn't the happiest of Panem campers at this point and Mrs. Collins tries her darndest to turn molehills into mountains, slanting the rest of the book against Gale so everyone likes Peeta, who I don't find likable, anyway. I feel like all of Gale's actions are justified and I see nothing wrong with him. I'd be a little ticked if I were him, too. And I think I also would have dumped Katniss when we were in Pittsburgh, if you know what I mean. Poor Gale. Rough break, bro. Hang in there. One day you'll find somebody who's not [SPOILER].

Gale was not impressed.

- The Ending
I had heard people tell me that they had a hard time getting into "Mockingjay" like they did the other books because it was slow. I see where they're coming from. It seemed like, for a large majority of the final book, the main characters spent a lot of time on their duffs hiding or thinking. Or thinking while hiding. The hiding and thinking continued on up through, like the twenty-fifth or twenty-sixth chapter and then, all of the sudden, BOOM! - something crazy happened. At the time, it was like 11:25 and I was having a hard time keeping my eyelids open, so I had to go back and re-read it two or three times. From there, the book wrapped itself up in the next 20 pages or so and it was such an abrupt change of pace that I almost had a hard time following it. And then, what followed was... well... I won't tell you what happened at the end of the book. But it was pretty weird. And I'm not sure that I really liked it that much. At all. (Can I just say that I think I'd much prefer a slow and painful death, rather than killing off some main characters in the blink of an eye? "Well... nice knowing you!") Oh well. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

It ended HOW??

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Can you tell us about the roots of your love for the Motherland?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. Why yes. Yes, I can. (SALUTE!) Once upon a time, when I was a quiet young schoolboy, I took a lot of crap for wearing a Canada shirt to class from time to time. (This was the same kid that once asked me "Who wears a Saints jersey to school??" I do, ya moron.) Anyway, I decided that, instead of back down to this kid that made fun of me, I would create the sensation that would be known from that day on as "Canada Day." I pre-determined the next day that I would wear my beloved Maple Leaf tee in public and I encouraged other members of the Alta High School band to wear red that day, as well. A few people, somewhat surprisingly, took me up on it and adorned themselves in their finest crimson. We had a few different Canada Days throughout the school year and it became quite the little phenomenon. I hadn't expected this, necessarily, but I liked it. I became largely synonymous with the Great White North from that point and, to this day, there is a brick in the band room with my name and a Canadian flag painted on it. The legend lives on! I went to Canada with my family once. It was nice. Very clean. They let me cross the street in the middle of traffic. (I guarantee you if I tried that stunt in New York City, they'd run me over.) So I still like Canada. In fact, I think that this is the ideal time to introduce our guest blogger - a fellow Canada lover, Sara Ence! Welcome, Sara! Welcome to "Signs of the Times"! Take it away, eh?

A.

Title: I eat ketchup chips with my touque on. 

I Feel Good About Myself on this Tuesday because yesterday I celebrated Victoria Day: the birthday of dear Queen Victoria, naturally. Really, just another excuse for Canadians to take work and school off, and… you fill in the blank. Canada’s good for that. Celebrating stuff, I mean. Every month there’s a long weekend holiday. And for the month that didn’t have one they created “Family Day”, just because. Don’t you wish you were Canadian, eh? 

Canadians invented duct tape. I’m converted. Not to mention roller skates, jet skis, kerosene, snowmobiles, the IMAX film system [Editor's note: I've seen an IMAX movie in Canada] and handles on beer cases. How much cooler can you be? 

Canada is our next-door neighbor, but it's funny to me that they care more about American politics than most Americans do, and way more than their own. I did a double take on the yard that had an Obama sign up just a few weeks ago (Obama, pronounced Obaaaama.) Gotta give them some credit though, they did invent duct tape, remember? 

It’s safe to say you’re Canadian when you have more miles on your snowblower than your car, you talk about the weather in every conversation, and use words such as “gong show”, “zed”, “I’ll phone him”, and spell everything with the letter “u” in it. You might even leaf blow the snow off your driveway and plug in your car at night. Hockey is your religion. And pizza probably gets to your house faster than an ambulance.  You most likely call your tennis shoes "runners," a binkie a "soother," rolls "buns," napkins "serviettes," and the bathroom the "washroom." Just don’t get me started on calling the letter Z "zed." Other than that and a few mispronounced words like paaasta, Super Maaario brothers, prohcess, draaama, deck-als (decals) and foyei (foyer), Canada’s pretty normal. 

I took a small survey yesterday about the top three things people love about Calgary, Alberta. It came down to this: 3. Diversity. 2. Sky. 1. Mountains. I can vouch for all three of those. In the short 18 months I lived in Calgary, I met people from 76 countries! Over 300 languages are spoken in Calgary alone! Love the diversity. The sky is stunning! I’ve always been enamored with the sky, but something about Calgary skies outdo anything I’ve seen here. Here's my proof:

And lastly, the mountains. Banff, Waterton, and Jasper are the top 3 picks of places to visit in Alberta. They are STUNNING. As one friend Erin said, “The mountains make me so thankful for God’s love that He’d make this world so beautiful for us.” And there you have it. I second the motion. 

It’s safe to say I’m pretty hooked on Calgary. Read this article. and you will be too. 

Off to eat some poutine! Later, eh? 

- Sara Michelle

Every once in a while, I have a little mini heart attack. This occurs, generally, when I see "Jerry Sloan" trending on Twitter. Today was one such instance. This either means he's dead or he's thinking coaching again. I don't want either of those to be true. Today, apparently, Jerry is considering the vacancy in Orlando left by former head coach Stan Van Gundy. Why, why, whhhhhyyyyyy would Jerry come out of retirement for that? It would be exactly the same situation he voluntarily left in Utah just over a year ago - a mediocre team with one superstar athlete calling all the shots. The Van Gundy firing was hugely thanks to Dwight Howard, who had been calling for his coach's head for months... and you think Jerry Sloan would seriously want anything to do with that kind of atmosphere again? I hate stuff like this. It has ruined the NBA.

But while we're on the topic, how about those NBA playoffs, huh? I've been paying a little bit of attention, mainly just to see the Lakers and Heat struggling. I'll tell you who I want to win now, though. Either the 76ers or the Pacers. Neither of those teams has a superstar players, so I hope they win. They won't, of course, but hey, it's worth a shot. Plus, the Pacers have got a secret weapon on their bench that I'm sure they're just biding their time before unleashing. Fesenko.

[No caption necessary.]

I've purchased a voucher to go indoor skydiving sometime between now and October. That kind of freaks me out a little bit, but I'm going to do it, dang it. I feel much safer doing it indoors than outdoors. At least now I know that if I fall it will only be like 12 or 13 feet and I'll only maybe break a leg or an arm or, if it's really unfortunate, my neck. Pictures, I'm certain, will be forthcoming.

Tomorrow marks one year from my hire date at ZAGG. That's an nice little milestone for my employment, isn't it? (Clap, clap.)

Tomorrow is my final interview for seminary. They'll review the student feedback forms that were filled out on the day of my evaluation and then, most likely, tell me whether or not they've decided to bring me on as a part-time teacher in the fall. My expectations, honestly, are pretty low. I'm not expecting to be hired on, mainly due to my marital status, but hey - I knew what the rules were when I agreed to play the game. I'll keep you posted.

That's about it for this week, kiddos. Short and sweet, I guess, compared to some of the longer blogs I've posted lately. Hopefully you enjoyed it, though. We've got a Big Issue coming up next week. And when I say Big, I mean "Big." May 29th is an important day in my life. So... Look forward to that, I guess. Um... Ok, see ya.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron