Signs of the Times, Issue No. 162 - 06/28/11

Save the Newsletter!

Greetings to one and all and happy Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday to you. I've always purported the Newsletter to be "for the people, by the people" and today I have given you people the chance to tell me what to write about. Then, as if on cue, only five of you responded. And two of you are my siblings. Ah, must be Tuesday. Topics to be discussed today: the NBA Draft, my final stance on Jimmer Fredette, why you shouldn't follow me on Twitter, #thingsthatareunderrated, friends with benefits, the rodent infestation, Lindsay Lohan's illustrious career, and the Newsletter, itself, on what could be the very brink of extinction. On we go!

My brother Cody suggests that I blog about the NBA Draft: Last Thursday, Cody, Scott Aylett, and I were in attendance at the Utah Jazz's official NBA Draft party at EnergySolutions Arena as the Jazz selected 6'11" Turkish center, Enes Kanter, and Colorado shooting guard, Alec Burks, as their newest players for the 2011-2012 season. To make a long story short, I was not necessarily hoping the Jazz would draft either of these players. I was hoping for Derrick Williams or Brandon Knight with the third pick and, believe it or not, I was hoping the Jazz would draft BYU's pride and joy, Jimmer Fredette, with the twelfth pick. Before we get to Jimmer, let me just say that I'm happy with our two draft picks now. I think that both of them should be able to help contribute to the team next season - and Kanter's love of professional wrestling won me over quickly. We're trying to get an in with him so he'll sign on for a role in "The Big Ticket 3." Anyway. Jimmer. I know everyone thinks I hate Jimmer, but those claims are just preposterous. I never worshipped Jimmer like the rest of you did, but I'd go as far as to say that nobody defended Jimmer Fredette more than my brother Austin and I did. I probably did it more than Austin. He's not a BYU fan by any stretch of the imagination. So yes, despite how annoying BYU fans got over the course of the last NCAA basketball season, I was actually pulling for Jimmer to come to the Jazz. I think he could have provided a great spark off the bench and could have given us what we've lacked for so long - reliable three point shooting. Fredette was taken vicariously by the Sacramento Kings (via the Milwaukee Bucks) with the tenth overall pick in the draft. The polarized Jazz fans at ESA were torn by this, some brought almost to tears that they quickly dried with their Brigham Young apparel and some brought to their feet with elation at the practical end of Jimmermania in Utah as we knew it. Now that we've all taken a step back and taken a few deep breaths, I actually think that Jimmer going out-of-state was probably the best thing that possibly could have happened to him. He'll be a star - the franchise player, if he stats can hold up - in Sacramento. I've seen a couple articles this morning about Jimmermania at the airport and across the city there and they are basically hoping that Mr. Fredette will be the basketball savior there. The Kings were almost relocated to Anaheim for next season due to dwindling ticket sales, so this is the proverbial shot in the arm that they need in that city. People will love Jimmer and he will have much, much more playing time for the Kings than he ever would have with the Jazz. In Utah, Jimmer would have been a role player off the bench with limited playing time, but he'll be a star in California. I hope he does well. He seems like a nice kid and I hope he does well. Need I say it yet again? I hope he does well. Now all of you that unfollowed me on Twitter because you were so horribly offended by my draft coverage can re-follow me. Actually, now that I think of it...

Now it's their Jimmer, too.

Here are my guidelines for determining whether or not you should ever follow me on Twitter:
1) If it seems like my tweets are taking up your entire screen, follow more people. I really don't tweet that much unless something really important or tragic is going on. Take, for instance, the day that Jerry Sloan resigned. I think I probably tweeted and retweeted a total of 100 things that day, give or take. But give me a break. A part of my soul died that day. And of course, if you're only following three people, it will look like I am out of control. However, if you are following more people (I currently follow 293 celebrities, athletes, sports personalities, companies, musicians, entertainers, etc.), the things that I say will not take up nearly as much space on your Twitter feed.
2) Don't get my tweets sent to your phone. If the frequency of tweets that I generate bothers you enough as it is on the computer screen, don't you dare even think about getting text notifications every time I have something to say.
3) If you don't like what I have to say, just don't follow me in the first place. Easy enough.
Now all of you go follow me. Or on second thought, don't. Whatever.

Speaking of Twitter, today I took to the Twitskis, asking all and any Tweeters within the reach of my tweets to tell me things they believe to be underrated by using the hashtag #thingsthatareunderrated. While I did not receive nearly the feedback I had hoped for (what else is new?), I did receive quality responses from three of my beloved followers. I gave them one to start out and then they took it from there. Here are their responses, along with their Twitter handles. I am @atownmania.
@atownmania - My goatee #thingsthatareunderrated
@masonsten - Tuesdays #thingsthatareunderrated

@badgerbadger630 - Flights that aren't standby #thingsthatareunderrated

@badgerbadger630 - My chinstrap #thingsthatareunderrated

@badgerbadger630 - A good electric razor #thingsthatareunderrated

@badgerbadger630 - The new BK Stacker #thingsthatareunderrated

@masonsten - Flannel #thingsthatareunderrated

@atownmania - @masonsten Beef jerky #thingsthatareunderrated

@masonsten - @atownmania Headbands #thingsthatareunderrated

@gabbygayle19 - Mom's home cooking #thingsthatareunderrated

@badgerbadger630 - @gabbygayle19 Amen to that.

@atownmania - Hashtags #thingsthatareunderrated

Ah, Twitter. So much better than Facebook. And part of the reason I love it so much is because nobody uses it, except for me, Austin, my mom, and Mason Stenquist, apparently, with the occasional tweet by @scottaylett. I kind of liked this. I may do it again in the future. And I think I'll call it "Hashtag Mania." As if you needed any more motivation to get Twitter accounts... But yeah... I hope none of you join Twitter and I hope that none of you follow me. (Reverse psychology, sort of. #thingsthatareunderrated)

How could you not follow THIS?!?

Jesse Bramall and Jenika Webber commented, suggesting that I blog about a couple dating-related issues. Firstly, Jesse says that women are not becoming any easier to understand any time soon... Ain't that the truth, brother? The more you think you understand them, the less you really do. They never cease to amaze me with their far-superior intellect and social rituals... Like watching "The Bachelorette" all the time... Talk about unrealistic expectations! I'd like to star on the next season "The Bachelor". I, of course, could be the bachelor. Then they can line me up with 30 attractive women stripped of the tiniest shred of morality. I'd have to pray that my dear mother wasn't watching as I tried to beat their Mrs. Potiphar-like advances off with a stick. Really, though, that's about as close to an arranged marriage as you can get in America these days. And, you know me - I'm all about arranged marriages at this point.

Secondly, Jenika provided the simple mathematical equation "Friends with benefits = bad news". Conversely, by reason of common logic, this would imply that "Friends without benefits = good news". I'd disagree with that. I'd much rather have friends with benefits than friends with no benefits at all. Wait a second, what kind of benefits are we talking about here??...

Jared Anderson, a former EFY colleague of mine, suggested that I write about the snake house in Rexburg. I have no clue what the snake house in Rexburg is. He suggested that I Google it, so I did, and this is what I found: "We were living in Satan's lair," read the headline. Hmmm... There was a family living in this house infested by snakes, I guess. Hundreds and hudreds of snakes. Looks like one of the residents killed up to 42 snakes a day at one point while living there. That's sick. Clearly you are all now wondering if I have ever lived in a house that has been infested by serpents. The answer to which, obviously, is nay, I have not. However, there was once a time while living in Draper when our basement was infested to a much lesser degree by mice. For some reason, the duty of ridding our residence of the rodents fell squarely (and solely) upon my shoulders. I'd say that, as an estimate, there were some times when I would slay five mice a week, which, compared to the snake house, isn't that bad, but it was certainly annoying. I'll tell you, there in nothing more irritating to me than trying to fall asleep in your nice warm bed in spite of the incessant scratching of mice at the bedboards. So how bad did it get, you ask? How crazed did I become in my mouse hunt? I can't go into explicit details of how I caught the mice, nor how I traditionally disposed of them, but there may or may not have been a time when I intentionally cornered, stepped on, and killed a small, baby mouse as it had unfortunately fallen asleep in the hallway. That may or may not have happened, so don't hold me to that. But just remember - how many times have I ever lied to you people? And if you were in my position, what would you have done? Be honest here, people. That little baby mouse deserved to die a quick death before it could multiply and replenish.

This movie inspires me.

As I was at work today, I got an email saying that Austin had commented on my Facebook status, saying "Lindsay Lohan's career." I thought this was in response to the status asking people to tweet me things that were underrated at first, so I was naturally pretty confused. I was going to respond and let him know that I really liked the Disney remake of "The Parent Trap," but, on second thought, I guess I didn't like it that much. It turns out that the comment was in response to things that I should blog about. The career of Lindsay Lohan. Wow. What a broad topic. Was there a specific topic that you wanted me to touch on? Lindsay the child? Lindsay the B-List actress? Lindsay the alcoholic and drug addict? Lindsay the total screw-up failure ex-role model for young girls? If you could narrow it down for me a little bit there, brother, that would probably be a little helpful. Thanks. Oh, and by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you, sir! Austin turns the big 2-2 on Thursday. You should all congratulate him personally.

This seems like a lifetime ago.

Do you ever feel like there are only six people that read your blog/Newsletter/tweets/status updates and four of them are related to you? This week is one of those weeks. Hopefully my numbers will be bolstered since I begged you, the people to give me ideas of things to write about. I was really hoping that would light a fire underneath my typically disengaged fan base. A problem I've always had, dating back to the days of "City Council" w/ A-Town, Season One, is that I believe my radio shows and Newsletter have been designed around a very interactive model. I want you people to ask me Questions, but end up asking most of them vicariously to myself. I want you people to leave me comments (just not anonymously). I want you people to take the stage here. I want to feature you in Two-Minute Instant Messages and Shoutouts of the Week and, more than anything, I just hope you people can take a moment - even if it's only for one moment one day a week - to relax, for crying out loud, and enjoy something in your lives. Increasingly, I feel like what I'm doing is needlessly exploiting my personal life for you people to discard as something that doesn't matter at all. If that were the case - if all I wanted to do was write about my personal life, there's a handy thing called a journal that I could write in once a week. So the Question I'm really asking here is this one: IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?!? Are you still there? Are you reading? Are you paying any attention at all? When it gets to the point where it feels like I'm pulling teeth for you to vote for a silly poll on my blog site, I sometimes wonder if my beloved Newsletter is teetering on the brink of extinction. If I ever get to the point where I am more a hindrance than a help, more an annoyance than a form of entertainment, I suppose that, my friends, is the point when I can pack my bags, pick up the journal a little more frequently, and either get real exclusive with the Newsletter or (Heaven forbid) just call it quits all together. Um... seriously, though... Is anybody out there??

Did you know that the Newsletter was once featured in an article in Time Magazine??

With that being said, the Shoutout of the Week goes to YOU! You, the Loyal Subscriber. I know there are a couple of you out there (I'm looking at you, immediate and extended family), but if you're out there and you're reading, thank you for reading. I promise, if my wandering thoughts have become an annoyance to you, the unfriend button, the unfollow button, and the block button really aren't that difficult to press. And I'll promise not to cry too much if you do so. But if you are still out there, all I ask is that you let me know that you're still there! I don't base my self-esteem on whether or not anybody reads this stuff anymore, but it kind of makes me happy to know that somebody appreciates it. Thanks again... and we'll see you next Tuesday. Maybe.

That's about it for this week. I don't know about you people, but I'm freakin' tired. Time to take out the contacts, I'm thinking. Oh, and by the way, Javier Colon better win "The Voice" or I'll riot in the streets. Not nearly as large-scale as my threatened Millsap Riot 2011, but I'm getting restless here and the smallest disturbance these days is almost cause for a riot. Watch out.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron