Signs of the Times, Issue No. 160 - 06/14/11

The Tuesday that saved our lives.


Greetings to one and all. I'm kind of already missing last week's EXTREME Tuesday... and according to the results from the "Which is more extreme" poll on the blog site, clearly most of you have never seen a deep fried Twinkie. Topics to be discussed today: Terrific Tuesdays, creepy commentary, the Miami Meltdown, a moronic motorist, the Mormon musical, and three disrespectful DJs. On we go!

I'd like to bear my testimony that I know Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday is true. I love my mom and dad and I'm just freakin' happy that today is Tuesday. Today was a rough one at work. Don't ask what happened because it doesn't really matter and I won't tell you anyway. Nothing big. It was just a rough day. Rough enough, in fact, that it was one of those Tuesdays where I had to look at myself in the mirror and say "I Feel Good About Myself." Never was there a phrase that brought such power into the lives of men. Never settle, my friends. Never settle. That is the key. If anybody gets you down and tells you you're no good, look them in the eye and do one of two things: either tell them they're wrong or don't say anything at all. And then you march back to your cubicle, your man cave, or your banana stand and you don't change a darn thing. You are you and you are great. Long live Tuesday, the day of champions.

Sincerely, Tuesday.

Though we have nearly stomped out the problems we've had in the past with anonymous comments on the blog site, we were visited last week again by Mr. or Mrs. or Miss Anonymous, who left a very insightful, thought-provoking comment for me: "you're hot". (At least they spelled "you're" correctly.) In response, this is all I have to say: "you're creepy". Moving right along.

You.

Words almost fail to express my sheer elation at the Miami Heat going down in flames over the weekend. (Ba-dum-psssh!!) The Heat represented everything I hate about the NBA: cowardess, selfishness, arrogance, extravagantly premature celebrations, lack of effort (even when it really counted), and an attempt to buy themselves an NBA championship. The Heat created what, in essence, became the New York Yankees of the NBA. Heck, they even made the Lakers seem likable on occasion. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be cheering for the Dallas Mavericks under any circumstance, but, when pitted up against LeBron James and friends, Mark Cuban, controversial and outspoken owner of the Mavericks, seemed like Pope John Paul II. Perhaps the most entertaining part about this year's NBA Finals was watching all the sports broadcasters flip-flop on their opinions about who would win the series and why. After the first two (and maybe three) games of the series, nobody gave the Mavericks a chance to win, citing Miami's overly-talented starting lineup as too much for Dirk to handle. But after watching LeBron's lack of effort and almost transparent level of interest - especially in the fourth quarter of close games - everybody jumped ship. LeBron is being exposed for what he really is - a super-athletic freak of nature that is just occasionally really good at basketball. He's not clutch, he's not a leader, and he's no longer a role model. He and Dwayne Wade acted like childish, spoiled brats all season, culminating with "Coughgate," an incident where they publicly mocked Nowitzki's 102-degree fever before game five of the series. Childish and immature. If you want to talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk, too, and the Heat proved this month that they were incredibly overrated. Thankfully, not only did good prevail over evil in the NBA Finals this year, but the better, more talented, and more deserving team took home the trophy and the rings. Congratulations to the Dallas Mavericks, 2011 world champions. Oh, and if you want to poke more fun at LeBron and his signature disappearing acts in the fourth quarter, check out this article that Austin sent me: http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/mlb/news/story?id=6661570

We're all watching you, LeBrick.

There I was yesterday just innocently pulling into the local gas station to fill 'er up. I put the car in park next to the pump and this old Japanese man in a little blue car pulls in right behind me. As I reached out my hand to open the door and get out of the car, I see the old man in my rear view mirror motioning adamantly at me to move. I sat there for a moment, confused. I put my hands up, as if to ask "Why?" He continued pushing his hands at me trying virtually to push me out of his way. I pulled forward a little bit, just enough for him to sneak through the gap I had created between me and the car at the pump adjacent to mine. The man pulled up a little bit and stopped at the pump. Had I not given him enough space? I pulled forward a little more and gave him the "What are you doing??" gesture and a shoulder shrug from inside my car. He continued to sit there... waiting, not getting out of his car... just waiting. Finally, after about 20 more seconds, I grunted out of frustration and pulled up to another empty pump a few spots away. As I pulled up and got out, I looked over to the other pump to see the old Japanese man getting out of his car to fill his tank up with gas at the pump he had basically just kicked me out of. Are you KIDDING ME?!? I had just barely pulled up mere seconds before he got there and he told me to get out of his way? - when there were already empty pumps just waiting for him?? That's P.M.U!! Perhaps his "handicap" permit is more of a state of mind than anything else. Unbelievable.

You, sir, are crazy.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Are you going to write about the BoM getting 9 Tonys in today's 'Signs of the Times'?"

- Nicole Paul

A. Undoubtedly, you are referring to the "The Book of Mormon" musical, produced by the creators of "South Park," that is currently a smash hit on Broadway. Yes, I heard that the musical did very well at the latest awards show, winning awards for Best Direction, Best Original Score, and Best Musical, among others. Initially, I thought that this topic would be neither worth my time nor the effort to write about, considering the scumbags that wrote it, but on second thought, as the Voice of the People, maybe I will take a second to share my thoughts. I think that it is absolutely blasphemous and disrespectful and that, despite its current success, if this had been written about any other religion, it would be torn to politically correct pieces by the media. Just because it's "the Mormons," extreme blasphemy is dismissed as comedy and things that would never fly with any other religion (or race, gender, etc.) are heaped upon with praise. Some fans of the musical say that Mormons would only be offended because they "don't have a sense of humor." I believe I have a pretty good sense of humor and singing songs called "Spooky Mormon Hell Dream," "Making Things Up Again," and songs in a foreign language that allegedly translate to "F*** You, God" are not humorous to me in the least bit. Sacred and not-widely-known doctrines about our religion are taken out of context and used sarcastically to poke fun of my religion and I don't think that's ok. Not with anybody's religion - and certainly not with mine. To quote a passage of scripture in The Book of Mormon, itself, where the Savior, Jesus Christ, is speaking, he says: "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves break through and steal; But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (3 Nephi 13:19-21) Have fun with your Tonys, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Enjoy them while they last. For, as they say, you can't take them with you.

Last night at my ward's Family Home Evening activity, they decided to have a movie night. The movie they chose to see was "Hook," one of my personal favorites and, in my opinion, the best Peter Pan movie to date. Around half way through the movie, we are introduced to the mythical Boo Box, a coffin-like box to temporarily entomb those among us "that [do] not belong." The offending parties are thrust into the Box and are then heckled with Boos while simultaneously being sprinkled with dangerous-looking vermin. It was nice to reacquaint myself with the origins of the most beloved of all Newsletter segments. Speaking of which, let us acquaint ourselves with this week's entrant for the said Boo Box, X96's "Radio From Hell."

As I drove to work today, I changed the station away from sports radio during a commercial and thought I'd check out my old buds at X96's morning show for a second.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, Kerry, Bill, and Gina, whom I interned for back in 2009, annoy the living heck out of me. Today was no different... but today I took it personally. Apparently that ding dong from the alleged racism incident at Alta High School a couple months ago is going to court this week. These three boneheads proceeded to explain to their brainwashed listeners that, because of one idiotic incident at Alta that slid through the cracks into statewide and national headlines, Alta's faculty, staff, and student body are corrupted, insensitive fools with not a care in the world for anyone of African-American descent. I'm offended by that. As an alumnus of the Home of the Hawks, I know for a fact that the institution is not a breeding ground for hatred, disrespect, and controversy. People do dumb things wherever you go. There are incidents like this at any school and only a handful of them get national attention like this one did. Obviously, as I've said before, in order to be an effective communicator, particularly a radio DJ, you need to know how to push buttons. That they did, by throwing my high school under the bus this morning. But there's a difference between pushing buttons with sarcasm and false arrogance like A-Town does and pushing buttons by presenting your opinions as fact when you don't even know for a fact what your opinion is like they do every morning from 6-10 on X96. Perhaps the ignorant ones are not the teachers and students at Alta, but the morons who keep running their mouths on the airwaves at RFH... and that's the Bottom Line 'cause A-Town said so! Now, if you will, please join me. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

Poser, Jerk, and Airhead. I know from personal experience.

Wow. Good Times today, right? Good Times, indeed. People tick me off and then I set them straight. This is the way things work here at "Signs of the Times." But what would any Issue be without a proper Shoutout of the Week? This week the Shoutout goes to Ileana Merlos, who not only happens to be the most recent Loyal Subscriber to the Newsletter, but also the biggest Dallas Mavericks fan I know. Congratulations to you on your new championship and your first ever Shoutout of the Week!

Go Ile!

That's about it for this week, people. Never settle, people. You're better than that. Enjoy your marvelous Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday... and, for Heaven's sake, Feel Good About Yourselves!

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron