Signs of the Times, Issue No. 145 - 02/22/11

The content discussed in this Issue of "Signs of the Times" is not a reflection of every single person in America... But admit it - you know people like this.

Greetings to one and all and happy Tuesday to you. Congratulations on making it through another week. you should be proud of yourselves. Topics to be discussed: Single-parent families, another gripe about my haircut, dwindling hope for Jazz fans, and the downfall of the American society. This oughtta be fun. Oh, and if this is too long or controversial for you at any point, feel free to stop reading. On we go!

Yes, it's true. I'm back on Facebook. Sort of. After going seven days completely post-free, I have updated my status a couple times in the past five days. Sadly, after two-plus years of "Aaron Christensen Feels Good About Himself" each Tuesday, my streak was broken last week, leaving me no reason to continue that tradition any longer. Now you'll get normal posts from me on any given day of the week, including Tuesday. Lame, but oh well. The streak had to be snapped eventually. I just haven't been digging Facebook that much lately. Sorry, peeps. Twitter is still awesome, though, especially now that Austin has rediscovered the once-lost art of tweeting. Welcome back, brother.

Looks like we've got a couple Questions this week. Let's check them out.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "To the editor,

Once again, you have published a masterpiece. I was touched by your thoughts about Coach Sloan. Since you are in the movie business, I have a Question that  you might be able to answer. Can you name the only two Disney cartoon features where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie? As they say in Hollywood, 'inquiring minds want to know.' I find it strange that a company that purports itself to be a family company would only have a couple movies that show a happy family."

- Your biggest fan

A. Dear Biggest Fan,

Let me take a stroll through my almost-boundless knowledge of Disney fun facts. Off the top of my head, of course, comes the 2010 hit, "Tangled," but I don't think that's one of the movies you're looking for. "Cartoon features," you said... Well, "101 Dalmations" has Roger and Anita, who are not necessarily "parents," but I think they're close enough. What else?? This is tough. Not "Toy Story," not "The Lion King" or "Aladdin"... "Peter Pan" has both parents. There you go. BUT - on further investigation with my parents, "Sleeping Beauty" ALSO has both parents. It's true. I even just YouTubed it to make sure. The clip I found was in Finnish, but nonetheless, both of Aurora's parents (King Stefan and Queen Leah) are there at the end of the movie and her mother even gives her a big hug for good measure. Dang. That's depressing, though. I wonder why that is. I may need to delve deeper into the mysteries of Disney families at a later point. Great Question!

There they are!

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Have you ever thought about giving up the spike and going for a more popular look like the Biebs (a.k.a. Justin Bieber)?"

- Anonymous

A. First of all, "Anonymous," I HATE HATE HATE when people post anonymously. You must be just catching up with the Times here pretty recently, eh? Are you saying my hairstyle isn't popular? Not the first time I've heard that... (Hmmph!) (See Issue No. 140) You must be a girl, considering the fact that you're drooling over Justin Bieber (who just got a haircut, by the way). Would I ever do anything that ever even remotely resembled a little weenie like Lil Biebs? Never. Seems like a nice kid, sure, but I really just don't understand why everyone worships him. So no, I would not ever consider doing my hair like Justin Bieber. Not for you, not for anyone other than the Prophet or probably my parents (depending on what they wanted to do - and that would never include the words "Justin Bieber"). However, in extreme circumstances like, oh, say if the price of gel rose 20 cents between now and three weeks from now, um... well...

Never Say Never?

Q. "Hey A-Town, what do you think about the 'super team' mentality going on in the NBA right now? What does it mean for my Jazz?"

Signed,

- A Big Fan

A. Thank you, Big Fan. This just sickens me. Carmelo Anthony got shipped of to the Big Apple last night after months of deliberation, flip-flopping, and basically getting teams all around the country to beg for him to go play for them. This gets him and Amare Stoudemire (two of the most popular players in the league) together for the Knicks in hopes that they will be able to contend with the other Big Six in the Easatern Conference: Boston (Pierce/Allen/Garnett) and Miami (Wade/LeBron/Zydrunas Ilgauskas). There have also been rumors that Chris Paul from New Orleans plans to join the Knicks in 2012 and even this weekend I heard Deron Williams' name mentioned along with Carmelo and Amare. Sickening. The trade deadline is in a day or two, but I don't see the Jazz making any moves at this point. I don't think Deron is sticking around much longer, though. In fact, I think that at the first sight of daylight, Deron is out of here (which makes the Jerry Sloan resignation even more pitiful). Without Jerry Sloan and (eventually) without one of the best point guards in the league, nobody - and I repeat - NOBODY will want to come to Utah. It will be like the good old days when Ronny Seikaly "missed his flight" to Utah (allegedly) and eventually ended up staying in Miami. Back in the day when the late Brian Williams (more recently known as Bison Dele) said that Utah smelled bad and when Derek Harper flat out said that he didn't ever want to play in Utah. This is what I hate about the NBA. It's not basketball. It's a dang soap opera. Who cares about you, Carmelo? Who cares about you LeBron James? Oh wait - everyone does, apparently. I'm sick of it. Just shut up and play some basketball. And is it too much to ask you to pass it every once in a while? This is not an individual's sport. This is, or at least I always thought it was, a team sport. This isn't a three-on-three tournament, people. Anyhoo, this is not good for the Jazz. The only good thing that Utah gets out of this is that the Nuggets just traded away the only two good players on their team so now we can more easily secure our spot as the second-best team in our division. Should we just hand Oklahoma City the championship banner now?

Thanks for the Questions, but now you've really gone and done it. I'm getting a little worked up now. America is becoming one messed up place and Ed Rothlisberger and I discovered why during a little conversation we had together last night. Part of it is stuff like the so-called "Bieber Fever," which is eerily similar to the "Twilight" craze that has been running rampant the last couple years. I have no problem with little girls that like Justin Bieber. But when college-aged girls and mothers are obsessing over a 16-year-old pre-pubescent boy, That's P.M.U.!! Let's do a little role reversal, shall we? What would people think of 20-something males and grown men were camping out to watch some 3D movie about a little girl? That's not ok! So why do we let it slide with women for people such as Biebs or Edward Cullen? I'm not all right with this. We're becoming a nation of little girls. (That sentence made me feel an awful lot like the governor of Pennsylvania or whoever it was that called the USA a "nation of wusses" after an Eagles game was cancelled after a huge snowstorm.)

I watch a lot of TV. This should not come as a surprise to anyone familiar with this Newsletter. One thing that I don't do, though, is try to emulate the lives of the TV characters or celebrities I watch. Such is not the case for many of today's "Jersey Shore" fans. I watched maybe 10 or 15 minutes of "Jersey Shore" once just to see what everybody loves about it and, quite frankly, 10 or 15 minutes was more than enough. That stuff is trashy. Absolute filth. Why do people love it so much? It's a bunch of rich kids living a no-consequences lifestyle without rules, direction, or morals. What is even more disturbing about the JS fanbase is that so many young kids seem to have a firm grasp on it. I think it was only a few weeks ago that my parents finally learned who Snooki was. How do 12-year-olds know who she is and what she's famous for? And what is she even famous for? Her stupid hairdo and her loose morals? Sadly, my generation is becoming a generation of Snookis (again, I refer you to Issue No. 140 - perhaps one of the most popular Issues of all time). Shows like "Jersey Shore" not only defines the way Americans (stereotypically, of course) see each other, but also the way they see themselves, the way they dress, they types of people we want to associate ourselves with/date, and the way they act.

Why do we worship this girl?

For years (and at an alarmingly increasing rate - and starting off at an even younger age), women have had to cope with the covers of magazines on the rack at the grocery store, but now they also have to compete with the surgically-enhanced women invading their family rooms. People think Snooki is cool, apparently, so they then try to do their hair like Snooki, dress like Snooki (not a good look for anybody), and act like Snooki (who first got my attention a few months back via a YouTube clip of her, drunk, getting punched right in the head by another woman at a bar). Hilarious? Yes. But not anybody I want my sister to model her life after. As Ed pointed out, it seems that many girls today have patterned their dating lives after Snooki, also, going after meathead guys with washboard abs and, more often than not, unfortunately, Snooki gets what Snooki wants.

Perhaps this is part of my dating frustrations. I think many readers assume that I am depressed or something. I'm not. In fact, I think I probably love myself and my life almost to the point that it's not good for me. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's... except for maybe Ryan Seacrest. I hate that guy. He has the easiest job ever. However, because I don't look like "The Situation," many of the wannabe Snookis out there don't give people like me or Ed a chance. Snooki girls follow the creed "Honesty is the best policy." I'm here to tell you this: No it's not. Not when you go out of your way to hurt someone's feelings, it's not. I walked a mile to school every day when I was eight. One mile each way. As I recall, the return trip was downhill, but I might be mistaken. Snooki girls wouldn't walk to school if it were next door. Ridiculous.

Even this guy wants to be Snooki.

I know what you'll say now - "Aaron, don't go after the Snooki girls." My point is that there are very few non-Snooki girls left and I just can't find them for some reason. "Aaron, you're looking in the wrong places!" Readers, I have tried dating girls from school, church, institute, and EFY with relatively little success - and sometimes just downright rejection slash psychotic antics. If those aren't the right places to look, please inform me.

It's all right, though. I'm a patient kid and I'm willing to wait for the right girl to come along. I have recently wondered if maybe I'm being too picky with the girls I look for. After further contemplation, the answer, I have found, is a resounding no. As far as returned missionaries go, I'm getting up there, age-wise. This Sunday will mark three years since returning from my LDS mission to North Carolina. My, how the time has flown. Some missionaries that came home waaaaay after me already have one kid with another on the way. One of my EFY girls from 2009 just got engaged. I found out through Facebook today. She's got to be like 18 1/2. Maybe 19. Maybe. Is this discouraging to me? Maybe a little bit. Is it tough to go weeks without a date or to realize that my last even remotely-serious relationship ended nearly a year and a half ago? Eh... But I won't lower my standards and settle for anybody. I know what I want and I'm willing to sit it out until I find it. Am I saying that if a girl doesn't meet ONE criterion that they're out? Well... depends on what it is and what the chances are that we can work it out... But do I think I'm being too picky? Nope. I just blame "Jersey Shore" for what they've done to people. And I guess I should thank them for inspiring my 140th installment of "Signs of the Times."

Well that was fun, wasn't it? Can't wait to hear the feedback for this Issue. But I'm telling you, peeps. This is the point of Tuesdays. I don't care if people think my hair is dumb. I am myself and refuse to conform to things that may be "more popular" and I urge you to do the same. I'm not bitter or ignorant, just stating the facts. A lot of people out there are shallow and rude. It's a horrible trend in today's society. We have made our lives real-life soap operas. We thrive on drama and can't have a relationship without it. It's too boring without the drama. Stupid. Once again, let me clarify one thing - What I have talked about today does not not not reflect my opinion about every single person in the world. I am grateful for those people out there that are genuinely kind to me and to others. There are some great girls (and guys, of course) out there and I am lucky to call them my friends and family members. Just take it from A-Town - Be yourself... and if people don't want to be your friend, I will be.

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron