Signs of the Times, Issue No. 140 - 01/18/11

I had a dream once...

Greetings to one and all. It's another lovely Tuesday and this one couldn't have come at a better time. Am I right or am I right? Topics to be discussed: Messed up phone calls, messed up dates, messed up Jimmers, and messed up birthdays. On we go!

Did everybody enjoy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Everybody enjoy having a nice day off? I know I did. Well, most of it, anyway. Didn't MLK have a dream? Something about children of all races living together in peace? You know what? I have a dream, too... a dream where people off the same race can live in harmony one with another... because, my friends, it's not happening right now. People are jerks. People are incredibly rude to each other. You want proof? Oh, I've got proof. The other night at around midnight, I saw I had missed two calls from a restricted phone number and I had one new message. I called up my voicemail and this is what I heard. I didn't recognize the voice and therefore had no idea who had called. Enjoy:

"Hi, yes, hello, this message is from Aaron, er, excuse me this message is for Aaron, from me. Uh, my name is Todd. I work for SCS Marketing. Uh, I heard you saved your little brother from a pool. I heard about it on the radio the other day, and, uh, I was really impressed. And I just want to offer you a job, um, savingold people from the pool. Um, they love to swim, but they're not very good at it and some of 'em... they are paralyzed, but they... you know what? Just forget it. If you're not going to answer phone after two calls, you can just go to ****."

These are the facts, ladies and gentlemen. I know many of you think that "Signs of the Times" is composed of lies and over-exaggerations, but this is the truth. I don't make this stuff up. So many questions came to my mind after hearing that message... Who the heck was that? Does he think that was funny? Why on Earth would you ever even leave a message like that for someone that is presumably your friend? (He did somehow have access to my phone number, after all...) And does this guy understand how dumb he sounds with all those, um, filler words? Really, though. This is the problem with society today. People are cowards. Anonymous comments (hmmph!), the ability to block your phone number, and being able to text things you'd never have the guts to say to people in a face-to-face conversation have really, really turned people into idiots.

Enough with the prank calls!

But what about the times when people choose to be rude in person? Oh, believe me, people. It happens. Take, for instance, one of the most messed up dates I can remember in recent history. In fact, I think this situation, typical of stuck up, shallow, Valley Girls, deserves to be this week's edition of This Week in Whiteness. Ahem. (And, oh yeah, this is true, too. But it didn't hurt my feelings, people. I'll be ok. More than anything, it just shocks me that some people have the proverbial cajones to do this stuff.) So there I was... sitting... enjoying some delicious frozen yogurt and chatting it up with this girl I was on a date with. I told her about my desire to start playing with Richard Brunson and the Taylorsville Orchestra once I finished school and had more time to do things at night -- anticipated debut with the Orchestra is set for next Tuesday night -- and the girl laughs in my face. I asked her if I said something funny and she responded that she doesn't typically think of playing the trumpet as something attractive, but, rather, she finds it "kind of nerdy." Hmmph! I returned to my frozen yogurt as she then blurted out, "I'm just going through a rough time right now." What? I asked. "I really miss my ex-boyfriend." I'm sure if I had been drinking something, I might have unintentionally spit it in her face. What?? Why would you mention that on a date? I didn't even know this girl very well. Thankfully, we got out of there pretty quick and I drove as close as I could to 36 MPH to drop her off. It was about a ten-minute drive, though, so I tried hard not to make it awkward. She proceeded to tell me that I'm not exactly her type, citing that I'm too skinny and not enough of a jock for her. I told her that I probably know more about sports than the other guys she's dated, which she seemed to disregard without giving it too much thought. I could see her apartment complex. The ride would be over shortly. Her mouth kept running as she told me that I'm not as attractive as the guys she's used to dating and that it's hard for her not to be shallow sometimes. You said it, sister! Good heck! Parked. "What are you thinking?" she inquired. Fighting the sarcasm in my head, I looked at her and told her, "Sometimes it just seems like you don't care about me at all." "If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here." I tried as hard as I could not to laugh or to ask her how many guys she's used that cheeseball of a line on. She looked me right in the eyes, paused, looked up at my forehead, turned for the door, and said, "But your hair drives me crazy. You've got to do something about it." Not going to happen. And... well... Oh wait - that's not it. Twenty minutes later, she sent me a text saying she had a friend who she wanted to line me up with. "She's an RM and wants to get married ASAP." I didn't know how to respond to that one. Later on that night, she sent me a couple picture messages of guys with their shirts off. "Um... why are you sending me these??" Apparently she was attempting to show me what kinds of guys she usually goes for. Wow. SHALLOW. As I say with 95% of the girls I go on dates with, "She seemed normal when I met her..." Unbelievable. Where do these girls come from? And where on Earth have all the good girls gone? I'm not denying the existence of such females, but, in the inquisitive words of Miss Gwen Stefani, "Why does the good girl... always want... the bad boy?" That's P.M.U.!!

Losers.

Nice guys finish last. Ed Rothlisberger and I have had many a chat about this topic. I try hard to do what's right and to treat girls with respect, but every single time - well, no, I can think of like... one or two girls that haven't treated me like garbage lately - but every other time, I get shut down brutally. Obviously it's only one side of the story and it's probably biased in my favor, but I don't think I deserve 98% of the crap I get. Maybe 97%. How many times have Ed and I heard the phrases "You're too nice to me" or "You're too good" or any other alternative way of phrasing them? Ok, I'm sorry. I'll try to be meaner from now on. Oh, excuse me, can I step out for a moment and smoke my first cigarette? Are you kidding me? And it's not like I'm going to the tattoo parlor to hit on the ladies. These are girls who are in good standing with the Church (or at least pretend that they are - I had a bad experience once), girls who I meet at institute, at EFY over the summer, or girls in my own singles ward. Take for instance, the girl in my ward who started IMing me on Facebook at a time probably much later than her bedtime and said "...just be sure you practice what you learn while you're sitting alone in church." Are you kidding me? Again, these are all true stories. Austin and others have occasionally asked me where I find these girls. Like I said, I don't think I'm looking in the wrong places. In fact, I'd go as far to say that I'm looking in all the right places... but there's always just so much drama! Why, why, why can't I just find a girl that likes me for me, takes an interest in my life, and, if she's not interested in sports or whatever, can at least pretend to be interested in my life. I've often wondered how I'd react if a girl asked me to go to a BYU sporting event. I'd like to think that, unless they were playing Utah, I could put on my Happy Valley face and cheer for the Cougars - just to make the girl happy. I'd even wear a BYU shirt if she wanted me to. Interestingly, though, I've had a couple female BYU students tell me that they'd only come to a Utah game if I didn't make them wear red or cheer for the Utes. Hmmph. Well, that's enough of my whining for one Issue. I just wish everybody would be nice to each other. Why are we all so rude? Why do we say such incredibly mean things through texting, Facebook, and other methods of communication? Can't we all just get along? And if there are somewhere, hidden in the vast abyss known as the United States, a couple good, nice girls out there, please take a step forward and present yourselves. Ed and I would love to meet you. And seriously, Mom and Dad, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just pray for me occasionally if you have the time. *wink*

Everybody just take a deep breath now. While we're on the topic of BYU students, I recently got an email that I'd like to share for this week's installment of The Boo Box. Here it is, straight from the keyboard of a Mr. Curtis Gardner:

"Christensen,

I've got a Boo Box candidate. Jimmer. Yes, despite that I'm a BYU student, I will happily see Jimmer Fer...whatever his last name is be placed in public humiliation. Let me explain.

Last year, Jimmer was in my Geography class. At the beginning of the semester, we were told that each of us would be assigned a group presentation. This presentation wasn't due until the last week of the semester. In other words, we had the ENTIRE semester to plan this presentation. Let me repeat that. THE ENTIRE SEMESTER. Well, as luck would have it, Jimmer was put into my group. The whole semester we planed on having an awesome class presentation since Jimmer would be speaking for 10 minutes.  

Well, imagine our horror when Jimmer didn't show up on the day of the presentation! That's right, he just didn't show up. I mean, come on! We've only been planning this project since the start of the semester. It turns out that he had a game to go to, but he never once informed us that he wouldn't be able to make it to the presentation! I did the math. He had 100 days to inform us that he could not make it to the presentation. Yes that's right. He had 100 days to tell us that there was a conflict. That means he had 2400 hours to tell us that there was a problem. It would have taken literally two seconds to send an email. Did he even bother doing that? No. He just didn't show up. Sorry Jimmer, I guess a two second email is too much to ask for.

He may be good at basketball, but he's no team player. The bum."

Thanks for letting me rant,

Gardner

OOOH! ZING!! 'Atta boy, Uncle Gardner! Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!! I only heard like 20% of you Booing. Why?? Oh, because he's a candidate for the player of the year this season? Hmmph. I remember when Max Hall was a frontrunner for Heisman, too, but we all remember what happened to him, don't we? Just kidding. Sort of. If you want my real thoughts about BYU basketball, talk to me later.

JIMMER!!!

I've started reviewing DVDs for Examiner.com. I've had fun with it so far, despite the fact that I've only earned... let's see... $1.86 in the past week and a half. It's fun, though. I've seen a lot of movies in the past couple days and you can check out my reviews by going to this site - http://www.examiner.com/user-aaronchristensen1986. I get paid according to the number of page views I get, so if you want to open and close windows for each of my reviews like 20 times each day, that would be fantastic. You guys are awesome. I know I've already upset at least one person with my scathing review of "Scott Pilgrim vs the World," but I think that's probably my best review so far. That movie was horrible. Read my review and tell me I'm not justified with what I say. If you have a suggestion of which movies you'd like to see me review next or even any ideas that might make my reviews better - or even just different - I'm all ears.

Wow, this Issue was a bit of a downer. For my hater out there that votes for the one negative option on my polls every week and for everyone out there that thinks I just blog to whine and complain and make fun of people every Tuesday, let me remind you that the purpose of this Newsletter is to help you Feel Good About Yourself - to help you realize that when people are unbelievably rude to you or treat you poorly on dates that you don't need to - and shouldn't - change for anybody... except your parents and the Prophet. Be who you are and enjoy it. I will never change my hair for anybody, unless I have to shave my sideburns to go on a mission or work at BYU for the summer. Don't tell me I'm not good enough for you because, girl, if you think I'm not good enough for you, you're not good enough for me. Hopefully everyone out there just loves the heck out of themselves and hopefully you'll all take a second at least once a week to look around and find something to make you Feel Good About Yourself, regardless of the negative influences around you.

To wrap up this week, I've got to give a Shoutout of the Week to my mom, who turns like 30-something tomorrow. I can't remember how old... I mean young... she is and I guess that's not really relevant, anyway. My mom always complains about the crap I give her in the Newsletter, but I think she secretly likes it. She has become somewhat of a recurring character in the Newsletter and I always appreciate her giving me things to talk about. Happy early birthday, Mom. I hope you have a good one! And by the way, Amy and I got you the best present ever. I guarantee you'll laugh at it... but I also guarantee you'll use it.

That's about it for this week, folks. Back to the job hunt. Applied for a few more jobs today and I've got an appointment with the Career Services people up at the U on Friday morning, so we'll see what happens. Be excellent to each other and......... party on, dudes!

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron