I really don't care. Really. I don't.
Greetings to one and all on a lonely Tuesday at the Christensen household. Yes, everyone is back in school at this point... except me. It's a strange feeling. What to do? What to do? Well... blog and apply for more jobs, I guess. Hmmph! Topics to be discussed today: The next Reggie Bush, a new segment, a new movie to check out, a new job of sorts, the Fountain of Youth, the Madden Curse, and giving a girl a bloody nose. On we go!
I'm not a big college football fan outside of state boundaries. I really don't care. Really. I don't. But I heard all the hype about how great the offenses were for both Auburn and Oregon in last night's BS... I mean... BCS championship game, so I was actually pretty excited to watch the game. The first quarter was a little exciting because both teams were throwing interceptions left and right, but after 15 minutes, the game was still scoreless. After the first quarter, I don't really know what happened, but it was like the Oregon defense just packed up and went home or something because Auburn totally dominated them for the rest of the game. I wanted Oregon to win the game, I guess, mostly because I wanted to see Auburn's quarterback and the current "American idol," Cam Newton go down in flames. Everyone in the media loves this guy and treats him like he's the crowned prince of football. He's a pretty good quarterback, I admit. But he's a cheater! I'm not going to act like I know all the fact about the situation where his dad brokered a deal with a couple colleges to see who would pay the most for Cam to play for them because I don't all the facts. But the fact of the matter is that this year, Reggie Bush had to send back his Heisman trophy for receiving money while he was at USC a few years ago. At a time when they should have done everything to ensure that credibility and integrity was restored to the award, they decided to clear Cam Newton of any allegations, placing the entire blame on his father, Cecil, and they gave him the Heisman anyway. Conspiracy. Just because the NCAA cleared him of the allegations doesn't mean he's innocent. In fact, I think he was mainly cleared to pave the way for him getting the Heisman a couple weeks later. They obviously couldn't give him the award with controversy hanging over him - so the easy way out is to clear his name, whether he was innocent or not, and then give him the award. I would not be surprised at all if he has to send his trophy back in a year or two, which begs the obvious question: Why even give him the Heisman in the first place? And now they're "national champions" - yet another prestigious award that may have to be recalled if Newton is convicted of something later on. Everything he has done - school records, national records, championships, personal accolades - everything - would need to be stripped if (and when) it is proven that Newton was ineligibly playing college football. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, as they say. What's done is done at this point. Thank you, Cam Newton, on behalf of all of us here at "Signs of the Times" for proving yet again that cheaters always prosper. And that, my friends, is P.M.U.!!
In my escapades on Twitter this week, I saw a message notifying readers that the "N-word" has been completely removed from new editions of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain's timeless classic. The tweet was courtesy of a Twitterer called "This Week in Blackness." This got me thinking, with Black History Month coming up next month, when (if at all) is White History Month? I'm not trying to be a racist or anything, but I think that's a valid question. I mean, there's Women's History Month, Black History Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, all this stuff... but when can the Caucasian men celebrate their history? There were two prevalent answers in reference to my question regarding White History Month: either A) there isn't one or B) it's every month other than February. Again, P.M.U.!! However, something good did come from my investigation - I've decided to start a new segment that may or may not ever be used again in my Newsletter entitled This Week in Whiteness - a time for us to sit back, reflect, and really just enjoy the great moments in Caucasian-ness from the past seven days. Ahem. I went to a movie on Wednesday night last week and, upon exiting the theater, was approached by a bummy-looking White man in his mid-20s, in my estimation. He appeared to be very cold and smelled like he had recently smoked what some of us affectionately refer to as a doobie. "Can you please do me a huge favor," he pleaded. "Um... what's that?" I responded reluctantly. As he approached, I could see that his left eye was extremely bloodshot. Apparently he had gotten in an argument with his girlfriend who he believed has been cheating on him with other men. She got upset and left him stranded at the theater, so he had been wandering around outside for a couple hours and didn't even go in to see his movie. He still had his unused ticket in his hand to prove it. (Come on, man. I would have at least gone to see the movie by myself!) He asked if I could give him a ride to the Best Western hotel that was five minutes away from the theater. Upon arriving, he could wait in the lobby for a friend to come pick him up and take him back down to Orem, his current dwelling place. With a heavy sigh and a small eye roll, I agreed to give him a ride. Surprisingly, the thought that he might unexpectedly stab me at any point only crossed my mind once or twice. I tried to drive as quickly as possible while obeying the laws of the land, as to keep the smell of stale pot from permeating my nostrils and/or from sinking into my front seat and, when we got to the hotel, he hopped out, asked for some gas money (to which I lied, saying I didn't have any cash), and he headed for the hotel lobby. I drove away, saying a silent prayer of gratitude that I escaped with my life and all ten fingers still intact. There you have it - This Week in Whiteness. Surely a smash hit.
I'm sure the Question on everyone's mind right now is which movie it was that I saw that night. Here's proof:
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Which movie was it that you saw that night?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. Wow, it's like you guys can read my mind. Where have you been? You're the only ones that ever ask me Questions anymore! (SALUTE!) The movie that I saw was Disney's "Tangled," which, to my sheer amazement and shock, is actually kind of a musical along the lines of "Aladdin" or "The Lion King." In fact, after seeing "Tangled," I'd even put it in the same category as those two movies. "Tangled" tells the famous story of Rapunzel, the girl with the incredibly long hair. You know, locked in a tower, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair..." You know... we've all heard that story. What, exactly, the moral of that story was, I have no idea, but "Tangled" gives the hair magical healing powers that keep the antagonist - a woman who kidnapped young princess Rapunzel shortly after birth - young forever. Rapunzel is eventually stumbled upon by a bandit named Flynn Rider, voiced by Zachary Levi of "Chuck," and the two take off on a whirlwind musical adventure that provides not only laughs and smiles, but almost made yours, truly, shed a tear or two. This is a good freakin' movie. I had no idea. I didn't even know it was a musical, for crying out loud. But it's a good one. Like I said, right up there with "Aladdin." The real showstopping number comes at the Snuggly Duckling. I'm telling you. Laugh-out-loud funny. I'll buy this one when it comes out and would probably even consider going back to see it when it hits the dollar theater. Great date movie, great family flick. I'd highly recommend it. I'll give "Tangled" a 9.5 out of 10. It's the real deal, folks. One of the best movies of 2010, for sure. Too bad I didn't see it until 2011. There you go. The Week in Review.
Q. "Dear Aaron,
How's the job hunt coming?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. Ah... another great Question from the Mounties. (SALUTE!) I wish somebody else would write me a Question. Apparently we're all still a little slow on the interactivity part of the Newsletter. Oh well, whatever. Seems like a lot of people voted for the polls last week, so that made me kind of happy. Um... well, I've had a few interviews so far. Not sure if I'm going to take any of the jobs so far at this point, but it's good practice to get in there and be interviewed, anyway. Yesterday I was interviewed by Farmers Insurance Company and the job sounds very lucrative, but it's a career decision and I'm not sure I want to take a lifelong job that isolates me away from journalism at this point, no matter what the pay is. Gave me something to think about, anyway. Oh yeah, and I've accepted a super-part-time job as a freelance writer for Examiner.com. What, pray tell, will I be writing about? Oh yes, I'll be reviewing DVDs for them. #booyah Hmm... looks like I've got one more email from my adoring public. Let's check it out.
Q. "Dear Aaron,
I loved [last] week's Issue! You are a very insightful person. I might just be saying that because I agree with you... It is true that society is teaching us that really growing up is boring and not worth your time. With that thought, here is a Question for you: If you could choose to stay young forever would you do it? It sounds good at first thought, but be sure to consider all the things you would miss out on (including eternal families, deeper understanding, and appreciation for the simple things in life)..."
- Kathryn Christensen
A. WOW! I can't believe my eyes! A Question from a real, actual person! Wow. Um... Let's see. How young are we talking? Would I want to remain a child forever? That sounds nice - no responsibility, no need for work, no need for money, nap time, snack time, "Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam..." Doesn't sound too bad... But would I want to remain that young forever? No. Definitely not. I feel like I've been getting a little older now. I'm 24 and graduated from school and once everybody else has started school and you're still at home sitting on the couch at 11:30 every morning, it's a crazy feeling. I've got to grow up now. It freaks the heck out of me, but I'm actually looking forward to it. There are some exciting times ahead of me, that's for sure. I kind of like being this age. I can still do all the stuff I like doing like playing sports and working out, I'm technologically savvy and have a pretty good grasp on pop culture, I haven't lost the ability to get things done quickly yet at this point, so it sounds like fun to just stay this old all the time, too, but there are still some things I can't do yet. Don't have any kids, don't have any money, can't be taken completely seriously by some adults at this point, either, so I don't think I could stay this age all the time, either. I definitely wouldn't say I'm looking forward to being 85 years old and just watching TV all day, but I suppose there would have to be some good things about that age, too, like having little grandkids come visit, having my own family traditions, and things like that. So to answer your Question, no, I don't think I could choose to stay any age forever. Like you went on to explain in your email, there are a lot of cruddy things that we can (and I do) point out about things that happen to us every day, but with the right perspective, we can find great things that happen every day of our lives... Even on what used to be everyone's least-cared-about day of the week, Tuesday. Thanks for the Question.
Remember, you, too, can submit a Question to us via email or by commenting on the blog site. Moving on. No more fantasy football. I'm sure you're all devastated. But I'll quickly mention my thoughts about the beating that the New Orleans Saints took at the hands of the worst NFL playoff team in the history of the league (that's a fact, people; I'm not making this up), the Seattle Seahawks. I've always believed in the Madden Curse, which is, essentially, that the player who is placed on the cover of each year's Madden NFL video game is usually subject to some season (or career)-ending injury, terribly poor performance, or some other unfortunate event. This year's poster boy is Drew Brees, the Saints' quarterback. Keep in mind that this is my 11th year cheering for the Saints. I've been through a lot of mediocrity in the past decade, but they finally won the Super Bowl last year. Those were the good days. The Saints weren't terrific this year, but they still made the playoffs and were looking to have a respectable finish. However, just days before their matchup with Seattle, their first and second-string running backs were both placed on season-ending injured reserve, so I expected the Saints to win the first round and then bow gracefully out. Everybody expected the Saints to win. If you can honestly tell me you knew the Seahawks would play (arguably) their first good game of the season in the first round of the playoffs, which many believed they didn't even deserve to be in, you're full of it. I still don't think they deserved to be in the playoffs. Not even after knocking off the defending champions on Saturday. The Saints didn't play their best game, obviously, and Seattle came out and surprised everyone. Part of the reason they may have played so well is that they got to play at home, which I also don't believe they deserved. They had a losing record in the regular season! You can't tell me they deserved home field advantage. Yes, they won their division, but their division SUCKS! Marshawn Lynch's 67-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter was impressive. As some guy on Twitter said, if he pulled off that run against you in Madden, you'd throw your controller through the [darn] TV. I agree. I totally would have. Great run. But it's like Michael Jordan. The guy was great, but he beat my team every year. I admit that he's a great player, but that doesn't mean I have to like him. So yeah, the Saints lost and now they're out. Bummer. I took a lot of crap about it on Saturday. Not only did my team, the defending champions, lose to the worst playoff team ever, but it also happens to be the team that my mom's side of the family loves since they grew up in Washington. Oh well. Congratulations. Hope you enjoyed it, but you're going down next week. And hey, if they somehow manage to play well again next week, I guess I was wrong. And that would be quite the feat, because as all of you know, I'm never wrong. Ever. And that's... the truth.
The Shoutout of the Week goes to Michelle Snyder, who not only secretly watched the "Back to the Future" trilogy and "The Big Ticket 2" without telling me, but she also secretly reads the Newsletter occasionally. Perhaps she'll see this one, as well. There are not many things that make me Feel bad About Myself on Tuesdays, but this morning, Michelle decided to challenge me in basketball at the gym. Clearly a bad decision and, needless to say, I dominated her. But I also gave her a bloody nose. She needs a little work on her low post defense. But really, I didn't Feel Good About that. Sorry.
That's about it for this week. Ah... another literary masterpiece, was it not? I suppose I should go check out CareerBuilder again or something to see if anything changed in the last 12 hours. Adieu, adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
No comments:
Post a Comment