Signs of the Times, Issue No. 127 - 10/19/10

Only eight more weeks of the granola bar diet.

Greetings to one and all, even those of you who apparently don't care whether or not I discontinue the Newsletter. It's another Tuesday here in the Salt Lake Valley and that means I am contractually obligated to blog for you once again. Topics to be discussed today: Fall Break, future employment, a failed business venture, mission reunions, and cleaning up our streets... for good. "Signs of the Times" - like a nice, hard shot right to the noggin. On we go!

As I sit here and rub the sleep from my eyes, there is only one thing on my mind. Fall Break. Fall Break, the most glorious of times in the scholastic year... Can't we just go back and do it all over again? Honestly I didn't even do that much over the break last week. Did a little homework, watched season two of "The Colony" (awesome), watched a movie here and there, did a little more homework, went to my family's cabin for the first time in probably four and a half years... But more than anything else, it was nice to just sit back and relax. I think I could get used to that feeling. The scary thing is that once you get to your final semester of school - once you see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel - that's all you see. I want out of this prison. Get me away from these classes that hold me prisoner. Let me run free, spread my wings and fly. I'll be done with school, so there won't be any homework, just an eventual job. And hey, once I finish work for the day, I'll get to go home and take it easy. That's not a bad gig by the sound of it. Of course, I say that now and in six months, I'll probably want to come back to school. No. Never. I look back at high school and say, "It was nice. Not the homework/paper-writing aspect, but the social aspect." Would I want to go back? No, because those kids are all like 14 years old right now and that's sick. I'd love to go back and be carefree and have no responsibility, but I don't really want to go back to high school. Would I ever want to go back to college? For the social aspect, I'm sure I would... But believe me, there is no way anybody could ever get me to come back to school and sit through six boring hours of class every day. I'm almost done. And when I'm done, I'm done. Why can't it just be Fall Break all the time?

Ohhhh yeah, baby!!

Regarding my employment situation, it's true - I'm going to have to get out and find a real job one of these days. The Question has arisen on several occasions from multiple sources, asking, "Are you doing EFY again next summer?" The answer, quite simply, is no. Not unless something goes horribly, terribly wrong in my life. (Which, based on my track record, isn't all that unlikely.) For the time being, I'm not planning on it. I figure that I've done it twice (and I loved it), but life as a Building Counselor makes a lot more enemies that it does friends. The counselors expect BCs to be nice and cool all the time and to basically let them do whatever they want without getting them in trouble, but if you're a responsible BC, like I tried to be, and if you do your job right, you're going to eventually rub a couple people the wrong way. Needless to say, despite the numberless amazing experiences I had the past two summers, little things like a female counselor telling me (via Facebook) that she and other counselors picked on me because I was an easy target left a little bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I'll be graduated from college and (by the time May rolls around) will have either been gainfully employed by somebody else for five to six months (in which case it would be stupid to quit) or still unemployed and starving to death (in which case, I'll probably beg EFY to take me back). I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, but if all goes well, there would be no reason for me to have to back down to EFY this summer. Love it, but it's time for me to move on.

Back uh the line, boys!

In honor of the BCS, which released its first college football poll of the season, the topics for the remainder of the Newsletter will be decided by computer.

--TOPIC: Dreams of the future--

I once had a dream of this futuristic place where people could go to shop for music. There were kiosks and oddly shaped tables where customers could sit, don a pair of large, black headphones, and listen to music before they bought it. This was years ago, mind you. Back in the '90s. And the thought of being able to preview a CD before you bought it boggled my young mind. Several years later, I was watching TV and saw commercial where people huddled around kiosks and strangely shaped tables, hurrying to hand large, black headphones to their excited friends as they listened to music before they bought it. Circuit City, baby. I was way ahead of those cats. That's the truth. I should have copyrighted that dream when I had it and cashed in big. I could have been rich.

I wish I could have warned them...

--TOPIC: Dating--

A lot of gentlemen out there are concerned with what we'll call the "wingman principle." They feel like they are not adequately prepared to meet bachelorettes or go to a party or other social gathering without what they call a wingman. I call it the third freakin' wheel. Why would I want to be somebody's wingman? That pretty much means, "Hey come to this party with me because I'm too shy to talk to girls by myself. If you're there to support me and help me get the ladies, I'll feel much more comfortable." Well as fun as that sounds for you, it sucks for me! I've typically tried to avoid falling into the wingman category and have preferred to do hunt as the lone wolf hunts: alone. I think this week I finally came to understand why guys feel more comfortable talking to girls with a wingman. You can get away with a lot of creepy things (pickup lines, dumb jokes, etc.) when you've got somebody else shamelessly hitting on the girl with you. If you tried the same things (the same pickup lines, the same dumb jokes) by yourself, you come off as a pervert sicko. I get it... but I don't get it.

Hey man, let's go get some ladies!

--TOPIC: **QUESTION TIME!!**--

Q. "Did you go to the mission reunion? Why/why not?"

- Tyson Hinde

A. Thanks for the Question. It's a good one. The answer is yes, I went to the most recent mission reunion for the North Carolina Raleigh Mission. This was my sixth(??) semi-annual since coming home from my mission in 2008. Wow, time has gone fast. The level of interest I have in attending these reunions is starting to wane because, as time goes by, more and more mission buddies get married or move away, thus decreasing the odds of both 1) seeing them there and 2) them actually wanting to socialize with anyone other than their spouse and the Mission President, and more and more new missionaries that I don't know get home. You put that all together and what do you get? A whole lot of awkwardness, apparently. I wasn't planning on going, initially, but I could literally walk to the church it was held at in five minutes. I knew even less people this reunion than I did at the last one. I'd say it I knew 20% of the people there. Maybe less. Most of the people Idid knew were... well... they still are a little strange. A couple friends showed up, so I talked to them for a few minutes or seconds, but it got to a point after about 20 minutes or so when I just wanted to get out of there. It was nice to see President and Sister Wallis, but, frankly, they were pretty busy, so other than Sister Wallis coming straight up to me and asking me why I apparently hated my crazy stalker, that's about all the time I spent with them. Long story short, I'm not planning on going to the next reunion at this point.

--TOPIC: Claustrophobia--

Strange topic... but it's funny that it should come up. I'm stuck surrounded by two profane African-American chicks that are eating baby food with this poor little infant that they subjected to second-hand smoke while they waited for TRAX. Get me out of here!!

GHETTO!

--TOPIC: Shoutout of the Week--

I had a lot of faith in BYU as they held the hated Horned Frogs of TCU to three points through 27 minutes of the first half. After that, they pretty much got blown away and it wasn't a whole lot of fun for anybody. However, the head referee in that game had the lowest voice I have ever heard at a sporting event. That guy was awesome and he deserves the Shoutout of the Week. I don't think I had ever laughed out loud at a false start call before in my life until last Saturday.

--TOPIC: Taking a Bite Out of Crime--

(Praise the heavens. My two little ghetto friends just got off the train.) Oh, and speaking of "ghetto friends," Scott Aylett (HA! - he's not the ghetto friend... I'm getting there. Hang on.) posted a news article on Facebook the other day about how police have decided to (finally) clean up the riffraff on Main Street in Salt Lake City. That's right - the grounds outside Bajio, Keys on Main, and, most notably, AJ's Kwik Mart have gotten a heckuva lot cleaner in the last couple days. Police are patrolling the zone containing the TRAX station at the Gallivan Plaza and the Salt Lake County Library daily in order to crack down on crime, filthy language, gender confusion (from a visual standpoint), and just general ghetto-ness. Looks like I won't be playing much "Male, Female, or Both?" any time soon... but on behalf of myself and every other non-ghetto TRAX passenger that had to submit themselves to daily downtown transfers, thank you, and God bless the Salt Lake City Police Department!

Ghetto Busters!!

--TOPIC: Fantasy Football Game Ball--

That Antoine Dodson is at it again with a league-high in fantasy points this week. WR Jeremy Maclin led the way for Harper's squad with seven receptions for 159 yards and two TDs. Dodson and Christensen Crush remain at the head of the pack with the Red Devils following in third place. My A-Town Assassins had another decent week, moving my team from sixth place last week to fourth place after week six. Perhaps there is yet hope for the reigning champion, but before that can happen, we need Mr. Dodson to fail... Enjoy the glory of the Game Ball while you can, sir.

Maclin Power.

--TOPIC: The Boo Box--

I was having a hard time thinking of someone or something to Boo this week, but no. I've got it now. Perhaps you've heard that the NFL passed a new rule today that will immediately suspend players for violent tackles (helmet-to-helmet hits or blows targeting the player's head). James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers had two of the hardest hits this week, sidelining two players with hits to the head. After the game, when asked about the hits, he said he's not opposed to hurting opponents. What a complete moron. Some journalists have expressed their concerns that the sport is already too violent - even to the point that they think that a player may eventually die on the field - and James Harrison says he likes hurting people? Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

--TOPIC: Conclusion--

Well, that's about it for now. Gotta wrap this sucker up and hit the books big time. I've got two big tests tomorrow. One is open-book, open-note, open-everything, so I'm not worried about that, but the other one in Mass Comm Law is big enough to be two separate tests. Hopefully Cody will like... turn down the TV or something so I can study in peace. Farewell, people. And oh yeah - I'm not planning on discontinuing the Newsletter any time soon. And there was rioting in the streets.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron