Signs of the Times, Issue No. 126 - 10/12/10

Somebody needs to preach Kurt Warner the Gospel.

Greetings to one and all. Wouldn't you believe it? It's another Tuesday and you, you are the lucky ones this week. With Newsletter popularity waning once again, the obvious thing for me to do would be to invite more people to read it. That's too predictable, though, so I actually made cuts to the email list. It's down to about 20 or 21 people now, which might be a good thing as far as spam filters are concerned. I've also set the blog site to public again, now that I'm done offending all the EFY counselors. Too bad nobody goes to the blog site though. I may stop doing polls. If people aren't going to vote, I might as well save myself a few minutes and not worry about putting them up each week. Hmmph! Topics to be discussed today: A "DWTS" update, a glorious day for the A-Town Assassins, a couple reasons why going to church is awkward, senioritis, and the potential downfall of society as we know it. But hey, it's Fall Break! On we go!

If you guessed that I'm sitting on the couch watching "Dancing with the Stars" in my Weezer Snuggie, you're absolutely right. Let me tell you this - I've been saying it for weeks - Somebody needs to preach Kurt Warner the Gospel. That's a good guy right there. He's a family man, genuinely kind, and would make a fantastic Mormon. If nobody else wants to do it, send me on another mission and I'll do it myself. The season of "DWTS" has been interesting so far. My problem since the beginning has been that this cast is just weird. Unlike past seasons, there isn't really anyone who sticks out as the front runner. There are a couple who are pretty good, but Evan Lysacek would have blown all these guys away. Florence Henderson has been hilarious to watch. She's not that good, but she and her partner are pretty funny together. Rick Fox has been surprisingly likable, even for a Laker. I like Kurt. The chick from "The Hills" is doing pretty well. And, thankfully, Brandy has been doing a lot better the last two weeks. Three weeks ago she was in the bottom three which was like an actual knife right through the heart. After putting her in The Boo Box, she has stepped it up, bumping herself up near the top of the leaderboard. I'm feeling a little better about my pick now, but she's still got a way to go before that happens. Bristol Palin is not only not a celebrity, but she's also not good and she's boring to watch. Jennifer Grey isn't that good. She's only doing well because she's with my arch-nemesis, Derek Hough. Derek could dance with a sack of garbage and people would still vote for him. Hmmph!

Can we please just do the Game Ball right now? I'm so excited for it because, after a few absolutely miserable weeks, my A-Town Assassins won the week this week. Praise the heavens. After maintaining my spot in sixth place for a couple weeks, now I'm within two points of fourth place, thanks to another huge performance from Brandon Lloyd, who could perhaps be the free agent pick up of the season thus far. Lloyd had five receptions for 135 yards, two TDs, and 42.5 fantasy points, boosting my team to a league-leading 314.9 points this week. Only two players on my offense scored under 20 points this week. It was a good week, a fun week. I need to enjoy weeks like these because Antoine Dodson and Christensen Crush won't be letting off the throttle any time soon.

Go team, go!

I was having a hard time thinking of something to put in The Boo Box for this week, but don't you worry. I got it. How about singles wards? For those who are unfamiliar with LDS culture, a singles ward is a group of young, supposedly-single adults that meet together each week for church. I like singles wards. In most circumstances, I much prefer singles wards to family wards, where you can't throw a dead cat without hitting an elderly man with a walker or a screaming infant. One of the main purposes of singles wards is to provide single adults with opportunities to meet other young people who share the same beliefs, standards, and morals... But how can you do that when nobody that goes to the "singles" ward is single?!? I show up at church on Sunday and quickly realized that it was "Bring Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend to Church Day." Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverybody there was a couple. Everybody. And they all really liked to touch each other. A lot. During Sacrament Meeting. A time when you're supposed to be focusing on the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I vote that running your fingers through your significant other's hair should be outlawed at church. It makes me uncomfortable and makes me have to look away... right at somebody else running their fingers vigorously - yes, vigorously - through somebody else's hair. I don't like it. At all. Everybody togeth... actually, no, whatever. Some of you out there probably like this stuff. I'll just say it. BOOOOOO!! And if there are any girls from my singles ward out there, I'd just like to apologize formally for my inability to grow facial hair. I know you love it, but I just can't do it quite as impressively as some of the other guys in the ward. I'm terribly sorry.

Nobody wants to see this.

There are only eight more weeks of school. Get. Me. Out. Yes, this has been, by far, my most socially successful semester at the U. But I've got what they call "senioritis." I don't want to go to classes anymore. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning because I'm just ready to be done. I haven't started a countdown on my laptop yet, but those days are coming. I've loved my Fall Break so far. It's only a day and a half old, but I could get used to this stuff... No more having to wake up at 5:45 in the morning (which isn't even bad compared to my 4:10 days at X96!), no more having to read boring textbooks - the ability to read whatever I so choose! - being able to spend time with friends and family every day of the week... Ah... December 17th can't come soon enough.

Time's ticking...

No Questions. There are hardly ever Questions. I may just start a countdown to the end of my Newsletter's sweet existence. Hmmph! Here's a Shoutout of the Week for uh... my parents. They still love me. I think.

You know what, I'm just going to go take it easy. Make a sandwich. Go window shopping. Who knows what exciting adventure lie in store for A-Town this week? It's Fall Break... and it's mine... all mine...

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron