Signs of the Times, Issue No. 82 - 12/01/09

There's a reason why I try not to talk about my dating life in the Newsletter...

Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron Christensen and WOW, what a difference seven days can make. And boy, don't I know it... Lots to talk about today. Topics to be discussed: Genius status confirmed, the pseudo-Madden surprise, the football fallout, talking smack on Facebook, things that won't stop running, public retractions, my thoughts about Survivor, and uh... more football. On we go!

It was a good weekend two weekends ago. A good, good weekend. Real Salt Lake won the MLS Cup. Two days later, my prediction proved prophetic as Donny Osmond took home the "Dancing With the Stars" Mirror Ball. (All six voters for last week's Blog Poll agree that I'm a genius.) I was on top of the world. Wednesday came and I saw a mind-blowing concert by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Good times, right? Well, on Thanksgiving Day, of all days, things took a turn for the worse. Step out of your literal minds and into mine as I take you for a tour of depression and loss that happened just this past week.

Thanksgiving was relaxing, as usual. I won't complain about that. Good turkey. Nice potatoes. I tried a sweet pickle. It was disgusting.

I came back from my grandparent's house that afternoon with the complete intention of demolishing Cody in the pseudo-Madden Bowl. This isn't really the Madden Bowl because Austin is gone. Once Austin gets back, he'll probably reclaim the Bowl and I'll have something else to whine about. But in his absence, I was victorious last year as I beat Cody badly in heavy Snow... in San Diego... go figure. This year Cody chose to be Indianapolis, home of my arch rival, Peyton Manning. I chose my beloved New Orleans Saints, in spite of the fact that every time I play with Drew Brees, I throw at least three interceptions. Let's be honest. The Colts are a far superior team to New Orleans in the video game, but I figured I'd be all right. I jumped out to an early lead in the first quarter and then I felt it. I felt the very thing I had sworn myself to avoid. Was I taking it easy on Cody? Was I letting up a little on defense? After all, he is my little brother and I don't want tocompletely demoralize him. And then Cody started to play. And he started to win. And by the time he took the lead and started pulling ahead, I didn't catch up. Not even a late fourth quarter comeback featuring an onside kick recovery and a kickoff return for a touchdown could save me. I think the worst thing about losing to Cody is that he's so dang nice About it! At least Austin will be a jerk and rub it in your face when he beats you. But I couldn't stand Cody's consistent "Good pass, Aaron,"s. His "Good play, Aaron"s. It made it seem like HE was taking it easy on ME! I'm starting to breathe heavily. This is no Good. I'll stop talking about it now. I'll just say that Cody beat me 59-42 in Madden and then I beat him in the first ever BasketBowl, as the Jazz defeated the Cavaliers in overtime. Next topic, please?

So that was that. What happened on Friday? Oh yeah. Not fun. I'm not talking About it here. Next topic.

Saturday. Heh heh heh heh heh, Saturday. The BYU/Utah game. I got off work at three so I could come home and watch it. Little did I know that I'd be watching it with six BYU fans. I know they'll say that my dad and I whined the whole game about the officiating, but I'd like to think that we were relatively quiet throughout, especially in the second half... and that's not because Utah was losing. In fact, the 14 consecutive points that helped the Utes force overtime only got a few claps and no verbal utterance from the two Utah fans in attendance. Why, you ask? Well, because our cheers would simply have been beaten down by the boisterous BYU fans in the room. That's why. What did I think of the game? Well, I thought it was a Good game. "Good" is a relative term and I'm only capitalizing it because it's a Tuesday. Honestly, though, both quarterbacks looked terrible. Jordan Wynn looked good in the first quarter and at the end of the game, but in between was not very impressive. Max Hall looked horrible during the entire game, finishing with a worse completion percentage than Wynn and barely winning the game. Yes, BYU fans will praise his name forever because he ran for like 1,000 yards on Saturday (only because he has apparently lost the guts to throw the ball for fear of it being intercepted) and he completed one big pass to someone who was not open, but broke away from two would-be tacklers and then found himself in the open field. Am I surprised that BYU won? No. Am I surprised that BYU almost lost? Yeah, a little. Do I think this is one of the classic rivalry games of all time? No. It wasn't that outstanding of a game. It's all right, though. This was a rebuilding year for the Utes and we almost defeated the senior squad for the Cougars. That's not too bad.

And of course, BYU fans celebrated like it was the Second Coming or something. I wonder whether they were storming the field out of elation or as a method to release their stress and panic. So there I am logging on to Facebook on Saturday night and how am I greeted? Fourteen notifications, most of which are posted on my pictures of the University of Utah logo or on my status update, which pointed out the fact that I wanted the Utes to win. Keep in mind that I didn't mention BYU in any of these instances and the comments people left were completely unprovoked. I immediately found several "They lost" posts, which were the least offensive. Thankfully, I didn't get any "You're going to Hell" comments this weekend. I appreciated that. Probably the most offensive comments I got this time around were the ones that said "Utah suckssssss." Uh... Excuse me...? That's way too many S's. Perhaps the prevailing theme of the BYU online reaction has been the typical attitude of reliving the past. I saw a picture of the Washington Monument with the slogan "Harline is still open. Collie is still open. George is still running." There was a Photoshopped image of TE Andrew George running across the bottom of the screen. Ok, ok. Listen up. Harline is not open anymore. He graduated like three years ago. I don't remember Collie ever being open enough to earn him his own catch phrase. And George stopped running when he got to the end of the endzone and his teammates tackled him. But whatever. Think whatever you want to think. I'm not going to try to change your minds. Whatever. Harline is still open. Collie is still open. Sure, George is still running. And Max Hall is still yapping.

Speaking of which, I had a Loyal Subscriber - and BYU fan - offer to write this week's edition of The Boo Box. When she proposed her idea to me, I couldn't resist. Here it is:

"Hey, boys and girls - it's me, Aaron's mom. As a former BYU student, season ticket holder, and life-long fan, it was difficult, yet necessary, to nominate a Cougar to get thrown in The Boo Box this week. However, Max Hall, you totally deserve it!

"After a lackluster performance (12-32 for a paltry 134 yards, 2 TDs, but NO interceptions this year) that still resulted in a classic win, he should have been a gentleman, given credit where credit is due (Andrew George, the defense, etc.) and kept any disparaging comments behind closed doors.

"No riding off into the sunset for this soon-to-be-undrafted ex-Cougar. Hall let out a no-holds-barred tirade that slammed everyone ever associated with the University of Utah (that includes my husband and son) for some bad behavior towards his family at the BYU-Utah game last year. He was so cowardly that he waited until after his last game against the Utes to say anything publicly.

"...This kind of behavior is embarrassing to me as a Cougar fan.... He represents the team, the university, the fans, and the LDS Church - and he betrayed them all.

"...To make a general statement the way Max Hall did was ridiculous!

"It's too bad that Hall has surpassed real good guys like Steve Young and Ty Detmer in the BYU record books. He wasn't that great of a quarterback and those other guys had a lot more class. Max's words from Saturday night's press conference probably guaranteed that he will not be a BYU legend, but will live in infamy.

"Sorry, Max, but it had to be done - we're locking you up and throwing away the key! You're in this week's Boo Box...."

Well said. Well said. If you'd like to read the entire letter, which includes a word of caution to Utah fans, email me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Have you ever had to publicly retract a statement?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. Good Question. Thanks for asking. (SALUTE!) Perhaps some of you remember back when I was at Snow College, people would ask me what kind of radio show I did. I would often reply that I was radio's equivalent to Tyra Banks - fun to look at, but nobody cares what comes out of our mouths. I'm sorry. I take that back. Tyra Banks is probably way more attractive than I am.

Q. "I recently watched an episode of 'Survivor.' How do you Feel about Russell, the manipulator that has found the Immunity Idol several times this season?"
- J. Scott Aylett

A. I couldn't stand the guy during probably the first four or five episodes of the show. He was a jerk. He stole his teammates' shoes and socks, he dumped water out of their canteens, and could get people to do whatever he wanted. He was setting himself up to be the biggest villain in the history of "Survivor." However, as the season has gone on, members of the opposing tribe became less and less likable, so once the merge happened, Russell and the "Foa Foa Four" instantly became heroes, unless you're my dad. He still hates Russell. Russell is a student of the game. He is by far the smartest player of all time, proving himself as such by having found three - THREE - hidden Immunity Idols so far, two of which were found without a single clue. The man is a genius and he's still voting out whoever he wants whenever he wants. It's amazing. I think he deserves to win.

Back to football. Sorry, people. I'm sitting here in class waiting for things to start up and this girl who totally has a crush on Stevenson Sylvester, Utah's best linebacker, just walked up to him with a copy of the school newspaper and asked him if he would Sign it. "NO!!" he replied. She insisted several more Times, but he continued to shut her down. The picture she wanted autographed was a picture of Sylvester with his head hung low going along with a story about how several seniors lost their last football game of the regular season. Even I can flirt better than that. Maybe she's not a football fan or something. You've got to be kidding me. She just went back and said, "Please?? This is a good picture of you! Are you sad? I'll sell it on eBay when you go pro." He responded, "Who ARE you?!?" Unbelievable.


The Fantasy Football Superstar of the Week is an interesting one this Time. He is, I believe, our first two-time winner, but also boosted the "Pocket Protectors" back into first place and successfully redeemed himself from his pitiful performance in the Madden Bowl. Drew Brees' 5 TD and 371 yard performance earned him 66.74 fantasy points and brought a ray of sunshine to what was shaping up to be a dismal third place standing in the league this week. "El Gordo Mas Guapo" and "Wicknasty" are still on the prowl for the league championship and competition continues to be more heated than ever.

The Shoutout of the Week this week goes to Jon Davis and Harper Anderson. These two fine, upstanding gentlemen are the very example of class, in regards to BYU fans, and are two of the final pillars of hope and trust that I still place in LaVell Edwards Stadium.


You see, all the Subscribers who don't like football will probably never read the Newsletter again... and that, folks, is just another Sign of the Times.


Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron