Don't let digital not happen to you!!
Greetings to one and all from Ephraim, Utah, where it snowed yet again last night. It seems like it snows every night down here. Lameness. Speaking of last night, it was one of those nights where I lost sleep over something. You know those nights? So clearly I'll have a lot to talk about. Topics to be discussed: The live broadcast, Facebook stalking, "Dancing with the Stars" predictions, sheer and utter disappointment, and maternal irresponsibility, but most importantly, the Switch to Digital. On we go!
Perhaps you've heard - tonight the KAGE will be making the switch to digital broadcasting. This is an event more than a month in the making. Basically, it's going to be like the switch they're making with television, just on the airwaves instead. Here's the deal - everyone has to listen to the KAGE tonight from 10 PM - midnight or their radios will no longer be operational. By tuning in to the KAGE or listening online, your radios and/or computers will automatically be formatted into high definition, thus ensuring boundless and virtually unlimited entertainment for you and your posterity for years and years to come. And if 10:00 is past your bedtime, you better take my friend Jason the Barbarian's advice and fall asleep with your radio on.
I've been talking a lot to these hi-tech digital people recently and they've informed me that their super-satellites will be monitoring every single person who has been warned about the Switch - and those that don't listen will be marked somehow. If you have been marked by your lack or participation, you will have to face the horrible consequences. A) your radio will blow up and B) not only will your radio never work again, but even other people's radios will stop working around you. Essentially, the moment you walk in the room, the radio will turn off until you leave. Take it from me - don't burn more bridges than you absolutely have to. Don't ruin your friends' and roommates' fun by not tuning in tonight.
That's not even the end, though. If you don't get your radio or computer formatted tonight, you won't even be able tobuy new electronics. If you went, say, to WalMart and tried to walk out of there with a new stereo, the thing would completely explode, expelling paint all over you, thank to the super-satellite monitoring system that they're having installed in all of their Super Centers.
Yeah, that's where I lost a lot of people at Snow, too. It's not THAT crazy of an idea, is it? I seriously had this one girl in the palm of my hand until the whole paint thing. Of course Snow's not actually switching to digital radio. But I think it could potentially pull in a couple gullible listeners. www.snow.edu/kage - Check it out tonight. It's going to blow your mind. I'll be doing things that have never been so much as attempted before here in Sanpete County.
Last Thursday, the KAGE had a live broadcast from the bell tower. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means that we broadcasted live from the center of campus. It was "Tribute to the '80s Day" for the radio station, so we played pure '80s music over some loud speakers underneath the bell tower and tried to promote our KAGE Idol competition and an upcoming Guitar Hero tournament. I was there in my A-Town attire with a sign that said "ASK ME ABOUT THE SWITCH 2 DIGITAL" and the Manly Men from "The Manly Show" also showed up for a couple epic dance-offs. You can check out pictures and exclusive videos of the live broadcast by becoming a fan of "City Council" w/ A-Town, Season Three: Tournament of Champions on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/City-Council-w-A-Town-Season-Three-Tournament-of-Champions/44701268479). The KAGE will also be holding another live broadcast this week, as requested by several students who visited our table on '80s Day.
There was an informal request for me to talk about the phenomenon known as "Facebook stalking" in this Issue. The person who requested that I talk about it seemed to be in favor of such "stalking." Therefore, allow me to discuss the pros and cons of Facebook.
"Facebook stalking" refers to the ability that Facebook users have to find out basically anything about one of their so-called online friends simply by looking at their Facebook profile. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I know 99.8% of the things that I know thanks to Facebook. Facebook offers the option of supplying a status to your name - for instance, "Aaron Christensen is writing his Newsletter - 2:42 PM." Viola! Now everyone in the entire world knows what I'm doing! Helpful? Useful? Perhaps. But I've stopped putting serious things as my status because people can get downright creepy about it. For example, if I started dating a girl, I would have the option of saying that I'm "in a relationship," but that's no good because then all the other two hundred girls that I'm "friends" with get upset. One time I took off my relationship status so it didn't say anything at all and it showed up on my profile as being that "Aaron Christensen is no longer listed as single." Geez! People were not happy about that at all! I think I've had my status as "single" for like ten months now. Sue me. I'm not going to change it again because it's none of your dang business.
The other thing that I hate about Facebook is that virtually nothing you do, other than sending one-on-one messages, is private. I bug Cody about this all the time - every time he says "Wow, you look cute in that picture," I know about it. I've changed my settings so that it doesn't show up for the general public to see every time I take a breath, luckily.
The sensation that is currently sweeping the face of the proverbial book is the dang "25 Random Things" survey. I really tried to avoid it for as long as I possibly could, but I ended up giving in. Here's the deal - you are supposed to write a note about twenty five random facts and then "tag" twenty five of your friends, who then have to do the exact same thing, tagging twenty five more people, and so on and so forth. After being tagged about ten different times, I finally decided to do it. I really don't know what else to say. How about if you want to know twenty five things about me, you just call me on the phone or ask me what I'm doing on Friday night? That might be a more convenient way of getting personal information out of me.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Hey Aaron!
Have you seen the new 'Dancing with the Stars' cast?"
A. It seems like I get a Question like this about every six months. You know, it's funny you should ask. I just barely saw a commercial about the new season right before I started working on this thing. It's not like I watch this show - don't get me wrong - I just have Loyal Subscribers that love it. Last season, I said my favorites were Lance Bass and Brooke Burke. Lance Bass didn't do so well, but hey - Brooke Burke won the whole dang thing! So obviously, you had better listen up when I make my predictions. This season's worst competitors will be Lil Kim and Steve-O. My money is on little Shawn Johnson from the US Gymnastics team and uh... this guy Gilles Marini, whoever he is. He just looks like he'll be good. But then again, what do I know?
Q. "Dear Aaron,
How many times have you been Facebook stalked while writing this Issue of the Newsletter?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. At least once. (SALUTE!)
Q. "Hey A-Town,
Did you catch the slam dunk competition last weekend? If so, what are your thoughts?"
- A Loyal Subscriber
A. Yes. Yes, I did. One word - Disappointment. Seriously, I had actually been looking forward to the dunk competition this year. I hadn't seen one live for three years and after seeing the highlights of last year's competition, I really thought I would see a triple-backflip-through-the-legs-windmill-tomahawk jam this time around. But NO!!! All I get is Dwight Howard coming out of a phone booth to the Superman theme song and subsequently doing a crappy dunk on a 12' hoop and Nate Howard dressed in Kryptonite green supposedly jumping over Howard... but he didn't even jump over him all the way - Howard ducked and Robinson pushed off. Lame. Dumb. Waste. Of. Time. But thanks for asking, L.S.
It's time yet again for that most beloved of all segments, THE BOO BOX! This week, as per request, I choose toBoo the mother of the octuplets. I am not, however, Booing motherhood, which is inherently awesome. BUT, if you choose to have fourteen kids under the age of seven when you don't have a husband nor a job, that's a little unnecessary. Like I've been saying my entire life, two or three, maybe four kids, but that's it for me. Everybody together now - BOOOOOOOO!!
Don't we all feel better now?
Survivor started up last week. Man, you gotta love it. However, it's too early for me to tell you all what I think so far. Ask me about it next Time.
The Shoutout of the Week goes to Steve Crass. Basically, he's just the man. There isn't really much more to be said, other than that. Just the dang man.
I might have set a record for the shortest Newsletter of all time this week. Sorry people. I'm going to be recording sound effects for the next four hours, probably. Tune in tonight. It's going to be good. Plus - John Mayer takes on Jet in the Tournament of Champions and I'll be giving away a laser gun. Oh man. How could you miss out on this??
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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