Signs of the Times, Issue No. 21 - 08/26/08

There was a rich man from Nottingham who tried to cross a river.
What a dope - he tripped on a rope!
Now look at him shiver.
Beg for mercy, rich man.



Greetings to one and all from the Snow College library. It's Tuesday today and I'm quite surprised why nobody has asked me why I'm dressed up yet. I look forward to that moment. It will change their lives forever. Anyway, there is a lot to talk about today. Shall we? Topics to be discussed today: Drag racing, another life lost to Facebook, English majors, kids who shave their chests, Dating and Courtship, stuff that stinks, and the greatest soundtrack of all time. On we go!


I drove over to the library today because my Personal Finance class is an eleven minute walk from Chemistry and ten minutes from Institute. I don't want to walk that far again today. That's beside the point, though. The point that I wish to impress upon your minds is that only in Ephraim do you have to hurry to the intersection to beat a tractor.

I was just talking to Mandy Grow about the Feel Good About Yourself Tuesday group I set up on Facebook. I told her we had another casualty in the group (we dropped from 103 members to 102). We quickly concluded that he or she either A) died or B) was cheating on Tuesday. Serves them right, I say.


It should be no secret that I'm back at Snow College now. I like it here. The freshmen seem really young - and the sophomores tell me they're "old" since they graduated in 2007 (roll of the eyes) - but I guess that's all right. My classes are good so far. You gotta love the good old days of hour-long classes that only last 29 minutes, such as my Fitness for Life class this morning, and the constant cancellation of classes due to teachers who will be going out of town. The ugly side of college, however, is stuff like the other day when I read an entire 37-page-long chapter in my Interpersonal Communications book. It took me about two and a half hours. All the heartache and grief, however, was softened by a kind gesture by the electronic banner in the faculty parking lot. In an effort to fellowship new students, the scrolling message reads, "Welcome to Snow College..... We're glad your here!!" It was nice to know that they care. But there is a blaring error in the grammar. I think they meant to say "Our glad your here!!"


My roommate situation has been interesting so far. I live with a bunch of 18-year-olds that have never lived away from home before, so they're still pretty much in party mode, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but "all things in moderation," right?? Anyway, they just like to run around half-naked all the time, brag about fights they've been in, and joke about lighting furniture on fire and stuff like that. One of them is hardly ever home and has spent the night at his girlfriend's apartment four or five times already. I think that since I am sort of the father-figure in the apartment, so to speak, they kind of resent me a little bit, so I spend a lot of time up in my room watching the Olympics (not anymore, I suppose) and playing Madden on my Playstation. I'm getting good at Madden. My running back had three consecutive 70+ yard runs for touchdowns. It was amazing. My roommates pretty much camp out downstairs and make a huge mess every night that I clean up during breakfast the next morning. Most of them are nice kids, but they're just a little wild and messy... and they don't like going to church very much. So it should be interesting. They always have friends over, which I don't really care about, but there is this one big guy that they call "Libby" that reminds me a lot of one of Austin's friends that I didn't particularly care for. Strangely enough, Libby acts pretty much the same way and doesn't seem to like me very much for some reason. I've decided to bridge the generation gap or whatever by giving the big guy an equally large hug the next time I see him.


There has recently been a bit of an uproar about me enrolling in "Dating and Courtship" in the Institute here. There are generally two or three reactions that are generated whenever I talk about girls: 1) repulsion, 2) mocking, and 3) outrage. The reactions mainly come from females, but the occasional male has been known to mock. Lots of people just get mad, I guess, when I talk about hot chicks! I don't understand. Anyhoo, back to my Institute class. It was a stroke of pure and unadulterated genius when I signed up for this class. Why, you ask, would I sign up for such a program? Clearly because I'm single and need all the help I can get. (Oh boy, the girls will get mad at that one! - Just because I talk to you doesn't mean I'm in a relationship with you, people...) (They'll be upset after that statement, too, most likely.) Right! So. On the first day of class, I walked in and was the only male in the room, not including the teacher. I'm not sure what my face looked like at that point, but if my face could talk (wait a second...) I'm sure it would have expressed something along the lines of elation and fear that I had walked into a class about college maternity. As I sauntered back to my seat, the teacher grabbed my arm, leaned over, and said softly, "If you think you've just died and gone to Heaven... You're right!" Today there were twenty-three girls and four guys in the class. One of the four men is married (his wife is probably making him take the class), another is the teacher, and another one is me. Pure. Unadulterated. Genius.


**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Should the city councils of Manti and Ephraim invest in huge cans of Febreze in order to get rid of the turkey smell? (Especially in front of the temple.)"- An Admirer

A. This Question takes me back to a day three years ago when I formerly attended this school. I was playing in the Pep Band at a football game and during part of the game, I gazed to the north end zone and saw an enormous herd of sheep crossing the street. I can't think of anything else to say after that. Uh... If the sister cities proposed such an idea, I certainly wouldn't be terribly upset. Nothing like the smell of dead turkey in the morning. Am I right or am I right? [Takes a deep breath...] Mmm... Turkey...


Q. "Dear Aaron,
Had any interesting dreams lately?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties

A. (SALUTE!!) Funny you should ask... I've actually been having a hard time falling asleep down here so far, which means that I am consistently waking up several times a night, which, in turn, also means that I am falling asleep several times a night, which consequently leads up to me having various exciting dreams in the same evening. In the last week, I have had dreams not only telling me which classes to drop out of this semester, but also revealing (truthfully) who my friends are dating and their potentially true wedding dates (only time will tell...). Last night I had a couple weird dreams. One of them was about my bottom-right molar falling out and the other was slightly more intense. The second dream that I can remember was a rather slow-moving one and it took me a long time to get up to the exciting stuff. Once that happened, however, I was pretty pumped up about the whole concept. Supposedly, I was about to watch the movie with the best soundtrack ever created by man. But alas, just as the movie had begun its opening credits, my alarm went off and I had to get ready for class. I was as genuinely disappointed then as I was when I found out that Misty May is now Misty May-Treanor. What was the soundtrack? A combination of "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" and "Home Alone."


Remember, folks, you can submit your very own Questions to Management by emailing them to tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.


The Shoutout of the Week this Time goes to Cody Christensen, who once delivered the children of Israel from captivity. "Let my people go!!!"


I wish I could have done a Two-Minute Instant Message with somebody recapping the Beijing Olympic Games, but uh... I still need to find somebody who can stand chatting with me for at least 119 seconds.


Finally, A-Town's Triumphant Return to the airwaves will be next Thursday (in nine days) from 4:00-6:00 PM and there is a chance that you - yes, YOU - will be able to listen LIVE on the World Wide Web. More information will be available next Time.


Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron