Signs of the Times, Issue No. 252 - 03/19/13

"Vote me off now, #*&@^#!!"

Greetings to one and all. My name is Aaron and this is my blog. Perhaps you've heard of it. I've got some good stuff to talk about today and one thing that I'mreally looking forward to, so let's not dilly-dally. Topics to be discussed today: my newest animal friend, a couple possible homes away from home, a comical way to waste your real life, something that makes me Feel bad About Myself, my latest thoughts about "Survivor," my most-anticipated Guest Blogger of all time, and a gigantic milestone on the horizon. On we go!

So today was like the day from H-E-Double-Toothpicks at work. I had to deal with a few angry, impatient, unintelligent people to begin my morning, so that wasn't fantastic and, all in all, it just didn't end up being an amazingly great day in the office for me. However, after some thought-provoking conversation with a co-worker, I've found a perfect teammate for my now-famous Tiger With Eye Patch. Tiger With Eye Patch, meet Space Shark With Helmet. It's a fantasy dream team made in Tough Guy Heaven!

That shark still looks fake.

On a serious note, I am currently involved in choir rehearsals for the choir that will be singing during the Priesthood Session of the upcoming LDS General Conference. It has been a great experience so far and I can't wait to hear how we sound in the Conference Center. It will be powerful. If I am lucky enough to get a close-up at some point (look for me - I'll be wearing a charcoal suit and a plain black tie), I fully intend on looking straight into the camera and giving the People's Eyebrow.

Evening, brethren.

If I could live in any made-up world, I think the obvious answer would be to live in the Mushroom Kingdom with Mario or possibly in Hyrule with the Zelda gang, but, as I've done some thinking about it in the last five minutes, I think I would like to live in the world of Star Wars. Star Wars is the best. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with outer space. Or maybe I just want to dress like a Stormtrooper every day. Or maybe all of those things combined.

Me at Disneyland.

I had another conversation with a different co-worker today about how his young son loves to play "The Sims" on his computer. Ah, the nostalgia. I used to play that game all the time. For those of you who are unaware of what I'm talking about, picture the popular computer game franchise, "SimCity," but on a much smaller scale. Instead of developing a city, you're developing a neighborhood of people. Instead of controlling taxes and commercial zones, you're controlling specific people (called "Sims") - giving them jobs, throwing house parties, and allowing them to laze about in their PJs. It's actually a pretty fun, very addicting game if you have time for it. Sadly, I no longer have time for it because there's some pretty hilarious stuff you can do. Like tipping the attractive maid and flirting with her right before firing her and telling her to get off your property. Like pausing the game and building walls around characters so they have nowhere to go - and nowhere to run when the Grim Reaper comes a-callin'. Like telling your Sims to go for a swim and then removing the ladders to get out of the pool. (No ladders, no exiting the pool. They'll stay there until they run out of energy and drown.) Ok, I'm a horrible person. But I wouldn't do that to REAL people. I've not nearly enough resources to fund such recreation. All joking aside, one problem with that game is that you can do so much with your fake little people in such a short amount of time that sometimes, an hour or two later, you sit back in your chair and think, "Man, what am I doing with my actual life??" Not a whole lot, in some cases. So that's sad. I've got a lot more to do in life than sit in front of a computer screen all day long. Oh wait, what am I doing right now? Hmm... Well, you're welcome. Enjoy these things while they last. They'll have to come to an end eventually. You'll recover after a couple weeks, though, and find something else to do on Tuesdays. Probably. Actually, some of you might not. But in that case, at least you've still got my Facebook statuses to "like" and all that good stuff. Um. All right. Moving along.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I like Feeling Good About Myself. One thing I don't like doing is feeling crappy about my life in general. Do you know what makes me feel crappy? Watching the Jazz lose to bad teams that we should normally beat. Sadly, that's happening more and more frequently these days and my inclination to sit down to watch an entire game or plan my nights around my beloved Jazz is dwindling. I should have known as soon as I heard that the Jazz were playing on ESPN that we were not going to win the game last night. I really should have known when I heard that the Knicks' three top players were all injured that we weren't going to win the game last night. But what did I do? I sat down and watched the frickin' game, anyway. We lost, of course - and that's a game we should have won easily. On a night when the Lakers (who are currently sitting in eighth place in the Western Conference) lost pitifully to the lowly Phoenix Suns, that was a game we really needed to win. At this point, I'm kissing our playoff hopes goodbye and, frankly, I don't even want to make the playoffs this year. I wanted to make the playoffs last year, we did, and we got demolished by the San Antonio Spurs. I'm just ready for this season to be over, for us to make some personnel changes, and to just forget about basketball for a while. I've lost faith in the Jazz, I have no hope in the rest of the season, and it's just not a good way to be spending my time at this point. Let's look on the bright side (and yes, Jordan Holmes, at this point, this actually is the bright side) - Baseball season starts in two weeks. That's exciting. I'll just look forward to that.

While I'm talking about sports, I better just get it all out of my system. March Madness is starting up this week, so that's good, yeah? I filled out two brackets yesterday and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm not thrilled with my selections this year. I don't pay a lot of attention to college basketball until it's tournament time, but it just seems like a lot of top-ranked teams lost to a lot of unranked teams throughout the season, so I don't think there's a clear front-runner at this point. I'll keep my actual predictions a secret for now. We'll see how things go as the Madness ensues later on this week. By the way, Kentucky, last year's NCAA champions just lost in the first round of the NIT (the loser's bracket). That's awesome. That's what you get for sending your entire starting lineup to the NBA. This one-and-done nonsense is killing college programs.

Do any of you except for my immediate family and two of my cousins actually watch "Survivor" anymore? Of course not. But guess what? This is my blog and I'm going to bore you with my thoughts, anyway. Oh, and if you're not caught up, stop reading this section this instant. ... ... ... SO! Holy crap, who watched last week's episode? (Oh yeah. None of you.) I've always been on record as saying that "Survivor" is the best show on television, but last week took it to a new level. I'm not into "Jersey Shore" or any of that ultra-dramatic teen garbage that's on these days, but that "Survivor" meltdown last week was unlike anything I have ever seen in my illustrious TV-loving life. Jeff Probst once again proved why he is the best in the business by handling that situation like a world champion. I seriously thought that somebody was going to start throwing haymakers. I won't name any names for the sake of spoiler-free-ness for those of you that kept reading even thought I warned you to stop, but the contestant in question is not mentally stable. They need to lock them up (in a padded room, preferably, so they don't hurt themselves or anybody else). It was scary. My palms were sweating. That's some intense, unscripted TV, though. Good, good stuff from the folks at CBS. Oh, and also, please don't bring anyone from that infamous family back to the show ever, ever again. Thanks.

Don't bring his kids into this. Trust me.

Why is Facebook suggesting that I "like" Scott's Lawn Care? Do I come across as the gardening type or something?

I've got a great Guest Blogger set up for tonight. This is somebody I've wanted to feature in the Newsletter for quite a while, so I'm very excited that I had the chance to set it all up today. In fact, I think this is somewhat ground-breaking. I don't know of any other amateur blogs that have had this type of a blogger-Guest Blogger relationship featured before, so that's some sweet action right there. I asked this person to write a little bit about something I believe they are quite an expert in. I've asked them to write to my Loyal Subscribers about Feeling Good About Yourself. Get out a pen and paper and take some notes because what they've got to say is some great advice. I might as well just cut to the chase here and fill you all in. Tonight's monumental Guest Blogger is none other than my very own grandmother. Take it away, Grandma!

"You know, I think my grandson Aaron is really on the right path.  Feeling Good About Oneself is a vital part of our joy and happiness in this world.  I have always made it a part of my life to awake in the morning, look in the mirror, as scary as that is, and say, 'I like you... Lots of people love you... And God loves you!  What could be better?'  That clears my mind so that I can go through the day with a cheerful attitude, no matter what else happens.  In my 76 years upon the earth I have always been able to find happiness, no matter what the circumstances.  Having a large family (eight kids) has only given me experiences that give me a chance to strengthen that resolve.  I have so many fun memories of our times together and I can hardly wait to get together with any of them once again.  Now the family is expanding with 35 grandchildren and nine great grandchildren!  I just rejoice in their successes and pray for their continued choices, that they will be guided to make good decisions.

None of us will escape tragedy and suffering.  Those are our teachers.  Each of us will probably react differently.  But knowing that the Lord is with us will help us face our difficulties with dignity and courage.  We will find the strength to be of good cheer instead of becoming resentful, critical or defeated.  We will be able to meet life's challenges, whatever they are, with strength and power.  What a joy it is to greet a person of good cheer, rather than someone who lets his unpleasant happenings cause him to be angry or disgusted. Meeting negative situations with cheerful endurance and spirit only brings blessings.

So, keep up the good work Aaron!  Feel Good About Yourself, so you can help others Feel Good About Themselves also.  You have a gift, and I am glad you are passing it on.  In fact I think we need to expand it to 'Feel Good Every Day'  (Not that you would have to blog every day for all of us).  Thanks for including the Senior Citizens in your blog.  It has been an honor."

- Ann Goulding

Thanks, Grandma! You're a great example to everyone you meet and I'm thankful not only for your loyalty to and support of my writing, but for the overwhelming influence you've had in my life.

This is why you never see pictures of me with my shirt off. Love you, Grandma.

Hang on, I've got to go grab a tissue.

The Shoutout of the Week goes to, hmm, how about Andrea Chapman? She's been a Loyal Subscriber for a long time and has probably not received as manyShoutouts as she has probably deserved. So here's to you, Andrea. You're cool and wonderful and all the other adjectives that I haven't used so far in this Issue. Carry on.

I believe that I am destined for greatness. I believe that all of us are destined for greatness. I've talked about the Cult of Awesomeness before and I honestly believe it to be true. As presently constituted, I'm not in many situations that I'm completely satisfied with and I cannot reach the desired level of greatness without some sort of change in a few areas of my fascinating life. That change is coming, my friends. Oh yeah. It's coming, all right. It's coming very soon and it's going to be awesome. Our lives will all be better off because of it.

Finally, next week, quite arguably the most noteworthy, impressive, significant milestone in the history of the "Signs of the Times" - Next week will mark the Newsletter's FIFTH BIRTHDAY! Can you believe it's been five years?? I'm a big fan of multiples of five, so this one will be a big one. I already know it. Looking back, I can only think of three non-EFY Tuesdays in those past five years on which I didn't blog. During the EFY weeks in 2009 and 2010, I blogged on the weekends, so you won't hold those ones against me, will you? I know that I didn't blog when I was in Mexico in 2008 and I didn't blog when I was in Disneyland in 2011. Additionally, I think I only sent out a quick update on the Tuesday that Austin went to the airport for his mission, but other than that, I've been pretty faithful to the day most beloved of all - and that's something that should be celebrated. Well, I'll be celebrating next week, anyway, and you're all invited. Whether you show up is up to you. (And, believe me, this will be an Issue not to be missed!) If by some odd chance you would like to send your birthday wishes to "Signs of the Times," you can tweet me (@atownmania), you can text me (555-555-5555), you can find me on Facebook or email me or comment on the blog page. I would certainly welcome any correspondence in what will undoubtedly be a Newsletter for the ages.

Five years.

That's about it for this week, kiddos. Another Tuesday has come and gone. How are you Feeling? Hopefully, if nothing else, you've at least learned to make the best of the bad days - because even the bad days can be Good days if you look at them from a different angle. Take care, people. (Seriously, though. You'll want to check back next week whether you hate my blog or not. We'll see you then. Maybe.)

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron