Greetings to one and all from soggy Sandy, Utah. I'd like to start off by telling a short (and completely factual) story. This morning, I left my house and it was kind of cloudy, but it didn't seem so bad. I left the house without a jacket. And then it started pouring rain while I drove to work. Without a jacket. The end. Ok! Topics to be discussed today: A-Town: tooth extractor, some potentially-useful tips for your social life, a swarm of strange dreams, the glory days of my bowling career, emergency preparedness, Delonte West doing his best "Three Stooges" impression, the return of a beloved guest blogger, and three - count 'em, THREE - Shoutouts of the Week (including the illustrious Double Crown [insert "oooh!" and "ahhh!" sound effects]). But first, we start with another great Question that I wrote myself. Wait. What?... uh... On we go!
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear A-Town,
They say there's no use crying over spilled milk. What IS worth crying over?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. Baby kittens, last-second Utah Jazz losses, a piece of sand that gets stuck underneath your eyelid, the ending to "The Truman Show," stubbing your toe really bad on the leg of a wooden chair, last-second Utah Jazz wins, running out of gummy bears, thinking about how Gale got Friend Zoned in the "Hunger Games" trilogy, birdie burgers, the list goes on and on. (Salute!)
He would be crying, too... but he doesn't know how.
I've been thinking about how to meet new people. I tried and I tried to get people to go to the Salt Lake Bees game with me last week and it seriously was like pulling teeth. Some people had legitimate excuses or reasons not to go, but I was a little disturbed at how few people actually wanted to hang out with the man they call "A-Town." We ended up having a group of eight (with myself included), or ten, I guess, technically, if you count the two other guys that showed up with Eric Greene. It was a great time and I look forward to our next Bees game in May. Anyhoo, back to what I was saying, I've been thinking about what I can do or where I can go to meet new people - of either gender, really. I think when you start contemplating stuff like this, it's important to keep in mind the places you shouldn't go to meet people. I thought I'd take to the Tweet-skis and see what my seven followers had to say. I now humbly present to you the latest installment of Hashtag Mania, featuring the hashtag #PlacesNotToMeet:
@eileenisajerk: maximum security prison #PlacesNotToMeet
@atownmania: Pep Boys #PlacesNotToMeet
@totally_psyched #PlacesNotToMeet Walmart
@Codeman013: Jiffy Lube #PlacesNotToMeet
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Post Office line on tax day.
@crackalacka22: #PlacesNotToMeet an Oakland Raiders game.
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Online
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Twitter
@atownmania: The men's restroom #PlacesNotToMeet
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Water Cooler
@crackalacka22: Wrestlemania #PlacesNotToMeet
@eileenisajerk: work #PlacesNotToMeet
@atownmania: Their funeral #PlacesNotToMeet
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Meet the Press
@eileenisajerk: family reunions #PlacesNotToMeet
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet Intersections
@eileenisajerk: therapy #PlacesNotToMeet
@crackalacka22: #PlacesNotToMeet Alcoholics Anonymous
@eileenisajerk: Convenience store hold up #PlacesNotToMeet
@atownmania: BYU freshman orientation #PlacesNotToMeet
@Codeman013: a women's correctional facility #PlacesNotToMeet
@totally_psyched: #PlacesNotToMeet the hunger games (like the actual games, not like at the movie theater)
@stevenaaron: #PlacesNotToMeet Sting operation
@AdventureRyan: @stevenaaron #PlacesNotToMeet Sting concert
@eileenisajerk: the Titanic #PlacesNotToMeet
@crackalacka22: biker bar in Sturgis, South Dakota #PlacesNotToMeet
@AdventureRyan: #PlacesNotToMeet A-Town's Blog
...So that explains why last week's celebrity guest blogger bailed, huh? Ah. It's all coming together now.
At a nerd convention.
I've been having strange dreams lately. This is nothing new. I have weird dreams all the time. But I've been having them all the time lately.
A few nights ago, I had a dream that my dad and I had to go out in our backyard in the middle of the night because something was wrong, I guess. Once we got out there, we found a four-square ball on the ground. Something inside it moved. My dad asked if it was alive. We took a knife and cut the ball open. Then I saw it: a seal. And I tried to hit it in the face with a broom. Sooner than I could say "Bob's your uncle," two live seals were running amok - one went in the back door and the other scurried into the garage. I woke up and was freaked. I've never hated seals so much in my life.
Work has been rough lately. We've had one of our most popular products go on backorder and that hasn't made customers very happy (that's putting it nicely in some instances). It's all that I can do to make it through an actual work week, but then having to go home and have dreams about customers calling in to yell at me is where I draw the line. I've said it once and I'll say it again - I want to get paid for working overtime.
I had a dream last night that it was my birthday. It's not my birthday. That was a dumb way to wake up.
I think that people think I am probably the most boring person ever when they meet me in person. I've heard it all. I look tired. I look sad. I look sick. I look bored. I show no emotion. I'm too quiet. Blah blah blah. I'm sorry that I can't just go around with a smile painted on my face all the time. If I have a good reason to smile or to talk people's ears off, I will. But I once knew a girl in middle school who walked around with a giant smile on her face all the dang time - and that wasn't just weird to me, but it just seemed fake. Anyway, I could go on about that, but I won't. I'll continue to sit here (straight-faced, mind you) and blog about something else. People seriously underestimate the power of A-Town. I'm not the type to go to a party or social gathering and try to either fight for the spotlight or try to steal it from others. I'm fine just keeping to myself. But when the spotlight is thrust upon me, it's showtime, babies. I'm not nearly as boring as I seem and, as a matter of fact, I think I'm actually pretty awesome sometimes. (Sadly, very few ladies in the social scene have managed to see this as of yet.) From time to time, opportunities arise for me to showcase my talents. The "A-Town Mania," if you will. I had a company meeting/party at a bowling alley this afternoon, which took up about half of the work day (thus, the late Newsletter). For those of you who have already forgotten, I used to take a bowling course at the U, in which I was one of the best bowlers in the entire class. For those of you who have already forgotten, I dethroned the Queen of Bowling, herself, in my last two family Turkey Bowls. I'm wasn't too shabby of a bowler, once upon a time. I was reminded today of how much fun I had in that bowling class during my last year of school. The spotlight was shining every day as my team fought for for the "championship bowler" t-shirt. In the end, we didn't get the elusive shirts, but I did end up with one of the highest average scores for any bowler in the league. Those were my glory days... But then, on the other hand, I'll also never forget the first time that I ever played Wii Bowling and subsequently hit myself right in the face with the controller on my first ball. [Editor's note: This is also a good way to have the spotlight thrust upon you.]
Today was the so-called "Great Utah Shakeout," where companies and school kids across the state are apparently running drills and simulations to prepare for that huge earthquake that was supposed to hit us 15 years ago. That is all.
Speaking of things that aren't happening, I wonder how these "Cover the Night" plans are coming along. You guys remember the KONY 2012 stuff that was wildly popular for about a week, right? Well, April 20th was the day they were going to stay up past their bedtimes and put up KONY posters all over major U.S. cities. After the head honcho got arrested for going a little cuckoo, I wonder if the real surprise will come on April 21st, when everyone wakes up and, shockingly, doesn't see any KONY posters at all.
Last night, I saw something that was absolutely ridiculous. The Dallas Mavericks fell to the Utah Jazz in triple-overtime, but they didn't do so without stooping to a new low. A few minutes before halftime, Mavericks' guard Delonte West poked his finger in Gordon Hayward's ear. I'm not sure what would ever make you want to do that to somebody during a basketball game. I'm really not sure what would ever make you want to do that at all! But, then again, it is Delonte West, who was once arrested while a shotgun was strapped to his back while cruising on his motorcycle. The man is not mentally stable. The clueless officiating crew ended up giving him a technical foul, but he should have been ejected. It's guys like that who make me hate the NBA. It's a bunch of overpaid babies who act like they're still 14 years old. The crowd was ready to riot and, if I hadn't seen some tweets about it earlier (I watched the game delayed), I would have been, too. It's not as good as a full-scale riot, but I can incite the anger of my faithful readership by putting Wet Willy West in The Boo Box. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
This brings me to my next topic. We've got the return of one of our previous guest bloggers! Oh yeah! He's great! He is the second-ever guest blogger in "Signs of the Times" history and the first two-time guest blogger. You remember him, you love him, and he's back for another round! Here's Michael Bruson! Take it away, Mikey Boy:
A few nights ago, I had a dream that my dad and I had to go out in our backyard in the middle of the night because something was wrong, I guess. Once we got out there, we found a four-square ball on the ground. Something inside it moved. My dad asked if it was alive. We took a knife and cut the ball open. Then I saw it: a seal. And I tried to hit it in the face with a broom. Sooner than I could say "Bob's your uncle," two live seals were running amok - one went in the back door and the other scurried into the garage. I woke up and was freaked. I've never hated seals so much in my life.
Work has been rough lately. We've had one of our most popular products go on backorder and that hasn't made customers very happy (that's putting it nicely in some instances). It's all that I can do to make it through an actual work week, but then having to go home and have dreams about customers calling in to yell at me is where I draw the line. I've said it once and I'll say it again - I want to get paid for working overtime.
I had a dream last night that it was my birthday. It's not my birthday. That was a dumb way to wake up.
I think that people think I am probably the most boring person ever when they meet me in person. I've heard it all. I look tired. I look sad. I look sick. I look bored. I show no emotion. I'm too quiet. Blah blah blah. I'm sorry that I can't just go around with a smile painted on my face all the time. If I have a good reason to smile or to talk people's ears off, I will. But I once knew a girl in middle school who walked around with a giant smile on her face all the dang time - and that wasn't just weird to me, but it just seemed fake. Anyway, I could go on about that, but I won't. I'll continue to sit here (straight-faced, mind you) and blog about something else. People seriously underestimate the power of A-Town. I'm not the type to go to a party or social gathering and try to either fight for the spotlight or try to steal it from others. I'm fine just keeping to myself. But when the spotlight is thrust upon me, it's showtime, babies. I'm not nearly as boring as I seem and, as a matter of fact, I think I'm actually pretty awesome sometimes. (Sadly, very few ladies in the social scene have managed to see this as of yet.) From time to time, opportunities arise for me to showcase my talents. The "A-Town Mania," if you will. I had a company meeting/party at a bowling alley this afternoon, which took up about half of the work day (thus, the late Newsletter). For those of you who have already forgotten, I used to take a bowling course at the U, in which I was one of the best bowlers in the entire class. For those of you who have already forgotten, I dethroned the Queen of Bowling, herself, in my last two family Turkey Bowls. I'm wasn't too shabby of a bowler, once upon a time. I was reminded today of how much fun I had in that bowling class during my last year of school. The spotlight was shining every day as my team fought for for the "championship bowler" t-shirt. In the end, we didn't get the elusive shirts, but I did end up with one of the highest average scores for any bowler in the league. Those were my glory days... But then, on the other hand, I'll also never forget the first time that I ever played Wii Bowling and subsequently hit myself right in the face with the controller on my first ball. [Editor's note: This is also a good way to have the spotlight thrust upon you.]
Today was the so-called "Great Utah Shakeout," where companies and school kids across the state are apparently running drills and simulations to prepare for that huge earthquake that was supposed to hit us 15 years ago. That is all.
Speaking of things that aren't happening, I wonder how these "Cover the Night" plans are coming along. You guys remember the KONY 2012 stuff that was wildly popular for about a week, right? Well, April 20th was the day they were going to stay up past their bedtimes and put up KONY posters all over major U.S. cities. After the head honcho got arrested for going a little cuckoo, I wonder if the real surprise will come on April 21st, when everyone wakes up and, shockingly, doesn't see any KONY posters at all.
Last night, I saw something that was absolutely ridiculous. The Dallas Mavericks fell to the Utah Jazz in triple-overtime, but they didn't do so without stooping to a new low. A few minutes before halftime, Mavericks' guard Delonte West poked his finger in Gordon Hayward's ear. I'm not sure what would ever make you want to do that to somebody during a basketball game. I'm really not sure what would ever make you want to do that at all! But, then again, it is Delonte West, who was once arrested while a shotgun was strapped to his back while cruising on his motorcycle. The man is not mentally stable. The clueless officiating crew ended up giving him a technical foul, but he should have been ejected. It's guys like that who make me hate the NBA. It's a bunch of overpaid babies who act like they're still 14 years old. The crowd was ready to riot and, if I hadn't seen some tweets about it earlier (I watched the game delayed), I would have been, too. It's not as good as a full-scale riot, but I can incite the anger of my faithful readership by putting Wet Willy West in The Boo Box. Everybody together now - BOOOOOO!!
What an idiot.
It came out over the weekend that several Secret Service members were participating in the world's oldest profession while prepping for the president's trip to Colombia. So basically, the secrets of these secret service members are no longer secret, yet they wish they were kept secret about the services they were partaking of in secret. However, when the secrets of the secret service came out about the secret services they were paying for, all the president had to say was... "If true... I'll be angry." Well... no secret there. After all the services that the Secret Service were supposed to provide were interrupted by now not so secret services they were partaking in, allegedly. If I were the president, I would be a bit more than angry. After all, these are they guys tasked with keeping me and my family safe. There would be no secret about the anger I would unleash on them. Makes me glad that A-Town will win the election soon and he can clean up this mess - just remember to perform this service secretly.
And another political practice do idiocy, how on earth can anyone say that a stay-at-home mom has never worked a day in her life? Really? My wife is a stay at home mom and I'm here to tell anyone that she works longer and harder than I do. Mothers don't get days off. They don't get to take hour-long lunches or other breaks. They are constantly in demand by children whose needs are of the utmost urgency. Mothers have to be psychologists, janitors, laundresses, personal chefs, medics, teachers, diplomats, problem solvers, mechanics, surgeons, and judges. All, generally, within a few minutes of each other. All I have to do is go to work for eight hours a day, solve a few problems here or there, surf the internet during my break, eat lunch when I want to, have a few laughs along the way and then go home. If I get fed up with the job, I can take time off not think about it, or I can quit. Stay-at-home moms don't have that luxury. I can not express deep enough my admiration and appreciation for what my wife does and for what my Mom did when I was a child. Those that believe otherwise need a serious reality check.
I tweeted last night during the Utah Jazz game against the Dallas Mavericks that Delonte West of the Mavs is a punk. I need to clarify that statement. After watching countless replays of his "Wet Willy" to the right ear of the Jazz's Gordon Hayward, he's not a punk. He's a juvenile punk who is not very bright. What's next Delonte? A "noogie" for the next younger kid who's better than you?
I also tweeted that NBA refs make other refs look bad - another tweet that needs clarification. NBA refs, at least the ones I watched last night during the Jazz game, had no clue what was going on and no clue how to call that game. They missed a good one. Apparently, one of the criteria for becoming an NBA official is to be blind, biased to the "super-star," and a complete ability to miss the bleeding obvious. When the refs at the church game are better than the ones in the NBA, you've got a problem.
Aaron, thanks again for letting me intrude upon your social medium. Until next time...
- Michael Brunson
Let's wrap up the Newsletter with a couple Shoutouts of the Week. First of all, my Jive City Monarchs did the nearly-unthinkable this past weekend as we rose victorious in both of the fantasy basketball leagues I participated in this season. In my Yahoo! league, I was seeded sixth out of the top six teams in the league, so I had the hardest path to the top, but, in the end, we wound up knocking off the #1 seed in dominating fashion. My ESPN team was superior for a majority of the season, ending up as the #2 seed in my conference, giving me a first round bye before we punched our ticket to the finals against the top-seeded Team Derps, who had decimated their opposition, ending with an 11-1 record in the regular season. Well... we thrashed them, as well, sending them home like the proverbial scalded dog. We'll just call this little accomplishment of mine the "Double Crown." I'm not sure if this has ever been done before in the entire history of fantasy sports. Actually, you know what? It hasn't. Congratulations to the champions of the world - the Jive City Monarchs! Bow down to the Kings!
All hail!
The second Shoutout goes to my friend and co-worker, Eileen. Eileen is my young social media apprentice and I teach her almost everything I know. She's hilarious and is always good for a laugh on Twitter (@eileenisajerk) and in her blog. I like Eileen. She's become one of my very good friends at ZAGG and I appreciate her taking time to get to know me and talk to me each day. We had a fun day of bowling after our meeting today with our other friends, Blake and Brian, and we also had another exciting moment together. Eileen and I were named two of the employees of the month for the month of March. I think I speak for Eileen, as well, when I say that the award came as quite the shock to both of us. We are grateful for the nominations and the awards we received and are happy to be part of such an awesome company. Anyway, Eileen, you're awesome! Thanks for being great!
And finally, here is a Shoutout to one of my EFY boys from a couple years ago. Jason Eyre has been a Loyal A-Towner ever since probably, like, the day that our EFY week together ended and it has been fun to keep in touch with him. He has a great imagination and has done a great job at setting goals for himself and striving to achieve them. It's always great to see that my boys are doing well and are engaged in good things. Good work, son. I'm proud of you.
That's about it for this week! Oh man... Lots of changes going on in the life of A-Town... and some of them are not exactly the kinds of things I like to blog about. If you want to know more, you can ask me. I'd be happy to tell you. At a baseball game. And for a small fee, of course. Kidding, people. Kidding. Geez. All right. Hope you're all looking forward to next week - we'll have a guest blogger coming to us LIVE from Hawaii. Oh man. I can't wait.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
1 comment:
Loved this issue. fyi.
Post a Comment