Greetings to one and all. It's yet again Tuesday and there's plenty of fun to be had. Topics to be discussed: The Quarter-Century Man, multiples of five, #LameBirthdayGifts, things you shouldn't name your children, people who need to get punched in the face, reasons not to see the new "Twilight" movie this weekend (as if you needed any more), and the greatest coin of them all. On we go!
This week is "25 Tuesday" at "Signs of the Times" and I suppose I owe you somewhat of an explanation. There has been a bit of confusion about what "25 Tuesday" actually means. Well, my friends, my followers, my Loyal Subscribers, and stalkers, it's true - I turn 25 this week. Do I turn 25 on Tuesday? No, I do not. (But Nicki Mills did!) I turn 25 on Saturday. But what is the fun in "25 Saturday"? That just sounds stupid. Twenty-five Tuesday. It's about the alliteration, people. Today we shall, together, bask in the glory of all things "25." Join me, my friends. Join me.
Old man.
I love multiples of five. I'm quite OCD when it comes to numbers, in fact. I could go on and on listing the ways I strive for perfection and balance in my life, but I'll just focus on the topic at hand for now. What really gets me is numbered volume levels on TVs. If there are no numbers involved, that's one thing, but if there are numbers involved, I have to set it to a multiple of five. Typically, 15 is good if I'm alone, but if other people are in the room or if I need it a little louder, 20 is where I'll set it. If 20 is too loud and 15 is too soft, that's tough. I can't set the volume to 16 or 19. Not 17 or 18, either. If a "17.5" option existed, that might be all right, but I just can't do it. Multiples of five. Perhaps there's a reason that I've pretty much considered myself to be 25 ever since I turned 24. Gotta round up. I know. I'm a freak.
Oh look. I've currently got 25 new tweets waiting to load into my timeline. Speaking of Twitter and speaking of me turning 25, today's topic for Hashtag Mania is #LameBirthdayGifts. We've got some good ones today, including a few particularly funny tweets from my little brother, Cody. (On a side note, I had a dream last night that Cody died. Good news. It was just a dream.) Anyhoo, enjoy today's installment of what is fast becoming one of the Newsletter's most popular segments.
@crackalacka22: #LameBirthdayGifts a watercolor paint set. What am I supposed to do with that?
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts A box of broken candy canes.
@snorelex622: #LameBirthdayGifts getting clothes from ages 4-11
@atownmania: A Michael Lee Rose CD #MLR
@Codeman013: Michael Lee Rose CD
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts #NBA season tickets.
@crackalacka22: @atownmania #NBA anything #LameBirthdayGifts
@SaysJanae: #LameBirthdayGifts Pens, pencils, and highlighters.
@SaysJanae: #LameBirthdayGifts Used clothing.
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts Shoes that are a size and a half too small. @crackalacka22
@AdventureRyan: #LameBirthdayGifts expired over the counter pharmaceuticals.
@MattManMotoring: @AdventureRyan @atownmania I know a couple of shady looking ppl on a street corner that think that's a great present.
@tysonhtweets: #LameBirthdayGifts A book on how to be a better wizard. Yes it's true. #DoILookLikeaWizard?
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts A pink hula hoop.
@AdventureRyan: #LameBirthdayGifts Temporary tattoos.
@AdventureRyan: #LameBirthdayGifts soup
@Codeman013: #LameBirthdayGifts half eaten birthday cake
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts A birthday cake that says "Happy brithday"... True story, right @gabbygayle19?
@SaysJanae: @atownmania *gasp* Rude!!
@atownmania: @SaysJanae clarification: it happened to one of her coworkers hahaha
@AdventureRyan: #LameBirthdayGifts paper cuts
@AdventureRyan: #LameBirthdayGifts tweets
@crackalacka22: #LameBirthdayGifts coupons
@atownmania: #LameBirthdayGifts Bed sheets. Or a stuffed parakeet. Or both.
@Codeman013: #LameBirthdayGifts A membership to Sam's Club
@Codeman013: #LameBirthdayGifts A speedo
@Codeman013: #LameBirthdayGifts Power converters... #StarWars
@Codeman013: #LameBirthdayGifts A one way ticket to Iraq
That's right. Twenty-five Hashtag tweets. It's not planned. It's Tuesday.
#bummed
Janae Balibrea is always good for an idea or two. This week, she suggested that I spout off 25 terrible kids' names. After considering whether she meant the names of 25 bratty tykes or was looking for 25 ridiculous namesakes, I decided to go with the latter. Here is my list of 25 terrible kids' names:
1) Rufus 2) Charles 3) Matthias 4) Regina 5) Gertrude 6) Seymour 7) Ackbar 8) Belinda 9) Enid 10) Phoebe 11) Arnold 12) Wanda 13) Rizzo 14) Georgina 15) Willy 16) North 17) Nimrod 18) Tubby 19) Candy 20) Cookie 21) Optimus Prime 22) Apple 23) Ironhide 24) Waldorf 25) Google
My wonderful cousin, Andrea, suggested one of the greatest topics ever: 25 people who need to get punched in the face. To keep my Newsletter as G-rated as possible, let's just say these are the POW! ZOCK! WHAM! kind of punches from the old Batman TV show. Here's the list, in no particular order:
My wonderful cousin, Andrea, suggested one of the greatest topics ever: 25 people who need to get punched in the face. To keep my Newsletter as G-rated as possible, let's just say these are the POW! ZOCK! WHAM! kind of punches from the old Batman TV show. Here's the list, in no particular order:
1) Kim Kardashian 2) Derek Fisher 3) Billy Hunter 4) Ryan Seacrest 5) Everyone on "Jersey Shore" 6) Justin Bieber 7) Jerry Sandusky (multiple times) 8) Joe Paterno 9) Any Penn State student who rioted last week 10) Carrie Ann Inaba 11) Joe Rogan 12) Edward Cullen 13) Jake Heaps 14) Tony Romo 15) Woody Paige 16) Conan O'Brien 17) Reverend Jeffress 18) Warren Jeffs 19) Alex Rodriguez 20) Chaz Bono 21) Rebecca Black 22) Evil Ben Linus 23) Sophia from "The Event" 24) Jesse James 25) Charlie Sheen
Ka-POW!
1) If you are man. 2) If you have even a little bit of self-respect. 3) You are allergic to garlic. 4) If your doppleganger is Edward Cullen (my reason for not going... don't want to get mugged). 5) If you are blind. 6) If you are still crying over Bella's love triangle and can't bring yourself to go out in public. 7) If you don't like being around teenage girls. 8) If you don't like being around cougars. (Middle-aged women, that is...) 9) If you don't like being around cougars. (The animal. You never know.) 10) If you sparkle in the moonlight. 11) If you have cooler things to be doing... like playing video games or doing math homework. 12) If you're coming to give me birthday presents. 13) If you are allergic to crappy acting. 14) Because vampires aren't real. 15) If you'd rather be sleeping. 16) If No-Shave November constantly has you compared to a werewolf. 17) If you are breathing oxygen. 18) If you think vampires suck in the non-literal sense. 19) If you are reading this Newsletter. 20) If you have a brain. 21) If you are over the age of 17. 22) If you ever wish to speak to me again. 23) If you live in the Western Hemisphere. 24) I've you've seen any of the other "Twilight" movies. Enough is enough. 25) If you are straight.
Crap.
The Game Ball for Week 10 of the fantasy football season goes to Chris Johnson of Your Daddy's Eagles. That's right. Chris Johnson actually did something productive this week. Johnson's 27 carries for 130 rushing yards and one TD, coupled with 4 catches for 44 receiving yards piled up 52.15 fantasy points for my Pops. That's right. Fifty-two. Stick that sucker in a mirror and what do you get? Twenty-five.
I wish I could turn his number down to 25.
When you think of the number 25, one thing comes to mind pretty quickly - spare change. Quarters have got to be the coolest coin. Have you ever tried to call Heads-or-Tails with a penny, nickel, or a dime? It's just not the same. It's all about quarters. The G-Dub. The Georgie Porgie. Pudding and pie. Kissed the girls and made them cry. I love quarters. And do you know who else loves spare change? My brother Austin. As some of you may perhaps know, Austin and I are roommates. Indeed. We share a room. It's fantastic. We live the dream in the Bachelor Cave. Austin recently got a new job. He started the job this week with the unorthodox two-week training schedule of 3:00 PM - midnight. With my current work schedule of 7:45 - 4:15, this means that I will not see my own roommate all week. Not even on Saturday. Not even on my birthday!! How could he?? I guess I'll let him off the hook, considering two things: 1) his friend is getting married up in Idaho on Saturday and 2) he missed his own birthday this year, too. I'm happy for Austin, though. I hereby welcome him to the world of big boy jobs. He's starting up at Musician's Friend, practically the same job I had when I worked at GuitarCenter.com. He'll start off making $12/hr, which is even more than I'm currently making (per hour) at ZAGG. That's some good stuff. The boy is going to make some money! 'Bout freakin' time. 'Atta boy, Junior. 'Atta boy. Along with your first paycheck, I now present to you this week's Shoutout of the Week. Congratulations to you.
Well, kids, that's about it for this week. As I look back on 25 years of life, what do I see? A bunch of really, really awesome stuff. Though birthdays seem to get less and less exciting as time goes on, it's still fun to have a day that you can consider "yours." Only the Shadow knows what mighty adventures await me this weekend. Surely I'll have topics to discuss in the next Issue of...
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
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